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Don’t Look

25 Sep

There are sometimes things that come into our lives that are hard to look at. They might be difficult to understand, so unexpected we can’t accept them, or so different from what we want we can’t even look at them. We might choose to look the other way and pretend they don’t exist.  If they pop into our line of vision, we can just avert our gaze. If someone brings them up we can pretend we didn’t hear and change the subject. We can deny they even exist.  But denial is just a way of postponing the inevitable. We will eventually have to face whatever is weighing on us, and denying it now will not prevent us from having to deal with it in the future. Hiding our heads in the sand and refusing to look at the issue will just keep it in stasis. The time in between is time we might use to process the problem, but we have to be careful. Sometimes waiting makes things worse.

How do we face things that seem too difficult for us? How do we look at them when the thought of them makes us shudder? There really isn’t anything we can’t face when we decide to, but sometimes we have to take it slowly, and unravel the problem one bit at a time. If we’ve learned we have a serious health issue, and we’re too afraid to accept it, we could begin by reading some information about it. If we learn about it, and better understand what is happening we may not be so afraid. If someone close to us says they’re leaving us and we don’t think we can face life without them, we could objectively look at our lives and see where we’ve done well in the past. In any difficult situation, we could begin by looking at how we could re-order our lives to accept the new reality we’re facing. We could start by just imagining how we might move forward.

Big changes, big challenges, and sudden complications can knock us down, but that’s only temporary. We’re down because we’re surprised, and we aren’t sure how to navigate. Sitting down and taking a moment can help with that. But we will get up again. We can figure out how to process anything that comes to us. We may need some time, and we might need the help of others, but we will figure it out. Sometimes the most unexpected and seemingly disastrous developments that enter our lives lead us to remarkable changes, and incredible growth. Sometimes they even turn our course to paths we hadn’t previously considered, which bring us increased happiness and peace. Change is not easy. Disappointing and difficult changes are harder. But hiding from them rarely helps. If we face them, we can take it minute by minute, give ourselves time to think and adjust, and get through them. We won’t just survive, we’ll thrive going forward.

Today if you’re trying to adjust to an unexpected and difficult change, and you feel like you’ve had the wind knocked out of you, if you’re stunned and can’t figure out what to do, it’s okay. You’re completely capable of handling this. You don’t need to hide. You don’t have to look the other way. Take small steps. You’ll figure it all out and you’ll go forward. You will find happiness and peace again. It doesn’t matter how many steps you need. Each one will bring you closer to where you want to be.

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Options

20 Sep

Nobody is good at everything. We all do some things well, some things very well, and there are some things we struggle with. They say where there’s a will there’s a way, and often that applies, but there are some gifts we just don’t possess. Perhaps we always wanted to be a ballet dancer but our body can’t manage the rigorous training demands. Maybe we want to be a great singer but we are tone deaf. We have many dreams we hope to achieve, and it’s hard to admit defeat when we want to accomplish something, and can’t make it happen. We can’t always get what we want, and some things will elude us despite our desires and efforts. When that happens it’s important to remember we aren’t failures. It’s impossible to do everything, and although we may not succeed at one thing, we are good at many other things.

Sometimes when we set our sights on a new and lofty goal, we get support from those around us, and sometimes we don’t. There are plenty of people who will try to discourage us no matter what we’re aiming for. Their motivations are theirs and have nothing to do with our decisions. We can try to do anything we choose to and we don’t need the approval of others to go forward. When we have encouragement it makes the task easier as we learn, and if we falter, it’s comforting to have someone in our corner cheering us on. If we succeed, they will rejoice with us. We’ll be happy and feel confident. But sometimes success isn’t possible. When that happens, even if we’re unhappy, we can still feel confident because we tried. We dared to to go after something we wanted. We gave it our all.  And we should cherish that.

Disappointment comes in many ways. It can be insignificant, or it can be devastating. When we are seriously upset over a crushing disappointment, it’s hard to look forward. What we hoped for, and what we wanted so badly, is out of our reach. If we don’t have a choice we must let it go. It can feel like we’re losing something important, and it can hurt badly. But we always have options. There are countless opportunities in life, and although a serious setback is painful, we can overcome it and focus on something new. The important thing is to try. We never know how far we can go if we never stretch to see what’s possible. Talking about what we want is only the first step. Trying to accomplish it, even if we fail, brings us strength, understanding, and a greater sense of confidence.

Today if you’re trying to do something new, do the best you can to make it work. No matter what happens, you’ll feel confident and strong. Reach for the stars. Go forward with courage.  Reaching will bring you blessings. You’ll learn more about yourself, and you’ll be happy knowing you did the best you could.

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Looking Up

19 Sep

We go through trying times in life and sometimes when they stack one on the other, or the trial is extreme we can feel overwhelmed, and down and out. We may be so discouraged we can’t see the end of the trouble and become completely disheartened. At times like these we can feel like we’ve hit bottom. There is no hope left, and we feel used up and done. We’re sure we’ll fail, but then something happens unexpectedly that gives us a bounce. Something actually goes right and we are buoyed up once again. We begin to believe things may improve. We begin to look up. We start to see the end of the tunnel and the light beaming in. The skies clear, and we realize all is not lost after all.

Nothing is permanent in life. Everything changes continually. The only real guarantee we have is that whatever we’re going through now will change. But when we’re daunted and feel hopeless, we may forget that. It can seem like the trouble will never end, and if we believe that, it’s hard to go on. But nothing we face will last forever. No matter how bad it gets, no matter how hard it is to face, it’s going to change. Eventually we will solve the problem or it will work itself out. If we can keep that in our minds when we feel down and out, it will help restore our hope and give us the courage to go forward.

