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Setting the Standard

22 Jan

Opinions and interpretations are as unique as each of us. Nobody is completely like anyone else and that’s reflected in how we perceive things and make our personal judgments. We each determine what we want, how we want to be, and where our lives will go. And we decide what standards we’ll hold as we move along. What is acceptable to one person may be objectionable to another. What is immoral to one may be common place to another. There is a wide variety of impressions and interpretations. What we determine is right for our lives is what we may hold fast to. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing or what is common. If it doesn’t fit with what we want to embrace, we need not accept it. Sometimes this causes friction but if we’re open and honest in sharing who we are and what we want, others will respect us, even if they disagree.

Those close to us may try to convince us to do things their way. People are generally most comfortable being around others who are like them. When we differ or choose a different path, it may be difficult for others to understand our choices and accept them. Trying to convince us to be more like them sometimes seems to be a way to make things easier by eliminating the differences. But differences are important. We need to be who we genuinely are, and we are entitled to embrace that. We need not succumb to pressure and try to fit in. We may set our own standards and hold onto them. In time, those who care about us will understand how important our choices are to us, and will eventually accept us as we are. In the meantime, we can be polite and choose our own path.

Conformity is a vehicle that on the outside seems to bring peace. If everyone is reading from the same book and on the same page, we all know what to expect. But conformity comes with a price. If we conform to ideals and choices that aren’t what we really want, we lose part of our individuality and uniqueness. If we were all the same the world would be very predictable, maybe even peaceful, but quite boring. We need all the colors of the rainbow to make the painting complete. We need to hear all the voices, and be true to who we really are. We deserve to make our own choices and whatever we choose will be exactly right for us. Our lives are ours to live as we see fit. We can make any choices we want and we can design them exactly the way we want them. If they don’t fit the norm, we will be the spice that brings the flavor. If we don’t look like everyone else, we’ll be the accent that brings the pop of color. We know what we want, and we can be anything we want to be. We don’t have to bow to convention, we don’t have to follow along, and we don’t have to stay in line. We can bring our own influence and embellish life by being exactly who we are.

Today if you’re feeling pressure to conform, if you feel like the odd duck because you don’t look like or act like those around you, embrace your uniqueness. You get to set your own standards for your life and you will do it perfectly. You are a great blessing to the world. Be yourself.  Show us all how wonderful you really are.

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Hold On

21 Jan

There are times in our lives when we have to make difficult decisions. Perhaps we need to change our course in one way or another, end a relationship, quit a job, or move to a new location. These decisions require a lot of thought and consideration because they impact our lives in big ways. Ending relationships that aren’t working for us can be very painful, even if we’re sure it’s the right decision. Quitting a job that doesn’t fit, or deciding to move to a new location requires a lot of change and can upset our lives for a time. When we’re going through the adjustments involved in making big changes, even if they are changes we want to make, we can feel unsettled and out of sync for a time. We may even feel like running back to the old situation because even though it wasn’t working, at least it’s familiar. But we can’t move forward and backward at the same time. If we really want the change we’ve decided to make, we must hold on when we feel unsure and keep walking ahead. Eventually we’ll find our place again, feel more secure, and have the opportunity to create a better situation going forward.

There is great comfort in doing things we’re familiar with. Routine feels normal, and even if we’re not happy, we know what to expect. When we decide to make a big change in our lives, we disrupt our regular routine and even though we know we want to move forward on a different path, we may miss the comfort of where we were. We may grieve for the sameness and yearn for the security it gave us. At those times there may be great temptation to go back. If it was a relationship that didn’t work, we may still miss the other person. Going back won’t change anything except we’ll be back where we were. If we weren’t happy before we left, we won’t be happy when we return. It’s normal to go through a grieving process when we’re making changes, and miss what we know. But it will pass and if we hold on and keep going forward to the future we want, we’ll find comfort again, and happiness will return.

