Pointing North

7 Jul

Have you ever been lost? Have you ever taken a wrong turn, and found yourself somewhere you didn’t recognize? Have you ever walked a little too far, and missed the path you meant to take? We all get lost sometimes. It can be unsettling, and confusing. Getting lost is part of life. Nothing ever goes exactly as planned, and sometimes, in the twists and turns that happen, we lose our way. And before we know it, we’re far, far away from where we intended to go. We’re at a destination that seems foreign. It’s uncomfortable, but it’s not the end of the road.

There are a lot of influences on us every day. People who want us to do things a certain way, or be a certain way. Sometimes because of the situation we do as we’re asked, and if we do that enough we can forget where we’re going. We can forget who we really are. It’s possible to wake up one day, and realize that the life we’re living is nothing like the life we really want. It’s nowhere near where we really want to be. We took a turn, which lead to another turn, and another, and where we’ve ended up is not at all where we thought we were going.

If we determine that we are not on the right road, the only way to get to where we want to go is to stop, and reset our course. There is inside us inspiration, like a compass, that always points to the person we really are. It’s always there to guide us, but we have to listen. If all we can hear are the directions of those around us saying, “Go here,” or “Go there,” we won’t recognize our own compass telling us which way is right for us. But it’s always there to remind us. When we are ready to get to who we really are, and where we really want to be, we need to listen to it. We can always alter our course. We can always retrace our steps. Nothing is permanent, and everything can be changed. Change isn’t always easy, but if the change brings us back to the road we want to be on, it will be rewarding, and worth whatever it takes.

Today, if you’re feeling like you’re not where you really want to be, if your life isn’t on the road that will take you there, you can change your course, and begin again. You can choose a new direction. You deserve the life you want the most. You deserve every happiness. You can do this your way, and you can succeed. Today, hear your personal inspiration. Listen to your compass. If you’ve been lost, it will guide you back. You know the way back, you’ve just forgotten for a while. Today, listen and remember. And then, take the first step to getting there.

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The Illusion of Control

6 Jul

We have very little control in our lives. We can’t often control what happens to us, we can’t control what other people do, we can’t control what we get exposed to, and basically all we can really control is our behavior. That’s it. But sometimes we may get confused, and think we have more control than we actually have. We may think we can control situations, or other people. Many of us have had experiences with people who’ve tried to control us. Maybe we’ve been the one who’s tried to control other people, or outcomes. It rarely works, but it’s a pattern for some of us.

As we go through this life we gain experience. That experience teaches us, and often helps us understand things better. Because of our experience, we may think we really know what is best for someone else. We may think we have the answers to a problem they are experiencing. And maybe we do. But whether we have the answers or not, we cannot make anyone do anything. We may offer suggestions, but their decisions are theirs to make. If we start telling people what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, and we are not in authority over them, we fail. We are not in charge of the human race. The human race gets to do whatever it wants to. And even if that turns out to be something we would never do, even if it hurts others, even if it’s the dumbest thing we’ve ever seen – it’s not ours to control.

It’s hard to watch those around us make decisions that hurt them. It’s hard to see them confused, and lost, especially if we think we know how to make things better. What we can do is offer our support, and make suggestions if they are open to them, but then, we must let them make their own choices. We can’t make anyone do things our way, and if we offer advice and they don’t take it, that is their option. A lot of people think they can tell us how to live our lives, even people who don’t really know about our lives. But the control over our lives belongs to us alone. We get to make all the decisions. And the same is true for those around us. They get to make their own decisions. Let them. We can be there if they need us, but they are entitled to make their own choices.

Today if you’re struggling with control issues – either yours or someone in your life – remember that your life is the only one you get to control, but you get to control all of it. If someone is telling you how things should be, listen and take whatever advice from them that helps you, and let the rest go. If you feel the need to tell someone else what they should do, remember their life is theirs to manage. It doesn’t belong to you. Control is an illusion most of the time. Control yourself, your decisions, your behavior, and your attitude. Let the rest go. It’s a lot easier just to carry your own load. Carry that. Let everyone else carry theirs.

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Forest and the Trees

5 Jul

When we are working on complex issues, and there are a lot of details, it’s easy to get caught up in them. We try to figure out some tiny aspect that’s eluding us, and if we focus so hard on it we can lose sight of the big picture. When that happens all we can see is a small part of what we’re trying to solve. In some situations we have to take the problem apart, piece by piece, but other times it’s important to see the whole picture to get to the solution. There is a saying, “We can’t see the forest for the trees.” There can be literally thousands of trees in a forest, but if we are focused only on the bark of one tree, only see the patterns in that small section of bark and don’t look up, we can forget where we are. We can lose sight of the entire forest.

Complicated issues, by their very nature, tend to have a lot of moving parts, and a lot of things to consider. There are the other people involved, the timing, the costs if they must be considered, the method for solving the issue, and perhaps a dozen other factors to think about. If we get too tied up in one segment, if we expend all our energies in figuring out that small piece, we may never figure out how to put all the pieces together. We need to step back, and see the entire picture. What does everything need to look like when it’s done? Where do we need to be? How can everything work together?

