The Plague

28 Jan

There are times we may find ourselves in an uncomfortable situation with someone else. Perhaps angry words were said or exchanged, maybe somebody did something hurtful, or we simply cannot get along. People are complex and sometimes things don’t go as well as we’d like. Because it’s not pleasant and we don’t like the interaction, we may decide to avoid the other person as much as possible. If we see them coming down a hall we’re walking, we may take a sharp turn to get out of their sight. If they try to talk to us, we may mumble something and walk away, or if they send us messages or leave them on our phone, we may ignore or delete them. It’s painful to be near someone who’s hurt us, or with whom we can’t get along, and avoiding them seems like a good answer. Maybe we figure if we avoid them long enough they will eventually go away. That might work, but sometimes the exact opposite occurs and they try even harder to get our attention. The whole situation is uncomfortable, but we can get through it and we don’t have to avoid them like the plague to navigate the situation. We have other options.

If the other person is at our workplace and we don’t have the option to quit our jobs and must work with them, or if they’re in our social circle and we don’t want to give that up, we have to find a solution. If the situation is so intense that we feel physically ill at the thought of dealing with them, the first step is to understand why we feel so bad. Once we determine what is actually causing our pain we can find a way to address it. If we’ve been hurt by something that was said, we can understand that just because someone says something, even if they believe it, doesn’t make it true. We know who we are and those who know us will recognize falsehood when they hear it. If it’s something that was done, we can understand that nothing is permanent and any damage can be corrected. If we peel back the onion on our pain, and determine the root causes, we can address them and begin to heal.

Some people are disagreeable no matter what we do. Maybe they have bad attitudes, or are intensely moody and negative, or are continually angry. We can’t change anyone but ourselves and if we’re forced to deal with someone like that, we can choose to be true to who we are and do our best no matter what choices they make. If we are insulted, we may calmly state we don’t appreciate the comment, let it go, and move on. If they do something that offends us, we can bring it to their attention, explain why it was offensive and ask them not to do it again. It takes effort to think about a situation before we act, but when we do we’ll have better success at keeping our standards where we want them, and remaining positive. It’s never pleasant to be hurt or offended. It makes us feel bad, and we may doubt our worth for a moment. But we have all we need to hold our heads high, say what is needed when appropriate, and be who we are despite the difficulty. We can be cheerful in the face of calamity, and positive when others are disagreeable. There is nothing that is too hard for us. We can do anything we want even if it’s difficult.

Today if you’re dealing with someone who has hurt you, or insulted you, or made you feel less than you are, stand strong. Make the best choices possible. Say what is needed to feel confident. You are a priceless gift. If someone doesn’t recognize that, it’s their loss, not yours. Set the example for good. You are worth the very best of everything.

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Smoke and Mirrors

27 Jan

It would be wonderful if everyone was honest with us and told us the truth. But there are all kinds of people in the world and sometimes that doesn’t happen.  Most people are honest most of the time, and try to choose the best path going forward. But there are some who aren’t, who don’t see any reason not to lie, and will do whatever it takes to get what they want. We can try to avoid people like that and sometimes we can, but unfortunately they look just like everyone else and sometimes we get tangled up in them before we know what’s happened. Trusting others is a noble trait and until someone gives us a reason not to trust them, it’s good to give them the benefit of the doubt. The catch is when we trust them at the beginning, if they aren’t worthy of that trust, we don’t find out until the end. And then it’s too late and we’ve already been deceived.

It’s like a game of smoke and mirrors. In a very smoky place, it’s hard to see and discern details. We can make out large forms but have to be careful where we step because we can’t see what’s in front of us. Things may appear to be one thing but upon closer inspection are something entirely different.  And we all know how mirrors may distort our vision. The best magicians in the world use them in their most amazing tricks because of their ability to bend what we see and how we see it. People who lie are like that. Some can look us in the eye and tell us something completely untrue, insisting it’s fact. Or they may convincingly make promises they have no intention of fulfilling. If what we’re being told is something we really want, or the person telling us the story is someone we love, we may believe them. As time passes and the promises don’t become reality we may question them, and try to find the truth. But if they are intent on keeping the lie, they may talk in circles and spin stories that sound reasonable to keep us on the hook. It’s confusing trying to find our way between what we’re being told and what is really happening. No matter what we ask them, if they are determined to keep the lie going, they will find an answer to keep us locked in.

