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I Can’t Hear You

14 Aug

Have you ever known someone who constantly talks about how smart they are, but you’ve watched them make bad decisions over and over again?  Or someone who tells you how much they are going to do, but they don’t seem to accomplish anything? How about someone who talks about how kind and nice they are, but all you’ve seen is impatience and criticism from them? There is sometimes a disconnect between who we say we are, and what we do.  Sometimes they don’t match.  So which is it?  Are we the person we tell everyone we are, or are we the person whose life we’re actually leading? The truth is who we are isn’t what we say.  Who we are is what we do. We are living in the real world, and what we actually do tells the real story.

Sometimes people say they are one thing or another because it’s more flattering. Perhaps they want to be known as a generous person, so they tell people every time they do something that could be considered generous so they will be perceived as more giving than they really are. Perhaps they want to be considered patient and loving, so when others are listening, they adopt a patient and loving demeanor, even if it isn’t sincere. But people are smart. We’re very perceptive, and we can often spot a fake from twenty paces. The old saying that actions speak louder than words is true. It’s impossible to hear what someone is saying if their actions belie the claim.

When we first meet someone, we may be misled.  We hear what they tell us about themselves and at first, since we have no reason to doubt, we believe them. But sometimes as we get to know them, we realize they aren’t exactly the person they want us to think they are. If the disparity is egregious, we may determine they cannot be trusted. If it’s minor we may overlook it.  Either way, we need to pay attention. It’s important for us to know the truth about those around us so we know where we stand. It’s very painful to believe in someone, and then discover later that nothing we believed in was real. If we pay attention, we’ll figure out where the lines are, and what’s true. Gaining that knowledge will help us navigate the relationship more effectively as we move forward.

Today as you interact with those around you, pay attention. Listen to what is being said, and watch what is being done.  Learn about them, and understand who they really are. You’ll be more confident when you deal with them, and you’ll know how to handle your interactions with them more effectively.  Knowledge is power. Today, look around, pay attention, and gain the knowledge you need to go forward with confidence.

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Decision Time

13 Aug

Everybody has their own opinions about things. Sometimes we agree with them, and sometimes we don’t. When their opinions don’t involve us, we can disagree, and move on. But sometimes they are about us, and what we’re doing with our lives. Sometimes we get advice we haven’t asked for, and sometimes others frankly tell us what they think we should be doing. It can be uncomfortable when someone else makes a decision about our lives and strongly suggests we listen to it, especially if it’s someone we value and trust. But in the end, our lives belong to us, and the decisions about how we live them are ours to make.

Nobody knows the complete story of what we’re living but us. We have the insider’s view. No matter how close we are to others, it’s impossible for them to have our perspective. We are the ones living our lives, having our experiences, and being shaped by them. Sometimes those who care about us think they know what’s best for us. They may tell us to leave a personal relationship, or stay in it, quit our jobs or keep them, move or stay. There are all kinds of opinions out there and lots of people eager to share those opinions. If we are close to them, we may feel pressured to comply with their suggestions. We may find it difficult to say no, but saying no is our right. We have the starring roles in our lives, and only we know what we need to do.

When others project their opinions onto us and make the argument that their way is the right way, we can be polite and decline. We don’t have to give our reasons if we don’t want to, we don’t have to explain why we won’t take their advice, and we don’t have to justify our answers. We have the right and the responsibility of being in charge of our own lives. Even if everyone in our circle is screaming “Go left!” we can go right if that’s what we think is best. We have the power to control our lives. We can be loving, and thankful for suggestions, but in the end the choice is ours alone.

Today if you’re feeling pressured to make a decision you don’t think is right for you, you may decline. You can be confident in saying no. This is your life and you are the only one who knows the whole story. You can decide what’s best for you. You can live it your way. Today stand up for your decisions, and let those around you know that while you care for them, you will make your own choices. You’ll feel more empowered and you’ll be happier knowing you’re in control.

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The Shore

6 Aug

If you’ve ever been out at sea, away from the shoreline on all sides, it’s nearly impossible to imagine where land is. Everywhere you look, all you can see is ocean. The enormity of the watery expanse is impressive, and although you can’t see it, you know there is land out there somewhere. If you are the one piloting the ship, you will undoubtedly rely on instruments to keep you on course, and get you to the destination. If you’re a passenger, you must rely on the captain to know what he’s doing. You must have faith that you will reach the shore.

Our lives can sometimes feel like we’re at sea and unable to find land. We can drift around searching, and feel lost. We may get confused trying to figure out which way is north, and which way will lead us home. Since there are no landmarks to guide us at sea, we may wait for night to fall, and try to navigate by the stars. The same is true in our lives. If we’re lost, we sometimes have to wait until things are at their darkest before we figure out which way to go. Like the stars in the sky, we have everything we need inside us to find our direction. And when we’re ready, the answer will be there to guide the way.

