Waves

2 Sep

When I was a child our family spent several weeks one summer on an island off the coast of North Carolina.  The beach was beautiful, and I would play in the surf but only up to my knees.  I was afraid of the waves and watched the water very carefully.  When the tide came in the waves would get quite large and one day my sister and I were playing in the sand too close to the water, and a wave washed over us and dragged us away from the shore.  We didn’t go far and our father grabbed us and pulled us back.  I was quite terrified, certain we were going to die, and seeing my distress, after that day he began to teach me about the waves.  He told me they were safe but I needed to learn how to manage them.  He took me into the water when the waves were small and taught me that if I planned for them, I would be fine.  Each day we went into the water and as the waves got bigger and bigger, and I got scared, my father encouraged me to be confident and told me I could manage whatever came.  Day by day my confidence grew as I learned about the water, and before long I was body surfing and hoping for bigger and bigger waves.

When we are facing new things we may feel unsure.  Because we haven’t managed the parameters of the new situation before, it may be daunting or even frightening.  We may lack confidence in our ability to do it.  When we’re facing new processes or experiences we’re sometimes hesitant going forward.  But we can prepare by taking small steps.  If we put our feet in just a little, and try doing a small part first and get comfortable, we can then move forward.   It’s like conquering the small waves.  If we take it step by step we will gain confidence and manage the project, whatever it is.

A man I know called me once some time ago expressing his concern over an assignment to teach a course.  He was convinced he couldn’t do it, and sure he would faint or be struck dumb in front of the participants.  He was well educated and generally interacted with others quite easily but he was terrified about being the center of attention.  We talked about it and he decided to practice with friends before the event.  He had several practice sessions, each going more easily than the previous one, and when it was time for his presentation he did well.  He conquered the small waves over and over and when the big wave came he was ready.  Success is often just about preparation.  We can do anything if we have the courage to face it and the will to conquer it.

Today if you’re facing something new that is giving you pause, and if you are uncertain about going forward, take one small step toward the goal.  Do one small thing to start the learning process and conquer that.  Tomorrow do another and keep moving forward until you feel confident and sure.  You can do anything you want.  You can learn and you can grow.  Take it one small wave at a time and soon you’ll be in the front of the line showing others how it’s done.

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Going Nowhere

1 Sep

There are times in our lives when we get into situations expecting them to proceed to a certain place, but they get stalled. Perhaps it’s a relationship we had high hopes for, or maybe it’s advancement at work. It could even be a personal goal we’re working hard on, but it seems no matter how much we try, we’re stuck. We aren’t going forward. Nothing is moving. It’s disappointing when this happens, especially if the goal is very important to us. So we keep trying, and sometimes things change and we’re able to advance. But sometimes it just doesn’t work. We keep beating the dead horse hoping it will come back to life.

There are times when we just have to change direction. Sometimes what we’re seeking isn’t available to us. In relationships we aren’t the only person involved. Therefore, if the other party isn’t on the same page wanting the same things we do, we may be spinning our wheels. In our careers there are generally lots of other players in the mix. Even if we do everything we can to move forward, there may be unseen or unknown situations that prevent us from advancing. Every goal we set for ourselves, everything we hope to achieve, everything we want depends on what we do and sometimes on decisions others make.

If we’ve been stuck trying to move forward and nothing is changing, we can talk about the situation with the others involved, and try to adjust the focus. If that doesn’t work, we may have to let it go for now and move on. It may feel like a loss to do that, and admitting defeat is never easy. But we aren’t the only person in our lives and even if the goal we’re seeking is noble and good, if it depends on others to achieve it and they aren’t on board, we may have to let it go. It doesn’t mean we were wrong. It doesn’t mean we made a mistake. It just means it’s not available to us right now. Things may change in the future that will allow us to go forward, but for now, it’s a dead end.

Today if you’ve been working hard on something and you aren’t moving forward, determine if you can change the situation to enable you to succeed. If that isn’t possible, set it aside, and move on. Perhaps in the future it will be available, but focus on something else for now where you may find success. This life is filled with change and nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. All we can do is work on today. Let go of the things that are holding you back, and keep your eyes focused ahead.

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Spades

31 Aug

In this day and age we are strongly encouraged to be politically correct and go along, and there seems a constant suggestion of conformity.  Everywhere we turn there is the implication that if we don’t follow the currently approved norm we are out of step.  Along with this there is a seeming lack of appreciation for individuality.  Instead of being leaders, we’re encouraged to be followers. We are told to speak out minds but often only if what’s on our minds is what the group thinks we should be thinking about. When did it become distasteful to have our own opinions? We are certainly entitled to them, but it seems that expressing them, if they are different from the group, is more and more frowned on. It’s a sad situation, and it’s boggling.

