That Flower Thing

28 Aug

In Greek mythology the story is told of Narcissus.  There are a few different versions, but the basic idea is that Narcissus’s mother was told he would live to an old age if he didn’t look upon himself.  Sadly, he fell in love with his own reflection, and died.  The Narcissus flower grew up on the spot where he died.  Narcissistic behavior gets its name from this story.  If basically refers to people who only see themselves, who only do things that benefit themselves, and believe they are the most important person.  If we have someone in our lives who carries these types of traits, it can be difficult to deal with them.  And because they only recognize their own needs, it’s hard to have a relationship with them.

To build healthy and beneficial relationships, we have to be willing to give and take.  We need to compromise, and carry half the responsibility of making things work.  If we have a relationship with someone who is only interested in serving themselves, it’s nearly impossible to move forward, and build anything that will last.  If we only see what’s in it for us, we will fail.  Relationships are complex, and if we want to make them strong and happy we have to do our part.  That means we have to be willing to give to the other person, and not just take what works for us.  Because the relationship is important, we have to accept that sometimes we will not get things our way.

Probably all of us have known narcissistic types of people.  They tend to be the ones who have to be first, who have to do things their way, who have to be comfortable, and who need a lot of attention.  It’s exhausting to be around them for long, and if we try to build a relationship with them the path is often filled with complications.  If we have these tendencies ourselves, we may expect too much from others.  We may be frustrated that others don’t see things exactly as we do.  But if we want to be successful in our relationships, and if we want to be happy we have to learn to give, and let go of our need for things to go exactly our way.  We have to be willing to concede from time to time.

Today if you’re dealing with someone who only sees themselves, try to be patient and explain what you need from them.  Set the example by extending yourself and including them.  If you are struggling with the need for things to go exactly your way, try to remember that others have great ideas, and working together is very rewarding.  We all have a lot to offer, and we all need to be heard.  Today offer your viewpoint and then listen to others.  Give and take.  That’s what it’s all about.

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Sticks and Stones

27 Aug

Name calling is something most of us have done at one time or another. We get frustrated and angry, and before we know it an insulting and derogatory name or label directed at someone else flies out of our mouths. It often happens before we even think about it. We say it, we vent, and it’s over. Unfortunately, once it’s said it doesn’t go away, and it’s there forever. We can’t take it back. If we make a habit of calling people names, we may negatively impact our relationships. The old saying that “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” isn’t exactly true. Being called a name is hurtful. It stings and can cause a lot of damage, especially if the other person is someone close to us.

If someone calls us something uncomplimentary, we may throw the insult back at them by calling them a name in return. That’s fair right? They started it, and we’re going to end it. But that’s not the whole story. Our negative response, if it’s strong enough, may well end the conversation, but the damage may be long lasting. There is another way. If someone we’re interacting with gets angry and calls us something derogatory, we can choose to end the encounter. We don’t have to continue the conversation, and we can instead walk away and wait to talk with them until after things have calmed down. It takes self-control not to jump into the fray and exchange barb for barb, but we can do it. If we walk away and end the discussion before the situation becomes more intense, we have a better shot at preserving the relationship.

Sometimes we get angry and are so furious we are the ones to call someone else something awful. We may regret it the moment it passes our lips, or we may regret it later when we think things through. But what’s done is done, and there’s no changing it. If we pay attention we can recognize when we’re reaching a breaking point, and stop the discussion until everyone settles down. If we do, we may prevent situations we’ll regret. It’s always easier to protect a relationship before the damage is done than it is to patch things up after there’s been a destructive complication.

Today if you’ve been called a name by someone close to you, you may be hurt and think of leaving the relationship. Try to step back and give yourself time to think. When the dust has settled and you’re calm again, you’ll make the best decision going forward. If you’re the one who’s lost their temper and said things you regret, as soon as possible talk with the others involved and apologize for anything that was inappropriate. Our relationships are important. They take time to build. It can be hard to fix things when we’ve hurt them, but it’s harder to lose them altogether. Life is a two way street. When we get into the wrong lane, we need to adjust and correct our course. You can do that. Today, choose the high road. Be the one who makes the situation right, and brings things back to center.

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Snowflakes

26 Aug

The first snow of the winter season is magical. It’s exciting to see the beautiful white blanket as it begins to cover every surface. If we go outside we may see snowflakes as they land on our coats, and marvel at the unique design, and loveliness of each one. It’s amazing to see each flake perfectly formed and different. There are no two flakes the same, but they are all snow. They share the same molecular structure, but their outward designs are completely different. We’re the same way. We are all different but we are all people. We all share the same basic human structure, but our appearances and everything else about us is unique and different.

