Archive | Confidence RSS feed for this section

More Than One Way

11 Sep

There are a lot of different ways to look at things.  Some people see a situation one way, others may see it completely differently.  It doesn’t mean either interpretation is wrong, but everything we see and do is colored by our perspectives and our experiences.  When we are looking for solutions to problems there are some who feel there is only one right way to solve it.  It’s hard to convince them there isn’t a paved road to their particular solution, and it can cause some conflict.  But of course, there is rarely only one solution to any problem we face.  More often there are several scenarios that will address the issue and each has its merit.  It’s important to remember that, especially during times when we feel strongly that we have the answer.

No matter where we want to go, there is more than one route and more than one mode of transportation to get us there.  We could drive, we could fly, we could walk or we could ride.  There are main highways, direct routes, back roads, detours, and endless differences in how we get to the destination.  But eventually they will all take us where we want to go.  The scenery may differ, it may take various amounts of time to travel, and our experiences while we’re in transit will be different.  But eventually we will arrive at the destination no matter how we choose to get there, or what route we take.  We understand this when we think about actually going places, but understanding it when we’re solving problems is a little different.

We all feel strongly about certain things.  Some of us take a wide view of things and are laid back with details.  Others of us are precise and prefer things to be planned exactly and predictably.  Neither method is right or wrong.  It’s just a difference in style.  When we have a problem we need to solve and others are involved, if we are strongly convinced that our method is the one true answer, it will be difficult for us to hear other ideas.  But other ideas have value, and there is much to be learned by hearing them, and understanding them.  The best solutions are found when several ideas are considered.  If we focus just on our solution and don’t hear anything else, we miss the opportunity to possibly discover something better.  We all want the best solutions, and hearing other perspectives often leads us to them.

Today if you’re working on a solution to a problem and you are sure you have the best answer, take a minute to explore other possibilities.  Listen to the other ideas presented and be open to seeing how they could work.  Look around and evaluate all the possibilities.  You have great ideas, but so do others.  Be open to them.  You want the very best solution, and that often comes from several sources.  Be creative, and embrace the possibilities.  You might discover that the perfect solution is something different than you first imagined.

Tags: , ,

Just As You Are

8 Sep

We all have things about ourselves we want to change. Maybe we want to lose weight, exercise more, eat better, read more often, learn more about world events, be stronger, become more patient – the list is endless. Maybe we’re working on what we want to change now, or maybe we’ve put it off because of other priorities. Whatever we’re doing, there’s a chance we may be critical of ourselves because we haven’t yet accomplished all we want to. We’re harder on ourselves than anyone else. We push and push, and when we don’t accomplish all we think we should, sometimes we’re critical. We may expect to be perfect even though we know we can’t be. Unfortunately, that kind of thinking undermines us as we go forward.

I recently got a letter from a relative who included an old picture of me they had found from many years ago. When I looked at it, I was surprised at how good I looked. I remembered when that picture was taken feeling homely and undesirable. Looking at the picture now, I see a very attractive and appealing person. But that’s not how I felt at the time. I was highly critical of my appearance, and looking back I can see I was mistaken. We expect so much of ourselves, always seeing the imperfections, and wanting to be more than we think we are. We spend a lot of time looking ahead, trying to fix this or that, hoping that one day we’ll achieve whatever will make us the way we think we should be.

But what if we accepted ourselves today? Just as we are. Nobody is perfect – we all know that, but somehow it seems we make exceptions to the rule with regard to ourselves. We know nobody is perfect, but somehow we think we should be. The truth is we’re fine exactly the way we are. We’re the right size for where we are now, we have everything we need for what we’re doing, and we’re doing the best we can for the moment. We can change things in time, but for now, we’re exactly where we need to be. There’s a lot of press about loving others and that’s important, but it’s also important that we love ourselves. We’re here, we’re living our lives, and we’re exactly as we should be now.

Today if you’re feeling like you aren’t enough, like you should be better somehow, stop and see how wonderful you are right now. You do many things well and some things very well. Recognize those, and remember today is the best day of your life because you’re living it. Be happy with who you are, and what you’ve done. Work on the things you want to change, but as you go forward don’t forget how far you’ve come already. You have a lot going for you. Embrace that and be confident. You really are all that.

Tags: , ,

Sticking

4 Sep

When we make decisions and decide we want to do something, there are times when those around us may not agree.  They might not like the decision we’re making or they may think they have a better idea.  We can certainly listen to their opinions, but if we decide the decision is right for us, we are free to hold to it.  Only we know what we want most, and where we want to go.  Others around us, even those who know us well, will never know everything we know about ourselves.  So our decisions are important.  We can make them and stick with them, even if everyone else disagrees.

Our lives are precious and each day we live we choose what we will do, where we will go, and how we will act.  It’s all up to us.  We are influenced by circumstances and those around us, but still we can decide what we’ll do.  Of course, there are some limitations due to the responsibilities we carry.  If we have a job we may not be able to go to the golf course all day.  If we have important commitments, we will have to work around them.  But even with those encumbrances, we still have a lot of freedom to make decisions.  If we are wise, and make our choices based on what’s best for us and what we want most, we will go forward the way we want to.

