Tag Archives: Decline


6 Apr

As we go through our lives there may be times when we’re asked to do things we may not be enthusiastic about or aren’t sure we want to do. It could be something personal, something involving our families, or something in the professional arena. Whatever it is, there may be others who try to convince us we need to do it, or who try to make us do it. Unless the person asking has authority over us we don’t have to comply with any request. But it can be hard to say no when those who want compliance are close to us. They may try to control us or manipulate us into doing what they want. If their influence is strong enough we may acquiesce. But if we do, we may not be happy. When we have feelings for someone, we can be vulnerable. If they ask us for something and we aren’t convinced the request is in our best interest, but do it anyway, it may damage the relationship. We all get to make our own decisions. We can choose anything we like and if we choose things we don’t want, we may have regrets later. If things don’t go well we may say we were made to comply but that’s not completely true. The fact is we are in control of our own lives. If we acquiesce and do something we don’t want to do, we are choosing that path. And when we do, we also choose where it takes us. If we aren’t convinced the decision is in our best interest, no matter who is pushing it, we need to choose what’s best for us.

Influence is a powerful tool. When we love someone we want them to be happy. If they ask us for something we often want to comply. But if they want something we don’t want to give it may be difficult to decide. We can choose anything we like. We can go along even when we don’t want to, or we can decline. If we go along and things don’t work out and we get hurt, we may blame the requestor. However, that’s not fair. We make our own decisions and if we chose to go along, we own the results of that choice. We are accountable for every decision we make. If we don’t want to do something and do it anyway, we own it.

Learning to be genuine and honest in all our dealings takes determination. If we honestly decide what we want to do and where we want to go, there may be times when others disagree. If they want us to go another way and we refuse, they may not be happy. But being honest in every choice keeps us on the road we want to travel. If we take a detour to do something chosen by someone else, we may end up going somewhere we don’t want to go. Although some will be annoyed when we don’t comply, we can respectfully decline any request that isn’t right for us. If we are honest in every situation our lives will reflect what we want most, and take us to the destination we choose. We are entitled to live our lives any way we like. If that isn’t what someone else wants, we can still choose our own path.

Today if you’re being influenced to do something you aren’t sure about you may decline. You have the right to make the best choices for yourself and choose where you want to go. This is your day. You are capable of doing anything you like. Design the life you want most and you’ll find true happiness.

The Other Way

17 Aug

When those close to us have problems with others, they may decide to change the dynamic of their relationships. Of course, they may do whatever works for them, but sometimes they pull us into the situation. If they decide they no longer want to be friends with someone, they may tell us not to befriend them anymore as well. If they want to control the situation, they may tell us not to contact the other party. These requests may put us in an awkward situation, and we may feel unprepared to comply with them, or think it’s inappropriate for us. Some feel that because we’re close to them we need to follow their lead with changes they decide for others in the circle. But that’s not true. We need not do anything just because someone else is doing it. We can choose for ourselves.

Relationship dynamics can be complex. We can be friends with lots of different people and each relationship is different. We can choose who we want to spend time with, who we want to talk to, and who we want to get close to. The relationships we build are ours. If someone else doesn’t want to be involved with someone we share our lives with, they may make that choice. But if they ask us to sever our ties with them over an issue they’re having, it can be uncomfortable. Continuing a relationship after someone close to us has asked us to stop does not mean we don’t care about them. Going our own way doesn’t mean we aren’t loyal. It just means we are making our own choices.  And we are always entitled to make our own choices.

When we face situations like these, we may feel pressure to comply. It’s normal to want to do things for those we care about, but it doesn’t mean we have to follow them blindly. We don’t have to agree with every decision they make. Their decisions are theirs, and they own them. And we own our decisions. We are free to decide what we want to do even if it’s the complete opposite of what is being asked. We can choose how our relationships roll forward on our own. We don’t have to go along, we don’t have to agree, and we don’t have to do anything that doesn’t feel right. We can politely, and patiently decline. We can express our concern and care for the person involved, but calmly and quietly make our own choices.

