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Fish or Cut Bait

7 May

We make dozens of decisions each day as we go through our routines, and responsibilities. Time flies by and before we know it, another year has passed. If we are on the road we want to be on, that time may be spent positively pursuing goals or moving toward results we want. If we are on another road, one that isn’t where we want to be, it may be hard to look back, and realize that another year has passed, and we haven’t yet changed our course.

Routines are interesting things. If we stay in them long enough, we don’t even think about them – we automatically just do the next thing. If we aren’t careful, time goes by with us hardly noticing where we’ve been or what we’ve done. And time is a commodity that can never be replaced. Once it’s gone, it’s gone for good. If we are in a routine or a rut in our lives that isn’t bringing us satisfaction, that isn’t rewarding, if we aren’t happy, if we are just going through the motions, we’ve traded valuable time even though we didn’t enjoy it. And we’ll never get it back. So, we need to be awake and aware of what we’re doing. If we’re in a situation where we aren’t happy, the only way to get out of it is to make a change.

Imagine you’re on a fishing boat charter. There are several people on the boat, and everyone is excited about the trip. The captain offers a $100 prize for the person who catches the biggest fish of the day. Needless to say, you want to fish the whole time to increase your odds of winning, but since there are so many of you, and the fishing is good, you’ll need a lot of bait. Everyone must take time away from fishing to cut bait so it will be ready when needed. While you’re taking your turn cutting up the smaller fish and throwing them in the bait bucket, someone catches the biggest fish of the day. You’re excited for them, but you think if you hadn’t been cutting bait you could have been the one to win the prize.

If we are in situations where we aren’t happy, and do nothing to change them, if we are just going through the motions, we are, in essence, cutting bait. We aren’t actively involved in going forward or moving ahead. We aren’t doing what we really want to do. We are not focused on our goals. Some people trade out years of their lives enduring situations that hold them back. They don’t want to do what is needed to correct the situation. Change is hard for most of us, but our lives don’t last forever, so it’s important to look at where we are, and where we want to be. If we want to be happy, we have to be courageous enough to face what we’re doing that needs to change, and then do what it takes to correct our course. We all deserve to be happy but happiness comes from within us. Nobody can give it to us. It doesn’t just happen on its own. We have to give it to ourselves.

So, what’ll it be today? Will you fish or cut bait? Will you choose the road you really want to be on? Will you choose happiness? The choice is always there. We can change any time we want to – we just need to make the decision. This life goes by in an instant. If you’ve been stuck, start today. Go forward, put your face in the wind, focus on your future with your eyes firmly placed in the present. Today is the perfect day for it. No matter what is going on, today is the perfect day to start.

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Stand Up

4 May

One day during an important staff meeting with the senior management team, my supervisor was annoyed at something that had happened, and made a remark giving his opinion that included several extremely vulgar words. I was shocked. I do not use that sort of language, and I found it to be very offensive, especially since I was at work, and required to attend the meeting. To my own, and everyone else’s surprise, I stood up at once and said, “I will not remain here in this meeting if this is the kind of language that will be used. I will not tolerate this level of un-professionalism, and I am completely offended.” I remember I was shaking because I was so upset. There was a stunned silence as everyone realized I had broken the first two cardinal rules of work. #1 – Do not criticize your boss, and #2 – Do not EVER criticize your boss in front of his/her boss. Yep, I had completely ignored those, and had stood right up, and spoken out. After a moment, my supervisor apologized to everyone, and said he was sorry he had used that language. I sat back down, and the meeting continued.

Afterward, back at my desk, I thought about what had happened, and I wondered what repercussions I would be facing for standing up, and making such a scene at the meeting. I was concerned that I may have jeopardized my job. I mean, you don’t correct your boss when his boss is in the room without something happening later, right? I remember sitting there and thinking I was going to face some serious setbacks for my outburst, and I was quite worried. But I had done what I felt was important. I had kept my standards, and stood up for what I thought was correct.