Everyone has opinions and those close to us sometimes feel they know better than we do what’s best for us.  There is no denying that we make mistakes in judgment from time to time, and if we’re really going the wrong way, we may be cautioned by those who care about us.  We can listen to their warnings and their advice, and if we want something nobody else can see, we can still make the decision.  We are capable of understanding our lives and where our decisions will take us.  If we falter, we’ll correct our course.  Nothing is permanent, and corrections in our direction are always possible.

Today if you’ve made a decision that others don’t agree with, listen to their comments and decide what you want to do most.  If you still believe your decision is the right path for you, stick with it.  You are able to make wise decisions, and if you make a mistake, you will correct it.   You have everything you need to go forward with confidence.  Be bold and be brave.  You can choose anything you want, and you can succeed.

Tags: , ,

Do This Not That

3 Sep

It seems everyone is willing to give us advice. Sometimes we ask for it and when that happens we may be glad to receive it. Other times those around us may offer it because they think we need to hear it. We may not want their advice so when it comes unsolicited we may not appreciate it. Even though we are the only ones who know exactly what’s happening in our lives, others sometimes think they know better and will tell us not only what they think, but what they think we should do. We may take from their comments whatever we find helpful, but we aren’t compelled to listen to anyone’s suggestions about our lives if we don’t want to. We are free to live each day as we choose, even if that doesn’t match what someone else thinks is best for us.

It’s natural to want to be helpful when we care about someone. If we see them doing something we think is the wrong decision, or something we think will hurt them, we may want to step in and tell them how to change things before something goes wrong. We care about them, and we don’t want them to suffer. But there are limits to what we should do, and certainly limits to what we can do. Perhaps we have a friend who makes the same mistake over and over again, and always gets hurt. If we see them headed down that same, tired road again we may want to stop them before things go wrong. We can talk to them about their decisions, and we can offer our advice, but if they don’t accept it, we have to let it go. It’s hard to walk away when we think we can help, but if they don’t want the advice, it won’t help anyway.

We can find ourselves giving advice without thinking about it. If we see someone doing something we don’t agree with, or something we don’t think will work, we might just speak up. It’s fine to give suggestions but we must remember that a suggestion isn’t an order. The receiver doesn’t have to listen to us, and we need to respect their choices. We never really know the entire story of why anyone does anything. There are often extenuating circumstances affecting their decisions, but even if there is nothing more than what we can see, the choice is theirs to make. We all get to make our own choices, good or bad. It’s up to us.

Today if you’re getting advice you haven’t asked for you may choose to follow it or let it go. Be thankful to those who think enough of you to offer their help, and then choose what’s best for you. If you find yourself giving advice, remember that your suggestions may not be followed. In either case, it doesn’t mean the advice is bad. It just means we all get to decide what we’ll do on our own. Getting it or giving it, advice is just a suggestion. Take it or leave it, it’s up to us. You know what’s best for you. Follow that.

Tags: , ,

Waves

2 Sep

When I was a child our family spent several weeks one summer on an island off the coast of North Carolina.  The beach was beautiful, and I would play in the surf but only up to my knees.  I was afraid of the waves and watched the water very carefully.  When the tide came in the waves would get quite large and one day my sister and I were playing in the sand too close to the water, and a wave washed over us and dragged us away from the shore.  We didn’t go far and our father grabbed us and pulled us back.  I was quite terrified, certain we were going to die, and seeing my distress, after that day he began to teach me about the waves.  He told me they were safe but I needed to learn how to manage them.  He took me into the water when the waves were small and taught me that if I planned for them, I would be fine.  Each day we went into the water and as the waves got bigger and bigger, and I got scared, my father encouraged me to be confident and told me I could manage whatever came.  Day by day my confidence grew as I learned about the water, and before long I was body surfing and hoping for bigger and bigger waves.

When we are facing new things we may feel unsure.  Because we haven’t managed the parameters of the new situation before, it may be daunting or even frightening.  We may lack confidence in our ability to do it.  When we’re facing new processes or experiences we’re sometimes hesitant going forward.  But we can prepare by taking small steps.  If we put our feet in just a little, and try doing a small part first and get comfortable, we can then move forward.   It’s like conquering the small waves.  If we take it step by step we will gain confidence and manage the project, whatever it is.

A man I know called me once some time ago expressing his concern over an assignment to teach a course.  He was convinced he couldn’t do it, and sure he would faint or be struck dumb in front of the participants.  He was well educated and generally interacted with others quite easily but he was terrified about being the center of attention.  We talked about it and he decided to practice with friends before the event.  He had several practice sessions, each going more easily than the previous one, and when it was time for his presentation he did well.  He conquered the small waves over and over and when the big wave came he was ready.  Success is often just about preparation.  We can do anything if we have the courage to face it and the will to conquer it.

Today if you’re facing something new that is giving you pause, and if you are uncertain about going forward, take one small step toward the goal.  Do one small thing to start the learning process and conquer that.  Tomorrow do another and keep moving forward until you feel confident and sure.  You can do anything you want.  You can learn and you can grow.  Take it one small wave at a time and soon you’ll be in the front of the line showing others how it’s done.

Tags: , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →