Guess What

23 Aug

When we talk to others and interact with them, we make judgments about what they say, who they are, and how they feel about us. We interpret their body language, the tone of their voice, and the phrases they use. Sometimes we understand the situation clearly and are able to effectively move forward from there. But because we’re dealing with assumptions based on our interpretations and not facts, we might guess wrong. And sometimes what we’ve assumed is not even close to what is real. When we try to interpret feelings, intentions, and meanings, we need to remember that we are only guessing. We may not, and probably don’t, have all the facts. Unfortunately, we sometimes act on our impressions, and make decisions based on them, and that can lead to problems and complications.

If we’re in a hurry, if we’re stressed, or we have a lot on our minds, we may sound irritated or angry when neither is the case. If we’re overwhelmed or distracted, we may sound bored. We might send out all kinds of mixed messages, and miscues. Instead of communicating clearly what is going on, we could send signals that infer the exact opposite of what we mean. It’s true for all of us. When we are talking with others, we may get an idea about how they’re feeling based on a misinterpreted response. And if we act on what we think is happening, we might get it wrong.

It’s important to clarify each situation before we make any decisions or move forward in any direction. We may ask the other party if what we think they are communicating is indeed what they meant to convey. In our own lives, if we think we’ve sent a confusing message, we can go back to those involved and explain the situation more clearly to be sure they know what we meant. Communication is the key. If we’re confused, we can ask for clarification, and we can offer the same. There is a lot of information being exchanged all the time. It’s important to take a moment to be sure what we think we saw, and what we think we heard was accurate.

Today if you feel confused about something someone said or did, ask for clarification. If you’ve been distracted and unclear in your message, be sure to explain it more carefully. Effective communication prevents a lot of complications and problems. That old saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” is true. Be proactive. Clarify your message and ask for clarification from others. It doesn’t take much to clear up confusion at the beginning. Do your part. The guessing game can only take you so far. Be sure you have the whole story before you proceed.

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Returning Kindness

22 Aug

Recently while driving around completing some errands, I came upon a car stopped at a green light. I could see a white haired woman at the wheel, and I waited a moment before I tapped my horn to prompt her to drive forward. I was stunned when she looked at me in the rear view mirror and furiously lifted her middle finger at me flipping me off. It was so rude, and so unexpected. While she was still looking at me, I smiled and waved. She then hit the gas and took off. I’m pretty sure she was angry at me for blowing my horn – as evidenced by her indelicate response – but I have wondered how she felt after seeing me return her insult with a smile.

People do lots of things, and sometimes they don’t make the best choices. The woman in the car didn’t need to be rude to me for tapping my horn, but that was her choice. I could have returned an insult right back to her. I could have flipped her off, or just laid on my horn to annoy her. If I had done that, all I would have accomplished was to prove I could be as rude as she was. And I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to do something better, so I returned kindness for her behavior. I have wondered what she thought of that. Did she regret her actions after seeing my smile and wave, or did she just get more angry? I will never know. What I do know is that I chose what was best for me.

Choosing what is best isn’t always easy. It’s hard to be kind to someone who is being cruel. It’s hard to return consideration when someone is being mean, and it’s hard to be polite when someone is being rude. But we make our own choices, and determine our own paths. It’s easy to give back bad behavior when we get it. It doesn’t take much energy to send the negative and nasty right back over the net, but what does that bring us? If we want to be the best we can be, we need to set our sights higher. Anyone can be rude, hateful, and mean. That’s easy. Setting the goal to return kindness in the face of those things is hard, but it defines who we are. We set our own standards, and we can decide what we’ll do. If we set them according to what’s best for us instead of where someone else has put them, we can become the people we want to be. The choice is ours.

Today if someone is rude to you, if someone is mean to you, or if someone hurts you, before you respond think about choosing kindness. Return the behavior that most defines who you are. Reach higher, and choose what is best for you. You will never regret a good decision. Today, fill your day with them and you’ll be closer to the person you really want to be.

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What’s Right

21 Aug

There are all kinds of people in the world, and each one has their own opinion of what is right and what is wrong.  We all determine what is best for us as we move along, and sometimes that differs from what others think.  Right and wrong, and the interpretation therein, depend on where we are, who we are, and what our values are.  There are some things we can all agree on – it’s wrong to kill others, it’s wrong to steal, and it’s wrong to cheat – but there are a lot of situations where our opinions may differ.  Only we can decide what’s right for us.  We have the responsibility to determine where our boundaries lie, and what we are willing to do.  And it needs to be our decision alone.

Some people live their lives through a grey filter.  They prefer not to define situations in black or white terms, but to be more fluid and flexible.  Even if something seems to be wrong, they may adjust their thinking to make allowances for situations, or history, or a thousand other things.  They are comfortable in a more elastic, and flexible interpretation of things.  Others of us see the world more defined.  There is a definite line between black and white, and right and wrong, and there are no excuses.  Where each of us lies, depends on a lot of factors, and only we can determine how we’re comfortable interpreting situations and facts.