What happened next surprised me. One by one, the others in the meeting came by my desk to thank me for speaking up. They each said they, too, were offended by the comment, but were uncomfortable pointing it out, and they were proud of me for being brave enough to address it. And then my supervisor called me into his office. “Well, here it comes,” I thought. I took a deep breath, and walked over to see him. “Shut the door,” he said as I entered. I sat down, and looked him in the eye prepared to take whatever was coming. He looked at me, and then apologized profusely for his behavior at the meeting. He said I was right to say something, and he was embarrassed by his statements. He asked me to forgive him, and said he would never use that sort of language in the office again. I was stunned – I did not expect that.

We all have our own ideas about what is right and appropriate, and often when someone steps all over them, we don’t say anything. We just stay quiet to avoid an uncomfortable situation. But I learned that day that speaking up was the better choice. Most people don’t want to offend those around them. Sure, there are some that don’t care about anyone but themselves, but most people try to be polite, and not hurt others. So it’s appropriate if we are uncomfortable, that we say something. We have the right to say it’s not okay. We can stand up for what we think is right.

Today, if you find yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, remember, you can say something about it. You can be polite, but you can also be forthright. You can say you are uncomfortable, and you want the situation to change. You have that right. Today, exercise that right. Speak up. Be clear. Say what you are feeling. Do not sit quietly, and take it. If you stand up, you will feel stronger, and more empowered. You will gain the respect of those around you. And those are great attributes to gain. Speak up. Say what you mean. Be strong.

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Thanks for the trouble.

2 May

It’s no secret that we’re happy when things are going well, and we’re thankful when we aren’t suffering. It’s so easy to be thankful when everything is fine. It’s easy to be grateful for the things we love. We give thanks for our good health, our families, our money, our cars, our food, our clothes, our homes, and the list goes on and on. It doesn’t take a lot of energy to be thankful when things are going well. We’re happy, and that’s all we need.

It’s a lot harder to be grateful for the problems we encounter. It’s hard to be thankful when someone hurts us, when we’re sick, when we’ve lost our jobs, when our cars break down, or when the money runs out. It’s even harder when we go through extraordinary setbacks – a home fire, a death, the loss of everything because of a natural disaster, a terminal disease. It’s very difficult to be thankful when things go horribly wrong. We’re unhappy, we’re scared, we’re unsure, and we’re lost.

If we look back on our lives at the times when we’ve grown the most, it’s not usually during the periods when everything was going well. It’s often during the very difficult times, when our patience was tested, and we were pushed nearly to the edge of what we could handle. It is during times of trial that we learn the most. All of our experiences shape our personalities and who we become, but the hard times shape us more than the easy times. There is value in the struggle.

Knowing that, shouldn’t we be thankful for those difficult times? They have taught us, molded us, shaped us, and given us a depth, and perspective that a life of ease could never provide. It’s hard to remember to be thankful when we’re suffering, but there are blessings to be had during the suffering, and we need to be mindful of those. This life is a tremendous gift. Even though we say we wish it were always easy, what we really want is to learn and grow, to become better people, to become wiser, and the problems we face are what bring us those attributes.

Today if things go wrong, if the tide seemingly turns against you, and you find yourself feeling bad, think about what you may learn. How will you navigate this difficulty, and what blessings will the experience bring you? And then, take a moment to remember to be thankful even when you’re uncomfortable. If we can be grateful for all of our experiences, both good and bad, we will gain a peace that is insurmountable. And a joy that is all encompassing. Nothing will stop us from going forward. We will smile at the end of each day, and be grateful for everything we experienced, both easy and hard. That’s the real secret to happiness. Embrace the hard times, rejoice during the easy times, and be thankful for all of them.

