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Tipping Point

20 May

We go through a lot of experiences in life. We interact with lots of different people, do lots of different things, and process continual changes. We get used to our routines, and we cope with problems as they come up as best we can. Sometimes though, we get into situations that are increasingly difficult, and although we may cope with them for a while, over time they may become unmanageable. Since these situations almost always involve another person, we may dread addressing the problem, so we put it off. We deal. We cope. But eventually we reach the tipping point – the place where things have to change. We can’t do what we’ve been doing any more.

Sometimes that point of no return triggers intense outbursts as we finally say all the things we’ve been holding in. Other times, it triggers isolation. We hide out hoping the situation will just change on its own. That never works, but when what we have to face is painful, we might try it anyway. In the end, we have to look at the problem, and chart a different course, painful or not. There is no other way. When we’ve reached the end of what we can handle, things must change.

These experiences are difficult. If we must end a relationship, someone is going to get hurt. Even if we must only make changes in a relationship, someone may get hurt. The hurt isn’t intentional. It’s just the way it is sometimes when change is necessary. If we’ve waited too long, and get angry, we may say more than we intend to, so it’s best to start the conversation before it goes that far. If we can resolve the issue without anger, the process will be easier.

When we reach these times in our lives, we must be honest, tell the whole story, and put all our cards on the table. We need to say everything respectfully, and clear the air. And then we need to make the best decision for going forward. This process is never easy, but once we’ve said it all, once we’ve told the whole story, once we’ve been completely honest, we will be able to start again. We will be able to relax, regain our footing, and face a different future.

Change is always difficult. Endings are rarely easy. But remember each ending is also the beginning of something new. Once we’ve faced a difficult issue and resolved it, we can start over with confidence. The tension will be gone, and although we may be shaky at first, soon we’ll settle in, and be strong again.

Today if you find yourself at a tipping point, and absolutely must change something, don’t look away. Face it. You can manage this. Keep your head up, keep a smile in your heart even when it hurts, and know that you are in charge of your life. Be brave. You deserve everything you need. Go get it.

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Refining

19 May

Trouble. It comes to all of us. Just when things are sailing along, bang, a wrench in the plans. It’s often unexpected, usually annoying, and sometimes devastating. None of us wants to deal with trouble in our lives. Problems are something we’d rather never have, but this is life. This isn’t paradise. And so, we have problems. Things go wrong. People let us down. Situations change. Promises get broken.

It’s easy to feel frustrated when our plans have gone awry, and we can be angry when there are disappointing changes. We can have all the pity parties we want, but in the end we have to face the new circumstance, whatever that is. If we are hurt, we may spend time wondering why this happened. Why us? Why now? Those are good questions, but they don’t help us deal with where we are. We have to re-group, re-plan, recover, and go on.

When metal is being refined, it is placed in very hot ovens. The fire has to be hot enough to melt the metal, and separate all the impurities from it. As the impure contents pour off, what is left is the refined, pure ore. It takes time, and a lot of heat for this process to work. But if we want pure gold or silver, we have to burn off the other elements that are undesirable.

We are the same way. We are not perfect. We have things in our personalities that need to change. We have imperfections we need to eliminate. Problems and troubles challenge us. They give us an opportunity to experience the heat of discord, the fire of turbulence, and the clarifying process of coping. If we can think of our trials as opportunities to burn off the chaff, opportunities to refine ourselves, we will be able to handle them more easily.

Today, if things go wrong, a little or a lot, try to remember that whatever has happened can work in your favor. You can refine yourself by being put to the test. You can become purer by experiencing a little heat. Think about that before you fall into despair. This is your chance to become clearer, nobler, stronger and more courageous. Let the fire burn, let the problems come, let things get hot, and know that you can handle it. You have everything you need to handle it. You can take this. There is nothing you can’t manage. Remember that today. There is refinement in the fire.

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Looking Back

18 May

As we travel through our lives, there are things we want to accomplish, goals we want to achieve, and growth we want to realize. Some of these are completed quickly, and others take a long time to achieve. We work on them day by day, month by month, and for some, year by year. Time stretches on, and we keep trying but still haven’t gotten to the place where we feel we’ve finished the task. We’re still pushing that big rock up the hill. It can seem like it will never end, and we may begin to be disheartened. We wonder if the task is too great. We wonder if we will ever get to the end. We wonder if we can continue.

During those moments of discouragement, it may be hard to see what we’ve done already, and how far we’ve actually traveled in our quest to achieve the goal. All we can see is the never ending road ahead. It seems to go on forever. There is so much yet to do. We feel like our wheels are spinning in sand. If we only look in front of us, all we can see, as far as we can see, is the distance we have yet to go.

But there is another way to look at this. We can turn around. We can stop for a moment, and turn around. Look back. Take a break from pushing forward, and look back at how far we’ve come already. Look at all the twists, and turns we’ve already navigated. See all the disappointments we’ve conquered. See all the times we nearly stopped but didn’t quit. Look at all of that. It’s been a long road. At times it’s been a hard road, and yet we’re still here. We’re still going forward. We haven’t given up. We’re still committed. If we can stop, and take a moment to see that, and realize how much we’ve accomplished already, we will be renewed. We will feel encouraged. The goal is still ahead, but we have come a long, long way.

