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Intentions

1 Mar

There are a lot of things we all want to do in our lives. We accomplish some of them, we plan for some of them, and we let some of them go as we change. Sometimes we intend to do certain things but for reasons we didn’t plan on, can’t explain, or don’t want to explore we don’t do them. They say, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Good intentions are things we plan to do that will benefit us or others in some way. There is nothing wrong with having good intentions, and when we say we’ll do something most of the time we sincerely intend to do it. But there are times when because of pressure from others, or situations we aren’t quite ready to face, we might agree to something or promise something we know we’ll never actually do. Perhaps we agree because something important depends on it and we don’t want to lose that, or it will get everyone to stop asking. Or maybe we go along because it’s important to someone we love, and although we really have no intention of following through, it will buy us the time we think we need to get what we want. The road to hell is what we end up on when we continually break our word, and don’t follow through on what we’ve said we’d do. Others stop trusting us, and we lose credibility with those we care most about. If we continue doing this, we may even lose our relationships with them.

What we say is important. It gives others a view of who we could be but not necessarily who we are. Who we really are isn’t what we say, but what we actually do. Talking only goes so far and doesn’t make anything happen. If all we do is talk about what we want, and how we feel, but do nothing, and make promises we never intend to keep, eventually nobody will believe anything we say. All the beautiful words in the world don’t mean anything unless we follow them up with action. If we say we love someone but do nothing to show that love, never see them, don’t spend time with them, and are never available for them, all our professions of love, no matter how tender and beautiful, mean nothing. Our actions tell the real truth.

There are a lot of reasons why we sometimes say things and don’t follow through. Our lives are complicated, our relationships can be complicated too, and if we feel pressure to be a certain way or do certain things, even if we don’t want to, we may agree. But
when we say we’ll do something and then don’t do it, we are responsible for that decision. It may be easier to go along in the beginning, but it makes us dishonest with those around us in the end. We need to be honest in all our decisions, and we have sufficient courage to do that. We are entitled to our personal choices even if they are different than what those close to us want us to do. Our lives belong to us and we own every decision we make. We can do things our way with confidence and we can honestly say no when we need to. We can choose to live our lives with integrity and truth. When we do, we’ll step off the road to hell and onto the road to happiness. And being on the road to happiness is the best place to be.

Today if you’ve been saying you’ll do something to keep the peace or get what you want, but have no intention of following through, choose to be honest. Clear the deception and be truthful about what you want and what you’ll do. You have everything you need to be the best you can be. Today choose well. You’ll feel better and those around you will appreciate your integrity.

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Keeping Secrets

9 Feb

Sometimes there are things we don’t want everyone to know. They are personal and private, so we keep them to ourselves. Other times, we share those very personal things with those close to us and open up in order to gain a closer relationship. But there are times we keep secrets for different reasons. Maybe we don’t want others to know the truth of a situation because it will prevent us from getting what we want from them. Sometimes we don’t want them to know the whole story because it may change their opinion of us. Whatever our reasons, when we keep secrets they can become very powerful in our lives. They can prevent us from doing certain things, saying certain things, or acting on suggestions that would benefit us. We may think we’re just keeping a secret, but if the secret controls how we go forward, the truth is the secret is keeping us.

It’s important that we are free to make decisions any way we want to, and act on those decisions freely and openly. If our lives are filled with secrets about how we are or who we are, we cannot experience that freedom. If we want to keep the secret away from others, we have to modify our decisions to accommodate it. When we live openly and honestly, without reserve, we can build strong and effective relationships. If we’re hiding something, we may build relationships but they will never be as strong or effective as they could be. It’s like building a house on sand. The foundation may look strong, and we might even use very strong stone, but sands shift with wind and rain, and when they do, the foundation becomes unstable and eventually the house will fall. The same is true of our relationships. If they are built on a foundation of secrecy when the winds come and the rain falls, and when everything is exposed as it really is, the relationship may fail. It’s impossible to keep a secret forever. Truth always surfaces and eventually everything will be laid open. When that happens the lives we’ve built may tumble and we may lose everything we thought we had.

