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My Hero

4 Jul

When we’re young, we are often fascinated by comic book heroes. They have magical, impressive powers, and we love the way they always save the day. There is no end to their bravery, and they always, always do the right thing. As we get older, we may lose our fascination with the comic book hero, but we still want heroes in our lives. We admire people who are brave, who stand up for what’s right in the face of danger, and who risk themselves to protect others. Those qualities are so impressive, and when we see them, it reminds us that we can be heroes even if we aren’t Superman, or Spiderman, or any of the others we used to read about.

We can all be heroes in our lives. We can make choices every day to stand up for what we believe is right. We don’t have to leap tall buildings, or be faster than a speeding bullet. Sometimes all we have to do is speak up when someone is being hurt. Sometimes all we have to do is say no when we’re asked to do something we feel is wrong. And sometimes, we may get the opportunity to do something really impressive – save a life, stop an injustice, or protect someone we love. But those extreme opportunities don’t come along often, so the small decisions we make every day prove who we are.

There have been people in all of our lives who have impressed us. They’ve done things that were noble and inspired, and things that were heroic. I have a friend who works a full time job but finds time every week to volunteer to help the poor and needy. He gives his time at the local food bank, and he and his family regularly help out at the local shelters. No matter how busy he is, he makes the time to help others. He’s a hero to those he helps, and an inspiration to everyone. I have another friend who struggles with a learning problem. It’s hard for her to communicate, it’s hard for her to read, and it’s hard for her to understand complex ideas. But she is always cheerful, always helpful, and always sets an amazing example. She’s loved by everyone who knows her.

In this day and age, where everything is blown out of proportion, where we’re often expected to be perfect, we can feel like our lives are small, and don’t really count. But when we stand up for what’s right, we are noble. When we defend the downtrodden, we are courageous. When we push forward, despite heavy obstacles, we are brave. All of these characteristics make us heroes. We are heroic because we choose what’s best.

Today if you think your life is small, if you think your contributions are minimal, stop, and think again. Think about the times you’ve spoken out for what was right, and helped those around you. You are more courageous than you think you are. You have goodness in you, and when you choose to show it to others, you are a hero. Be the very best you can be. Be an example for the world. You have that in you. Let it shine.

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Blast From the Past

25 Jun

As we go through life, sometimes there are personal things we want to change about ourselves. Often it’s a manifestation of our personality that we want to refine, or change. We may want to eliminate procrastination, complaining, over spending, laziness, or something else that’s bothering us. It takes time to change facets of our personality, but when we’re devoted, it is certainly possible. Once we feel we’ve mastered the change, and are happy with our growth, something may happen that throws us back in time – back to the way we were before all our hard work. It could be a visit from someone we haven’t seen in a while who triggers an old response. Or perhaps a stressful situation that makes us drop our guard. Whatever it is, when it happens, and we revert back to old patterns we don’t want, it’s very disappointing.

Relapsing back into a behavior we thought we had overcome doesn’t mean all the work we’ve done to overcome it is wasted. It just means we’ve stepped back into a roll we no longer desire in our lives. We aren’t moving back in, and we aren’t setting up shop. We’ve just taken a step back. When we realize what we’re doing, we can stop and take inventory, look at where we are, and where we want to be, and we can redirect our course. We can take control, and move forward again.

Nobody is perfect. We can’t be perfect in this life. But we can do things that are important to us so we can be happy. Changes aren’t easy to accomplish, but we can make them happen, and if we relapse, we can recapture them. Life throws us curve balls. We get surprised, and sometimes we get hurt. Those things can make us lose our stand for a moment, but that need not be permanent. We are in charge of our behaviors, and if we slip back into something we don’t want, we can slip right back out again. Change isn’t a destination. It’s a process. It’s ongoing, and continual. If we have a setback, we can still move forward.

Today if you feel you’ve lost your way, and returned to a behavior you don’t want, it’s okay. Just start again. Look up, and change your direction. You are capable of change, and you will prevail. Make the adjustments you need to turn around again. Forgive yourself, and let it go. In the big picture, you’ve already come a long way. Keep walking ahead. Pretty soon you will regain your footing, and you’ll be back on track.

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Split Second

24 Jun

Some years ago during the summer, I was in Alaska, and had gone on a fishing charter in Cook Inlet. Although it was summer, it was cold, and I was dressed in jeans, sweatshirt, coat, and boots. As we were securing the boat to the pier at the end of the trip, it drifted outward, and I reached over the water to grab the line to pull it back. Unfortunately, I lost my balance, and fell into the harbor. The water there in the summer is very cold, and being dressed as I was, I sank like a stone. I immediately began trying to swim, but with everything I was wearing, it was very difficult. As I continued to fall downward I looked up at the surface of the water, and realized that because of how I was dressed, and the temperature of the water, I might lose my life. I remember feeling great regret that I had reached out so far, and risked so much. It was a foolish decision given the weather, and the situation. Thankfully, I was able to get back to the surface, and someone pulled me out. I was severely chilled, and had to get my wet clothes off as soon as possible to prevent hypothermia. It took lots of dry, warm clothes, several cups of hot chocolate, and the rest of the day before the shivering stopped. I was lucky things worked out, but I have never forgotten the lesson. One small decision, and in a split second, everything changed.

