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Bitter or Better

23 Sep

Hard times come to us all. Sometimes we face heartbreak, sadness, and serious disappointment.   We may let the pain of these events go quickly and move on, but sometimes if the hurt is very deep, we may hold onto them for a while. It’s hard to move through a difficult time if we can’t let go of the pain, but sometimes we get stuck holding onto it. If someone has hurt us deeply, or betrayed us greatly, we may hold onto it for years, or for the rest of our lives. Perhaps someone you know has let something affect their lives so deeply they are no longer happy. Maybe it’s changed the whole dynamic of their lives. They are bitter and cannot move on.

Trials aren’t something we want to face. We don’t look for them, and we hope they won’t come our way, but they come to all of us. If we choose to, we can try to learn as much as possible from the experience, and then let it go so we can move on. If we do that, we may restore our happiness, and turn “bitter” into “better.” But since most of our painful experiences involve others, it generally means we have to forgive someone. If we’ve been hurt deeply, that may be difficult. But bitterness will destroy our lives if we let it fester. If we want to move forward, we must do everything required – including forgive.

There are people in this life who don’t care if they hurt others as long as they get what they want. It’s very difficult to be in relationships with them, and if we are, we will probably get hurt. They can only see themselves. They often talk a good line, tell others how much they care, and even pretend to be supportive, but in the end they only serve themselves. It’s doubtful they will feel shame or remorse. They are only concerned with what they want and what they need. If we have someone like that in our lives and they hurt us, we may try to explain our pain to them, and try to make them change. But we can’t change others no matter how hard we try. We can only change ourselves. We have to move forward from where we are. We have the power to let things go, to move on, and become stronger, and more resilient because of our experiences. We have the power to control our lives and make them happy.

Today if you’re dealing with pain from something that’s happened, do everything you can to make things right, and then let it go. Your life is too valuable to waste on unhappiness. You are in control of yourself and you can be happy. You are strong, and perfectly capable of managing this. You’ve been through trials before and survived. You can do anything you want. Do what you must to move through this, and begin again.

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Learning to Tuck

18 Sep

We have a lot on our minds every day.  When complications arise, we have even more to address, and it can be overwhelming.  Since we can’t do everything at once, it’s sometimes hard to address everything right away.  We may need to prioritize what we can handle at the moment, and tuck the other issues away until later.  There is sometimes the feeling that we have to do everything right away, or we aren’t doing enough, but that isn’t true.  It is proactive to manage our responsibilities and issues by taking care of the most important things now, and waiting to address the others until we have the appropriate time to manage them.  We are in charge of our lives, and we know what we can manage.  It’s wise to tuck the things that can wait aside until later.

What is the most important thing we must accomplish today?  If we think about that each morning before we start, and identify what we most need to get done, we are more likely to accomplish it.  In the busy responsibilities of daily life, our time can get away from us.  We may get carried away by additional tasks we hadn’t planned on, sometimes things go wrong that hold us up, and there may be complications caused by others.  Add to those the unexpected things that seem to always come up, and our days can get away from us.  If we just take things as they come, there’s a possibility we won’t complete what we need to, and feel disappointed at the end of the day.  But if we have identified what is most important for the day, we can focus on accomplishing it and have a better chance of success.

Tucking things away that can be put aside for a while is a useful tool, but we must ensure we actually go back and address them.  Some people make lists to remind them of things they need to do, some people put reminders in their smart phones or computer, and some people put sticky reminders out where they will see them.  If we are lucky enough to have an assistant, they may remind us of our pending tasks.  Whatever works most easily for us is what we should use.  Tucking things away doesn’t mean forgetting about them.  It just means delaying them for a time.  When we have the time, we need to address them and make sure we are timely in taking care of them.  If we do that, we’ll feel in control of our lives, and happy with our success.

Today if you are overwhelmed with things that need to be done, take a moment and determine what is the most important thing on the list.  Focus on that and tuck the other things away for a time.  You can accomplish a lot if you prioritize your concerns and take each as you can.  You are capable of managing your time and getting all your important tasks completed.  Use wisdom and remember Rome wasn’t built in a day.  There isn’t anything you can’t do.  Plan your work, and then work your plan.  You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish.

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Power of Soft

17 Sep

When we have disagreements with others, we can choose to try and keep the conversation calm or we can escalate it. If we’re angry and feel we’re being attacked, we may decide we don’t care and jump in with both feet. It’s easy to react instead of respond calmly. If we’re being yelled at, and we yell back generally things will get worse. And when we’re angry sometimes we don’t care if things worsen. But if our relationship is important to us, we might consider going another way. If we do something to deescalate the issue, we have a better chance of reaching resolution without causing more problems. It is said that a soft voice turns away anger, and that’s often true. When people are angry and upset, they tend to raise their voices. If we return their loud statements with a soft response it changes the dynamic of the exchange. It will be unexpected, and often they will lower their voice as well. Even if they aren’t yelling but are saying unfavorable and contentious things, responding with a soft voice will often keep the situation from intensifying.

Some people are loud by nature. They say things with determination and conviction. They are neither demure nor reserved, and sometimes because of the volume of their voices we may misinterpret their interactions with us. A loud voice doesn’t always mean there is a problem. But if there is an issue, responding with a soft voice when talking to them will get their attention. And when we get their attention, we have the opportunity to resolve any issue more effectively. When we respond quietly in times of conflict, people lean in, and listen. It stops even the most determined and angry, and changes the tone of the interaction.

