Archive | January, 2016

Taking Chances

25 Jan

There are limitless choices we can make every day.  We can play it safe and do what is expected, or we can try something new.  We can take a chance on a different experience and stretch our wings a little.  If we want to we can take big chances and really push ourselves.  We could try base jumping, or ice climbing, or sky diving, or we can be a little more cautious and just do something small.  Some people are fearless and will try just about anything, and others of us take a more reserved stance.  If we’re fearless, trying new things may be a common experience, but if we’re more reserved we may struggle to step out of our comfort zones.  This life is all about learning.  Every day we get the chance to learn many new things and if we choose to we can take advantage of those opportunities and embellish our lives.  Taking a chance will open new doors for us, and take us to places we haven’t seen before but we have to be willing to take the first step to get there.  If we are, the world becomes our oyster and we can feast on many new experiences.

Playing it safe and sticking to what we know brings comfort for many of us.  We may not want to venture too far from home plate and risk not making it back.  But we can’t prevent what comes to us whether we take a chance or not, and control is just an illusion.  We can do everything possible to stay within the lines and still face complications.  There is no such thing as perfect safety.  We live in a world with many other people, all of whom are making decisions all the time.  Some of those decisions will impact us no matter what we do.  Unless we isolate ourselves in some sort of fortress and never venture out, it’s probable that the unexpected will come.  And when it does, we will manage it.  There isn’t anything that will happen that we can’t manage.  That being true, stepping out a little and taking a chance on something new is always possible.

When we open the door to new experiences, we discover hidden talents within ourselves.  Our routines only stretch us so far.  If we really want to know what we can do, we need to break the mold.  There is no way to know what we can accomplish unless we try.  We all have skills that lie dormant because our current lifestyles don’t require them.  If we change things up, we have the opportunity to awaken them and learn more about ourselves.  We are complex and capable people.  We can do anything we want to do.  Stepping out, stretching, trying new things, and taking a chance will open our lives up to experiences that will enrich us, and deepen our understanding of our world.  We only get one time around in this life.  If we make the most of it, and try many new things we’ll be more fulfilled and happier with our experience here.

Today if you’re thinking about taking a chance on something new, go for it.  You won’t know what you can do until you begin.  There really is nothing too difficult or complicated for you to try.  Get the most out of your life and stretch your wings.  You may be surprised at how quickly you learn to fly.

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You Pick

23 Jan

We interact with all kinds of people every day. Sometimes we say hello in passing, sometimes we have long conversations and work together, and sometimes we have disagreements. If a discussion becomes intense, the disagreement may escalate. When things become contentious and tempers rise, we may become very uncomfortable. But we always have a choice to continue the conversation and let it play out no matter what, or stop and return to it again another time. Unfortunately, when we’re in the heat of the situation, especially if offensive things are being said, we may get so caught up that we forget to think about anything but pushing forward. Being in control of ourselves is easy when things are going well but when we’re in conflict it’s harder and more difficult to manage. However, no matter what is said or done, we always have the opportunity to choose how we will proceed. We can step back until things settle down, or we can go storming ahead and give it all we’ve got. We get to pick. Of course, the other party gets to pick too. But if they’re pressing the argument and we don’t want to continue, we can step away.

As human beings, we have all kinds of instinctive survival mechanisms. The fight or flight reflex is part of that. If we feel we’re being attacked, it prompts us to either fight back or leave the situation. Which way we go depends on how we’re wired and how much self-control we can exercise at the time. For some of us the first response to threat is to fight. For others the first thought is to run – or leave the situation. We’re all geared a little differently but no matter what we instinctively feel, we have the option to control our response by thinking about it first. If we’re fighters, that means we have to stop before we escalate the situation further and think of a better plan. If we’re runners, we have to be brave enough to face the situation and determine how to navigate it more effectively. Either way, the choice is ours. The excuse some offer when things go wrong of, “That’s just how I am,” is unhelpful. Conflict comes to us all. How we manage it is up to us.

