The Simple Life

23 May

There is a lot to be said for a simple life. A life lived without complications, without drama, without intrigue – a simple, straightforward existence. Of course, we can only control some of the complications, drama, and intrigue that come into our lives. We live in a world with other people – friends, family, acquaintances, clients – and they all come in and out of our lives on a regular basis. There are all kinds of people, all over the place. They complicate and compliment our lives. And their choices can affect our lives.

Since we can’t control what anyone else does, and we can’t always control circumstances, it’s in our best interest to control what we can. We have a choice each day as to how we will navigate what comes to us. We can face our challenges with a calm demeanor, or we can over react, get intense, and have a more difficult time. It isn’t always easy to be calm, it isn’t always easy to control our emotions, but if we work at it, we can find a place where we feel more comfortable in times of stress.

I have a friend who loves drama. Everything that happens to her is a big deal. Every disappointment is the end of the world. Every situation she gets involved in is filled with drama. She seems to need the stress, and conflict in her life. If she gets involved in a situation where there isn’t any intensity, she creates it. She feeds on the struggle, the intrigue of guessing, and the anxiety of potential disaster. She is rarely even tempered, rarely truthful about what is really going on, and makes up stories to spice up every situation. It’s exhausting to be near her. It’s challenging to work with her. And it’s nearly impossible to trust her.

It’s much more advisable to see, and accept things as they really are. Not hiding when it’s difficult, not pretending the situation is different, not making up stories about what is real – just facing reality as it exists. This is always the best course. It sounds simple, but sometimes our reality is not what where we want to be. Sometimes it’s easier to pretend that it’s different than it really is. But if we want to live an honest, noble life, we have to live it cleanly. Without illusion, without drama, and without exaggeration. We have to live it as it really is.

Today, if you feel the need to pad a situation to make it more palatable, or to cover up what is really happening, think again. No matter what the issue is, facing it openly, scars and all, is the best option. Making up false pretense complicates our lives, and makes it more difficult in the end. What is real is all we need to face. Face that. Keep your eyes wide open. Facing true reality brings us confidence. And with confidence there is no need to dress anything up. It is what it is. And that’s just fine. You can manage that.

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Learning to Forget

22 May

Many years ago, I had an elderly friend that was always cheerful, and happy. I was fortunate to be able to spend time with her, and talk with her about her life. Once we discussed a difficult time when her husband made some choices that hurt her deeply. I asked her how she coped, and she said, “I distinctly remember forgetting about that,” and she laughed. She said she had forgiven him for his decisions, had forgotten about them, and moved on.

We hear the saying, “Forgive and forget,” frequently. For many of us forgiving someone who has hurt us is possible, but the forgetting can be another story. It’s hard to let go of something that has really caused us pain, and truly forget about it. We learn from it as we go forward, and sometimes we want to hang on to it. We’re not really sure that forgetting is in our best interest. After all, if we forget what they’ve done to us, they might do it again.

Is it possible to truly forgive someone without forgetting what they’ve done? Shouldn’t we remember what happened so we are wiser the next time around? What does it actually mean to forget? Is it possible to completely un-remember something? According to the dictionary, to forget can mean to “disregard intentionally” or to “overlook.” Using those suggestions, we don’t have to pretend what hurt us never happened, but can choose not to focus on it anymore going forward. We can disregard it. We can let it go. We can overlook it. Perhaps this is the most effective use of forgetting when we are trying to forgive.

I am sure my friend from long ago well remembered what her husband had done when he hurt her. But she chose to let it go. She decided not to focus on it, or bring it up again. She moved on. If we can do that when someone offends us, forgive them the affront, and then let it go, we can still learn from the experience. We don’t have to completely wipe it from our minds, but we can move on, and not obsess over it. In that way we will be successful in forgiving, and forgetting.

Today if someone offends you, hurts you, or makes you feel bad, you may choose to forgive them. If you do, forget what happened by letting it go. Look at it, learn from it, determine how you’ll manage it, and move on. Keep moving forward.

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Law of the Harvest

21 May

Every spring I pour over seed catalogs, and begin to plan my summer vegetable garden. I plant tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, zucchini, summer squash, watermelons, and the list goes on and on. I have a large garden plot, and find great pleasure in planning, planting, tending, and harvesting it. There is nothing quite like seeing seedlings first pop out of the soil, and watching them grow, knowing that soon all the wonderful things I’ve planted will be on my dinner plate.

When we plant our gardens we buy seeds for the fruits, and vegetables we want to harvest. If we’re planting a flower garden, we find seeds for the colors, and varieties of flowers we want to see growing there. The seed packets are always accurate – it they say the seeds are for summer squash, summer squash is what you’ll get. Never once have I purchased squash seeds and had daisies come up. What the package says, is what you’ll get.