Changing our lives often requires us to step into the unknown. We don’t know what we’ll find on our new road, we don’t really know where it will take us. We know what we want but there is no road map with an “X” marking the spot showing the destination. We have to figure things out one step at a time. We are capable of doing that and no matter where we’re headed or what we’re seeking, we can get there. Just because the road is new doesn’t mean we can’t successfully travel it. Taking things one step at a time, seeing everything as it is and directing our path carefully will ensure our success. There isn’t anything we can’t do. There isn’t any change that is too daunting for us. We can make our lives any way we want them. All we have to do is make our decision, hold on, and keep walking. The destination will come to us and we’ll be happy again.

Today if you’re making changes and you feel unsure, keep going. You know what you want and you can move forward with confidence and clarity. You can take any road you choose and get to your destination. You are capable and strong. You’ve made the right decision for you. Hold on and keep walking. You’re almost there.

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Invisible

18 Jan

There are times in our lives when we get into situations where we feel we aren’t being heard. Sometimes it feels like we aren’t even being seen. Those around us may be wrapped up in their own lives or something is consuming their attention to such an extent that no matter what we do, or what we say, we can’t get in. It’s very difficult when it’s someone or a situation we care deeply about. We want to be heard and acknowledged and when that doesn’t happen we can feel lost and unappreciated. We all have something to contribute in every situation. We are all valuable and unique, and our perspective needs to be heard. But if others are distracted by their own needs and wants they may not be able to see anything but themselves. And when that happens we may feel unwanted, unneeded, and somehow unworthy. But none of that is true. We are all needed and certainly worthy of being heard. We all have great value but feeling invisible may make us forget that for a time.

If we aren’t being acknowledged our ideas can’t be heard. We have a lot to offer, and if we want to be included we cannot shrink when we’ve been ignored. We need to stand firm, and clearly and calmly state our position. Sometimes we may have to state it more than once to get the attention we deserve, and we can do that. We can be tenacious, and patient and keep trying until we break through. Giving up will never take us where we want to go. We must be determined to be successful. We don’t have to raise our voices to be heard, and sometimes speaking quietly and patiently will get us the attention we need. We can assess the situation and determine the best method for getting through, and then using that method, we will succeed. If we really want to be heard, we can’t shrink and turn away but need to stay on course.

Sometimes we don’t feel invisible because we’re being ignored, but because we’ve been hurt or offended, and want to disappear until the situation improves. But being invisible and trying to disappear are just ways of hiding from the situation, which doesn’t change anything. We are where we are at all times. Trying to hide, and keep a low profile, and trying to be invisible won’t help us resolve whatever issue we’re dealing with. The best we can do is be present, offer our voice, and participate going forward despite the disappointment and pain we’ve already endured. Our presence is important and there isn’t any situation, problem or complication that will come to us that we can’t resolve. Hiding from it will only make the situation last longer than it needs to. We can’t fix something we aren’t willing to face. So we must be in the moment, facing everything that comes, and resolving every difficulty. We can do anything. We are capable enough and brave enough to manage whatever comes to us. We can do it in the open, and make choices that will resolve any issue.

Today if you feel invisible and that others aren’t hearing you, or if you’ve been hiding and trying to disappear, step up, express yourself calmly and clearly, and state your position. Be tenacious and patient, and remember who you are. Your ideas are valuable. We all need to hear from you. Share your voice today and show us the way.

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I Wish

13 Jan

We have so many decisions to make in our lives.  They come at us from all directions at all times and in all ways.  There are the simple ones we make without even thinking about them and then there are the ones that leave us tremulous and worried.  We all want to make good decisions, and mostly we do, but sometimes because we don’t have all the information, or someone has deceived us, or things change unexpectedly, the decisions we make end up badly.  When that happens we may have regrets and wish things had gone differently.  Unfortunately it’s impossible to know everything or what’s coming.  We have to choose from where we are and see things as they seem at that moment.  When we look back and regret a choice we made and wish things had gone differently, we must remember that we may not have known then what we know now.  It’s hard when things go south and we get hurt because of a choice we’ve made, but nothing is certain in this life and sometimes we don’t have all the facts available to us.  No matter what’s happened, we can only go forward from where we are.  Learning from the past will help us choose more wisely the next time, but the decisions that have been made will remain forever.

