What do you see?

17 Jun

People who witness crimes, and are interviewed by police often have very different stories about what happened. Their descriptions of the perpetrator tend to vary widely – some say he had brown hair, some say he was wearing a hat, some say he was tall, and others say he was average height. There is always a lot of discrepancy between those seeing the same event. The event only went one way. Why are there so many different stories? We all have our own slant on things, our own spectrum through which we see things. Perhaps the angle is slightly different, or the light is a little brighter in different places. Sometimes we think we see things that aren’t even there. There is a lot going on in our heads, and during times of excitement, that can alter what we perceive.

I read a funny article about some ridiculous answers students gave for test questions. One really caught my eye. The question was posed as a statement, “Define hard water.” The student’s answer was “ice.” I laughed because although this was not the answer the teacher was looking for, it was accurate. Ice is, in essence, hard water. The student’s understanding of what was being asked was skewed by their perception of the question. Our lives are that way. We understand things depending on where we are, and what we’re doing.

Sometimes we misunderstand messages that others give us because our perception isn’t in the same place as theirs. A simple gesture can be misconstrued to be something entirely different than it was intended to mean. A word can be said and taken out of context, and misunderstandings happen. We are complicated beings. Our lives are busy, and our minds are actively processing a lot of information all the time. It’s easy to miss a cue, and misinterpret something. It’s important to recognize that, and get the clarification we need before we make judgments.

Today if you think someone has said or done something that has offended you, clarify the situation before you accept it. You may have misunderstood. Ask questions, and find out if what you think happened is accurate. Sometimes the sun is in our eyes, or there is something blocking our view. Clarification will correct the situation. Don’t make assumptions. Get answers. Understanding what is really happening is important. Understanding is the key. Use that key to unlock the truth.

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Defining Us

16 Jun

Have you ever faced a challenge you didn’t think you could conquer? Something beyond what you felt you could manage? Have you ever felt overwhelmed at a problem you had to face? These times happen to all of us. Very difficult hurdles come that at first may shake us. We may have no idea how we’re going to overcome them, or even how we’re going to face them. When these things happen, they are usually critical, and demand our attention. Even if we’re unsure, even if we’re scared, we have to look at the huge hill before us, and just start climbing.

What defines us as people? Is it what we own? Is it what we’ve done? Is it how much money we make, or how many friends we have? What makes us who we are? When we think about our strengths, and our weaknesses, we can see that every facet of our personalities has been molded, and shaped by the experiences we’ve had. Our experiences are vast as we live our lives. Every day brings something new. And each challenge we face makes us a little stronger, a little braver, and a little truer. What defines us is how we face them.

When very difficult issues come into our lives, when we are facing the dragon, and there is fire all around us, we will come face to face with our fears. What if we can’t do this? What if we fail? What if this destroys us? There are a lot of things that can go wrong when we have a lot to surmount. But if we stand strong, and take it as it comes, face each moment and conquer them one at a time, we can overcome even the hardest of challenges. As we navigate the problem, as we deal with each complication, as we unravel each puzzle, we learn new skills, and we become stronger. Because of that strength, when the next hurdle arrives, we are ready to begin again. There is nothing we can’t handle. There is nothing we can’t face. We are powerful, and we are capable. If we remember that, we will not only survive, we will thrive.

Today if you are facing something very hard, something that is threatening, and you are afraid you cannot conquer it, remember who you are. You can do anything. Be fearless. You may not get every step right, but you will eventually reach the end, and you will overcome. You have more strength than you realize. You have the very best of everything inside you. You have everything you need. Don’t forget that. You will beat this. It’s just a hill after all, and you’ve been climbing those your entire life.

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Do it for me?

15 Jun

When our close friends or family ask us for a favor, most of us will likely try to help out. Sometimes they ask for advice, sometimes they need help with a task, and sometimes they may ask us to do something we aren’t comfortable with. We may even be asked to do something dishonest, or not in keeping with our values. Since they know us well, they already know this goes against what we feel is right, but they may ask us anyway. How can we handle that? We value the relationship, and don’t want to cause an issue, but how can we do what we’ve been asked to do if it goes against our personal beliefs?

It’s a difficult situation to be asked to compromise ourselves. We may feel angry that they would do this, and feel upset to be placed in this position. We may be concerned about saying no because we don’t want to negatively impact the relationship. At times like this, we need to stop and think about what is most important to us. Is our relationship more important than our personal beliefs? Is it worth breaking our values to protect it? What will happen if we agree this time? Will they feel comfortable compromising us again in the future? Will this set a precedent? How will we feel about ourselves if we agree to do this?