When we’re angry and upset, sometimes instead of being calm and taking time to think through the issue, we might lash out. We may blast the person we feel caused the problem and let them know, in no uncertain terms, how we feel. When we do that we might feel better, but it rarely helps to solve the problem. If we wait, and take just a moment to collect our thoughts and think about the whole situation before we talk to them, and then use a soft voice, we have a better chance of finding a resolution without making the problem worse. It takes self-control and patience to wait, but we are all capable of handling conflict better, and managing our anger more effectively. Think about using a soft voice when you confront someone you’re angry with. It will calm you down and instead of defending themselves after feeling attacked, they will be able to respond and explain things more clearly.

Today if you are angrily confronted by someone else, try to respond using a soft voice. Be calm and clear, and quietly answer their concerns. You will be in control of the situation and yourself, and you’ll feel more confident and strong. Listen to their complaints and quietly answer their questions. It will diminish the conflict, and help resolve the issue. You can handle any situation that comes up today with a soft voice and quiet demeanor. You will prevail by being in control, and your day will be better and easier because of it.

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Making It Happen

15 Sep

There are times in our lives when we really want something to happen. It consumes our thoughts, and we try our best to make things work so it’ll come to pass. Oftentimes the things we want to occur involve others. Sometimes they agree with our plans, but sometimes they don’t, and when they don’t we may try hard to convince them to change their minds. We might try pleading with them, cajoling them, and at our worst, even threatening them in an effort to sell our idea. When things work out the way we want them to, we feel satisfied. We’ve accomplished what we wanted most of all. But when they don’t, when whatever it is doesn’t happen, we may feel angry, defeated, and disappointed.

Everyone gets to make their own choices. We all understand that but when we want those choices to agree with ours and they don’t, accepting it is a little harder. Sometimes our choices are going to be different than what others want. It’s frustrating to be told “no” when we want something very much. It’s hard to accept that our dream isn’t going to happen, especially if it’s a good thing that would benefit others. But if we can’t bring others on board, even if it’s the best idea ever dreamed up, we either have to change it, or we have to let it go.

Sometimes when we fail to get the support we need, we can revise the plan in a way that will bring the results we’re seeking. Maybe we have to wait a little longer until things fall into place. Maybe we need to involve a different group of people, or change the plan to suit the needs of those we need support from. There are no guarantees in this life. We can only try to do our best, and sometimes our best can’t make it happen. Sometimes nothing we do can make it happen. When that occurs, we have to redirect our course. There is nothing wrong with changing our plans. It doesn’t mean we’ve failed. It means we are capable of understanding the situation, and modifying our direction. And those are two very commendable attributes.

Today if you’re up against a brick wall, if things just aren’t working out the way you want them to, or the way you think they should, it might be time to revise the plan. If there is nothing you can do to make things go your way, change lanes. Turn a little to the right or the left, and redirect your course. Modify your plans so you can succeed. Be flexible. Don’t let a setback hold you up. You know what you want, and you’re creative enough to figure this out.

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Where We Live

14 Sep

Everybody knows they should take care of themselves. We hear the good advice all the time– eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep – but sometimes it gets lost in the shuffle. We’re busy and finding time to take care of ourselves isn’t always a priority. We want to eat right but end up grabbing something on the go between appointments.  We know we should exercise but getting to the gym or even out for a walk sometimes doesn’t make it onto our day planner. And sleep happens when we finally get to bed – often too late. The important needs for good health are always there in the backs of our minds, but we’re focused on other things and those things take all our attention and energy. Time goes by and even if we’ve made the decision to do better, our best intentions can get lost.

Each day we’re alive is a blessing. We get to share who we are with the world and be a part of the human experience. We get to learn things, meet people, go places, and accomplish our goals. We take it for granted that tomorrow will come and we’ll be fine. But sometimes things go wrong, and we get sick. Or we have a frightening experience that shakes us out of our apathy regarding our physical forms. Maybe we have an unexpected health scare, or maybe we finally step on the scale and see a number we can’t believe, or maybe someone close to us dies suddenly. When these things happen, we tend to stop and take stock. If we realize we haven’t done our part to be strong, and if we’re wise, we’ll adjust our lives to make good health a priority.

We live in a resilient, but fragile human body. Since science hasn’t yet figured out how to transfer us into an artificial existence, if our bodies fail, we can’t leave them behind and enter another physical form. If they fail, we fail. We don’t have anywhere else to go. Given that reality, if we want to be here as long as we can, we need to take care of things. Nobody can take care of our physical health but us. Our doctors, our friends, and our families may lecture us about taking care of ourselves, but we are the only ones who can do it. When we decide we want to change and be more proactive, we need to make it important in our lives. It’s not a hard decision to make, but it requires diligence, and attention to hold onto. We’re all busy. We have a lot on our minds. We all have a lot to do, but if we don’t make ourselves a priority, none of it matters. Once our bodies die, all the tasks in our pending box will be inconsequential.

Today if you haven’t been paying attention to your physical needs, think about how you can begin to take better care to become your personal best. You don’t have to run a marathon, you don’t have to starve yourself, and you don’t have to go to bed with the children. But there are things you can do to improve your health and become stronger. You are a gift to the world. Your influence is important and needs to be here as long as possible.  Do everything you can to make that happen. You’ll feel better, you’ll be happier, and you’ll be glad you did.

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