Stepping back when we have a lot at stake takes practice. If the issue is intense, and we are emotionally invested, it’s even harder. But if we can stop analyzing for a moment, step back two paces, and look at the entire situation, the answers are likely to come. If we want to put together a jigsaw puzzle, we can’t just look at the corner pieces, and try to figure out what it will look like completed. We have to dump all the pieces out, and then look at the whole picture on the box to get an idea of where things will go. Without that, we would be lost, and the puzzle would never be done.

Today if you’re stumped working on a complicated situation, stop and step back. Look at the whole problem again, and remember where you’re trying to go. Imagine it completed, imagine it solved, and think about what it would look like. See the entire thing. Your focus will broaden, and those answers you are looking for will rise. They say the devil is in the details, and if we get caught up in the details, that can certainly be true. You will complete this project, you will solve this problem, and you will figure out all the pieces. You can see it all when you step back. So step back, and then go forward. You’ll get there. You’re closer now than you’ve ever been.

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My Hero

4 Jul

When we’re young, we are often fascinated by comic book heroes. They have magical, impressive powers, and we love the way they always save the day. There is no end to their bravery, and they always, always do the right thing. As we get older, we may lose our fascination with the comic book hero, but we still want heroes in our lives. We admire people who are brave, who stand up for what’s right in the face of danger, and who risk themselves to protect others. Those qualities are so impressive, and when we see them, it reminds us that we can be heroes even if we aren’t Superman, or Spiderman, or any of the others we used to read about.

We can all be heroes in our lives. We can make choices every day to stand up for what we believe is right. We don’t have to leap tall buildings, or be faster than a speeding bullet. Sometimes all we have to do is speak up when someone is being hurt. Sometimes all we have to do is say no when we’re asked to do something we feel is wrong. And sometimes, we may get the opportunity to do something really impressive – save a life, stop an injustice, or protect someone we love. But those extreme opportunities don’t come along often, so the small decisions we make every day prove who we are.

There have been people in all of our lives who have impressed us. They’ve done things that were noble and inspired, and things that were heroic. I have a friend who works a full time job but finds time every week to volunteer to help the poor and needy. He gives his time at the local food bank, and he and his family regularly help out at the local shelters. No matter how busy he is, he makes the time to help others. He’s a hero to those he helps, and an inspiration to everyone. I have another friend who struggles with a learning problem. It’s hard for her to communicate, it’s hard for her to read, and it’s hard for her to understand complex ideas. But she is always cheerful, always helpful, and always sets an amazing example. She’s loved by everyone who knows her.

In this day and age, where everything is blown out of proportion, where we’re often expected to be perfect, we can feel like our lives are small, and don’t really count. But when we stand up for what’s right, we are noble. When we defend the downtrodden, we are courageous. When we push forward, despite heavy obstacles, we are brave. All of these characteristics make us heroes. We are heroic because we choose what’s best.

Today if you think your life is small, if you think your contributions are minimal, stop, and think again. Think about the times you’ve spoken out for what was right, and helped those around you. You are more courageous than you think you are. You have goodness in you, and when you choose to show it to others, you are a hero. Be the very best you can be. Be an example for the world. You have that in you. Let it shine.

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That’s Mine

3 Jul

Sometimes because of something we care deeply about, we may state our case in forceful ways. We want to make a point, and we want to be clear. It’s good to clarify where we stand, but sometimes we may go too far. We become too strong in our statements, and instead of helping others understand our position, we tell them how it is. And when that happens, we sometimes offend them. Even if offense was never in our plan, it can happen. People are complicated, and everyone has a different level of tolerance for intensity. Some people translate it into conflict. Some people can manage a lot of heated discussion, and others shrink from it. Nobody is exactly like us, and we must remember that. What may seem fine to us, may be offensive to someone else. We can say that’s their issue, and it is. But if it alienates them from us, it’s also our issue.

There is a lot going on in our lives all the time. We are busy, we are often stressed, we are in a hurry, and sometimes we forget to be considerate, and careful with the feelings of others. We run over them with our ideas and decisions, and we don’t wait for their response. We get in, get it done, and get out. When we do that, things will get done, but we may also damage the relationships we need to go forward. It’s better to be the one that includes other ideas, and brings others into the discussion. It’s more effective to ask for input, as well as give our suggestions. Life is all about give AND take. If we’re so sure we’re right, so sure we have it figured out, so sure of ourselves, our attitude may restrict others from joining us. And it can cause problems. It’s better to express ourselves in ways where others feel welcome, and valued.

If we do something that hurts someone else, it belongs to us. If we feel passionately about something but express that passion in ways that offends others, it belongs to us. If we inadvertently hurt someone by something we’ve said or done, it belongs to us. There is no way to push the ownership of anything onto someone else if we’ve done it. We own it. It’s ours, and because it’s ours, we’re the only ones who can make it right. We’re the only ones who can correct the slight. We will answer for everything we do, so if we’ve hurt someone, we need to take the next step, and try to repair the damage.

Today if you have something important that you need to discuss, something you feel strongly about, remember the feelings of those you address. They may process things differently. They may need a little time. They may have suggestions for you. Everything you want to accomplish will be easier with others on your side. Let them in. Tell them how you feel, and let them join you. Be clear, and be strong, but also be open, patient, and welcoming. An army of one can only do the work of one. But an army of friends, can conquer anything.

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