There is great value in saying exactly how we feel and speaking plainly. Talking in circles, dodging the issue, and dancing around a problem afraid of being offensive never solves anything. But if our main concern is not offending others, we may find ourselves doing just that. The great people of history, and the great examples of today, are direct and clear in their speech. They know what they believe in and it doesn’t matter if others disagree with them. They say what needs to be said with focus and determination. They don’t care if they’re swimming upstream, and they don’t care if nobody else believes in what they’re doing.  They believe in it and that’s enough. It takes courage to say what we think is right.  We may certainly say whatever we think needs to be said, and we may say it boldly, and with conviction.

Our viewpoints are valid, our opinions are worthwhile, and our comments are meaningful. We don’t have to be followers. We can choose to be leaders and share our ideas, our vision, and our perspective. The greatest innovations of our time were created going against the norm. The greatest ideas were often initially laughed at. But innovation starts with a great idea to do something new. Some people are threatened by what they don’t know and they will always be followers. We don’t have to be followers. We can say what we mean and mean what we say. We don’t have to go along, we can call a spade a spade.  After all, that’s exactly what it is, and facing things as they are is critical when we’re communicating.

Today if you’re being encouraged to follow along and you aren’t comfortable, speak up. You are as important as anyone else, and your ideas are just as valid. Be clear and be courageous. You can be kind and polite, and still hold fast to your opinion. Being who you really are is important.  Be your best self, and always be your true self.

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Worth It

30 Aug

When we’re making decisions about what we want to do, it’s important to remember that everything we do creates a reaction of some sort. There is no free space for decisions. They always affect something – our lives, other people’s lives, our freedom, our finances, and a dozen other possibilities. Some decisions are trivial, like what we’ll have for lunch today, but even that will have a result. If it’s a good lunch for us, we may feel satisfied and happy afterward. If not, we may have another response. For the important decisions, for the heavy matters that weigh on us, it’s very important to consider not just which way to go, but what the ramifications of those decisions may be. Some responses may be predictable, and some may be surprises that come unexpectedly.

We make so many decisions in our lives that we take the process for granted. We look at a situation and pick the answer that looks best, or easiest, or quickest. Sometimes it’s a good decision and things go well, but sometimes there are complications we may not have considered. We can’t know the future so taking a moment to ponder where our decisions might take us is helpful. Our perspective is ours alone and nobody will share it completely. Nobody knows what we need better than we do, but even then we sometimes make mistakes. So, it’s important to think about our decisions before we make them – even the small ones.

If we’re in a relationship with someone and decide things have gotten too intense, we may decide to back up for a time. We don’t want to end the relationship but we want a little space. Explaining that to the other party may be difficult but if we need the time, it should be addressed. The question is, what will be the cost of stepping back? If we are dating the other person and we take some time away, they may find someone else to spend their time with. Are we willing to accept that? If we are in a friendship that has gotten too intense and we want to take a break, if the other person is offended by the request we may not be able to re-establish things afterward. Can we live with that? Everything we do will bring some sort of reaction. It’s important to think about what that may be before we go storming forward.

Today as you make your decisions, take a moment before you decide and think about what the results may be. Let your mind go wide and consider all the possibilities. Nobody can read the future and it’s wise to ponder what could happen before we choose. If the decision is worth whatever may come, go forward. You are capable of making good, wise choices, and only you can determine what’s best for you.

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Last Minute

29 Aug

Sometimes when we need to do something we don’t want to, or have to make a decision that’s hard for us, we put it off. We might ignore it for as long as possible, get busy with other things, and pretend it doesn’t exist. But eventually we reach the time when we absolutely, positively have to do it. We’ve waited until the last minute either hoping we wouldn’t have to face it, or hoping somehow running out of time would help us get it done. Lots of us need the pressure of the last minute to make difficult decisions or move forward. When we put things off until we reach the moment when we have to do them even if we’re not ready, it has to happen. And then we face them.

Waiting until the last minute has its perks. We can forget about the situation for a while, we can live in a dream state pretending it doesn’t exist, and we can imagine we’re preparing so we can make the best decision when the time comes. If we’re in denial these seem like good options. But if we want to live in truth, this dodging really doesn’t help us. Waiting until we absolutely have to do something before we face it just makes the decision harder because we’re short on time, and it rushes us through the task that needs to be done, opening the door for problems.

If we want to do our best we need to be more proactive. Being proactive takes thought and planning. No matter what we have to face, it’s best to take the time we need to prepare for the decision or activity, plan for it to happen, and then confidently go forward. There isn’t anything we can’t face, but we’ll face everything more effectively if we look at it head on instead of ignoring it, and pretending it’s not there. If we courageously and carefully think about it, consider our options, and then plan for possible outcomes, we’ll be more successful in accomplishing what we need to. Waiting things out rarely works to our advantage and having an advantage can make all the difference.

Today if you’ve been putting something off that needs your attention, if you’ve been ignoring a decision or situation you need to address, change your focus. Open the door and look at things squarely, evaluate your feelings, and go forward with confidence. There is nothing you can’t do. There is nothing you can’t face. You are strong and capable of doing anything. Today move forward with confidence and get the advantage on your side. You can manage this. You’re just moving one more step closer to where you want to be.

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