New Shoes

18 Aug

We go through a lot of changes in our lives as the years fly by. Some of them are small and easy to navigate, and some of them impact us in deeper ways. If we’ve lost a loved one, had a dramatic shift in our career, or had to adjust to a big lifestyle change, it may take us a long time to adjust to our new reality. Like wearing new shoes that pinch, we know that eventually everything will stretch and we’ll feel better, but as we’re going through the adjustment, it’s difficult. We may feel lost, and out of our element. We may need support, and even then it may take a while before we regain our footing.

Change is normal, and happens every day. But practicing with small things doesn’t necessarily mean that when big changes come we are ready for them. Sometimes we’re surprised and shocked by a new development, but even if we know something is coming, it may still be hard to navigate. We get used to our lives going a certain way, and feel comfortable. When a ringer is thrown into the mix and everything is shaken up, it’s hard to figure things out right away. Sometimes it’s hard to understand what to do, and how to go forward.

They say that time heals all wounds, and in some ways that’s true. If we give ourselves time to adjust, time to find a new way through, and time to find our path, it will help. When we are facing big adjustments, we don’t need to rush. We need to give ourselves space, time, and patience. There are feelings and emotions involved we need to work out. Sometimes there are physical things that must be explored and defined. It’s like a pendulum – if the change is small, the adjustment is short, and if the change is big, the adjustment takes longer. The greater the change, the more time we’ll need. It’s important to give ourselves all the time it takes. Just like stretching out a new pair of shoes, it doesn’t happen the first time we wear them. We have to work on them little by little.

Today if you’re trying to adjust to a big change in your life, take your time. Give yourself patience, and room to figure things out. There is no need to rush. You will find your footing again, and you will know how to go forward. Give yourself the space you need. You will conquer this, and you will find comfort. One step at time is all you need to do. One step at a time and you’ll get there.

Tags: , ,

The Other Way

17 Aug

When those close to us have problems with others, they may decide to change the dynamic of their relationships. Of course, they may do whatever works for them, but sometimes they pull us into the situation. If they decide they no longer want to be friends with someone, they may tell us not to befriend them anymore as well. If they want to control the situation, they may tell us not to contact the other party. These requests may put us in an awkward situation, and we may feel unprepared to comply with them, or think it’s inappropriate for us. Some feel that because we’re close to them we need to follow their lead with changes they decide for others in the circle. But that’s not true. We need not do anything just because someone else is doing it. We can choose for ourselves.

Relationship dynamics can be complex. We can be friends with lots of different people and each relationship is different. We can choose who we want to spend time with, who we want to talk to, and who we want to get close to. The relationships we build are ours. If someone else doesn’t want to be involved with someone we share our lives with, they may make that choice. But if they ask us to sever our ties with them over an issue they’re having, it can be uncomfortable. Continuing a relationship after someone close to us has asked us to stop does not mean we don’t care about them. Going our own way doesn’t mean we aren’t loyal. It just means we are making our own choices.  And we are always entitled to make our own choices.

When we face situations like these, we may feel pressure to comply. It’s normal to want to do things for those we care about, but it doesn’t mean we have to follow them blindly. We don’t have to agree with every decision they make. Their decisions are theirs, and they own them. And we own our decisions. We are free to decide what we want to do even if it’s the complete opposite of what is being asked. We can choose how our relationships roll forward on our own. We don’t have to go along, we don’t have to agree, and we don’t have to do anything that doesn’t feel right. We can politely, and patiently decline. We can express our concern and care for the person involved, but calmly and quietly make our own choices.

Today if you’re being asked or pressured to end or change a relationship with someone in your circle because of a problem with others, you may choose what is best for you. You don’t have to go along with the request if it’s not the best decision for you. No matter how close you are to the person asking, you can make your own choice. Your relationships are yours to manage. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing, you can go forward your own way. Be strong. You know what’s best for you. Stick to that, and be true to yourself.

Tags: , ,

Giving the Benefit

16 Aug

We base our conclusions on many things. If we’re wise, we will be careful to base them on fact. Unfortunately, there are times when we make conclusions based on a situation, an impression, or hearsay. Sometimes those conclusions are right, but sometimes we’re way off the mark. When we interact with others it’s best to use facts when trying to understand what is happening. If we jump to a conclusion based on something we think we see, something we think happened, or something someone else said, we may be completely wrong. If we have doubts, we can give the benefit of the doubt before we decide to judge. If we do that, and things change we can adjust our perception. However, if we’ve already tried and convicted before the facts are known, it’s much harder to clean up the mess we’ve left in our wake.

Giving the benefit of the doubt means to withhold judgment on anything until all the facts are known. We wait before we assume anything, and allow ourselves to believe that the other party is innocent unless the facts show otherwise. If we wait until the entire story is revealed, sometimes we find that our first impressions were incorrect. Giving the benefit of the doubt increases harmony, and helps to build trust. If those around us know we won’t jump, and convict them before they’ve had a chance to explain, they’ll trust us to be there and listen.