When we deal with others where interpretation comes into play, if we are defined in what we believe is right, and others are more flexible, there may be conflict.  Everyone believes their views are correct, and as such, there will be differences.  It isn’t always easy to accept someone else’s viewpoint if it’s diametrically opposed to ours.  We may not be able to understand it at all, but we can listen and be considerate, we can voice our opinion patiently and without ire, and we can accept that there is a difference that may not be resolved.  But we need not give up our position.  We may compromise if that’s workable but we should always do what we feel is right for us.  It’s not wrong to hold onto our opinion.  We are entitled to it, and it’s just as important as anyone else’s.

Today if you feel pressure to conform to an opinion or decision you do not agree with, be considerate and kind, and hold fast to what’s right for you.  You are entitled to live your life according to your own personal beliefs and viewpoints, and your opinion is important.  Be courageous in stating your case, be polite in listening to others, compromise if that’s possible, but hold firm to what’s important to you.  You are valuable just as you are, and your influence is valuable too.

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Under the Influence

20 Aug

Every day as we go about our lives, we are exposed to other people. We may talk with them, spend time with them, and get to know them. As we share our lives, we learn things about each other, and we have the opportunity to exchange ideas. They will learn from us, and we will learn from them. What we learn depends on our relationship with them, their authority over us, our respect for them, and how they live their lives. If they are people we admire, we will appreciate their influence, and may try to emulate them. And the same is true for them. If they admire us, they will appreciate us, and may adopt some of our behaviors and actions.

We are responsible for everything we do, and we must answer for every action, both positive and negative. That responsibility includes how our behaviors affect others. If we are rude and mean, and negatively impact someone else, we will answer for that. Defending bad behavior, saying we learned it from our families, or we are just giving back what we’ve been given, will not excuse us from hurting others. There is no excuse that will take away hurt feelings. However, if we are kind and patient, and lift those around us, we will answer for those attributes as well. We rarely, if ever, receive any blessings in our lives when we are badly behaved. When we hurt others through commission or omission, it does not elevate us. If this is a pattern in our personalities, the chances for personal growth and development will be hindered. But if we are kind and gracious, if we are patient and helpful, rewarding blessings will return to us.

When we are considerate to those around us, they are often considerate to us in return. If those we interact with come to know us as patient and caring, and as someone they can trust, we are more likely to build strong relationships that are positive. Because everything we do affects those around us, it’s important to remember that although we have the right to live our lives any way we see fit, almost everything we do will impact someone near us. We can be the ones who set the standard for kindness, who wait a little longer and are a bit more patient, and who offer encouragement instead of criticism. If we do these things, those around us will find comfort in their relationships with us. There is already enough suffering in the world. We can do our part to ensure we don’t increase it by being kind, caring, patient, and loving, and making sure our influence is positive.

Today take care and pay attention to your behavior when you interact with others. Remember to be patient and show you care so that those around you will learn they can trust you, and be comfortable with you. Be kind, be caring, and be supportive. You will never regret the blessings you will gain. Share the good you have to offer. It will return to you tenfold.

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Same and Different

19 Aug

When we’re headed out to a vacation we’re excited about, everything feels good.  No matter how we’re traveling to get there, we’re content because the destination is something we’re looking forward to.  The cramped seat on the plane is fine, and the long road trip seems to fly by.  We’re happy anticipating the great time we’re going to have, and no matter what we go through to get there, we handle it with patience.  We’re smiling and happy.  Nothing can dampen our spirits, and when we arrive we’re excited.  Vacations are great for renewing our spirits, and recharging our batteries.  It’s fun to look forward to them, and a blast when we’re in them.

After our vacation time ends, and it’s time to head back home we sometimes have a different experience on the return trip.  Even though the distance coming back is exactly the same as the distance we traveled to get to our vacation, it seems longer.  The seat on the plane feels uncomfortable, the flight seems to last forever, and we may be tired and cranky.  If we’re in a car and have a long drive ahead of us, we may dread the interminable miles, the gas station stops, and the boredom of the road.  The trip home is merely the reverse of the trip out.  The distance is no longer and no farther away, but instead of being happy and excited as the miles fly by, we may just be grinding through it.

The two trips – going and coming back – are basically the same.  But our perception is completely different, and that difference changes how we react.  It’s the same with our experiences in life.  When we’re involved with something new we want to do, we feel energized and happy.  But when we’re in the same routine day after day, we may feel uninspired or bored.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  Every single day has within it opportunities to learn new things, meet new people, and do different activities.  It’s always rewarding to break away from the norm and do different things, and we can do that every day if we decide to.  It doesn’t have to be a formal vacation to make us excited and happy, although those are great.  We can be excited and happy in our daily lives as well.  It’s all about our perspective.  If we see each day as a beginning and a time to try something new, we can make our lives fun and exciting.  We can be excited every day at the prospect of opening new challenges, going through new doors, and experiencing new ideas.

Today, if you’re feeling like your life has become too predictable and you yearn for more fun and excitement, change things up.  Do something new.  Try something you’ve been thinking about, and plan a little vacation from your routine.  Break away from the norm.  You’ll feel more energized, and you’ll have more fun if you do.  There are countless opportunities available to you.  Find the fun and excitement of trying them.  Today is your gift to yourself.  Explore, reach out, expand, and have a blast.  There’s no time like the present to start having fun.

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