We can feel lost for a million different reasons. Perhaps there have been unexpected changes that have upset us, maybe we’re facing a serious personal issue that we haven’t quite figured out, or we’ve just decided we’re going the wrong way and have to change direction. Whatever is making us feel lost can be unsettling, and at times even frightening. It’s hard when we feel untethered, floating around with no anchor, drifting here and there without direction. But if we hold on, and keep paddling, if we remain calm despite the confusion and give ourselves time to think, we will find our way. And then inch by inch we can turn and correct our course. We will feel the tide beneath us taking us where we want to go, and we’ll catch the wind that will carry us there.

Today if you’re feeling lost, if you’re unsure about which way is right, give yourself time. Don’t panic or push. Let your mind rest, and the answers will come. You know what’s best for you. You know where you want to go. You will find your way. Nobody knows you better than you. You are the captain of the ship. Be still and you will feel the tide ready to guide you through. Let it lift you, and soon you’ll be exactly where you want to be.

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Too Late

1 Aug

There are common conceptions of what people should do at certain stages of their lives. We have ideas about what those in their twenties will be doing, which is a bit different from our ideas about those in their forties. But these ideas don’t always hold true. As our society has progressed, our perceptions about age have changed, and created a more fluid, and accepting environment. We can really do anything we want, any time we decide to. If we missed college after high school, we can still go. If we want to change careers late in life, we can. Outside of physical limitations, there really is no time limit for doing what we want to do. We can wait, or we can start, and we can do whatever works for us.

I have a friend who in her fifties decided she wanted to be dentist. She had a college degree but needed to take some courses to qualify for dental school. So she registered and completed those, and then applied to several schools. She was accepted at a great dental school, and attended for four years. Once completed, she opened her own dental practice, and has been a very happy, and successful dentist for nearly twenty years. Of course, when she first decided to take this journey there were those in her circle who told her she was too old, and it was ridiculous to consider. “Do you know how old you’ll be when you finish?” they asked. Her response was, “The same age I’ll be if I don’t do it.” And so she didn’t listen. She knew what she wanted, and she went for it.

If we really want to do something, even if it’s a big change from where we are now, and if we are physically able to make the change, there is no reason not to proceed. Our lives are ours to dictate and decide. We can do anything we want to. It’s really never too late to make changes if we want them. I know a man who is eighty three. He is still learning and going after goals he sets for himself. He knows he is old, and he knows sometimes there will be difficulties, but he sets his mind and does them anyway. He is a great example. We can do anything we want. It doesn’t matter where we are in life. If we want something, we can achieve it.

Today if you’re thinking about doing something you really want to do but have been afraid that maybe it’s too late, do it anyway. This is your life and you can do anything you choose. Anything. Be confident and go forward. Make a plan and start your journey. Before you know it you will have achieved your goal and great happiness. This life is ours to design. You can do anything you want to. You just have to decide.

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Into the Wind

31 Jul

As we go through our lives, there will be times of difficulty and hardship. Times when we feel unsettled and unsure, and times when going forward is difficult. This may be a reflection of changes in our lives over which we have no control. Perhaps a loved one passes away, maybe a relationship has ended, or we’ve had to face a disaster of some sort. Sometimes they come because we’ve changed. The person we were has grown, and now the things we were so sure of aren’t as clear as before. Difficult times come to all of us, and when they do, they are hard to face. But they are also opportunities for growth.

When heavy winds are blowing on us, it’s tempting to turn around, and try to move forward against them with our backs turned.  It’s tempting to look away and try to distract ourselves from the onslaught.  But we can’t find our way walking backwards. We have to turn around, put our faces into the wind, and push forward despite the discomfort.   As we push ahead, we have to look inside ourselves to find the strength and direction we need. We can ask for advice from others, seek counseling if needed, and we can turn to a higher power for guidance. We can get all kinds of support, but in the end, the way forward is determined by us. We are the only ones who can navigate our trials, and the only ones who can decide which way forward is right for us.

When we’re facing difficulties, there is often confusion, and disharmony, but there is also the prospect of a new beginning. Beginnings can be scary when we aren’t sure where they’ll lead, but they can also be exciting. When we begin on a new road the scenery is foreign, the path is uncertain, and because we haven’t been there before, getting lost is a possibility. But if we keep our eyes focused ahead, take each turn as it comes, and look forward with confidence, we will find our way. It takes courage to move through difficult passages, but we have all the courage we need to get through them. We must believe in ourselves, and remember how strong we really are.

Today if you’re going through a difficult time, if there’s a lot to adjust to, and you aren’t sure which way is right, have faith. This is just a passage, and although it’s rocky now, it may lead to the best time of your life. Be courageous. You have all you need to weather the storm. You are strong, and you will find your way. Beginnings are the best time for change. Embrace that. There is a rainbow just behind the clouds.

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