When we’re struggling and something good happens it can be hard to trust it. We may be suspicious that it’s not really a blessing but rather a fluke that fools us. But along with trouble, we all experience blessings as well. When they come, we should embrace them and bask in all the joy they bring. Life can bring us down but it can also lift us up. When the up times come, when things go well, when we see the sunshine we should take in as much as we can. The good experiences give us resilience for the times when the bottom falls out. If we focus on the lift we’ll be stronger in times of trial knowing we have the reserves to carry us through.

Today if you feel hopeless, if you’re discouraged and can’t see how to move forward, try to remember the other times you’ve overcome difficult obstacles. Remember the moments when you’ve succeeded and relive the experience again. You will gain strength and courage as you go through this trial. You have everything you need to get through it. You will prevail. You have come so far. Hold on. There is sunshine just around the next bend.

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Deflecting

12 Sep

Things go wrong in our lives and sometimes we get upset. We may be angry about some development or problem that has arisen and struggling to figure it out. When we’re going through the disappointment, and processing the problem, we can get confused when other complications arise. We may be overwhelmed, and frustrated, and feel bad. At that point, if someone comes to us over something small, we might forget our place, lose our temper, and blast them fervently. We displace the anger we’re feeling over the problem we’re facing, and dump it all over an innocent bystander. We’ve all done it and it’s embarrassing, and uncomfortable. We feel bad for making them a target, and need to apologize. It happens when we let our troubles, and not the solutions, become the focus. If all we can see is the problem we may feel there is no hope for success.

Everyone has problems and complications. It’s the nature of life. We go through them on a daily basis. Some are small and need little effort to navigate, and some are all encompassing, and heavy. When we’re going through a difficult time, it’s easy to lose our focus and forget that it’s not the end of the world, nor is it something we can’t face. The road through some issues is long, and arduous, and sometimes we get tired and afraid we may not be able to get through it. But there is nothing we will face that we cannot overcome. It’s often just a question of time and patience. We can’t force the answers to come, but if we try to relax and gain our perspective, we open the door to see them more clearly.

When we’re overwhelmed with an issue, sometimes it’s all we can think about. It consumes us day and night. We can’t sleep, we can’t eat, and we’re stuck. But we can handle it more effectively. We can recognize that the problem probably won’t kill us, although we may think we’re going to die. We can remember all the other times we’ve faced difficulty and managed to get through it. And we can have faith in ourselves. We will find the answer, no matter how obscure, no matter how long it takes, and no matter if it’s complicated. We will solve the problem and be successful. We can take it one step at a time, and minute by minute until we find the answer.

Today if you’re overwhelmed with something difficult, something that is consuming your thoughts, take a moment to breathe. There is nothing you can’t face. You have all the tools you need to solve this, whatever it is. You are strong and capable. You’re intelligent and able to find answers. This is just a moment and it will pass. You will be successful. And on the other side you’ll be wiser, and more confident. You’ve got this, and you will overcome it. Be strong. Keep moving forward. You’ll get there.

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Waves

2 Sep

When I was a child our family spent several weeks one summer on an island off the coast of North Carolina.  The beach was beautiful, and I would play in the surf but only up to my knees.  I was afraid of the waves and watched the water very carefully.  When the tide came in the waves would get quite large and one day my sister and I were playing in the sand too close to the water, and a wave washed over us and dragged us away from the shore.  We didn’t go far and our father grabbed us and pulled us back.  I was quite terrified, certain we were going to die, and seeing my distress, after that day he began to teach me about the waves.  He told me they were safe but I needed to learn how to manage them.  He took me into the water when the waves were small and taught me that if I planned for them, I would be fine.  Each day we went into the water and as the waves got bigger and bigger, and I got scared, my father encouraged me to be confident and told me I could manage whatever came.  Day by day my confidence grew as I learned about the water, and before long I was body surfing and hoping for bigger and bigger waves.

When we are facing new things we may feel unsure.  Because we haven’t managed the parameters of the new situation before, it may be daunting or even frightening.  We may lack confidence in our ability to do it.  When we’re facing new processes or experiences we’re sometimes hesitant going forward.  But we can prepare by taking small steps.  If we put our feet in just a little, and try doing a small part first and get comfortable, we can then move forward.   It’s like conquering the small waves.  If we take it step by step we will gain confidence and manage the project, whatever it is.

A man I know called me once some time ago expressing his concern over an assignment to teach a course.  He was convinced he couldn’t do it, and sure he would faint or be struck dumb in front of the participants.  He was well educated and generally interacted with others quite easily but he was terrified about being the center of attention.  We talked about it and he decided to practice with friends before the event.  He had several practice sessions, each going more easily than the previous one, and when it was time for his presentation he did well.  He conquered the small waves over and over and when the big wave came he was ready.  Success is often just about preparation.  We can do anything if we have the courage to face it and the will to conquer it.

Today if you’re facing something new that is giving you pause, and if you are uncertain about going forward, take one small step toward the goal.  Do one small thing to start the learning process and conquer that.  Tomorrow do another and keep moving forward until you feel confident and sure.  You can do anything you want.  You can learn and you can grow.  Take it one small wave at a time and soon you’ll be in the front of the line showing others how it’s done.

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