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Bring It

16 Dec

There are times when we may find ourselves at odds with someone else. They may have ideas about what we should be doing that conflict with our decisions, or want us to agree to something we don’t feel we can. Sometimes they may even try to force our hands by blocking us or in some way try to fence us in. It’s very uncomfortable and difficult to remain in control when these situations arise. We may feel angry or we may want to run the other way to escape the tension. But if we take some time to process what’s happening and see it more objectively, often we find that all we’re facing is a difference of opinion. We are disagreeing. It may be a heated exchange and our boundaries may be sorely invaded. We might feel threatened or in some other way intensely uncomfortable. Whatever the situation, we can manage it if we back away from the emotion and try to see it for what it is. That isn’t easy when we feel personally attacked, but it’s not impossible. If we step outside ourselves for a moment and just look at the facts, the situation will become more manageable and we’ll be able to find a way through.

We are capable of figuring out any problem we face if we take the time to look at it objectively and openly. When our feelings are involved we may be overcome with emotion and unable to think. We’re focused on our extreme disappointment or anger or sadness or whatever we’re struggling with. But we can set that aside for a moment. Setting the emotion aside does not diminish it and we can more fully understand the facts of the situation and more clearly see an answer. After we’ve been through a difficult time and are on the other side, after the dust has cleared and we’ve settled down, because we are no longer so intensely involved we often see how we could have managed better. Emotions are necessary and they are important, but sometimes if we want to find our way, we need to step away from them for a time. We can do that and when we do, we may find what we’re looking for.

We are in control of ourselves. No matter who influences us or how pervasive that influence is, what we decide to do is our decision. We can allow ourselves to get angry when someone offends us or we can find a way to process the problem more effectively. Getting angry is a reaction. Thinking about the situation first is a choice. If we choose to think instead of react oftentimes we will prevent the situation from escalating and gain control. Being in control of any situation allows us to make better decisions. And making better decisions is always desirable.  If we choose to be in control, it doesn’t matter what comes to us – we will prevail.  Life can “bring it,” whatever that may be, and we can find success going forward.

Today if you find yourself in a situation that fires up your emotions, if you are angry or hurt, upset or disappointed, take a moment to step back from your feelings and see the situation objectively. Address the problem as it is, and choose what is right calmly and objectively. You will diffuse the issue and you’ll be in control. You have everything you need to prevail. You are wise and capable. Today show that to everyone involved.

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Trains

16 Oct

Have you ever been in hurry to get somewhere and been stopped by a train?  Maybe you were stressed, running late, and then suddenly there was a train blocking your progress.  A train.  And not a short one either, but a train pulling 50 cars on it.  You couldn’t make it go faster, and you couldn’t cut in front of it, so you had to wait.  Maybe you sat there fuming, frustrated, and maddened that you had to sit when you had so much to get done.  But trains happen, and when they do, we have to wait.  When we’re in a hurry and are trying to catch up, having our progress stopped is discouraging, and can really knock the wind out of our sails.  It might be a train, but often it’s because of a decision someone else has made that prevents us from going forward.  When our hands are tied, and we have to wait, we could get upset or we could use the time more wisely.  We could take the extra time to think.

Thinking about what we’re doing is an excellent idea.  Some decisions pop into our heads with little thought or consideration.  Generally they are decisions without a significant consequence and mean little to our overall progression.  But for the decisions that impact our lives, our livelihoods, our families, or our futures, we need to think carefully before we act.  If we’ve made an important decision, and begin to implement it only to be stopped for reasons we can’t control, it’s a good time to re-evaluate what we’ve decided, and review our choices going forward.  Sometimes a second look brings clarification and a revised plan.  Sometimes the break changes our focus altogether.  The important thing is to use the time we’re stuck to ponder our way forward.  Instead of getting angry when we have to wait, we can look at it as a time out to reflect on our chosen path.

There are countless variables in every decision we make.  There is timing to be considered, the feelings of others, our personal comfort, and the destination we are seeking.  We sometimes make excellent decisions but they come at the wrong time in our lives and we have to rethink them.  Or we make what we believe is the best decision but once we begin going forward discover a lot of complications we hadn’t planned on.  Life is unpredictable, and no matter what we choose, there is a lot we can’t control.  We can’t control the choices of others, we can’t control unexpected developments, and usually, we can’t control trains.  Whether it’s a real train or a symbolic one, when they come into our lives, we have to wait.  We can make the wait count by using it to confirm our choices, and review our approach.  If we take the time and use it wisely, we may be surprised by what we find.

