Advertisements
Tag Archives: Choice

Second Guessing

10 Jan

In difficult and complicated situations when we’re making decisions about what we want or need to do, we want to make the best choice going forward.  If we need to confront someone about something they did or apologize for something we’ve done it might be difficult to decide how to proceed.  We can objectively review all the facts to clarify exactly what we want to say and how we want to address our concerns.  Once we determine what the best course of action is we can proceed with confidence and do what is needed to amend the situation.  But sometimes after we’ve decided what needs to be done we might second guess our decision.  What if things don’t go the way we want them too, what if our interaction goes awry and things get worse, what if the other person refuses to see us, the list of possibilities is endless.  Second guessing may hold us back from doing what we need to move forward and hold us in place somewhere we don’t want to be.  If we need to do something to fix a situation and default to doing nothing because we are afraid or unsure about what might happen, the situation will remain unresolved.  We will carry it with us going forward.  The only way around any problem is to solve it. There is no way to know how anything will work out when we’re trying to move forward, but one thing is certain, if we do nothing everything will remain the same.  Addressing our problems head on and facing them instead of looking away will help us continue forward toward our goals and bring us confidence.  We don’t have to hold onto any issue longer than we want to.  All the answers are there for us.  Taking control of the issue and facing it will help us find our way forward and bring us happiness and satisfaction.

There are endless “what ifs” if we think about them.  Lots of things can always go wrong but lots of things can also go right.  If we try to address a problem or situation with someone else and they don’t want to settle the issue, it then belongs to them.  Once we’ve done all we can to resolve the problem we don’t have to carry it forward.  We can’t control what anyone else does and if they will not agree to work things out, we can let it go and hope things will improve over time.

In our lives we will have the opportunity to solve many difficult situations.  Some answers will come easily and others will take time and serious thought.  There is no problem without a solution.  We can be confident in our ability to understand any situation clearly and find the answers we need.  Nothing is impossible and we are wise and capable.  Our happiness and comfort are our responsibility, and when things go wrong we can take control of our decisions and choose the best path forward.

Today if you need to solve a difficult problem and have been second guessing the way forward, choose the best solution and move ahead.  You know what needs to be done and you are wise enough to find the answers you need.  Be confident and brave.  You have everything you need to succeed.  There isn’t anything too difficult for you to resolve.  Make your decisions and move forward.  Success is there for you.

Advertisements

Knowing and Hoping

5 Jan

As we interact with others, either in our personal relationships or in passing, we learn how they respond to different situations and what we can expect from them.  It’s helpful to recognize their patterns and choices and have a clear expectation of their behaviors.  But sometimes we may hope their expected responses will change in ways that are better for them or will fit into our needs more effectively.  They say hope springs eternal, and in some ways it does.  If someone we’re close to often makes bad decisions and those decisions hurt them and those around them, we may hope they will change and our hope may make us believe something that isn’t real.  We must always be willing to face things as they are and understand we can only control our own lives and the decisions we make.  Even if we know what is best, even if we are sure we know the right way forward, if it’s someone else’s decision to make we have no control over the end result.  It takes a lot of energy to try to control situations that belong to someone else and no matter how much we put into our efforts, if the decisions aren’t ours to make, we will not change the outcome.  It’s best to step back, see the facts clearly, hope for the best, and then accept whatever choices are made.  We can control our lives any way we desire while allowing others to do the same and make their own choices despite what we hope for them.  Doing so will give us the freedom to move forward on our own road while still being available when needed.

When we love someone who is doing something destructive, it’s hard to stand by and watch as things go wrong.  We may offer counsel and advice if they are receptive, but then we must step back and let them make the decisions they desire.  It’s very hard to watch those we love suffer, especially if we are sure we know how to fix the situation.  We all learn from the things we experience, and ultimately every lesson must come from within.  We can let go and allow those around us to make their own choices and learn their own lessons, despite what we hope they will choose.

Facts may tell us all about how something works, how it looks, or what we can expect it to do but they can never predict our personal reactions and how they will affect us.  We really don’t know a stove is hot unless we touch it.  Until then it’s undefined information.  The same is true in our lives.  Most of what we do is done through trial and error.  We learn from the things we experience and those we love learn the same way.  It takes some of us more time than others, and we all take different roads on the journey.  We can hope for the best, while understanding and accepting whatever comes.  Life is a great teacher that allows each of us to learn our own way.  We can walk beside those around us, and let them choose their own path forward.