We all have some regrets.  It’s impossible to live our lives perfectly and make the absolute correct decision every single time.  Sometimes things will go wrong.  And sometimes it’ll be because of something we chose.  Nobody makes decisions that bring them pain and heartache on purpose.  We do the best we can where we are.  If we take the time to see the whole picture, and ponder the ramifications of our decisions we have a better chance of things going well.  When they go well, we often don’t even think twice and just proceed on with our lives.  But when there’s a sudden stop, when something we’ve decided causes problems, our attention is clearly focused on the situation.  We may question our decision, we may regret our choice, and we may obsess over what we think we should have done, but nothing can change what’s happened.  The best we can do is move forward and amend the situation the best we can.

If our decisions are highly influenced by those around us, we may be heavily impacted.  We may doubt our ability to make good decisions without their input and if we get bad advice, we may choose a path that doesn’t work.  But we don’t need to rely on others to make good choices.  We have everything we need inside ourselves to choose well.  We can look at any situation objectively, weigh our options and if we want advice we can ask for it, but in the end we can make the best decision ourselves.  Wishing and hoping for things to go well will not ensure a good outcome.  Only by taking the time we need to evaluate the situation and see all the possible outcomes can we make the best choices possible.  Then if things go wrong we will be confident that we did the best we could.  And that confidence will carry us through until the situation improves.

Today if you’re concerned about a decision you’ve made, if you have some regret over the choice involved, remember you made the decision with all the facts you had at the time.  If things don’t go as planned, you can adjust your focus and alter your plans going forward.  Setbacks teach us how to go forward.  Be confident.  You are capable of making excellent decisions and you can choose wisely.

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Despite It All

11 Jan

There are times in everyone’s life when things don’t work out. Sometimes it seems like, for reasons we can’t fathom, everything goes wrong.  Everything we try fails, every idea is wrong, and every attempt to fix the situation falls flat. At times like those it can feel like the planets have aligned against us, the stars are raining down on us, and a black cloud is following us everywhere we go. Of course, we are overstating the situation, but when we feel beset and overwhelmed, when we’re trying hard and nothing goes the way we want it to, it can feel that way. We can believe that it’s our fault, and although we know it’s a temporary situation, we may think we’ll never be right again. But everything in this life is fluid and ever changing. What we’re going through today will certainly change in some way tomorrow, maybe not the way we’re hoping it will, but it will be different. The old saying that there is a light at the end of the tunnel has a caveat – it might be an on-coming train! And that’s just how things go sometimes.  We can be in uncomfortable situations that unfortunately get worse before they get better.  But even if that happens, things will change at some point and we can begin again.

How are we supposed to manage when we feel like everything is off its axis and we’re walking around on an off kilter syncopated path that keeps twisting and mixing things up? We have choices regarding how we’ll handle the calamities that befall us all. We can hole up in our rooms, lie in bed, and pull the covers over our heads until things improve. We can get angry and snap at everyone around us because we’re unhappy, or we can try something more positive.  No matter what we’re going through we can choose how we’ll navigate it.  We can endure the trial miserably or we can see it for what it is – just a bump in the road – and face it with optimism. No trip is without problems, and no journey is without struggle. But there isn’t a problem or journey that lasts forever, so whatever disappointments we face will resolve in time. How much time that takes is different for every situation but no matter how long it takes, we have the power to manage it, and manage it well.

A bump in the road is a transient situation. Sometimes there are big potholes we have to drive around, and sometimes we don’t see them in time and our tires get stuck in them. They are annoying, and can hang us up, but they aren’t the end of the road. They aren’t our destination. They are just a complication along the way. We can navigate them and if we get stuck we can figure out how to get out again. We are resourceful and wise. There really isn’t anything we can’t manage if we give ourselves time to figure things out. If we remember that when our lives take a nose dive and we feel overwhelmed, we can put everything into the proper perspective. Nothing is forever but death, and we aren’t dead yet. So this will pass. We are more capable than we realize and we will, despite everything that’s going wrong, prevail. There isn’t a bump big enough to stop us from going forward and finding success.

Today if everything is going wrong and you feel like giving up, remember this is a temporary situation. It’s not permanent and it’s not too big for you to handle. No matter what comes you can manage it and find your way to happiness again. You have everything you need to succeed. This is just a moment. There are wonderful things just ahead.

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