We don’t have to tell everyone everything about us. There are personal things we all want to keep to ourselves, and we’re entitled to do so. But if we have secrets that could affect our relationships, it’s far better to simply state them, and move forward. Those who care about us will understand our fears and concerns and will respect us for sharing. If we have a secret related to our past that we don’t want to share, and it comes up, we can say it’s a private matter we aren’t comfortable discussing. We don’t have to tell things we’re uncomfortable with, but being open about an experience – even if we don’t tell all the details – will enable others to trust us, and will help us build strong connections. We can be private, and still not be controlled by secrecy. We deserve to live our lives openly and without controls. We can do that more effectively without keeping secrets.

Today if you’ve been keeping a secret and find that it’s controlling you and your decisions, let it go. You can keep personal details to yourself, but choose to live openly and without reserve. Nobody’s life is perfect. You are lovable and wonderful just as you are. There is no need to hide anything. Be courageous. Everyone will love and respect you for your honesty and faith going forward.

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Saying No

20 Jan

There are times when we are asked to do things we can’t accomplish or don’t feel comfortable with. Perhaps we don’t have the time to do what is being asked, or the request is something we don’t want to be involved in. And sometimes, what we’re being asked to do is something we simply can’t do because we don’t have the skills needed to accomplish it. When someone we love asks us for something and we feel we can’t comply, it may be difficult to say no. We want to help and we want to be supportive. But if we can’t do it, it’s worse to say we will and then disappoint others because we failed than it is to simply say no at the beginning. Saying no is more difficult for some of us than it is for others. We might feel that being cooperative is imperative in our relationships and saying no will damage them. But if the relationship is healthy and there is mutual respect, declining a request will not hurt. We can feel empowered to make the best choices for ourselves, even if they aren’t the choices others would have us make. We know what’s best for us and we are entitled to have it.

When we decline a request, in their disappointment others may employ guilt to try and make us change our minds. Guilt is very powerful and if we aren’t careful, it can undermine our decisions. But guilt is a self inflicted emotion. Nobody can make us feel it. People can say things to try and inflict it upon us, and do things to encourage us to change our minds. But if we’ve made a decision that’s best for us, we need not allow guilt to enter in. There is no reason to feel guilty for making a good choice. Good choices are the best we can do, and feeling guilty for making them isn’t necessary. If we remember that and focus on going forward truthfully and with a genuine spirit, we’ll make the best decisions possible.

Sometimes we may be asked to do things that make us very uncomfortable. For instance, being asked to lie for someone else, or manipulate situations to help another get the upper hand, or cheat to help a friend – all may make us uneasy. If we go along and compromise our values to please someone else, we may hurt ourselves in the long run. Happiness comes from being true to who we are no matter what situation we’re in. However, if the person asking intently pleads with us, it may be difficult to make the best choice. At times like those, it’s helpful to step back and see the situation objectively. We already know what the best answer is, and stepping back just a little will help us find the wisdom and courage to make it. We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to do. It doesn’t matter who is asking us or what the parameters of the situation are. If we aren’t comfortable we can say no and move on. We can always make the best choices going forward.

Today if you’re being pressured to do something you don’t feel good about, you can say no. You are entitled to make your own decisions. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks you should do, you can do what is best for you. You know what you need to do and you know the right road going forward. Choose that and you’ll always be headed in the right direction.

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Lost and Found

24 Dec

We have all kinds of experiences in our lives, good and bad, usual and odd, and sometimes even crazy things happen to us. We form all kinds of relationships with friends, co-workers, acquaintances, lovers, would-be lovers, and family. Sometimes if we are captivated we can be pulled from our normal choices into situations where we might begin to believe things that aren’t true. If we’re really drawn to someone and want them to be special in our lives, and they lie to us or manipulate us, we may not see it, and if we do, we might even overlook it. It’s possible to get so caught up we lose our way, and we may make allowances for things we wouldn’t have tolerated before. Getting lost and caught up can make us forget who we are, what we really want, and where we want to be. It can be a confusing time if the other person continues to tell us everything we want to hear, but their actions belie everything they say.