Our lives are like gardens too. Every day we make choices that bring results. And those results are directly tied to the choices we make. For instance, if we are rude, and we sow seeds of disharmony, disharmony is what we’ll reap. If we are kind, and we sow seeds of caring, caring is what comes back. If we are mean, and we sow seeds of pain, in return pain is what we’ll find. The law of the harvest is immutable, and it is inescapable. We simply cannot sow seeds for carrots, and expect to harvest cucumbers. And so it is in our lives. If we want others to be kind to us, we must be kind to them. The harvest will return what we plant.

This principle applies to both our professional, and our personal lives. If we are contentious in our relationships, if we lie, or if we deceive, we will never be trusted, and our relationships will be turbulent. On the other hand, if we value our relationships, treat them with care and respect, they will be fulfilling and pleasurable. If we are lazy at work, if we spend our days wasting time instead of working diligently, we will not earn the respect of others, and we will never be successful. But if we work hard, honor our commitments, and keep our promises, we will be valued, and successful in return.

The law of the harvest applies to every facet of our lives. We understand it when we’re planting our gardens, and it’s important that we understand it in our lives. What we plant, we will surely reap. There is no escape. There is no cheating. There is no excuse. What we plant we will surely reap. Today as you go about your life, remember you are planting seeds. What you get in return depends on the seeds you choose. Be careful. In the end, nobody wants a garden full of weeds.

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Tipping Point

20 May

We go through a lot of experiences in life. We interact with lots of different people, do lots of different things, and process continual changes. We get used to our routines, and we cope with problems as they come up as best we can. Sometimes though, we get into situations that are increasingly difficult, and although we may cope with them for a while, over time they may become unmanageable. Since these situations almost always involve another person, we may dread addressing the problem, so we put it off. We deal. We cope. But eventually we reach the tipping point – the place where things have to change. We can’t do what we’ve been doing any more.

Sometimes that point of no return triggers intense outbursts as we finally say all the things we’ve been holding in. Other times, it triggers isolation. We hide out hoping the situation will just change on its own. That never works, but when what we have to face is painful, we might try it anyway. In the end, we have to look at the problem, and chart a different course, painful or not. There is no other way. When we’ve reached the end of what we can handle, things must change.

These experiences are difficult. If we must end a relationship, someone is going to get hurt. Even if we must only make changes in a relationship, someone may get hurt. The hurt isn’t intentional. It’s just the way it is sometimes when change is necessary. If we’ve waited too long, and get angry, we may say more than we intend to, so it’s best to start the conversation before it goes that far. If we can resolve the issue without anger, the process will be easier.

When we reach these times in our lives, we must be honest, tell the whole story, and put all our cards on the table. We need to say everything respectfully, and clear the air. And then we need to make the best decision for going forward. This process is never easy, but once we’ve said it all, once we’ve told the whole story, once we’ve been completely honest, we will be able to start again. We will be able to relax, regain our footing, and face a different future.

Change is always difficult. Endings are rarely easy. But remember each ending is also the beginning of something new. Once we’ve faced a difficult issue and resolved it, we can start over with confidence. The tension will be gone, and although we may be shaky at first, soon we’ll settle in, and be strong again.

Today if you find yourself at a tipping point, and absolutely must change something, don’t look away. Face it. You can manage this. Keep your head up, keep a smile in your heart even when it hurts, and know that you are in charge of your life. Be brave. You deserve everything you need. Go get it.

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Refining

19 May

Trouble. It comes to all of us. Just when things are sailing along, bang, a wrench in the plans. It’s often unexpected, usually annoying, and sometimes devastating. None of us wants to deal with trouble in our lives. Problems are something we’d rather never have, but this is life. This isn’t paradise. And so, we have problems. Things go wrong. People let us down. Situations change. Promises get broken.

It’s easy to feel frustrated when our plans have gone awry, and we can be angry when there are disappointing changes. We can have all the pity parties we want, but in the end we have to face the new circumstance, whatever that is. If we are hurt, we may spend time wondering why this happened. Why us? Why now? Those are good questions, but they don’t help us deal with where we are. We have to re-group, re-plan, recover, and go on.

When metal is being refined, it is placed in very hot ovens. The fire has to be hot enough to melt the metal, and separate all the impurities from it. As the impure contents pour off, what is left is the refined, pure ore. It takes time, and a lot of heat for this process to work. But if we want pure gold or silver, we have to burn off the other elements that are undesirable.

We are the same way. We are not perfect. We have things in our personalities that need to change. We have imperfections we need to eliminate. Problems and troubles challenge us. They give us an opportunity to experience the heat of discord, the fire of turbulence, and the clarifying process of coping. If we can think of our trials as opportunities to burn off the chaff, opportunities to refine ourselves, we will be able to handle them more easily.

Today, if things go wrong, a little or a lot, try to remember that whatever has happened can work in your favor. You can refine yourself by being put to the test. You can become purer by experiencing a little heat. Think about that before you fall into despair. This is your chance to become clearer, nobler, stronger and more courageous. Let the fire burn, let the problems come, let things get hot, and know that you can handle it. You have everything you need to handle it. You can take this. There is nothing you can’t manage. Remember that today. There is refinement in the fire.

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