Sometimes even if we try to modify a volatile situation, or try to diffuse the tension, the other party will not back down. That is their choice and if that happens and nothing we say or do improves the situation, if things continue to escalate and we don’t feel secure, we can walk away. We don’t have to stay engaged in any interaction that makes us feel distressed or threatened. We are entitled to do what is best for us. Even if the other party has some sort of authority over us, we may calmly state that we are not comfortable and need to leave. Sometimes just stating our discomfort will diffuse the situation and things will improve. Sometimes not. Every situation is different but we have the right to feel calm and safe in all our dealings. We are valuable and important. We can pick what we’ll do and what we’ll take. We can choose to stay and continue an exchange or we can leave. Leaving doesn’t mean we’re conceding or giving up. It means we are choosing to control how we will go forward.

Today if you’re involved in a discussion that makes you uncomfortable, decide how you want to handle it. You can try to work through it or you can leave and return to it another time. You can be polite and respectful and get what you need to go forward. Your feelings are valuable and should be honored. You can be in control of yourself. Be confident and choose what is best for you.

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Setting the Standard

22 Jan

Opinions and interpretations are as unique as each of us. Nobody is completely like anyone else and that’s reflected in how we perceive things and make our personal judgments. We each determine what we want, how we want to be, and where our lives will go. And we decide what standards we’ll hold as we move along. What is acceptable to one person may be objectionable to another. What is immoral to one may be common place to another. There is a wide variety of impressions and interpretations. What we determine is right for our lives is what we may hold fast to. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing or what is common. If it doesn’t fit with what we want to embrace, we need not accept it. Sometimes this causes friction but if we’re open and honest in sharing who we are and what we want, others will respect us, even if they disagree.

Those close to us may try to convince us to do things their way. People are generally most comfortable being around others who are like them. When we differ or choose a different path, it may be difficult for others to understand our choices and accept them. Trying to convince us to be more like them sometimes seems to be a way to make things easier by eliminating the differences. But differences are important. We need to be who we genuinely are, and we are entitled to embrace that. We need not succumb to pressure and try to fit in. We may set our own standards and hold onto them. In time, those who care about us will understand how important our choices are to us, and will eventually accept us as we are. In the meantime, we can be polite and choose our own path.

Conformity is a vehicle that on the outside seems to bring peace. If everyone is reading from the same book and on the same page, we all know what to expect. But conformity comes with a price. If we conform to ideals and choices that aren’t what we really want, we lose part of our individuality and uniqueness. If we were all the same the world would be very predictable, maybe even peaceful, but quite boring. We need all the colors of the rainbow to make the painting complete. We need to hear all the voices, and be true to who we really are. We deserve to make our own choices and whatever we choose will be exactly right for us. Our lives are ours to live as we see fit. We can make any choices we want and we can design them exactly the way we want them. If they don’t fit the norm, we will be the spice that brings the flavor. If we don’t look like everyone else, we’ll be the accent that brings the pop of color. We know what we want, and we can be anything we want to be. We don’t have to bow to convention, we don’t have to follow along, and we don’t have to stay in line. We can bring our own influence and embellish life by being exactly who we are.

Today if you’re feeling pressure to conform, if you feel like the odd duck because you don’t look like or act like those around you, embrace your uniqueness. You get to set your own standards for your life and you will do it perfectly. You are a great blessing to the world. Be yourself.  Show us all how wonderful you really are.

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Hold On

21 Jan

There are times in our lives when we have to make difficult decisions. Perhaps we need to change our course in one way or another, end a relationship, quit a job, or move to a new location. These decisions require a lot of thought and consideration because they impact our lives in big ways. Ending relationships that aren’t working for us can be very painful, even if we’re sure it’s the right decision. Quitting a job that doesn’t fit, or deciding to move to a new location requires a lot of change and can upset our lives for a time. When we’re going through the adjustments involved in making big changes, even if they are changes we want to make, we can feel unsettled and out of sync for a time. We may even feel like running back to the old situation because even though it wasn’t working, at least it’s familiar. But we can’t move forward and backward at the same time. If we really want the change we’ve decided to make, we must hold on when we feel unsure and keep walking ahead. Eventually we’ll find our place again, feel more secure, and have the opportunity to create a better situation going forward.

