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Tag Archives: Compromise

Aspersions

16 May

People have all kinds of ideas about everything.  We’re all different and the way we see the world may be completely different than those around us.  We interpret what we see and hear through our own personal filters.  Different ideas may work against us at times if what we say or do is interpreted to mean something entirely different than what we intend.  Aspersions may be unjustly cast on our character due to incorrect interpretations and may cause us great discomfort as we try to figure out what happened.  If someone says something about us that has no basis in fact or reality but is merely based on their translation of something we did, we may find ourselves trying to untangle a mess we didn’t create.  The truth will always rise in time but in the interim we may be twisted around defending ourselves even if we’ve done nothing wrong.  The world is filled with all kinds of people and we have no control over what they think or do.  They may cause us considerable grief because they mistakenly believe something untoward about us.  If that happens, we will have to work through the situation until we find resolution.  It’s frustrating to feel persecuted unjustly and it may complicate our lives until we find the way through.  Truth is truth and will always rise.  No matter what has happened we will find the answers and correct any situation necessary.  We can stand firm and confident that our personal integrity and excellence will shine through.  We will find the answers and reach resolution.

No matter how nice and friendly we are, not everybody will always be our friend.  There may be times we meet someone who doesn’t like us or with whom we find it difficult to interact.  Perhaps their temperament is unpredictable, or they are angry or judgmental.  We have no control over what others do but we can control our response to anything they bring.  We can be gracious and kind in the face of anger, and polite and calm if things get out of control.  We are always in control of ourselves and can choose the best road regardless of what is happening around us.

Some people are dishonest and unethical.  If we have high personal standards it may be difficult to interact with them.  If we must work with them and they do things that are not in keeping with our values we may be very uncomfortable.  We don’t ever have to compromise what is important to us.  We can express our personal views and walk away from any situation that isn’t in keeping with them.  Our lives are ours and we may hold fast to what is important to us.  Opinions vary but our standards are ours to keep.  We can live true to the values we cherish and stay focused on what we want the most.

Today if someone has said something about you that isn’t true, remember your actions express who you really are.  Words mean nothing when they don’t represent what is real.  Continue to hold fast to the values you cherish and be the best person you can be.  Set an example of honesty and truth to the world around you.  You are amazing and nothing can diminish you.  Be confident and strong.  You know who you are and nothing will hold you back from achieving every goal you desire.

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Refusing to Go

22 Jun

We all face times when questions of ethics and honesty come into play. Some situations are so obvious we easily decide which way is right and continue forward without much notice. However, there may be times when it’s a bit harder to choose. Our conscience will guide us if we’ve been cultivating honest and honorable decisions and have chosen to do what’s right in the past. But if we’re easily swayed by the promises of others or what we may gain in the short term, we may choose paths that are less noble. When we purposely make a bad decision the first time we may feel pangs of guilt and regret. But if we return and make another bad decision, and then another, over time we may become inured to the situation. After a while guilt and remorse may not even appear and our conscience may become numb. Our lives reflect every choice we make and bad choices rarely bring lasting happiness. We may find immediate gratification from them but they cannot bring us peace in the long run. We deserve to be happy and if we find we’re going the wrong way – no matter how long we’ve been on the road – we can stop and refuse to go any further. It is never too late to correct our direction and make better choices. The road ahead is ours to choose. We can choose what is best instead of what is easy, what is right instead of what is convenient, and what will bring us happiness. We can trust ourselves going forward and cultivate a strong and valiant conscience.

The world is filled with compromises. We can’t always have things exactly the way we want them and we learn to give as we move forward. Compromise is an important skill but it rarely works to compromise our ethics or values. There really is nothing worth the price of our honesty. We may be convinced that if we bend a little in the wrong direction just this once it will move us forward and we won’t have to do it again. We may tell ourselves we must be dishonest in order to get something we need but there is no way to justify dishonesty no matter what is at stake. Our integrity is our most valuable possession. If we abuse it we will lose the trust and respect of those around us, and in time, will lose it for ourselves.