Human beings are very perceptive by nature. We can discern what is real and what is false. If we get emotionally caught up in a lie, it may take us a little time, but eventually we’ll figure it out. And when we do, we must determine how to go forward. If the liar is someone very close to us who we really want to trust, even though we’re sure they aren’t being truthful, we may stay in the game. Emotional attachments can be very strong and hold us even when we know we need to let go. But we are important and deserve to be treated with complete honesty. If we remember that, we will find the right way forward. Dishonesty never brings lasting happiness. It can never make us noble or honorable. We may find immediate gratification by lying, but it will always bring us sorrow in the end. If we want real, lasting happiness, we must choose the higher road and be truthful in all things.

Today if you’ve discovered you’ve been lied to, think about your way forward. If you are the one deceiving others to get something you want, stop. You may get to your goal, but in the end it will cost the trust and respect of those you care for. Honesty is a noble choice. Strive to be your very best today, and require honesty from those near you. You are worth more than you can imagine and you deserve complete honesty in everything. Strive for that and demand it in return.

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Leave and Take

26 Jan

There is a famous line from the movie “The Godfather,” that says, “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.” It’s given just after someone has been murdered and the killers are leaving the scene. Evidently it didn’t matter if the gun was found, but the connoli was treasured and not to be left behind. Although we will probably never be in a situation where we’ll use this same phrase in the same way, there will be times after an experience when there’ll be something we’ll want to leave behind, and something we’ll want to take with us. Every experience in life teaches us something. Sometimes the lesson is easy, and sometimes it’s hard and difficult to navigate. When we’ve been through something difficult, something that shakes us and makes us sad, worried or regretful, it helps to think about what we can learn from the experience and take with us. We don’t need to take the pain and disappointment, and can leave that behind. Every lesson we learn gives us something going forward that will shape us into who we become. Since we’re constantly changing, those lessons are continuous. If we learn all we can each time we struggle and take that with us, chances are we won’t have to learn the same lesson again.

Nobody wants to suffer or be in pain. Pain is our body’s way of telling us something is wrong. Physical pain can often be treated by a physician and medication can take the edge off and make it bearable. Emotional pain tells us something is wrong as well, or that we’ve made a mistake. Unfortunately, there is no medicine that will eliminate emotional pain, and generally we must endure it until we find a way around it. Our friends and family may try to comfort us, and sometimes that helps, or we may try to shake it off and let it go, and sometimes that helps too. But when we’re hurting, if the pain is intense, it can be hard to get through and see that it will end. During those times it’s helpful to think about what we can take away from the experience that may help us going forward. There is always something to be learned, and something to be gained when we’ve been hurt.

It seems that life would be so much better if nobody could hurt us or make mistakes that bring us discomfort. But we are human beings and we aren’t perfect. There is no way for us to be perfect and we’re going to falter. We will all hurt ourselves and sometimes we’ll hurt others either intentionally or accidentally because of choices we make. It’s unavoidable. We don’t know everything, we can’t see the future and sometimes even our very best guesses are wrong. Getting hurt is part of life and although it’s uncomfortable and we don’t want it, if we are wise and try to learn everything we can from our experiences and take all we can learn away with us when we go forward, we’ll be in a better position to prevent the same pain from returning. There isn’t anything we can’t handle. If we focus on what we’re learning when we’re managing problems, we will find something positive in the end. And finding something positive in the depths of sorrow will bring us comfort.

Today if you’re going through a hard time and you’re suffering, try to see the situation objectively and find the one good thing you can take away with you. You will leave this trial behind you in time, and all the pain that went with it. Take away the best part – what you learned from the experience. You’ll become wiser and you’ll feel stronger knowing you have gained something new. You can handle anything that comes. You’re strong and capable. Be confident and go forward learning all you can.

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Taking Chances

25 Jan

There are limitless choices we can make every day.  We can play it safe and do what is expected, or we can try something new.  We can take a chance on a different experience and stretch our wings a little.  If we want to we can take big chances and really push ourselves.  We could try base jumping, or ice climbing, or sky diving, or we can be a little more cautious and just do something small.  Some people are fearless and will try just about anything, and others of us take a more reserved stance.  If we’re fearless, trying new things may be a common experience, but if we’re more reserved we may struggle to step out of our comfort zones.  This life is all about learning.  Every day we get the chance to learn many new things and if we choose to we can take advantage of those opportunities and embellish our lives.  Taking a chance will open new doors for us, and take us to places we haven’t seen before but we have to be willing to take the first step to get there.  If we are, the world becomes our oyster and we can feast on many new experiences.

