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Burns and Scars

4 Feb

Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes we have fun and things go well, sometimes the bottom falls out and our dreams are shattered, and sometimes it’s some version in between. Nobody gets through their lives without being hurt from time to time, and when we’re really hurt and burned badly, it takes time to heal. If our dreams have gone up in smoke, if we’ve been betrayed by a loved one, or what we thought was real turns out to be a mirage, we can be devastated. Getting burned hurts. It hurts a lot and it takes time to recover. When we burn our skin, if the burn is very deep and serious, it has to heal from the bottom up. Dead cells must be removed from the top of the burn to allow it to heal more quickly and prevent scarring. The removal of that layer is often painful but necessary for recovery. When we’ve been emotionally hurt we have to do the same thing. We have to rub off the initial shock, confusion, and denial in order to get to the heart of the matter and recover. We can’t look the other way or the burn will never heal. It can be very painful to look at things completely when we’re devastated. It’s difficult to go through the process of removing obstacles to recovery, but if we do, we will be able to heal and go forward with renewed confidence.

When we’ve been hurt on the outside, after the wound heals we often develop a scar. If the wound was intense and very invasive, the scar may be large and thick. If we were only hurt a little, the scar may be smaller and smoother, but there is always a scar of some type after the wound heals. Over time scars refine and become less noticeable but they never go away. There is no way to be completely restored to our original state, and they will always be reminders of what happened to cause them. When we’re emotionally hurt and recover, we carry scars with us going forward as well. At the beginning if the scar is invasive and thick, it may keep us from making certain choices or feeling confident. Over time as we grow and change, just like the scars on the outside, the scars on the inside will refine. They will never go away completely, and we’ll always remember what caused them. But they will smooth out and we’ll find ways around them. Scars aren’t bad. They help us remember where we’ve been, and they need not hold us back. We can learn all we can from the experience and as we heal we can move forward.

As years pass, our appearances change through the normal course of aging. The laughter or sadness we’ve experienced show in lines on our faces. Our bodies show the wear and tear of life, and all the scars from all the injuries, large and small, we’ve endured. The lines, wrinkles, and scars are proof that we’ve lived our lives. We will never be the perfect beings we were when we arrived here, and everything that leaves a mark is a testament of our courage and endurance. We are going to get burned, in more ways than one, and we’ll carry the scars from those burns until we die. They are proof of how strong we are and what we’ve overcome. This life is challenging. There is a lot to learn. Sometimes we’re going to be hurt but there is nothing we can’t overcome. We will carry the marks, the lines, and the scars forward, but we will also carry the knowledge of what we’ve learned. And learning is what it’s all about.

Today if you’ve been burned by something that has hurt you deeply, you will recover. You will find your way through and you’ll carry the experience with you going forward, and it will not hold you back. You are courageous and strong. Be confident. You can do anything and you will succeed.

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Leave and Take

26 Jan

There is a famous line from the movie “The Godfather,” that says, “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.” It’s given just after someone has been murdered and the killers are leaving the scene. Evidently it didn’t matter if the gun was found, but the connoli was treasured and not to be left behind. Although we will probably never be in a situation where we’ll use this same phrase in the same way, there will be times after an experience when there’ll be something we’ll want to leave behind, and something we’ll want to take with us. Every experience in life teaches us something. Sometimes the lesson is easy, and sometimes it’s hard and difficult to navigate. When we’ve been through something difficult, something that shakes us and makes us sad, worried or regretful, it helps to think about what we can learn from the experience and take with us. We don’t need to take the pain and disappointment, and can leave that behind. Every lesson we learn gives us something going forward that will shape us into who we become. Since we’re constantly changing, those lessons are continuous. If we learn all we can each time we struggle and take that with us, chances are we won’t have to learn the same lesson again.

Nobody wants to suffer or be in pain. Pain is our body’s way of telling us something is wrong. Physical pain can often be treated by a physician and medication can take the edge off and make it bearable. Emotional pain tells us something is wrong as well, or that we’ve made a mistake. Unfortunately, there is no medicine that will eliminate emotional pain, and generally we must endure it until we find a way around it. Our friends and family may try to comfort us, and sometimes that helps, or we may try to shake it off and let it go, and sometimes that helps too. But when we’re hurting, if the pain is intense, it can be hard to get through and see that it will end. During those times it’s helpful to think about what we can take away from the experience that may help us going forward. There is always something to be learned, and something to be gained when we’ve been hurt.