A strong and noble conscience is a priceless asset that will guide us through many complicated and difficult choices. If we always choose the right in every situation we will gain the strength we need to make difficult decisions wisely. When we choose integrity and wisdom over ease and complacency we find happiness. Refusing to take the wrong road will bring us continued happiness and peace. It’s not always easy to choose wisely and we may be sorely tested but we have everything we need to prevail.

Today if you’re facing a hard choice and there are immediate benefits to choosing poorly, stop and look at the long road ahead. Your choices define who you are. Choose nobility and refuse to go down the path of dishonesty. You have everything you need to be happy. Make your decisions carefully. Be wise. There is so much joy and peace waiting for you. Good decisions will bring them to you.

 

Wait For It

14 Oct

There are times in our lives when we have big decisions to make.  When we know we must decide on something very important we may hesitate until we feel comfortable.  Although we are capable of looking at all the options before us and determining exactly where we want to go, sometimes we wait before making the decision to proceed. We can’t tell the future and even if we’re sure we know which way to turn, things could go wrong.  There may be more information available to us if we wait.  We might see things differently later or maybe others will get involved.  There is no way to know exactly where any decision will take us and if we aren’t confident we may be hesitant.  Waiting might help us feel better in the short run, but really all it does is put off the inevitable.  We are going to have to choose.  If we have done everything we can to make the best choice we can go ahead and take the leap.  We are capable of making good decisions and we can be strong and determined when we make them.  What comes will come and whatever happens we will manage it.  If it doesn’t turn out the way we thought it would, we can modify and still go forward.

There is an old saying that “He who hesitates is lost.”  There may be times when we wait to decide something and end up losing an opportunity.  Or other times when we hesitate and the situation changes excluding us from the chance to be involved.  It’s disheartening to discover we missed out on something important because we failed to be involved when the decision was needed.  We all want to get good results from our choices but we won’t get anywhere unless we move forward.  We will never have all the facts or know all the possible outcomes.  We can look at things objectively and carefully, and then weighing everything equally choose the best path forward.  We can be confident that no matter what road we choose we will get to the goal.

Every decision we make carries some risk.  Some people manage risk better than others.  Those who do are more easily able to quickly make decisions based on the options before them.  Others prefer time to think and ponder the possible outcomes before choosing.  Both methods have benefits and drawbacks.  If we’re quick on the draw we may get to the destination quickly but miss a detail that affects the outcome.  If we take too long to think about our choice we may see things more clearly but miss our chance to participate.  We can find a compromise between the two, neither going too fast nor too slow, and come to excellent conclusions.  Big decisions tend to be important in our lives.  We are capable of finding the best answers to them and we are courageous enough to decide the way forward.  We have everything we need to choose well and find success.

Today if you’re facing a big decision and are hesitant to move forward, look at all your options carefully and decide what you want the most.  You know how to choose well and you will make the right decision.  You have everything you need to succeed.  Be brave and choose with confidence.

Changing Directions

6 Jan

Being in control of our lives is something most of us strive for. We want to make our own decisions, and live the way that makes us feel happiest and most authentic to who we really are. We have a lot of connections with those around us and sometimes we find that although our relationships start out with a dynamic of give and take, sometimes they change and we feel we are giving more than we are comfortable with. If that happens, we may feel we’ve lost some control over our lives and it can be uncomfortable. If the relationship is important to us we may be concerned about trying to change it or even discussing the issue openly. But just because we may need to modify something in the situation, doesn’t necessarily mean we must abandon it. Being in control of our lives doesn’t always mean we have to stop what we’re doing. Sometimes it just means we have change direction.

Interpersonal relationships are made up of people, and people are complicated. We have all kinds of ideas, emotions, plans and dreams constantly rolling around in our heads. Those complications can make even small adjustments seem bigger than they really are. If we’ve decided our life needs to go a specific way and are adamant about those parameters, relationships may become difficult for us. There is not one true way to live a life happily or successfully. There are limitless varieties, each worth as much as the one next to it. If we decide there is only one way to do things, it may be difficult for us to give in our relationships. Success with others is often directly related to our ability to compromise. After all, the other person’s ideas, emotions, plans and dreams are every bit as valuable and worthwhile as our own, even if they are very different. It’s important to remember that. We all want to feel cared for, respected, and have our ideals honored. Nobody wants to be in a situation where they must do everything somebody else’s way.  There must be both give and take if we want to succeed.