We might be in a situation where we’ve been hurt because someone determined we had erred, or failed, or in some way done something wrong before we had a chance to defend our decisions. When that happens, we feel frustrated and unfairly persecuted. Everyone deserves to tell their story. If it’s assumed that we’ve chosen the wrong path before we can even explain, we may feel beset and hopeless. We might decide there is no point in even trying because decisions about us have already been made. But we have the right to speak up, and we can state our case clearly, and without reservation. Our story is ours to tell, and even if conclusions have already been made about us, we have the right to tell it. We can stand up for ourselves and be strong.

Today if something goes awry and you’re sure someone has done something wrong, wait and give them the benefit of the doubt. Don’t conclude anything until you get all the facts. If someone else has made an assumption about you that isn’t right, be courageous, and state your case clearly. We all deserve the benefit of the doubt. Today, give it, and make sure you get it. Listen and go forward with confidence. Be fair in all your dealings, and there is a better chance that others will be fair with you.

Tags: , ,

Take It Back

15 Aug

There are times when we may find ourselves in relationships where we’ve lost control over our lives. We didn’t set out to find a relationship that would control us, but one thing leads to another, and suddenly we realize we’ve lost something. We’ve allowed a situation to build on itself to the point that someone else is determining our decisions, and how we live. Often these relationships are painful, and we are hurt. Sometimes because the changes have been subtle and insidious, we don’t realize how hurt we’ve been. But we know we aren’t happy, and something needs to change.

It’s good to believe in others, and put our trust in them unless they show us they are not worthy of that trust. When we are kind and trusting, we can sometimes bend too far and allow someone else to gain too much control. Sometimes it starts by just going along with something we don’t agree with because we love the other person and we want them to be happy. That may change into arguments as we try to be heard, and if the arguments continue over time, we may grow weary, and decide to give in to keep the peace. When that happens, we trade our control for calm. We hand it over to prevent disagreements.

Unhappiness can sneak up on us. If it’s been a gradual decline, and we’ve been unsettled for a while, we may not realize how far we’ve gone. Then something happens that wakes us up. Perhaps a trusted friend reminds us of how happy we used to be. Perhaps we decide enough is enough. Even if we truly value the relationship that’s hurting us, even if we still believe in the promise that things will improve, we will, eventually, have to make a choice. We deserve to be happy. When we are ready, and decide we want more, we will take our lives back. It probably won’t be easy. It may hurt to turn the ship, but we can do it. We are strong, and once we remember who we are, and how strong we are, we will succeed.

Today if you’ve decided to stop hurting, and you are ready to be happy, take your life back. Take it back. You have everything you need to succeed. Don’t listen if someone says you can’t do this. You can. You deserve to be happy. Today turn the ship. You are stronger than you realize. You are worth more than you can imagine. The best of everything is waiting for you.

Tags: , ,

I Can’t Hear You

14 Aug

Have you ever known someone who constantly talks about how smart they are, but you’ve watched them make bad decisions over and over again?  Or someone who tells you how much they are going to do, but they don’t seem to accomplish anything? How about someone who talks about how kind and nice they are, but all you’ve seen is impatience and criticism from them? There is sometimes a disconnect between who we say we are, and what we do.  Sometimes they don’t match.  So which is it?  Are we the person we tell everyone we are, or are we the person whose life we’re actually leading? The truth is who we are isn’t what we say.  Who we are is what we do. We are living in the real world, and what we actually do tells the real story.

Sometimes people say they are one thing or another because it’s more flattering. Perhaps they want to be known as a generous person, so they tell people every time they do something that could be considered generous so they will be perceived as more giving than they really are. Perhaps they want to be considered patient and loving, so when others are listening, they adopt a patient and loving demeanor, even if it isn’t sincere. But people are smart. We’re very perceptive, and we can often spot a fake from twenty paces. The old saying that actions speak louder than words is true. It’s impossible to hear what someone is saying if their actions belie the claim.

When we first meet someone, we may be misled.  We hear what they tell us about themselves and at first, since we have no reason to doubt, we believe them. But sometimes as we get to know them, we realize they aren’t exactly the person they want us to think they are. If the disparity is egregious, we may determine they cannot be trusted. If it’s minor we may overlook it.  Either way, we need to pay attention. It’s important for us to know the truth about those around us so we know where we stand. It’s very painful to believe in someone, and then discover later that nothing we believed in was real. If we pay attention, we’ll figure out where the lines are, and what’s true. Gaining that knowledge will help us navigate the relationship more effectively as we move forward.

Today as you interact with those around you, pay attention. Listen to what is being said, and watch what is being done.  Learn about them, and understand who they really are. You’ll be more confident when you deal with them, and you’ll know how to handle your interactions with them more effectively.  Knowledge is power. Today, look around, pay attention, and gain the knowledge you need to go forward with confidence.

Tags: , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →