Setting the Standard

22 Jan

Opinions and interpretations are as unique as each of us. Nobody is completely like anyone else and that’s reflected in how we perceive things and make our personal judgments. We each determine what we want, how we want to be, and where our lives will go. And we decide what standards we’ll hold as we move along. What is acceptable to one person may be objectionable to another. What is immoral to one may be common place to another. There is a wide variety of impressions and interpretations. What we determine is right for our lives is what we may hold fast to. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing or what is common. If it doesn’t fit with what we want to embrace, we need not accept it. Sometimes this causes friction but if we’re open and honest in sharing who we are and what we want, others will respect us, even if they disagree.

Those close to us may try to convince us to do things their way. People are generally most comfortable being around others who are like them. When we differ or choose a different path, it may be difficult for others to understand our choices and accept them. Trying to convince us to be more like them sometimes seems to be a way to make things easier by eliminating the differences. But differences are important. We need to be who we genuinely are, and we are entitled to embrace that. We need not succumb to pressure and try to fit in. We may set our own standards and hold onto them. In time, those who care about us will understand how important our choices are to us, and will eventually accept us as we are. In the meantime, we can be polite and choose our own path.

Conformity is a vehicle that on the outside seems to bring peace. If everyone is reading from the same book and on the same page, we all know what to expect. But conformity comes with a price. If we conform to ideals and choices that aren’t what we really want, we lose part of our individuality and uniqueness. If we were all the same the world would be very predictable, maybe even peaceful, but quite boring. We need all the colors of the rainbow to make the painting complete. We need to hear all the voices, and be true to who we really are. We deserve to make our own choices and whatever we choose will be exactly right for us. Our lives are ours to live as we see fit. We can make any choices we want and we can design them exactly the way we want them. If they don’t fit the norm, we will be the spice that brings the flavor. If we don’t look like everyone else, we’ll be the accent that brings the pop of color. We know what we want, and we can be anything we want to be. We don’t have to bow to convention, we don’t have to follow along, and we don’t have to stay in line. We can bring our own influence and embellish life by being exactly who we are.

Today if you’re feeling pressure to conform, if you feel like the odd duck because you don’t look like or act like those around you, embrace your uniqueness. You get to set your own standards for your life and you will do it perfectly. You are a great blessing to the world. Be yourself.  Show us all how wonderful you really are.

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Hold On

21 Jan

There are times in our lives when we have to make difficult decisions. Perhaps we need to change our course in one way or another, end a relationship, quit a job, or move to a new location. These decisions require a lot of thought and consideration because they impact our lives in big ways. Ending relationships that aren’t working for us can be very painful, even if we’re sure it’s the right decision. Quitting a job that doesn’t fit, or deciding to move to a new location requires a lot of change and can upset our lives for a time. When we’re going through the adjustments involved in making big changes, even if they are changes we want to make, we can feel unsettled and out of sync for a time. We may even feel like running back to the old situation because even though it wasn’t working, at least it’s familiar. But we can’t move forward and backward at the same time. If we really want the change we’ve decided to make, we must hold on when we feel unsure and keep walking ahead. Eventually we’ll find our place again, feel more secure, and have the opportunity to create a better situation going forward.

There is great comfort in doing things we’re familiar with. Routine feels normal, and even if we’re not happy, we know what to expect. When we decide to make a big change in our lives, we disrupt our regular routine and even though we know we want to move forward on a different path, we may miss the comfort of where we were. We may grieve for the sameness and yearn for the security it gave us. At those times there may be great temptation to go back. If it was a relationship that didn’t work, we may still miss the other person. Going back won’t change anything except we’ll be back where we were. If we weren’t happy before we left, we won’t be happy when we return. It’s normal to go through a grieving process when we’re making changes, and miss what we know. But it will pass and if we hold on and keep going forward to the future we want, we’ll find comfort again, and happiness will return.

Changing our lives often requires us to step into the unknown. We don’t know what we’ll find on our new road, we don’t really know where it will take us. We know what we want but there is no road map with an “X” marking the spot showing the destination. We have to figure things out one step at a time. We are capable of doing that and no matter where we’re headed or what we’re seeking, we can get there. Just because the road is new doesn’t mean we can’t successfully travel it. Taking things one step at a time, seeing everything as it is and directing our path carefully will ensure our success. There isn’t anything we can’t do. There isn’t any change that is too daunting for us. We can make our lives any way we want them. All we have to do is make our decision, hold on, and keep walking. The destination will come to us and we’ll be happy again.

Today if you’re making changes and you feel unsure, keep going. You know what you want and you can move forward with confidence and clarity. You can take any road you choose and get to your destination. You are capable and strong. You’ve made the right decision for you. Hold on and keep walking. You’re almost there.

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Saying No

20 Jan

There are times when we are asked to do things we can’t accomplish or don’t feel comfortable with. Perhaps we don’t have the time to do what is being asked, or the request is something we don’t want to be involved in. And sometimes, what we’re being asked to do is something we simply can’t do because we don’t have the skills needed to accomplish it. When someone we love asks us for something and we feel we can’t comply, it may be difficult to say no. We want to help and we want to be supportive. But if we can’t do it, it’s worse to say we will and then disappoint others because we failed than it is to simply say no at the beginning. Saying no is more difficult for some of us than it is for others. We might feel that being cooperative is imperative in our relationships and saying no will damage them. But if the relationship is healthy and there is mutual respect, declining a request will not hurt. We can feel empowered to make the best choices for ourselves, even if they aren’t the choices others would have us make. We know what’s best for us and we are entitled to have it.

When we decline a request, in their disappointment others may employ guilt to try and make us change our minds. Guilt is very powerful and if we aren’t careful, it can undermine our decisions. But guilt is a self inflicted emotion. Nobody can make us feel it. People can say things to try and inflict it upon us, and do things to encourage us to change our minds. But if we’ve made a decision that’s best for us, we need not allow guilt to enter in. There is no reason to feel guilty for making a good choice. Good choices are the best we can do, and feeling guilty for making them isn’t necessary. If we remember that and focus on going forward truthfully and with a genuine spirit, we’ll make the best decisions possible.

Sometimes we may be asked to do things that make us very uncomfortable. For instance, being asked to lie for someone else, or manipulate situations to help another get the upper hand, or cheat to help a friend – all may make us uneasy. If we go along and compromise our values to please someone else, we may hurt ourselves in the long run. Happiness comes from being true to who we are no matter what situation we’re in. However, if the person asking intently pleads with us, it may be difficult to make the best choice. At times like those, it’s helpful to step back and see the situation objectively. We already know what the best answer is, and stepping back just a little will help us find the wisdom and courage to make it. We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to do. It doesn’t matter who is asking us or what the parameters of the situation are. If we aren’t comfortable we can say no and move on. We can always make the best choices going forward.

Today if you’re being pressured to do something you don’t feel good about, you can say no. You are entitled to make your own decisions. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks you should do, you can do what is best for you. You know what you need to do and you know the right road going forward. Choose that and you’ll always be headed in the right direction.

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One More Time

19 Jan

The first time we try to do something we really want to accomplish sometimes things don’t work out. We don’t succeed and the path we tried didn’t take us to the goal. When that happens we have to decide how to go forward. We can quit and let the goal go, and determine that it’s too hard or will take too long or any other reason we choose. Or we can try again. If we really want to accomplish the goal we can try a different method, take a different road, or get help from others. It depends on how important it is to us. But every choice we make that takes us off the road to the goal we’re seeking or takes us closer to it is ours. We just have to choose what we want to do. We will do what we want to do most. We can try again or we can let it go. But if we decide to try again one more time, and we reach the destination we’re seeking we will be happy.