It’s not hard to get lost when we want something very much. We can be manipulated because we want things to go a certain way. We play along when we aren’t sure, and if we feel uncertainty, we may ignore it. Even when nothing makes sense we can be willing participants in the lie because we want so badly for it to be true. But lies are not truth and never will be. Even when convincing ourselves that things are okay, there may a niggling suspicion they are not. If we’re ready we’ll pay attention to the small whisper in the back of our minds, and try to see things more clearly and objectively. However, if we’re so entrenched and deeply involved, it’s hard to see or hear anything but what we’re living.

Making personal connections is important to us. We want to feel loved and cared for, and we want others in our lives. It’s healthy to want to share our lives with those around us, but it can be destructive to believe in false situations. We may lose who we are in the process. Getting lost happens, but we can find our way back when we’re ready. If we pay attention we will find the truth. We are very perceptive and even when we don’t want to see it, we can perceive when things aren’t right, when truth isn’t being told, and when we’re headed in the wrong direction. But seeing it and changing it are two different things. If we want real happiness in our lives, we must live truthfully. If we want a real connection with someone, it needs to be honest. If we’re in relationships that don’t offer complete truth and honesty, we will get hurt. Those types of relationships never succeed over time. How long we keep them in our lives is our choice. We are in control of our decisions and no matter where we are now, if we want to change our course, we can. We deserve happiness and we deserve the very best. And we have everything we need to make sure we get it.

Today if you realize you’ve been caught up in a situation that has taken you away from who you really are, and things aren’t making sense, begin to correct your course. You know who you are, and you know what you want. You deserve complete honesty and happiness in your life. Today remember what a gift you are to the world. You are worth more than you can imagine.

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Story Time

3 Nov

As we go through life and experience different things, we make lots of decisions. Sometimes when we’re in a situation that isn’t ideal it may be hard to face it as it really is. When that happens we may decide instead to spin the reality just a little so it’s easier to accept. The truth of our situation doesn’t change even if we try to make it more palatable, but sometimes we aren’t quite ready to face things as they are. We pad the way a little to make things seem better. For example, if someone is being mean to us, instead of standing up for ourselves, we may determine they are having a hard time, and let it go. If someone lies to us, we might tell ourselves we misunderstood them, and look the other way. Or if someone lets us down again and again, we may allow it because they are unsure. While we make these excuses, nothing really changes the reality of what is happening, and when we make up stories, we end up hurting ourselves. Truth has a way of always surfacing no matter how long we look the other way. It doesn’t go away because truth is what’s real. And we live in the real world.

It can be hard to face facts sometimes. If we really care for someone, and they continually hurt us, we can find limitless excuses for their behavior. We can let them keep hurting us for as long as we decide to. But looking the other way, and pretending the situation is better than it really is, will only prolong our discomfort. We don’t have to confront them, and it isn’t our responsibility to try to make them change. But we can decide to open our eyes and see things as they are. We can accept that everyone has the opportunity to make their own choices, and sometimes those choices won’t be the best they can do. And then we can plan our path going forward – clearly, openly, and understanding the situation as it really is.

Facing truth seems like a simple thing. We should all be truthful in everything we do, including what is going on around us. But when we care for someone and they do things we don’t understand, or things that hurt us, we may choose to ignore the truth and make up a story instead. It’s hard to believe that those we love would hurt us on purpose, so we convince ourselves it can’t be true, and we look the other way. If we want to be happy, truly and honestly happy, we need to face things as they are, even when they aren’t what we want. Only when we see things truthfully and allow ourselves to face the situation as it really is can we move forward with confidence. Truth always brings confidence. When we understand the truth, we have all the control we need to make the best decisions. Our best decisions take us where we most want to be. It takes courage to face truth, but we have all the courage we need to make that happen.

Today if you’ve been making up stories to cover what is really happening, allow yourself to accept things as they are. You already know the truth and there is no need to look the other way. You are strong enough to face everything as it is. You have everything you need to go forward with confidence. Clear your head, refine your focus, and do what is best and right for you. You are worth more than you can imagine, and you deserve the very best of everything.

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