It seems that life would be so much better if nobody could hurt us or make mistakes that bring us discomfort. But we are human beings and we aren’t perfect. There is no way for us to be perfect and we’re going to falter. We will all hurt ourselves and sometimes we’ll hurt others either intentionally or accidentally because of choices we make. It’s unavoidable. We don’t know everything, we can’t see the future and sometimes even our very best guesses are wrong. Getting hurt is part of life and although it’s uncomfortable and we don’t want it, if we are wise and try to learn everything we can from our experiences and take all we can learn away with us when we go forward, we’ll be in a better position to prevent the same pain from returning. There isn’t anything we can’t handle. If we focus on what we’re learning when we’re managing problems, we will find something positive in the end. And finding something positive in the depths of sorrow will bring us comfort.

Today if you’re going through a hard time and you’re suffering, try to see the situation objectively and find the one good thing you can take away with you. You will leave this trial behind you in time, and all the pain that went with it. Take away the best part – what you learned from the experience. You’ll become wiser and you’ll feel stronger knowing you have gained something new. You can handle anything that comes. You’re strong and capable. Be confident and go forward learning all you can.

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Hold On

21 Jan

There are times in our lives when we have to make difficult decisions. Perhaps we need to change our course in one way or another, end a relationship, quit a job, or move to a new location. These decisions require a lot of thought and consideration because they impact our lives in big ways. Ending relationships that aren’t working for us can be very painful, even if we’re sure it’s the right decision. Quitting a job that doesn’t fit, or deciding to move to a new location requires a lot of change and can upset our lives for a time. When we’re going through the adjustments involved in making big changes, even if they are changes we want to make, we can feel unsettled and out of sync for a time. We may even feel like running back to the old situation because even though it wasn’t working, at least it’s familiar. But we can’t move forward and backward at the same time. If we really want the change we’ve decided to make, we must hold on when we feel unsure and keep walking ahead. Eventually we’ll find our place again, feel more secure, and have the opportunity to create a better situation going forward.

There is great comfort in doing things we’re familiar with. Routine feels normal, and even if we’re not happy, we know what to expect. When we decide to make a big change in our lives, we disrupt our regular routine and even though we know we want to move forward on a different path, we may miss the comfort of where we were. We may grieve for the sameness and yearn for the security it gave us. At those times there may be great temptation to go back. If it was a relationship that didn’t work, we may still miss the other person. Going back won’t change anything except we’ll be back where we were. If we weren’t happy before we left, we won’t be happy when we return. It’s normal to go through a grieving process when we’re making changes, and miss what we know. But it will pass and if we hold on and keep going forward to the future we want, we’ll find comfort again, and happiness will return.

Changing our lives often requires us to step into the unknown. We don’t know what we’ll find on our new road, we don’t really know where it will take us. We know what we want but there is no road map with an “X” marking the spot showing the destination. We have to figure things out one step at a time. We are capable of doing that and no matter where we’re headed or what we’re seeking, we can get there. Just because the road is new doesn’t mean we can’t successfully travel it. Taking things one step at a time, seeing everything as it is and directing our path carefully will ensure our success. There isn’t anything we can’t do. There isn’t any change that is too daunting for us. We can make our lives any way we want them. All we have to do is make our decision, hold on, and keep walking. The destination will come to us and we’ll be happy again.

Today if you’re making changes and you feel unsure, keep going. You know what you want and you can move forward with confidence and clarity. You can take any road you choose and get to your destination. You are capable and strong. You’ve made the right decision for you. Hold on and keep walking. You’re almost there.

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Yes You Can

9 Jan

Hard times come to us all. We can try to do everything right, we can try to make the best decisions, and we can try to choose wisely, but no matter what we do, things will go wrong from time to time. Sometimes they are minor adjustments in our path, simple annoyances that keep us on our toes for a while and then fade away. But other times, we may have to face very difficult circumstances where everything we thought was real is questionable, and all the security we thought we had seems to disappear. Often we have no warning that the bottom is about to fall out of our lives, and when it comes we can be stunned and frozen, unable to figure out what to do or how to get through. It’s hard to face really difficult times and our pain, worry or sorrow as we navigate them may be intense. It’s like the whole world has suddenly changed and we are in a foreign and sometimes frightening place. It takes courage to face the days, and temerity to keep going forward.