It’s fair to ask for what we want and what we need in our lives. It’s appropriate to make adjustments when we feel those parameters aren’t being met. We can modify our relationships and still succeed at them. We are entitled to live our lives in ways that make us comfortable and if we’re giving too much away, if we aren’t being valued, if we’re being ignored, or if we feel uncomfortable, we can make whatever changes are necessary to create a better situation. Sometimes if the other person is unwilling to change and we are struggling, or if they refuse to compromise, the relationship may fail. But it doesn’t fail because we want the change. It fails because it’s not workable the way it is. We deserve to be happy. If we have lost some control, we can change directions. If those we care about really care about us, they will want us to be comfortable and happy. But we must tell them what we need. When we do, we may be amazed at how quickly things improve, how much better we feel, and how much closer we are because we worked together to go forward.

Today if you feel you’ve lost some control over your life and need to change direction to regain it, you can do that. Tell those involved how you feel. Speak up and explain clearly what you need to be happy. If they truly care about you, they will work with you and help you change things so you are facing the direction that takes you where you want to go. This life is all about adjustments. You can make them and you can be happy.

What’s Right

21 Aug

There are all kinds of people in the world, and each one has their own opinion of what is right and what is wrong.  We all determine what is best for us as we move along, and sometimes that differs from what others think.  Right and wrong, and the interpretation therein, depend on where we are, who we are, and what our values are.  There are some things we can all agree on – it’s wrong to kill others, it’s wrong to steal, and it’s wrong to cheat – but there are a lot of situations where our opinions may differ.  Only we can decide what’s right for us.  We have the responsibility to determine where our boundaries lie, and what we are willing to do.  And it needs to be our decision alone.

Some people live their lives through a grey filter.  They prefer not to define situations in black or white terms, but to be more fluid and flexible.  Even if something seems to be wrong, they may adjust their thinking to make allowances for situations, or history, or a thousand other things.  They are comfortable in a more elastic, and flexible interpretation of things.  Others of us see the world more defined.  There is a definite line between black and white, and right and wrong, and there are no excuses.  Where each of us lies, depends on a lot of factors, and only we can determine how we’re comfortable interpreting situations and facts.

When we deal with others where interpretation comes into play, if we are defined in what we believe is right, and others are more flexible, there may be conflict.  Everyone believes their views are correct, and as such, there will be differences.  It isn’t always easy to accept someone else’s viewpoint if it’s diametrically opposed to ours.  We may not be able to understand it at all, but we can listen and be considerate, we can voice our opinion patiently and without ire, and we can accept that there is a difference that may not be resolved.  But we need not give up our position.  We may compromise if that’s workable but we should always do what we feel is right for us.  It’s not wrong to hold onto our opinion.  We are entitled to it, and it’s just as important as anyone else’s.

Today if you feel pressure to conform to an opinion or decision you do not agree with, be considerate and kind, and hold fast to what’s right for you.  You are entitled to live your life according to your own personal beliefs and viewpoints, and your opinion is important.  Be courageous in stating your case, be polite in listening to others, compromise if that’s possible, but hold firm to what’s important to you.  You are valuable just as you are, and your influence is valuable too.

Do it for me?

15 Jun

When our close friends or family ask us for a favor, most of us will likely try to help out. Sometimes they ask for advice, sometimes they need help with a task, and sometimes they may ask us to do something we aren’t comfortable with. We may even be asked to do something dishonest, or not in keeping with our values. Since they know us well, they already know this goes against what we feel is right, but they may ask us anyway. How can we handle that? We value the relationship, and don’t want to cause an issue, but how can we do what we’ve been asked to do if it goes against our personal beliefs?