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Tuck and Roll

24 Apr

When something terrible happens in our lives, something really bad that takes our breath away, something that shocks us, and frightens us, our initial response to coping with it might be to push it out of our minds, and refuse to think about it. That way we believe we can handle the pain. Initially it may seem like a good idea. It really hurts to think about it, and it would follow that not thinking about it would be better. So we close it off, set it aside, tuck it away behind a door in our minds. We determine that we will think about it later. Later, when we’re stronger. Later, when we’re ready. It’ll still be there, and we’ll look at it then. And who knows, maybe by then it won’t hurt so much.

It’s the old “tuck and roll” technique. You tuck it away, and roll on to something else. Unfortunately, the moment we tuck the problem away, it becomes frozen in time. It does not change, it does not morph into something easier to look at, it does not go away. It stays exactly as it was the moment we decided to ignore it. And the catch is that those problems we’ve put aside tend to get impatient if we don’t go back to them. Before long they remind us they are there. They pop up into our thoughts, and they peak into our dreams. And when they do, they still hurt because we’ve done nothing to cope with them. All we’ve done is try to forget them. And that never works.

Unfinished business is unfinished. We are not done with it, and it will remain unfinished, and continue to prick us until we garner the courage to address it. It becomes a weight that holds us down, a broken shoe that slows us up, and a stop sign in our progress. If we want to go forward, we have to go back. We have to open the door all the way, we have to open our eyes and see the problem, and we have to face the situation completely. It may hurt. It may hurt a lot, but if we want to let it go, first we have to let it come. We have to let the pain roll over us. We have to face it head on, face all our fears, and all our doubts, and stand up to it. Only after that can we finally let it go.

The biggest, heaviest, most destructive wave in the ocean can only break on the shore one time. And then it’s gone. The issues we’ve been afraid to face are the same way. They may hurt us when we let them roll over us, but if we face them, they will only hurt us once, and then we can begin to heal. The wave will have passed. There is nothing that will come to us in this life that we cannot face. Stand up. Stand strong. Open the door. Let everything out. And then, after the wave, take a breath and start again. Let it go. You’ll feel lighter, calmer, happier, and stronger afterward. It’s just a door after all. Open it.

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Setting the Bar

12 Apr

Lauren Hill died two days ago. If you haven’t heard of her, there has been a lot written about her and you can surely find several articles regarding her amazing life. Lauren was only 19 years old when she died. A college freshman basketball player excited about her prospects for the future. And then she was diagnosed with an inoperable, untreatable, fatal brain tumor. Instead of becoming morose and depressed, instead of giving up, she persevered and became an example to everyone. She said, “I don’t want people to say I lost, or I gave up,” and she didn’t. She was always cheerful, always smiling, always positive. And she thought of others. She raised over 1.5 million dollars for cancer research while suffering with the disease herself. Because she was becoming weaker every day, her college coach moved up their first game so that she could realize her dream of playing for them. She played well to a sold out crowd.

I have been following Lauren for some time. I have been amazed at her strength and courage in the face of sure defeat. I have been inspired, and impressed. She was always so happy even when it must have been hard to even face the day. I reflected on my life and my choices. Here was this young woman smiling with brain cancer, and I’m not that cheerful when I have a mere headache! And I thought of the example she was for us all.

Nobody knows what life will bring them. Along the way we will make millions of decisions. Will they be good or bad? Will they affect others in a positive way, or will we be the one that destroys someone else? Will they have far reaching implications or will they just touch our moment? Will we be able to fix things when we falter? Will we be an example for good? Every decision will have some impact – good or bad, large or small, temporary or permanent – we have to wait and see. We surely will all die at some point. The mark we leave after we’re gone depends on what we do today.

Lauren Hill set the bar high. She never waivered. She never quit. She never gave up. Instead, she gave back every day. She looked outside herself and touched others. She set the bar high. She set it for all of us. Today, remember that kind of courage. Remember that it’s possible, even when we feel bad, to be the example. Remember that we, too, can set the bar high and be noble. We are here for a purpose. Today, recognize that and be the best you can be.

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