Today if you’re stuck and waiting because of something you can’t control, think about the path you’ve chosen and evaluate the decision again.  Is there a way to make it go more smoothly?  Is there something you can do that you didn’t see before?  Think about your next move and make it as productive as possible.  You’ve already determined what you want, and you are capable of making it happen.  Think clearly about your next step and when the time is right, take it.  You know where you’re going, and success is just around the corner.

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Under the Influence

20 Aug

Every day as we go about our lives, we are exposed to other people. We may talk with them, spend time with them, and get to know them. As we share our lives, we learn things about each other, and we have the opportunity to exchange ideas. They will learn from us, and we will learn from them. What we learn depends on our relationship with them, their authority over us, our respect for them, and how they live their lives. If they are people we admire, we will appreciate their influence, and may try to emulate them. And the same is true for them. If they admire us, they will appreciate us, and may adopt some of our behaviors and actions.

We are responsible for everything we do, and we must answer for every action, both positive and negative. That responsibility includes how our behaviors affect others. If we are rude and mean, and negatively impact someone else, we will answer for that. Defending bad behavior, saying we learned it from our families, or we are just giving back what we’ve been given, will not excuse us from hurting others. There is no excuse that will take away hurt feelings. However, if we are kind and patient, and lift those around us, we will answer for those attributes as well. We rarely, if ever, receive any blessings in our lives when we are badly behaved. When we hurt others through commission or omission, it does not elevate us. If this is a pattern in our personalities, the chances for personal growth and development will be hindered. But if we are kind and gracious, if we are patient and helpful, rewarding blessings will return to us.

When we are considerate to those around us, they are often considerate to us in return. If those we interact with come to know us as patient and caring, and as someone they can trust, we are more likely to build strong relationships that are positive. Because everything we do affects those around us, it’s important to remember that although we have the right to live our lives any way we see fit, almost everything we do will impact someone near us. We can be the ones who set the standard for kindness, who wait a little longer and are a bit more patient, and who offer encouragement instead of criticism. If we do these things, those around us will find comfort in their relationships with us. There is already enough suffering in the world. We can do our part to ensure we don’t increase it by being kind, caring, patient, and loving, and making sure our influence is positive.

Today take care and pay attention to your behavior when you interact with others. Remember to be patient and show you care so that those around you will learn they can trust you, and be comfortable with you. Be kind, be caring, and be supportive. You will never regret the blessings you will gain. Share the good you have to offer. It will return to you tenfold.

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Bending

17 Jul

Patience is a beneficial virtue to acquire. If we learn to be patient, we can often understand things more easily, and prevent conflict by listening, and waiting for answers instead of pushing. Being patient is a gift to those we interact with. When we’re patient, others learn they can trust us to listen, and not jump to conclusions ahead of time. Although this is a valuable skill, is it possible to be too patient? Can we give too much? Can we wait too long?

When we’re in a relationship we value, and things aren’t going the way we want them to, we may discuss the issue with the other person, tell them why we aren’t happy, and ask for a change. If they are not ready, they may need time. If we’re patient, we may offer that time in order to preserve the relationship. Sometimes with communication and effort, things improve, and the problems work themselves out. But other times, despite our willingness to wait, things stay the same. Patience will not create change. It only allows time for change to happen. If the situation doesn’t improve after a time, we have to decide if we can wait a little longer, or if we need to move on.

It is possible to bend too far in trying to make something work. If we find the wait is beginning to affect our happiness, we need to rethink the situation. We offer patience to help situations improve, but if nothing changes all the patience in the world will not help. If we bend too far, and give too much, we may find ourselves in a very uncomfortable place.

Today if you’ve been patiently waiting for a situation to change and it’s not happening, re-evaluate your options. Determine how long you feel comfortable waiting, and when you get there if nothing has improved, move on. Patience is a noble attribute, and it’s good to exercise it. But don’t bend so far that you’re miserable. Sometimes even the best changes don’t come. Sometimes we have to let it go, and move on. Today think about that. The situation may be important, but you’re important too. Be patient, and be kind, but remember your happiness is valuable. Do what you need to ensure it.

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