Today if you’re hoping someone you love will make a positive choice, do what you can to set a good example.  Be there to offer help when needed and let them choose for themselves.  Share your life with them while focusing on your own journey forward.  Live your life well and let your success light the way.

Authentic

14 Nov

There are a lot of influences in our lives, and sometimes there may be pressure to be some version of ourselves that isn’t quite genuine. Others may want us to be like them because they feel more comfortable when everyone around them reflects their personal style or preferences. Sometimes there is pressure to conform to some idea that is the norm, and even if we don’t really want to, we may go along so we fit in. Although we all know it’s best to be honest, when we care about someone and they are insistent, it can be hard to speak up. If we concede and do what is expected instead of genuinely being who we are, we put ourselves into false situations that may not work out for us. If we live a life designed by someone else, it isn’t ours. And living our own lives, our way, is the most important thing we can do. We are unique and have a lot to offer just as we are. We can be who we really are, and be confident even if it’s not what others want.

When we are trying to figure out who we really are, we try on different lifestyles and choices until we find what fits. Sometimes that matches those around us, and sometimes it doesn’t. Once we figure out what works for us, it feels perfect and even if it’s not the norm, we can embrace it. We don’t have to reflect what anyone else thinks we should be. We don’t have to be married, single, conservative, liberal, quiet or outspoken just because those around us would be more comfortable. We can be respectful and kind, and do exactly what’s best for us. If we conform to a model that isn’t genuine, we may be able to make it work for a time, but eventually who we really are will emerge. We are entitled to be authentic about ourselves, and be truthful and open. Unless we’re hurting someone, the opinions of others don’t matter.

Sometimes we’re the ones who put pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, and try to fit a mold that isn’t exactly right. There might be family pressures, or the desire to fit in. We can try to assimilate and if we want to change we certainly can. But if the change is too dramatic, or we aren’t completely convinced we want to be that different, even if we accomplish it, it’s doubtful we’ll be happy. We deserve to be happy every day. Trying to be something we aren’t will never take us there. We know who we are and we know what works for us. We can be that person and we don’t have to fit any other model no matter how convincing it is.

Today be the person you really are. You are perfect just being you. Be confident in your true self. Be genuine and open. You have a lot to offer, and offering it with your own authentic twist is the best you can give. Your uniqueness is valuable and worthwhile. Embrace it and confidently share it with everyone around you.

Returning Kindness

22 Aug

Recently while driving around completing some errands, I came upon a car stopped at a green light. I could see a white haired woman at the wheel, and I waited a moment before I tapped my horn to prompt her to drive forward. I was stunned when she looked at me in the rear view mirror and furiously lifted her middle finger at me flipping me off. It was so rude, and so unexpected. While she was still looking at me, I smiled and waved. She then hit the gas and took off. I’m pretty sure she was angry at me for blowing my horn – as evidenced by her indelicate response – but I have wondered how she felt after seeing me return her insult with a smile.

People do lots of things, and sometimes they don’t make the best choices. The woman in the car didn’t need to be rude to me for tapping my horn, but that was her choice. I could have returned an insult right back to her. I could have flipped her off, or just laid on my horn to annoy her. If I had done that, all I would have accomplished was to prove I could be as rude as she was. And I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to do something better, so I returned kindness for her behavior. I have wondered what she thought of that. Did she regret her actions after seeing my smile and wave, or did she just get more angry? I will never know. What I do know is that I chose what was best for me.

Choosing what is best isn’t always easy. It’s hard to be kind to someone who is being cruel. It’s hard to return consideration when someone is being mean, and it’s hard to be polite when someone is being rude. But we make our own choices, and determine our own paths. It’s easy to give back bad behavior when we get it. It doesn’t take much energy to send the negative and nasty right back over the net, but what does that bring us? If we want to be the best we can be, we need to set our sights higher. Anyone can be rude, hateful, and mean. That’s easy. Setting the goal to return kindness in the face of those things is hard, but it defines who we are. We set our own standards, and we can decide what we’ll do. If we set them according to what’s best for us instead of where someone else has put them, we can become the people we want to be. The choice is ours.

Today if someone is rude to you, if someone is mean to you, or if someone hurts you, before you respond think about choosing kindness. Return the behavior that most defines who you are. Reach higher, and choose what is best for you. You will never regret a good decision. Today, fill your day with them and you’ll be closer to the person you really want to be.