When very hard times come upon us, we may feel overwhelmed, and confused, or if it’s bad enough, we may even feel destroyed. For a time we might think we can’t get through and the situation will ruin us forever. But no matter what comes, even the worst possible scenario, we can face it and we can figure it out. It sometimes just comes down to deciding not to quit. We may not know exactly how we’re going to find our way, we may have no idea how to fix the problem and we may feel completely lost, but if we simply decide we aren’t going to quit, we will eventually succeed. Surrender is never an option if we want to be in control of our lives. We can’t prevent what comes to us, or what goes wrong, but we can control what we do. We can make any decision we want to and even in the face of disaster we can decide not to quit. We can determine to keep pushing forward and working the problem until we find our way out again.

If we find ourselves in a terrible situation that has been caused by someone else in our lives, and we’ve been desperately hurt, our relationship will certainly be affected. If it’s someone close to us, and someone we love, it will take time to decide how to go forward with or without them, and recover. We can’t control what anyone else does, and when their decisions hurt us, it has an impact on our feelings for them. If the relationship is very important to us, we may find a way to continue to be part of it, but if the damage is great, it will sometimes sever all connections between us and them. There is only so much damage any relationship can handle before it breaks. It’s devastating to lose someone close to us because of a bad decision, but sometimes that happens. We must do what is best for us and what enables us to go forward successfully. Sometimes that means changing those we share our lives with. If that happens we may grieve for some time, but eventually we’ll find our footing again and if enough time passes and we choose to, we could try to reestablish the relationship again later.

Today if you’re facing a serious setback, if your world has been rocked by something extremely difficult and you feel lost, you can manage it. You are strong enough to face whatever comes to you and you will find your way. Hang onto your courage, hold on tight, and keep going forward. Nothing lasts forever. You just need to face this moment. Tomorrow things will be better. You are brave enough to manage whatever comes today. Trust yourself. You have everything you need to succeed.

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Taking the Risk

7 Jan

In our lives, we all get the chance to try something new we want to do. It’s fun to try new things, but since they are unfamiliar to us there is some uncertainty and there may be some risk involved. Sometimes the risk is physical – if we want to try snowboarding or rock climbing it looks exciting but we may fall. And sometimes the risk has nothing to do with our bodies, and everything to do with our futures. If we want to change careers but we’re well established where we are now, letting our security go for something new, even if it’s something we really want, can rattle us. Should we do it or should we play it safe and stay where we are? Risk exposes us to possible loss. What that loss is depends on the situation. Of course, we can go through our lives avoiding new situations and staying on the same familiar road if we choose. But if we don’t try new things, if we don’t stretch out of our comfort zones, we’ll never know what we can do. We are all capable of greatness. But we can’t become great unless we push ourselves to do everything we can to get there.

There are more things to experience in this life than we’ll ever be able to accomplish. But the more things we expose ourselves to, the more unique situations we face, the deeper we become and our understanding of life broadens. If we keep our lives small, don’t venture far, stay away from things that are different than what we’re accustomed to and ask for nothing more, our sense of the world will be small as well. Imagine wearing the same color every single day. We know what color it is, and we know how it will look every time we put it on. The repetition of doing the same things can make us feel secure because we know what to expect. But if we put on a new color every single day, and try colors we never thought we could wear, we would see ourselves in many different ways. And that sense of newness and diversity would deepen our experiences. We might find that trying new colors makes us feel happy, something we would never have learned if we had remained in our old pattern.

The experience of taking a risk and trying something new is different for everyone. Some people thrive on the thrill of never knowing what’s coming next, and others prefer to plan escapades into new arenas. If we’re unsure, we could start small and decide to try something we’ve never done before but that will have little impact on us. We could explore new areas for work by volunteering in those arenas and trying them out instead of making a decision to change all at once. We don’t have to bungee jump over a 100 foot drop to take a risk. Just trying something new, something we want to do but have never attempted, will bring us great experience and often big rewards. There is something wonderful about being terrified of a new experience, doing it anyway, and surprising ourselves by succeeding. We can do anything we want to do. We will be enriched as we understand that no matter what comes we’ll be able to navigate it. This life was meant to be experienced. And we have everything we need to try anything we like.

Today if you’ve been thinking about trying something new but have been concerned about the risks involved, you can do it anyway. Plan for it, learn about it, and then take it on. There isn’t anything you can’t do. You are capable of stretching and learning anything you want. Enrich your life by stepping out and pushing yourself a little further. You can conquer any obstacle and on the other side your confidence will soar. Go for it. You can do anything.

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