Our lives are tentative, and this life is unpredictable. There are no guarantees. We tend to forget this from time to time. We take for granted that we will survive today, and see tomorrow, but nothing is sure. Of course, we can’t worry about all the things that could go wrong or we’d never be able to live normally, so we go through our days counting on them being safe, and successful. But sometimes, things turn, and in an instant, everything changes. We can’t predict anything. What comes, comes. We go through our lives, we have our routines, and activities, and then the unexpected happens. Things get turned upside down, and for a while we lose our footing.

Sometimes unforeseen things happen because of decisions we make, like mine when I fell into the ice cold harbor. Sometimes they happen because of decisions out of our control. Much of what we experience in this life is out of our control, and when things come that topple us, wake us up, and make us realize again that nothing is guaranteed, it can shake us deeply. Our task then is to be as ready as we can, and do our best when things go awry.

Today if you’ve been rattled by something that has unsettled your life, something that has suddenly shaken you, you may be upset but you will get through it. If it’s extraordinarily difficult, reach out for help. Get the support you need to navigate the situation so you can feel as comfortable as possible. Get into your dry clothes, and stay warm. This will last for just a moment, and then things will settle again. You are resilient enough to weather this. Being upside down is uncomfortable, there is no doubt about that. But while you’re struggling to right yourself, you will find the strength you need. You are strong enough for this. You are strong enough for anything.

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The Trust Conundrum

23 Jun

One of the most painful things we can experience is betrayal. A friend turns against us, a co-worker steals our idea, a lover cheats, a family member lies to us, and the list goes on. There are unlimited ways to be betrayed, and each one is extraordinarily painful. It knocks the wind out of us. Our first response is often disbelief. We can’t believe someone we trusted could do this to us. But we can’t control what others do, and sometimes because of their choices, we may face this very difficult experience. It’s horrible whenever it happens, and it certainly changes the dynamic of the relationship involved.

Being betrayed by someone we’ve trusted can feel devastating. We may second guess ourselves. We may ask, “How could we have trusted them?” or, “How did we not see this coming?” A thousand doubts may fill our minds. But we need to remember that betrayal belongs to those who betray – not to those who trust. It is noble to trust others. It builds relationships, and bridges to those around us when we allow ourselves to trust them. If that trust is broken, it will hurt us, but we are not wrong because we trusted them. The one who betrays us is wrong for breaking that trust.

When this happens to us, we may decide not to trust anybody. Nobody. We may decide not to believe what other people say, and not to rely on anyone. We may become suspicious of everyone, and everything. But trust is the basis for friendship, and every other relationship we have. It’s counter productive to decide to never trust others. If we want interpersonal relationships with anyone, we need to trust them. We need to believe them, and that means we have to be willing to take the risk that they will betray us. Without relationships we miss an important part of being human. So we need to trust, despite the possibility that we will be hurt. Not everyone will betray us, and it’s generally worth the risk. We need to be brave enough to do it.

Today if you feel betrayed by someone you’ve trusted, it will hurt, but try to remember that your trust did not cause this. Sometimes those we’ve entrusted make decisions that hurt us. It’s not a reflection on you. If you’re suffering through a betrayal, remember that. This won’t last forever. You were noble to trust them, and you will move forward. Keep your standards, and do your best. You know more about the person who hurt you now. You’ll be more careful with them going forward. Keep going forward. Walk right on through this. You’ll be wiser because of this, and wisdom is a wonderful attribute.

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Asking For It

20 Jun

A friend of mine goes to dinner every month with several other friends. They enjoy their time together, and have known each other for many years. Their lives are busy, and their monthly dinner is the time they all look forward to catching up with each other, and renewing their friendships.

At these dinners, it’s been customary to have all the orders placed on one check, and then the total divided up evenly between them at the end of the meal. My friend has been uncomfortable with this arrangement because several people order drinks that are very expensive, and a few always order the most costly entrée on the menu. Since her tastes are minimal, and she always orders a salad, it’s been hard for her to justify the enormous expense when the bill is divided up with lobster entrees, several glasses of wine, and cocktails. But she hadn’t said anything for fear of alienating her friends.

That all changed when she joined them this last week. When they were ordering their meals at last week’s gathering, she asked the waiter to please put her order on a separate check. She was nervous about what reaction she would get but as soon as she said it, a few others in the group also asked for separate checks. She was surprised by that, but happy she had chosen what was best for her. The dinner went smoothly, and at the end the checks were given to everyone who asked for one. Nobody seemed concerned about the change in the pattern, and everything was fine. My friend wished she had said something earlier because she could have taken care of this before it became a burden for her. If she had asked for the change when it first began to bother her, she would have been more comfortable.

It is sometimes the case in our lives when something is bothering us that we don’t speak up. There are a lot of reasons why we might stay quiet, but if it’s bothering us, it’s definitely worth talking about. We can direct our lives any way we want to, and in most circumstances, we don’t have to do things the way others expect us to. We can ask for, and get a different scenario. But we won’t get anything we want unless we ask for it. All we have to do is ask. It’s a simple thing, and we are capable of it at any time. We just have to decide when it’s important to us.

Today if you’re going along with something you don’t appreciate, you may ask for a change. You may ask for what you want. You don’t have to say you’re unhappy, you don’t have to say the situation is wrong, you can just ask for what you want. If you do that, odds are better that you’ll get it. If you don’t ask, nothing will change, so you’ve got nothing to lose. Ask for what you want. You are entitled to do things your way. Today, define what that is, and ask for it. You’ll be much happier being in control of your decisions. After all, the choice is yours. Make it the one you want.

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