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Sucker Punch

26 Jul

Sometimes we get an unexpected surprise that knocks us off our feet. A “sucker punch” shakes us and suddenly everything is different. It can happen with a job – you go to work one day, and out of the blue you’re fired, let go, or laid off. Maybe there were unforeseen changes in the corporate structure, maybe your boss just decided to down size, or a thousand other reasons, and suddenly you’re out of a job. Or it can happen in our personal lives – we might see the person we’ve been involved with out with someone else in an intimate situation, and suddenly our world turns on its axis. It can happen anywhere, at any time. It’s always unexpected, and usually upsetting. We can’t predict the future, and even at times in our lives when we think things are going fine, everything can change in an instant.

These events tend to take our breath away. Since we don’t see them coming, there is no way to prepare for them. We can be caught in disbelief, we can be lost trying to figure out what just happened, and it takes time to process the change. When we’re shaken, it’s hard to think, hard to figure things out, and hard to look ahead. We need some time to let the change sink in, and how much time that takes depends on us, and the circumstances. Once we realize this is for real, and get over the shock, we have to reorder our lives, and re-position our direction. It’s not easy to adjust to sudden change, but in time, we’ll begin to start figuring things out again.

Changes in our lives are normal. Abrupt changes in our lives are difficult but we can handle them. Instead of a gradual turn on our path, facing a complete stop is hard. It’s not a permanent stop but it takes time to readjust, and get our footing again before we can go forward. When we’re ready, if we take it one step at a time, we’ll find our way in a new direction, and be able to move on. Our confidence will return, our heads will clear, the shock will wear off, and we’ll be ready to start again.

Today if you’ve been stunned or shocked by a sudden change in your life, hold on. Stand still for a while and catch your breath. There is nothing you can’t handle. Even if this hurts badly, you will get through it. Although the clouds may be dark now, there is sunshine ahead. You will laugh again. You just need some time to find a different direction. Take the time you need. When you’re ready your new path will be waiting for you. Look forward. There are wonderful and exciting times just ahead.

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Look Up

18 Jul

When things are going wrong, when plans don’t work out, when we’re troubled, overwhelmed and downtrodden, it’s hard to look ahead. We have to process the disappointment, and figure things out. Sometimes the pain of where we are can be paralyzing, and we have to stop for a time before we can move again. It hurts when things go wrong. And when we’re hurting, it can be hard to think of anything but just getting through it.

Disappointment and trouble are part of life. We all wish everything would go easily, every plan would work out well, every day would be filled with sunshine and roses, but that’s not life. That’s fantasy. An active fantasy life is one thing, and real life is quite another. There will be dark days, there will be sad moments, and sometimes there may be devastating developments. When we’re going through these times, it’s important to remember that nothing lasts forever. It can feel like forever, but things change every day. Whatever is driving us down today will be different tomorrow. It might not be perfect tomorrow, it might still be difficult, but it won’t last forever. Eventually everything changes.

When we’re unhappy our demeanor is off. We walk with our heads down, we may talk more quietly, or we may scream and rant. We may feel prickly inside, agitated, and wired, or we may feel numb, depressed, and sullen. Whatever the expression, it’s off from our normal personas. Our friends and family may offer suggestions which sometimes help, and sometimes don’t.  It’s not a good time. But it’s not forever. It’s just a moment. It will pass. Eventually we’ll feel whole again. Our dispositions will return to normal, and we will find happiness once more.

Today if things aren’t going well, or something disappointing has happened, if you feel bad and you’re not yourself, it’s okay. Feeling bad is a normal response when things go wrong. If you’re walking with your head down, and feel heavy with the challenge, look up. Lift your head, and square your shoulders. This will not overcome you. You will navigate it and you will conquer it, whatever “it” is. You are strong, you are capable, and you will walk right through this to the other side. Keep looking up, and keep walking. This is just a moment. You’ve already come so far. The other side is just around the corner.

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Dream Dream Dream

8 Jul

We all have dreams of things we want to do, places we want to see, and goals we want to accomplish. Sometimes they are big dreams, like opening our own business, and sometimes they are small, like riding on a train. We’re all different, and so are our dreams. Big or small, if we haven’t realized them yet, we think about them from time to time. They wait for us to remember them, and make them come true.

The realities of our lives don’t always allow us to realize our dreams when we want to. Sometimes we don’t have the finances we need, sometimes we aren’t in the right place, and sometimes, we’re just too busy. Life can get complicated and crazy, and we can be overcome with work, family responsibilities, or projects we’re doing. Time gets away from us. We can get so caught up in what we need to do, and what has to be done, that we may forget about the dreams we have outside of the chaos. But then we take a break, we sit down and let our minds drift, and there they are – those things we always said we would do. Those things we really want to do. They’re still there, waiting patiently for us to revisit them. Waiting for us to start.

When we’re ready, we can make a plan to achieve whatever we’ve been dreaming of. We can choose what we really want to do first, and start taking steps to make it to happen. Say we want to travel the world. Instead of having the undefined idea of “the world,” we could begin by picking the first place we would like to visit. Then we could figure out what it would take to get there in resources, and time. And then we could set a date to go. Once we have a plan in place, we can make adjustments if needed, but if we stick to it, we will accomplish our goal, and make that dream a reality.