There is great comfort in doing things we’re familiar with. Routine feels normal, and even if we’re not happy, we know what to expect. When we decide to make a big change in our lives, we disrupt our regular routine and even though we know we want to move forward on a different path, we may miss the comfort of where we were. We may grieve for the sameness and yearn for the security it gave us. At those times there may be great temptation to go back. If it was a relationship that didn’t work, we may still miss the other person. Going back won’t change anything except we’ll be back where we were. If we weren’t happy before we left, we won’t be happy when we return. It’s normal to go through a grieving process when we’re making changes, and miss what we know. But it will pass and if we hold on and keep going forward to the future we want, we’ll find comfort again, and happiness will return.

Changing our lives often requires us to step into the unknown. We don’t know what we’ll find on our new road, we don’t really know where it will take us. We know what we want but there is no road map with an “X” marking the spot showing the destination. We have to figure things out one step at a time. We are capable of doing that and no matter where we’re headed or what we’re seeking, we can get there. Just because the road is new doesn’t mean we can’t successfully travel it. Taking things one step at a time, seeing everything as it is and directing our path carefully will ensure our success. There isn’t anything we can’t do. There isn’t any change that is too daunting for us. We can make our lives any way we want them. All we have to do is make our decision, hold on, and keep walking. The destination will come to us and we’ll be happy again.

Today if you’re making changes and you feel unsure, keep going. You know what you want and you can move forward with confidence and clarity. You can take any road you choose and get to your destination. You are capable and strong. You’ve made the right decision for you. Hold on and keep walking. You’re almost there.

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Saying No

20 Jan

There are times when we are asked to do things we can’t accomplish or don’t feel comfortable with. Perhaps we don’t have the time to do what is being asked, or the request is something we don’t want to be involved in. And sometimes, what we’re being asked to do is something we simply can’t do because we don’t have the skills needed to accomplish it. When someone we love asks us for something and we feel we can’t comply, it may be difficult to say no. We want to help and we want to be supportive. But if we can’t do it, it’s worse to say we will and then disappoint others because we failed than it is to simply say no at the beginning. Saying no is more difficult for some of us than it is for others. We might feel that being cooperative is imperative in our relationships and saying no will damage them. But if the relationship is healthy and there is mutual respect, declining a request will not hurt. We can feel empowered to make the best choices for ourselves, even if they aren’t the choices others would have us make. We know what’s best for us and we are entitled to have it.

When we decline a request, in their disappointment others may employ guilt to try and make us change our minds. Guilt is very powerful and if we aren’t careful, it can undermine our decisions. But guilt is a self inflicted emotion. Nobody can make us feel it. People can say things to try and inflict it upon us, and do things to encourage us to change our minds. But if we’ve made a decision that’s best for us, we need not allow guilt to enter in. There is no reason to feel guilty for making a good choice. Good choices are the best we can do, and feeling guilty for making them isn’t necessary. If we remember that and focus on going forward truthfully and with a genuine spirit, we’ll make the best decisions possible.

Sometimes we may be asked to do things that make us very uncomfortable. For instance, being asked to lie for someone else, or manipulate situations to help another get the upper hand, or cheat to help a friend – all may make us uneasy. If we go along and compromise our values to please someone else, we may hurt ourselves in the long run. Happiness comes from being true to who we are no matter what situation we’re in. However, if the person asking intently pleads with us, it may be difficult to make the best choice. At times like those, it’s helpful to step back and see the situation objectively. We already know what the best answer is, and stepping back just a little will help us find the wisdom and courage to make it. We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to do. It doesn’t matter who is asking us or what the parameters of the situation are. If we aren’t comfortable we can say no and move on. We can always make the best choices going forward.

Today if you’re being pressured to do something you don’t feel good about, you can say no. You are entitled to make your own decisions. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks you should do, you can do what is best for you. You know what you need to do and you know the right road going forward. Choose that and you’ll always be headed in the right direction.

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