If we only set our sights on the future, if we only concentrate on the road in front of us, it is impossible to see the growth we’ve already achieved. But that growth, all those battles already won, count for a lot. They have made us strong. They have made us courageous. They have made us confident. It is because of them that we can go on still. We need to take the time to recognize them.

Today if you start to feel you haven’t accomplished what you had hoped by now, if you feel you’ve failed in some way, stop and turn around. Look back, and see how far you’ve come. You’ve done your best, and you are exactly where you need to be at this moment. Rejoice in that. You are where you need to be at this moment. The road ahead is still there. It will always be there waiting for you. Take another step. You’re closer today than you’ve ever been. You’ll get there. Keep going.

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Chicken Little

15 May

I have a friend who is a teacher and loves her work. However, her school administration isn’t supportive, and that has hurt her. She had a student who was aggressive, and bullying not only the other students, but her as well. She tried to work with him but it was useless. Fearing for her safety she went to her Principal, and explained the situation. She asked to bring the parents in to discuss the matter, but the principal flatly refused, and told her to work it out herself. She was disappointed in his response, but she had seen this behavior before. Her Principal seemed to be afraid of the students’ parents. He never wanted to call them or address behavior problems with them. One day the boy in my friend’s class pushed her off a step, and she suffered a fractured skull. The school paid for her medical expenses, but even then, refused to contact the parents, and told her not to either. She was very hurt, both physically and emotionally. In time her physical injuries have healed, but she is still hurt by her boss’s behavior. She is also worried about what will happen next.

I work in a large organization that adopts basically the same model as my friend’s school. Fear of lawsuits, and recrimination have created an environment where bad employees are not disciplined, and instead, when they cause trouble are moved to other departments . Of course, moving a problem never solves it. The leadership is afraid of problems with the union, legal complaints, and the additional expense from those, and other complications. So, instead of addressing the problem, they move it. It’s a reflection of where we are as a society, and an overall lack of courage.

Sadly, these are not uncommon stories today. Many are reluctant to address bad behavior. They decide instead to say nothing, and deal with the issue as best they can. In our litigious society where people sue others for ridiculous reasons, trying to avoid the possibility of a lawsuit is understandable. But when situations require correction, despite the risk, it needs to happen. If it doesn’t, it may lead to greater problems.

Each of us, every day, has the opportunity to set an example for excellence. We can choose the better path, and light the way for those who have gotten lost. We may not be able to change a whole mindset, but if we bravely choose the right, if we face each problem and address it appropriately, if we solve issues instead of pushing them around, others will notice. We can choose to address the problems we encounter, and set the standard for solving them instead of looking away. If we can turn the tide in our small area of influence, others will see the change for good, and may choose to address their problems too. Like dominoes falling, if we are diligent, one after the other, those around us may choose the better path. Each of us has more power to influence others than we realize. People watch us. They pay attention more than we think they do. So today, choose to be the difference. Choose to set the standard. And watch what happens.

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Value in Disaster

10 May

In 1914 Thomas Edison’s factory in West Orange, New Jersey, was destroyed by fire. Everything was gone. The building was made mostly of concrete, and nobody thought it could burn so it was insured for a small fraction of the loss. The day after the fire, Mr. Edison went to survey the damage. As he stood there seeing the complete destruction, he said, “There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew.” What an amazing man! What an incredible attitude! Someone else may have only seen the loss, but he saw the potential of starting again. What an great example.

We all suffer disasters of varying degrees in our lives. Some are enormous, and hard to face, and others are less destructive. Some wreck our belongings, as well as, our spirits. We may face devastating situations that take years to overcome, or we may have problems that seem disastrous at first but turn out to be workable. Whatever we face, our attitude decides how we will go forward. If we believe the situation is insurmountable, too horrible to face, and we hide from it, it may consume our lives. However, if we, like Mr. Edison, look at the other side of the coin, that it’s horrible now, but it’s also the beginning of something new, it will be easier for us to navigate it.

When we suffer through tragedies and disasters, our lives are changed permanently. We can never go back to how we were before the event happened. What was before is gone. We have to face a new reality. It may not be easy to face, but whether we face it or not, it’s still where we are. So, the best we can do is accept it, decide what we need to do to go forward, and direct our lives to accommodate the change. It’s easy to say these things, it’s easy to think about them, what isn’t easy, is to do them. But we have sufficient courage inside us, and we can handle the changes in our lives, no matter what they are.

This life has its pack of trials. People die, storms ravage, fires burn, floods invade, wars happen, and we all have our share of sorrow, and grief. In those horrible moments, we may feel that we can’t go on. We can’t face our lives now, they are too difficult. But a day goes by, and despite our intense unhappiness, we actually live through it. Then another day goes by. Then a month passes, and as it does, we being to heal. We can, with patience, and time face whatever comes to us. Some days perhaps the best we can do is just breathe in and out, and that is sufficient.

If we can try to think like Mr. Edison did when he faced utter destruction, and see a new beginning instead of just an ending, we will face our trials with more confidence, and peace. Remember that each end is the start of something new. Turn the page. It’s a new day.

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