Sometimes we all complain about our lot in life. We may be disappointed with the way things have turned out and feel like we should have more. Fortunately, nobody’s life is frozen in time. We have the power to change. We can change our personal situations, our relationships, our location, our jobs, and everything else. There isn’t anything we can’t do and if we aren’t happy with our lives as they are now, we can begin moving in a different direction. When we choose a new path it will be foreign to us, and we may stumble. We might face a detour or even a dead end. But we can try again and adjust our trajectory until we get pointed in the right direction. We can find our way to any destination we choose. We may not get there on the first try, we may get lost on the second try, and we may hit a road block the third time out. But we can always try one more time. We get unlimited chances in this life. There is nothing that can stop us from reaching our goals if we want them badly enough.

If we’ve been trying to go forward for a while and don’t feel like we’ve made any headway, we may feel discouraged. But discouragement is just a distraction and can be eliminated. We are learning as we go. If we haven’t yet succeeded, we’ve learned which ways won’t work and which roads don’t go where we’re headed. That’s valuable information that will help us moving forward. When we know what doesn’t work, we can move forward with what does. Life is full of opportunities for growth and understanding. The more we learn, the smarter we become. If we keep knocking on doors, one will open and lead us closer to our goal. But if we want to succeed we have to keep knocking, we have to keep going, and we have to be willing to try one more time. No matter how many one more times that turns out to be. We can do that. We are resilient and strong enough to accomplish anything.

Today if you’ve been discouraged because you haven’t been able to achieve your goal, try one more time. Choose a different path, or try a different method. You can achieve anything you choose. There isn’t anything you can’t do. Try again, and you’ll get there. The goal is in sight. Look carefully and you’ll see it. Extend yourself and you’ll reach it. You can accomplish anything. Keep going.

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Invisible

18 Jan

There are times in our lives when we get into situations where we feel we aren’t being heard. Sometimes it feels like we aren’t even being seen. Those around us may be wrapped up in their own lives or something is consuming their attention to such an extent that no matter what we do, or what we say, we can’t get in. It’s very difficult when it’s someone or a situation we care deeply about. We want to be heard and acknowledged and when that doesn’t happen we can feel lost and unappreciated. We all have something to contribute in every situation. We are all valuable and unique, and our perspective needs to be heard. But if others are distracted by their own needs and wants they may not be able to see anything but themselves. And when that happens we may feel unwanted, unneeded, and somehow unworthy. But none of that is true. We are all needed and certainly worthy of being heard. We all have great value but feeling invisible may make us forget that for a time.

If we aren’t being acknowledged our ideas can’t be heard. We have a lot to offer, and if we want to be included we cannot shrink when we’ve been ignored. We need to stand firm, and clearly and calmly state our position. Sometimes we may have to state it more than once to get the attention we deserve, and we can do that. We can be tenacious, and patient and keep trying until we break through. Giving up will never take us where we want to go. We must be determined to be successful. We don’t have to raise our voices to be heard, and sometimes speaking quietly and patiently will get us the attention we need. We can assess the situation and determine the best method for getting through, and then using that method, we will succeed. If we really want to be heard, we can’t shrink and turn away but need to stay on course.

Sometimes we don’t feel invisible because we’re being ignored, but because we’ve been hurt or offended, and want to disappear until the situation improves. But being invisible and trying to disappear are just ways of hiding from the situation, which doesn’t change anything. We are where we are at all times. Trying to hide, and keep a low profile, and trying to be invisible won’t help us resolve whatever issue we’re dealing with. The best we can do is be present, offer our voice, and participate going forward despite the disappointment and pain we’ve already endured. Our presence is important and there isn’t any situation, problem or complication that will come to us that we can’t resolve. Hiding from it will only make the situation last longer than it needs to. We can’t fix something we aren’t willing to face. So we must be in the moment, facing everything that comes, and resolving every difficulty. We can do anything. We are capable enough and brave enough to manage whatever comes to us. We can do it in the open, and make choices that will resolve any issue.

Today if you feel invisible and that others aren’t hearing you, or if you’ve been hiding and trying to disappear, step up, express yourself calmly and clearly, and state your position. Be tenacious and patient, and remember who you are. Your ideas are valuable. We all need to hear from you. Share your voice today and show us the way.

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