Dreaming is great. We wonder about things, we imagine how they will go, and it’s exciting to think about them. But at some point we have to decide if we really want to do them or not. If we’ve changed, and really don’t care about a dream we’ve had, we can let it go. But if we really still want it, and it won’t go away, there is no better time than now to begin planning for it.

Today if you’re thinking about something you’ve always wanted to do, take the first step toward making it happen. Do something – research the parameters, make some calls, get information, and begin moving forward. You deserve to have all your dreams come true. But life won’t give them to you. Only you can make them happen. Start now. Set the date. Get ready, and before you know it, you’ll be there. They say that when we’re dying it’s not the things we’ve done that we regret, but the things we didn’t do. Let’s do everything we want to do instead of just dream about them. It’s great to dream. But living the dream is even better. Let’s live all the dreams we can. Today is the best time to start.

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Backing Up

27 Jun

Within our wide circle of acquaintances, friends, family, significant others, co-workers, and others we meet all kinds of people, and personalities. Some are easier for us to relate to than others, but each brings different types of behaviors to interact with. Sometimes we have interactions with people who struggle with various issues. Perhaps they have an anger problem, maybe they are shy, there may be substance abuse issues, or aggressive tendencies. Whatever we run into, when we are with them, we find ways to navigate whatever they’re going through. Because we care for one another, if someone has a particular problem that complicates things, we might feel we can help. It seems like the right thing to do to try to help.

Helping others is always noble. It’s generally a good decision, but some problems cannot be helped by others. We may find ourselves constantly working with someone over an issue, giving advice, trying hard to show them ways to work things out, but nothing changes. When they complain about the situation, we may offer suggestions, or try directing them to sources that may help. Because of our concern, over time we may find that we feel some ownership for their problem. We may get too involved in it, and try again, and again to make them see what we think will work.

True change never happens because someone tells us we need to change. It only happens when we decide we want to change. Nobody can do it for us, and the best advice in the world will go unheeded if we are not ready to receive it. When we are trying to help someone else, we must remember that. We cannot change anyone but ourselves. Despite our best intentions, we cannot make anyone see the light, and turn their lives. Even if the answer is plainly obvious to us, we cannot make anyone else see it. It has to come from them. The best thing we can do is to let them do it their way. If they come to us for advice, we may offer it, and then we need to let it go. Since it’s not our issue, we can’t solve it. We can be supportive, we can be caring and kind, but we cannot make anyone change anything in their lives. When they are ready, they will do it themselves.

Today if there is someone close to you that you’ve been trying so hard to help with an issue, remember all you can do is offer your support, your best advice, and your care. The problem is theirs to solve. You cannot fix it for them. They must work things out themselves. Be there for them. Be a true friend. When they reach for you, offer your hand, but let them make their own choices. You are valiant, and kind, to want to help. Continue to be there, but remember the problem is theirs to solve. They know you’re there. And being there for them is the best you can do.

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The Trust Conundrum

23 Jun

One of the most painful things we can experience is betrayal. A friend turns against us, a co-worker steals our idea, a lover cheats, a family member lies to us, and the list goes on. There are unlimited ways to be betrayed, and each one is extraordinarily painful. It knocks the wind out of us. Our first response is often disbelief. We can’t believe someone we trusted could do this to us. But we can’t control what others do, and sometimes because of their choices, we may face this very difficult experience. It’s horrible whenever it happens, and it certainly changes the dynamic of the relationship involved.

Being betrayed by someone we’ve trusted can feel devastating. We may second guess ourselves. We may ask, “How could we have trusted them?” or, “How did we not see this coming?” A thousand doubts may fill our minds. But we need to remember that betrayal belongs to those who betray – not to those who trust. It is noble to trust others. It builds relationships, and bridges to those around us when we allow ourselves to trust them. If that trust is broken, it will hurt us, but we are not wrong because we trusted them. The one who betrays us is wrong for breaking that trust.

When this happens to us, we may decide not to trust anybody. Nobody. We may decide not to believe what other people say, and not to rely on anyone. We may become suspicious of everyone, and everything. But trust is the basis for friendship, and every other relationship we have. It’s counter productive to decide to never trust others. If we want interpersonal relationships with anyone, we need to trust them. We need to believe them, and that means we have to be willing to take the risk that they will betray us. Without relationships we miss an important part of being human. So we need to trust, despite the possibility that we will be hurt. Not everyone will betray us, and it’s generally worth the risk. We need to be brave enough to do it.

Today if you feel betrayed by someone you’ve trusted, it will hurt, but try to remember that your trust did not cause this. Sometimes those we’ve entrusted make decisions that hurt us. It’s not a reflection on you. If you’re suffering through a betrayal, remember that. This won’t last forever. You were noble to trust them, and you will move forward. Keep your standards, and do your best. You know more about the person who hurt you now. You’ll be more careful with them going forward. Keep going forward. Walk right on through this. You’ll be wiser because of this, and wisdom is a wonderful attribute.

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