It’s a difficult situation to be asked to compromise ourselves. We may feel angry that they would do this, and feel upset to be placed in this position. We may be concerned about saying no because we don’t want to negatively impact the relationship. At times like this, we need to stop and think about what is most important to us. Is our relationship more important than our personal beliefs? Is it worth breaking our values to protect it? What will happen if we agree this time? Will they feel comfortable compromising us again in the future? Will this set a precedent? How will we feel about ourselves if we agree to do this?

Relationships are important to us. They connect us to others, and those connections are valuable. But it’s also critical that we make decisions that are most important to us. We have to decide carefully in situations like this, because either way we choose, there will be consequences. If we choose to do as we’ve been asked, we may feel weak, and hypocritical. If we don’t do it, we may hurt the relationship. It can seem like a no win situation. But there are ways to handle it.

If we don’t want to comply with a request, we can explain our reasons carefully, and show that we value the relationship, but state that we want to hold firm to our beliefs and standards. We can express our understanding for the situation, and perhaps offer alternative methods for solving the issue. We can be kind and supportive, and still be firm in our decision to decline the request. If the requester cares for us, and they probably do, they will understand. And they will respect us for holding firm to what we believe in, even though we aren’t doing what they wanted.

Today if someone has asked you to do something that you don’t feel is appropriate for you, make the best decision for going forward. Be open, and honest when responding to them, and show you care but cannot do what they’ve asked. Be confident in your decision. Make the best choice possible so you will be happy with yourself going forward. You are the only one accountable for your choices. Choose wisely.

Tickling the Tiger

17 May

Right is right, and wrong is wrong. This is undeniable. In a lot of cases we all agree. For instance, murder is wrong, stealing is wrong, and cheating is wrong. But the trouble is, except for the extremes, what I think regarding right and wrong may not be what you think. I’m clear on my values, and you are clear on yours. Putting them together, they may not match, and there’s the rub. But we have to make our own decisions regarding right and wrong. We each have the privilege of choosing for ourselves. I may not agree with what you think is right, you may not agree with me. That’s the reality of living with others.

Whatever we deem to be right for us, deserves our respect. If it’s something we value, we need to honor it. Otherwise we can twist our lives up in ways that make it hard to discern not only right from wrong, but where we are, and where we’re going. Sometimes, we make decisions that skirt the line, and find ourselves in situations that threaten to compromise what we really want. For instance, if we are married, we may determine that extramarital affairs are wrong. We’re not going to do that. But then someone at the office that we’ve noticed several times, asks us to lunch. It’s not like it’s a date, it’s work. We don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, so we go, and have a great time. Then, because we had such a good time, they ask us again the next week, and we go again. Before long, we find ourselves lunching, and chatting with them on a regular basis. And then we feel it – that pull. The draw to get closer to them. And the thought of an extramarital affair creeps into our thoughts, and unless we’re very careful, we may begin to entertain it. We’ve gone all the way from believing that was wrong, to possibly now, considering it.

If we don’t draw a hard line between what we determine is right, and what is wrong, we may find ourselves in situations like this. We’re tickling the tiger, hoping it won’t bite. Getting close enough to the edge to feel the thrill, and sure we won’t step over the line. Of course, we all know how that goes. Once we’ve crept so close to the edge, it’s very easy to take the final step. We’ve all seen this, or even experienced it. After the situation has gone too far, people often say things like, “It just happened,” or “I couldn’t help it,” both of which are patently untrue. Nothing just happens in situations like this. We plan for them, step by step, inch by inch, and despite the danger we keep going forward.

Today if you feel your values being tested, if you think you might be stepping away from what you truly want for yourself, stop. Just stop, and think again. Don’t risk destroying the choices you’ve made, the person you want to be, or compromising your future. Make your decisions carefully. If you’re tickling the tiger already, thinking about doing something you know is wrong for you, stop now, and re-evaluate the long term ramifications. Nothing we do disappears the instant it’s done. All our decisions stay with us. Forever. Your choices are valuable, and critical. Make them well. You’ll be happier if you do. Tickling the tiger is only fun until it bites. Then the scar lasts forever, and you will never be the same again. Remember who you are. Choose carefully. Create the future you really want by choosing well today.