Playing it safe and sticking to what we know brings comfort for many of us.  We may not want to venture too far from home plate and risk not making it back.  But we can’t prevent what comes to us whether we take a chance or not, and control is just an illusion.  We can do everything possible to stay within the lines and still face complications.  There is no such thing as perfect safety.  We live in a world with many other people, all of whom are making decisions all the time.  Some of those decisions will impact us no matter what we do.  Unless we isolate ourselves in some sort of fortress and never venture out, it’s probable that the unexpected will come.  And when it does, we will manage it.  There isn’t anything that will happen that we can’t manage.  That being true, stepping out a little and taking a chance on something new is always possible.

When we open the door to new experiences, we discover hidden talents within ourselves.  Our routines only stretch us so far.  If we really want to know what we can do, we need to break the mold.  There is no way to know what we can accomplish unless we try.  We all have skills that lie dormant because our current lifestyles don’t require them.  If we change things up, we have the opportunity to awaken them and learn more about ourselves.  We are complex and capable people.  We can do anything we want to do.  Stepping out, stretching, trying new things, and taking a chance will open our lives up to experiences that will enrich us, and deepen our understanding of our world.  We only get one time around in this life.  If we make the most of it, and try many new things we’ll be more fulfilled and happier with our experience here.

Today if you’re thinking about taking a chance on something new, go for it.  You won’t know what you can do until you begin.  There really is nothing too difficult or complicated for you to try.  Get the most out of your life and stretch your wings.  You may be surprised at how quickly you learn to fly.

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You Pick

23 Jan

We interact with all kinds of people every day. Sometimes we say hello in passing, sometimes we have long conversations and work together, and sometimes we have disagreements. If a discussion becomes intense, the disagreement may escalate. When things become contentious and tempers rise, we may become very uncomfortable. But we always have a choice to continue the conversation and let it play out no matter what, or stop and return to it again another time. Unfortunately, when we’re in the heat of the situation, especially if offensive things are being said, we may get so caught up that we forget to think about anything but pushing forward. Being in control of ourselves is easy when things are going well but when we’re in conflict it’s harder and more difficult to manage. However, no matter what is said or done, we always have the opportunity to choose how we will proceed. We can step back until things settle down, or we can go storming ahead and give it all we’ve got. We get to pick. Of course, the other party gets to pick too. But if they’re pressing the argument and we don’t want to continue, we can step away.

As human beings, we have all kinds of instinctive survival mechanisms. The fight or flight reflex is part of that. If we feel we’re being attacked, it prompts us to either fight back or leave the situation. Which way we go depends on how we’re wired and how much self-control we can exercise at the time. For some of us the first response to threat is to fight. For others the first thought is to run – or leave the situation. We’re all geared a little differently but no matter what we instinctively feel, we have the option to control our response by thinking about it first. If we’re fighters, that means we have to stop before we escalate the situation further and think of a better plan. If we’re runners, we have to be brave enough to face the situation and determine how to navigate it more effectively. Either way, the choice is ours. The excuse some offer when things go wrong of, “That’s just how I am,” is unhelpful. Conflict comes to us all. How we manage it is up to us.

Sometimes even if we try to modify a volatile situation, or try to diffuse the tension, the other party will not back down. That is their choice and if that happens and nothing we say or do improves the situation, if things continue to escalate and we don’t feel secure, we can walk away. We don’t have to stay engaged in any interaction that makes us feel distressed or threatened. We are entitled to do what is best for us. Even if the other party has some sort of authority over us, we may calmly state that we are not comfortable and need to leave. Sometimes just stating our discomfort will diffuse the situation and things will improve. Sometimes not. Every situation is different but we have the right to feel calm and safe in all our dealings. We are valuable and important. We can pick what we’ll do and what we’ll take. We can choose to stay and continue an exchange or we can leave. Leaving doesn’t mean we’re conceding or giving up. It means we are choosing to control how we will go forward.

Today if you’re involved in a discussion that makes you uncomfortable, decide how you want to handle it. You can try to work through it or you can leave and return to it another time. You can be polite and respectful and get what you need to go forward. Your feelings are valuable and should be honored. You can be in control of yourself. Be confident and choose what is best for you.

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