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Last Minute

29 Aug

Sometimes when we need to do something we don’t want to, or have to make a decision that’s hard for us, we put it off. We might ignore it for as long as possible, get busy with other things, and pretend it doesn’t exist. But eventually we reach the time when we absolutely, positively have to do it. We’ve waited until the last minute either hoping we wouldn’t have to face it, or hoping somehow running out of time would help us get it done. Lots of us need the pressure of the last minute to make difficult decisions or move forward. When we put things off until we reach the moment when we have to do them even if we’re not ready, it has to happen. And then we face them.

Waiting until the last minute has its perks. We can forget about the situation for a while, we can live in a dream state pretending it doesn’t exist, and we can imagine we’re preparing so we can make the best decision when the time comes. If we’re in denial these seem like good options. But if we want to live in truth, this dodging really doesn’t help us. Waiting until we absolutely have to do something before we face it just makes the decision harder because we’re short on time, and it rushes us through the task that needs to be done, opening the door for problems.

If we want to do our best we need to be more proactive. Being proactive takes thought and planning. No matter what we have to face, it’s best to take the time we need to prepare for the decision or activity, plan for it to happen, and then confidently go forward. There isn’t anything we can’t face, but we’ll face everything more effectively if we look at it head on instead of ignoring it, and pretending it’s not there. If we courageously and carefully think about it, consider our options, and then plan for possible outcomes, we’ll be more successful in accomplishing what we need to. Waiting things out rarely works to our advantage and having an advantage can make all the difference.

Today if you’ve been putting something off that needs your attention, if you’ve been ignoring a decision or situation you need to address, change your focus. Open the door and look at things squarely, evaluate your feelings, and go forward with confidence. There is nothing you can’t do. There is nothing you can’t face. You are strong and capable of doing anything. Today move forward with confidence and get the advantage on your side. You can manage this. You’re just moving one more step closer to where you want to be.

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Healing Time

24 Aug

We all get hurt sometimes. We can be hurt physically and it takes time to heal. If we are hurt badly it may take a long time to heal. With our bodies, how long it takes for us to recover is often directly related to the level of impact. If we get a bump on the head, we may be fine in a day or so. If we get a concussion, it could take a long time before everything is better again. The same is true with our emotions. If we get our feelings hurt, we might recover pretty quickly, but if we get our hearts broken or someone betrays us, it takes longer to heal. Great wounds can take a long time, and sometimes we may think we’ll never fully recover.

Human beings are incredibly resilient. We are flexible and can adapt to almost any situation. That doesn’t mean adapting is easy, it just means we can accomplish it. But while we’re figuring out how to cope, it may take a lot of strength, and courage just to face our days. Even though we know intellectually we’ll eventually solve the problem, and put it behind us, there may be times when it can seem impossible. When we are devastated, sometimes we feel like there’s no hope. But that is an illusion. There is always hope. Given enough time, we will heal, no matter what we’re facing.

It’s hard to be positive when we feel bad. It’s hard to look forward and see the possibility of happiness again. It’s hard to trust ourselves to open the door to new possibilities. But everything is life changes. Nothing is permanent except death, so if we’re still alive we can do whatever we need to. Today may seem bleak and dark, but tomorrow the sun will rise, and we will continue to move closer to where we want to be. Eventually our distress will ease, and our confidence will return. One day we’ll realize we feel happy again. No matter what we go through, no matter how hard it is, we will move through it. Nothing is permanent. Everything will change.

Today if you’re trying to get through a difficult time, if you feel hopeless and lost, remember this is just one day. Even if it’s a bad day, it will only last for this one day. Tomorrow will be different. Keep going forward. There isn’t anything you can’t handle. There isn’t anything you can’t overcome. You are as strong as you need to be. Time is on your side. And time will heal everything.

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Returning Kindness

22 Aug

Recently while driving around completing some errands, I came upon a car stopped at a green light. I could see a white haired woman at the wheel, and I waited a moment before I tapped my horn to prompt her to drive forward. I was stunned when she looked at me in the rear view mirror and furiously lifted her middle finger at me flipping me off. It was so rude, and so unexpected. While she was still looking at me, I smiled and waved. She then hit the gas and took off. I’m pretty sure she was angry at me for blowing my horn – as evidenced by her indelicate response – but I have wondered how she felt after seeing me return her insult with a smile.

People do lots of things, and sometimes they don’t make the best choices. The woman in the car didn’t need to be rude to me for tapping my horn, but that was her choice. I could have returned an insult right back to her. I could have flipped her off, or just laid on my horn to annoy her. If I had done that, all I would have accomplished was to prove I could be as rude as she was. And I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to do something better, so I returned kindness for her behavior. I have wondered what she thought of that. Did she regret her actions after seeing my smile and wave, or did she just get more angry? I will never know. What I do know is that I chose what was best for me.