If you live on one side of the world you may look a certain way. Your skin, your hair, and your eyes may share a commonality with others in your region. But if you fly to the other side of the world, you may be the only one who looks like you. There is endless variety in the human race.  Even identical twins aren’t completely identical. There are subtle differences in their appearances, and certainly differences in their personalities. Every single one of us is a unique work of art. We are one of a kind. There has never been, nor will there ever be, anyone else exactly like us.

Although there are a lot of outward differences, as part of the human race, there are things we all share. We all need to breathe, we need to eat, and we want to love and be loved. In every culture we love our families, and we want to be safe and happy. We may not look alike, we may not speak the same language or share the same customs, but we do share the human experience. No matter where we go, a smile is welcome, and sadness needs comfort. Like snowflakes, we are all different, but we are made of the same things. We are all part of the human family, and we’re all in this together. If we remember that when our differences get in the way, we may more easily find common ground and work things out.

Today, remember that like a snowflake, you are wonderful and unique just as you are. You’re an individual with your own exceptional talents and gifts, and you are part of a huge family. We are all connected in more ways than we realize. Our connections to each other are important, they are valuable, and they matter. Honor them.  We’re all together here for a purpose.  Remember that when problems come up, and think about the connections you have to those around you instead of the differences.

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Coming Up Short

25 Aug

We all want to feel strong and confident, and able to face whatever comes our way. We try hard, we work hard, and we hope we have what it takes no matter what comes. Nobody likes feeling impotent and weak, but none of us is perfect and there are going to be times when we will feel overwhelmed, and unable to cope. We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. We expect to be able to do whatever is needed, when it’s needed, and do it effectively and well. When we can’t accomplish that, we might feel bad, and we may think we’ve failed.

We all have shortcomings. We have some things we do well, some things we do very well, and some things that trip us up. Nobody is good at everything. We want to do everything well, but sometimes that’s not possible. So we have to learn to be patient and understand we all have weaknesses. We can learn, we can grow, and we can develop new skills that will help us move forward. We are able to change anything we want. But while we’re learning something new, we need to accept that it’s not going to happen overnight. It will take time, and generally it takes more time than we want.

Accepting ourselves as we are is important. Where we are is fine for today. But we aren’t frozen in time, and we aren’t stuck with the patterns we have. We can move forward, and we can change to become anything we want to be. If we’re not happy with a facet of our personality, we can change it. We can work on it and practice a new behavior until it becomes second nature, and part of who we are. It takes focus and time, but nothing is impossible if we want it enough. We have to be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and we aren’t going to change in one either.

Today if you’re disappointed with where you are, if you want more, or if you want to be different in some way, begin doing what is needed to change. You are capable of doing anything you want. You can be happy, you can feel confident, and you can be strong. You have all the tools you need. You are capable of great things. Set the goal and start walking toward it. Before you know it you’ll be where you want to be. This is your life. You are the artist and you can design it any way you want. Whatever you design will be perfect for you.

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Healing Time

24 Aug

We all get hurt sometimes. We can be hurt physically and it takes time to heal. If we are hurt badly it may take a long time to heal. With our bodies, how long it takes for us to recover is often directly related to the level of impact. If we get a bump on the head, we may be fine in a day or so. If we get a concussion, it could take a long time before everything is better again. The same is true with our emotions. If we get our feelings hurt, we might recover pretty quickly, but if we get our hearts broken or someone betrays us, it takes longer to heal. Great wounds can take a long time, and sometimes we may think we’ll never fully recover.

Human beings are incredibly resilient. We are flexible and can adapt to almost any situation. That doesn’t mean adapting is easy, it just means we can accomplish it. But while we’re figuring out how to cope, it may take a lot of strength, and courage just to face our days. Even though we know intellectually we’ll eventually solve the problem, and put it behind us, there may be times when it can seem impossible. When we are devastated, sometimes we feel like there’s no hope. But that is an illusion. There is always hope. Given enough time, we will heal, no matter what we’re facing.

It’s hard to be positive when we feel bad. It’s hard to look forward and see the possibility of happiness again. It’s hard to trust ourselves to open the door to new possibilities. But everything is life changes. Nothing is permanent except death, so if we’re still alive we can do whatever we need to. Today may seem bleak and dark, but tomorrow the sun will rise, and we will continue to move closer to where we want to be. Eventually our distress will ease, and our confidence will return. One day we’ll realize we feel happy again. No matter what we go through, no matter how hard it is, we will move through it. Nothing is permanent. Everything will change.

Today if you’re trying to get through a difficult time, if you feel hopeless and lost, remember this is just one day. Even if it’s a bad day, it will only last for this one day. Tomorrow will be different. Keep going forward. There isn’t anything you can’t handle. There isn’t anything you can’t overcome. You are as strong as you need to be. Time is on your side. And time will heal everything.

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