Today if you’re being asked or pressured to end or change a relationship with someone in your circle because of a problem with others, you may choose what is best for you. You don’t have to go along with the request if it’s not the best decision for you. No matter how close you are to the person asking, you can make your own choice. Your relationships are yours to manage. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing, you can go forward your own way. Be strong. You know what’s best for you. Stick to that, and be true to yourself.

Decision Time

13 Aug

Everybody has their own opinions about things. Sometimes we agree with them, and sometimes we don’t. When their opinions don’t involve us, we can disagree, and move on. But sometimes they are about us, and what we’re doing with our lives. Sometimes we get advice we haven’t asked for, and sometimes others frankly tell us what they think we should be doing. It can be uncomfortable when someone else makes a decision about our lives and strongly suggests we listen to it, especially if it’s someone we value and trust. But in the end, our lives belong to us, and the decisions about how we live them are ours to make.

Nobody knows the complete story of what we’re living but us. We have the insider’s view. No matter how close we are to others, it’s impossible for them to have our perspective. We are the ones living our lives, having our experiences, and being shaped by them. Sometimes those who care about us think they know what’s best for us. They may tell us to leave a personal relationship, or stay in it, quit our jobs or keep them, move or stay. There are all kinds of opinions out there and lots of people eager to share those opinions. If we are close to them, we may feel pressured to comply with their suggestions. We may find it difficult to say no, but saying no is our right. We have the starring roles in our lives, and only we know what we need to do.

When others project their opinions onto us and make the argument that their way is the right way, we can be polite and decline. We don’t have to give our reasons if we don’t want to, we don’t have to explain why we won’t take their advice, and we don’t have to justify our answers. We have the right and the responsibility of being in charge of our own lives. Even if everyone in our circle is screaming “Go left!” we can go right if that’s what we think is best. We have the power to control our lives. We can be loving, and thankful for suggestions, but in the end the choice is ours alone.

Today if you’re feeling pressured to make a decision you don’t think is right for you, you may decline. You can be confident in saying no. This is your life and you are the only one who knows the whole story. You can decide what’s best for you. You can live it your way. Today stand up for your decisions, and let those around you know that while you care for them, you will make your own choices. You’ll feel more empowered and you’ll be happier knowing you’re in control.

No Thank You

13 Jun

We have opportunities to do a lot of things every day. There are always tasks that must be done, chores we must manage, and other responsibilities. And there are fun options as well. Our friends, and family play a part in our daily tasks when they need, or want us to do something with them, or for them. Most of us like to be helpful, and we try to comply as much as possible when someone wants our time. But sometimes that isn’t possible. And sometimes we really don’t want to do what is being asked.

Just because someone thinks we should do something, doesn’t mean we are compelled to do it. It’s easy to fall into the trap that we must do everything we are asked to do, but that isn’t true. It’s up to us. We can say no. Even if the person asking us really wants us to go along, we have the power to decline. It’s one thing if they really need our help, and we want to be there. But sometimes the request has less to do with need, and more to do with what the other person wants us to do.

For instance, if we have a network of friends that we do things with socially, we may enjoy that. But sometimes our lives change, and we may decide we don’t want to spend so much time with them. Sometimes we want to do other things. There may be pressure from the group to keep the status quo, not to change the pattern. But if we want to move on to something else, we may. Pressure from others will always affect our decisions, but in the end we should feel empowered to do what is best for us, and nobody knows what that is but us. We can, and we should, choose that. It’s not selfish to direct our own lives. It’s appropriate. We can be kind and giving, while still ensuring we are doing what is most important to us.

Today, if you’re feeling pressured to do something you really don’t want to do, you may say, “No, thank you.” You may politely decline. If others insist that you go along, you may still politely decline. It’s up to you. Smile and be gracious, but stay true to what is best for you. The road you’re on is yours alone. You get to choose the steps. Make the best choice that will take you where you want to be. And be confident. When we choose what’s best for us, it’s the best choice to make.