Choosing what is best isn’t always easy. It’s hard to be kind to someone who is being cruel. It’s hard to return consideration when someone is being mean, and it’s hard to be polite when someone is being rude. But we make our own choices, and determine our own paths. It’s easy to give back bad behavior when we get it. It doesn’t take much energy to send the negative and nasty right back over the net, but what does that bring us? If we want to be the best we can be, we need to set our sights higher. Anyone can be rude, hateful, and mean. That’s easy. Setting the goal to return kindness in the face of those things is hard, but it defines who we are. We set our own standards, and we can decide what we’ll do. If we set them according to what’s best for us instead of where someone else has put them, we can become the people we want to be. The choice is ours.

Today if someone is rude to you, if someone is mean to you, or if someone hurts you, before you respond think about choosing kindness. Return the behavior that most defines who you are. Reach higher, and choose what is best for you. You will never regret a good decision. Today, fill your day with them and you’ll be closer to the person you really want to be.

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New Shoes

18 Aug

We go through a lot of changes in our lives as the years fly by. Some of them are small and easy to navigate, and some of them impact us in deeper ways. If we’ve lost a loved one, had a dramatic shift in our career, or had to adjust to a big lifestyle change, it may take us a long time to adjust to our new reality. Like wearing new shoes that pinch, we know that eventually everything will stretch and we’ll feel better, but as we’re going through the adjustment, it’s difficult. We may feel lost, and out of our element. We may need support, and even then it may take a while before we regain our footing.

Change is normal, and happens every day. But practicing with small things doesn’t necessarily mean that when big changes come we are ready for them. Sometimes we’re surprised and shocked by a new development, but even if we know something is coming, it may still be hard to navigate. We get used to our lives going a certain way, and feel comfortable. When a ringer is thrown into the mix and everything is shaken up, it’s hard to figure things out right away. Sometimes it’s hard to understand what to do, and how to go forward.

They say that time heals all wounds, and in some ways that’s true. If we give ourselves time to adjust, time to find a new way through, and time to find our path, it will help. When we are facing big adjustments, we don’t need to rush. We need to give ourselves space, time, and patience. There are feelings and emotions involved we need to work out. Sometimes there are physical things that must be explored and defined. It’s like a pendulum – if the change is small, the adjustment is short, and if the change is big, the adjustment takes longer. The greater the change, the more time we’ll need. It’s important to give ourselves all the time it takes. Just like stretching out a new pair of shoes, it doesn’t happen the first time we wear them. We have to work on them little by little.

Today if you’re trying to adjust to a big change in your life, take your time. Give yourself patience, and room to figure things out. There is no need to rush. You will find your footing again, and you will know how to go forward. Give yourself the space you need. You will conquer this, and you will find comfort. One step at time is all you need to do. One step at a time and you’ll get there.

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The Other Way

17 Aug

When those close to us have problems with others, they may decide to change the dynamic of their relationships. Of course, they may do whatever works for them, but sometimes they pull us into the situation. If they decide they no longer want to be friends with someone, they may tell us not to befriend them anymore as well. If they want to control the situation, they may tell us not to contact the other party. These requests may put us in an awkward situation, and we may feel unprepared to comply with them, or think it’s inappropriate for us. Some feel that because we’re close to them we need to follow their lead with changes they decide for others in the circle. But that’s not true. We need not do anything just because someone else is doing it. We can choose for ourselves.

Relationship dynamics can be complex. We can be friends with lots of different people and each relationship is different. We can choose who we want to spend time with, who we want to talk to, and who we want to get close to. The relationships we build are ours. If someone else doesn’t want to be involved with someone we share our lives with, they may make that choice. But if they ask us to sever our ties with them over an issue they’re having, it can be uncomfortable. Continuing a relationship after someone close to us has asked us to stop does not mean we don’t care about them. Going our own way doesn’t mean we aren’t loyal. It just means we are making our own choices.  And we are always entitled to make our own choices.

When we face situations like these, we may feel pressure to comply. It’s normal to want to do things for those we care about, but it doesn’t mean we have to follow them blindly. We don’t have to agree with every decision they make. Their decisions are theirs, and they own them. And we own our decisions. We are free to decide what we want to do even if it’s the complete opposite of what is being asked. We can choose how our relationships roll forward on our own. We don’t have to go along, we don’t have to agree, and we don’t have to do anything that doesn’t feel right. We can politely, and patiently decline. We can express our concern and care for the person involved, but calmly and quietly make our own choices.

Today if you’re being asked or pressured to end or change a relationship with someone in your circle because of a problem with others, you may choose what is best for you. You don’t have to go along with the request if it’s not the best decision for you. No matter how close you are to the person asking, you can make your own choice. Your relationships are yours to manage. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing, you can go forward your own way. Be strong. You know what’s best for you. Stick to that, and be true to yourself.

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