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Tag Archives: Fight

All Kinds

6 Jun

We interact with all kinds of people throughout our lives.  Some of them will become trusted friends and companions, some will only be passing acquaintances and some will be difficult to deal with.  Everyone makes their own decisions and lives according to their own ideas.  Most people are nice and try to get along with those around them, but some people are cruel and mean, and don’t care who they hurt or damage as they storm through their days.  When they come into our arena we may find it difficult to manage what they throw our way and may negatively get caught up in their choices.  It’s hard to navigate through volatile behavior and nobody wants to become a target.  Trying to find our way through is like trying to walk unscathed through a minefield.  We never know what our next step will bring or which way to turn.  We don’t have to figure out why someone is mean or cruel but if we want to manage the situation effectively we will need to find a way forward that protects us as much as possible and still allows us to be heard.  No matter what others are doing around us we are in control of ourselves.  We can remain calm even if everyone else is upset and patiently look for solutions.  Our choices are ours to make and if we objectively see each situation we will find the best way forward.  We can control our own behavior and make excellent choices even in the midst of conflict.  We know what we want to do and by choosing well we will find success.

The fight or flight reflex is hard wired into us.  When someone threatens us we may instinctively feel the need to fight back or run for cover.  These reflexes protect us and warn us of impending danger, but in most circumstances of conflict our lives aren’t at risk.  We don’t have to run from trouble and we never have to fight to make our point.  We can manage a difficult situation by using reason and influence.  There are always many ways to solve any problem and with patience and careful consideration we will find them.

It takes two to fight and it’s impossible to fight with someone who is agreeable.  We can rant and rave to try and make a point but kindness will always end the fight.  Although we may not agree with someone who is being contentious and rude, we can politely state our position and allow them to answer us.  Being willing to listen instead of forcefully pushing our point often ends disagreements and paves the way to compromise and resolution.  We are strong and capable and understand how to get to the goals we desire.  There isn’t anything too complicated for us to figure out and with patience and grace we will find the way forward.

Today if someone is pushing you around and treating you badly, before you respond take a moment to decide what you want to accomplish.  All the answers you need to move ahead are there for you.  You can control your behavior and make your point succinctly and politely, and exhibit kindness even under duress.  Make the best choices going forward and listen to your opponent’s point of view.  You have all the wisdom and influence you need to win, and with patience and grace you will get there.

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Chipping Away

20 Mar

It would be wonderful if everyone around us was supportive and kind. We could face each day knowing no matter what happened we could count on others for help. While many of us are helpful and willing to shoulder burdens with those around us, not everyone embraces that model. There are all kinds of expressions and some people are frankly rude and mean. Others are selfish and don’t care about anyone but themselves. If we’re in a situation with people like that we may feel stranded and alone. If we do something they don’t like they may ridicule and demean us. They may criticize and treat us with distain, and each exchange with them may chip away a little of our confidence. Continual exposure may leave us feeling insignificant and worthless. Everyone makes their own decisions and some people choose poorly. We can only control what we do and if we have to deal with those who hurt us, we may struggle to stand tall. It’s not easy to endure people who demean and it’s hard to remain confident near them, but we have all the strength and courage we need to stand strong. Those who want to chip away at others may do so, but we need not internalize their criticisms and judgements. We don’t have to accept anything that diminishes us and can simply let it slide away. It doesn’t matter why someone is being destructive, and it doesn’t matter what their objectives are for employing bad behavior. What matters is how we feel about ourselves. We know who we are and nothing anyone says can change that. We can stand tall, brush off any criticism, and continue forward with confidence. Our lives belong to us and we can choose to make the best choices as we push ahead.

If we’re in a situation with someone who makes a point of putting us down or hurting us, we can walk away. No matter what the relationship is, we don’t have to stay and endure personal attacks. We don’t have to fight back, and we don’t have to engage and defend ourselves. We can simply walk away. We can take control of the situation and take care of ourselves. We are courageous when we manage our actions effectively and protect our self-esteem.

If the decisions of others impact us negatively, we may do what is necessary to correct the situation. We may disengage our relationship with them, distance ourselves from their influence, and stand up and hold firm in response. We have so much to offer. We are good and strong, powerful and wise. We need never fall down under the criticism of anyone else. Our presence is a gift to the world and we can honor that and remember how valuable and precious we are.

Today if someone has demeaned you and made you feel small and unworthy, remember who you are. You are amazing and bring light and goodness to the world. We’re all blessed because you’re here. Stand up and stand tall. You are extraordinary and precious. Every success is possible and nothing will hold you back. Remember who you are and move forward with confidence.

You Pick

23 Jan

We interact with all kinds of people every day. Sometimes we say hello in passing, sometimes we have long conversations and work together, and sometimes we have disagreements. If a discussion becomes intense, the disagreement may escalate. When things become contentious and tempers rise, we may become very uncomfortable. But we always have a choice to continue the conversation and let it play out no matter what, or stop and return to it again another time. Unfortunately, when we’re in the heat of the situation, especially if offensive things are being said, we may get so caught up that we forget to think about anything but pushing forward. Being in control of ourselves is easy when things are going well but when we’re in conflict it’s harder and more difficult to manage. However, no matter what is said or done, we always have the opportunity to choose how we will proceed. We can step back until things settle down, or we can go storming ahead and give it all we’ve got. We get to pick. Of course, the other party gets to pick too. But if they’re pressing the argument and we don’t want to continue, we can step away.

As human beings, we have all kinds of instinctive survival mechanisms. The fight or flight reflex is part of that. If we feel we’re being attacked, it prompts us to either fight back or leave the situation. Which way we go depends on how we’re wired and how much self-control we can exercise at the time. For some of us the first response to threat is to fight. For others the first thought is to run – or leave the situation. We’re all geared a little differently but no matter what we instinctively feel, we have the option to control our response by thinking about it first. If we’re fighters, that means we have to stop before we escalate the situation further and think of a better plan. If we’re runners, we have to be brave enough to face the situation and determine how to navigate it more effectively. Either way, the choice is ours. The excuse some offer when things go wrong of, “That’s just how I am,” is unhelpful. Conflict comes to us all. How we manage it is up to us.

Sometimes even if we try to modify a volatile situation, or try to diffuse the tension, the other party will not back down. That is their choice and if that happens and nothing we say or do improves the situation, if things continue to escalate and we don’t feel secure, we can walk away. We don’t have to stay engaged in any interaction that makes us feel distressed or threatened. We are entitled to do what is best for us. Even if the other party has some sort of authority over us, we may calmly state that we are not comfortable and need to leave. Sometimes just stating our discomfort will diffuse the situation and things will improve. Sometimes not. Every situation is different but we have the right to feel calm and safe in all our dealings. We are valuable and important. We can pick what we’ll do and what we’ll take. We can choose to stay and continue an exchange or we can leave. Leaving doesn’t mean we’re conceding or giving up. It means we are choosing to control how we will go forward.

Today if you’re involved in a discussion that makes you uncomfortable, decide how you want to handle it. You can try to work through it or you can leave and return to it another time. You can be polite and respectful and get what you need to go forward. Your feelings are valuable and should be honored. You can be in control of yourself. Be confident and choose what is best for you.