Relationships are important to us. They connect us to others, and those connections are valuable. But it’s also critical that we make decisions that are most important to us. We have to decide carefully in situations like this, because either way we choose, there will be consequences. If we choose to do as we’ve been asked, we may feel weak, and hypocritical. If we don’t do it, we may hurt the relationship. It can seem like a no win situation. But there are ways to handle it.

If we don’t want to comply with a request, we can explain our reasons carefully, and show that we value the relationship, but state that we want to hold firm to our beliefs and standards. We can express our understanding for the situation, and perhaps offer alternative methods for solving the issue. We can be kind and supportive, and still be firm in our decision to decline the request. If the requester cares for us, and they probably do, they will understand. And they will respect us for holding firm to what we believe in, even though we aren’t doing what they wanted.

Today if someone has asked you to do something that you don’t feel is appropriate for you, make the best decision for going forward. Be open, and honest when responding to them, and show you care but cannot do what they’ve asked. Be confident in your decision. Make the best choice possible so you will be happy with yourself going forward. You are the only one accountable for your choices. Choose wisely.

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Reverse Engines

14 Jun

There comes a time in all of our lives when we realize we’ve really screwed up. We’ve made a big mistake. A huge blunder. We missed the mark, and we’ve made a mess. When we discover this, our first thought may be to wish for a time machine, and go back before everything happened. But, sadly, that isn’t possible. We’re here, and there is no way to go back. We have to face the music. It happens. And if it happens in such a way that we’ve affected others, it can be really uncomfortable. It’s hard to face a bad situation we’ve created, and even harder to know how to go about fixing one. It’s not really the end of the world – but for a while, it can feel like it is.

When this happens, we have choices. Instead of facing it, we could ignore the situation. Pretend like it didn’t happen. Look the other way, and wait to see if it’ll just fade as time passes. This is the worst decision we could make. Ignoring a situation never makes it go away. If we don’t do that, we could blame someone else, or make excuses, or make up a story that takes the blame away from us. Of course, that won’t work because dodging what we’ve done won’t change anything. Blaming others, or making excuses will just make things worse.

The only way to get through a situation like this is to be completely honest. We made a mistake. We can give our reasons for why we did what we did, but the fact is, we made a mistake. If criticisms and judgments come from others, we need to hear them. If relationships are damaged, we need to do what we can to repair them. If we’ve lost material goods, we need to try to restore them. We must, at every point, choose to be honest, accept our responsibility for what’s happened, and do whatever we can to turn things around. It’s never easy to clean up after a big mistake. It can be embarrassing, humiliating, and painful. But if we’re the one who made the mess, we own it, and we’re responsible for fixing it.

Today if you’re under the gun for a mistake you’ve made, decide to be as honest as possible. Face what has happened, and be open to whatever it takes to fix the situation. You may be uncomfortable, but you can handle that. If you are honest and forthcoming about your involvement, and willing to do what is needed to correct things, others will respond more positively. This won’t last forever. You will learn new things as you go through this difficult passage, and at the end of it, if you’ve chosen well, you’ll be happy with how you handled it. Everyone takes a left turn from time to time. It’s okay. Now you know where that road goes. You won’t make the same mistake again.

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No Thank You

13 Jun

We have opportunities to do a lot of things every day. There are always tasks that must be done, chores we must manage, and other responsibilities. And there are fun options as well. Our friends, and family play a part in our daily tasks when they need, or want us to do something with them, or for them. Most of us like to be helpful, and we try to comply as much as possible when someone wants our time. But sometimes that isn’t possible. And sometimes we really don’t want to do what is being asked.

Just because someone thinks we should do something, doesn’t mean we are compelled to do it. It’s easy to fall into the trap that we must do everything we are asked to do, but that isn’t true. It’s up to us. We can say no. Even if the person asking us really wants us to go along, we have the power to decline. It’s one thing if they really need our help, and we want to be there. But sometimes the request has less to do with need, and more to do with what the other person wants us to do.

For instance, if we have a network of friends that we do things with socially, we may enjoy that. But sometimes our lives change, and we may decide we don’t want to spend so much time with them. Sometimes we want to do other things. There may be pressure from the group to keep the status quo, not to change the pattern. But if we want to move on to something else, we may. Pressure from others will always affect our decisions, but in the end we should feel empowered to do what is best for us, and nobody knows what that is but us. We can, and we should, choose that. It’s not selfish to direct our own lives. It’s appropriate. We can be kind and giving, while still ensuring we are doing what is most important to us.

Today, if you’re feeling pressured to do something you really don’t want to do, you may say, “No, thank you.” You may politely decline. If others insist that you go along, you may still politely decline. It’s up to you. Smile and be gracious, but stay true to what is best for you. The road you’re on is yours alone. You get to choose the steps. Make the best choice that will take you where you want to be. And be confident. When we choose what’s best for us, it’s the best choice to make.

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