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Dealing

9 Aug

There are times in everyone’s life when things go wrong. There will be situations we can’t prevent and events we don’t want to endure. We have little control over what comes to us and no control over the decisions of others. Sometimes things will not be where we want them and there will be nothing we can do to change them. When that happens we have to cope with where we are and what’s going on. We have to deal with the situation as it is. It’s not easy to navigate times like these and we may feel frustrated, angry or sad. But if we really can’t change things we must accept them and walk through them as they are. Disappointments come and when they do we can keep moving forward. We are successful when we cope with difficult times and patiently work through them until they change. We can learn all we can as we go, and effectively navigate our course to the other side.

Learning to deal with disappointment and sorrow takes time. If we are stunned by something that’s happened unexpectedly we may lose our way for a moment. We may need some time to catch our breath and process what’s happened. If our foundation has been rocked, it may be hard to find our footing at first. But no matter what happens if we take our time to think about the situation and look at it objectively we will find our way through it and back to solid ground. We can deal and cope until things change.

Sometimes we think we could never go through certain experiences in life. We don’t feel we could survive extreme disappointments or sorrow, and can’t even think about them. But life continues on and even when we think we can’t go another minute, we do. Even when we think we’ve been overcome, we thrive. We wake up another day and find our way. We are resilient and steady in our ability to cope. If the wind is knocked out of us, we can catch our breath. If we are pushed down, we can get back up. If we are stunned, we can refocus. We can bounce back from anything that shakes us, and we can endure far more than we believe. There is no sorrow or disappointment strong enough or invasive enough to destroy us. We are capable of handling anything that comes and overcome it. We can take whatever time we need to find our way. No matter what happens, we will survive. And we will take the lessons learned and the strength we gained forward with us.

Today if you’re dealing with a difficult situation you cannot change, and you feel angry or upset, keep walking forward. You can handle anything that comes to you. You are strong and resilient and perfectly capable of managing this. You are getting braver and learning more each moment. Keep your eyes on the future. This will pass. Happiness is just around the corner.

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Red Rover

27 Jul

There is a children’s game Red Rover where there are two teams of players lined up opposite each other holding hands and forming a line.  One side calls a player from the other team over to their side.  That person runs over to the other side and tries to break through the line.  If they succeed they take one person from that side back to join their team.  If they fail they must stay and join ranks with the other team.  It’s a fun game and the winner is the team that gets all the players on their side.  In our lives we might feel we’re playing Red Rover when we try to convince others of an idea or plan.  We present our idea and hope others will join us and sometimes they do.  But sometimes they counter with a revised plan and we end up joining them on their side instead.  When things go our way and others join us we feel confident and happy we prevailed.  But if our idea was important to us and we have to go another way it can be hard to let it go and join the other side.  Life is all about give and take, and sometimes we have to give when we’d prefer not to.  Compromise isn’t always easy especially when the compromise means we have to give up what we want.  If our ideas aren’t embraced the first time we present them, we can return to them again later.  If we must change our plans and go a different way for now we can wait.

Learning to wait for what we want can be a struggle.  If we’re sure what we desire is good and don’t see any reason we can’t have it we may be frustrated if it isn’t forthcoming.  But sometimes we have to wait even if what we want is beneficial.  There are a lot of factors influencing our lives – the decisions and desires of others, the current situation, timing, future plans, and present stressors may all come into play.  When we have a great idea and feel certain it will bring a desired result, we want to make it happen.  If that doesn’t work out the first time we try, we can back up and set it aside for now.  Things change every day.  We can try again later when the situation is different and we may find immediate success.

When we’re waiting for something we want if we focus on other things the wait will be easier.  If we obsess over the original idea, and worry about when we’ll make it happen we may lose focus of what we’re doing now.  We are living right now.  If we’re involved in what we’re doing at the moment and where we’re headed we will feel fulfilled.  Constantly thinking about a situation that isn’t where we are will only bring frustration.  We can plan for the future and how we want things to go, but if we must wait we can live effectively in the meantime.  When our lives change and the opportunity arises for us to try our plans again we will.  Until then, we can live fully where we are and learn as much as possible going forward.

Today if you’ve been thinking about something you really want to do but it’s not possible right now, move forward.  You can set it aside for now and live well.  Later when things are different revisit your plans and try again.  You have everything you need to accomplish anything you like.  Be patient.  Everything will come to you in time.

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Listen to Me

25 Jul

We know what’s best for us and what we want to do with our lives.  We know where we want to go and what we want to achieve.  Because we are effective in managing our own lives, sometimes we may think we can help others manage theirs.  Maybe we see them making the same mistake over and over again, and decide to give them advice we think will help.  Sometimes we may really have the answers for someone else’s problems, but that doesn’t mean we can tell them what to do.  If we care for them we can certainly offer our help and give them advice that may assist them.  But once we’ve done that it’s up to them to follow it or not.  They might listen to us or they may ignore the advice.  Their decisions belong to them and even if the counsel we’ve offered is helpful, they may choose their own way.  It can be frustrating to see someone we care about stumble when we’re trying to help them but their decisions are theirs to make.  We can’t make them listen to us.  They have the right to choose.  The best we can do is offer our sincerest advice and then let it go.

We can’t possibly know everything about anyone but ourselves and have only an external view of other people’s lives. We can see what they are doing and if they share confidences with us we may have some insight into how they’re feeling.  But we will never know the entire story.  We can’t know their private desires or intentions.  All we can see is what’s on the outside and we can only give advice based on that.  If they want to listen to us they may, but their lives belong to them and every decision they make is their responsibility.  They will make them based on their personal choices and not someone else’s.  Although we may want to help, in the end the choice is theirs.  We are all certainly smart enough to figure out what’s best for us and even if we falter and make a mistake, we can find our way again.

When we put pressure on others to comply with a suggestion we’ve made and it’s something they don’t want to do, they may feel worried and concerned about telling us they don’t want to do what we’re asking.  If we’re very close to them they may be concerned about how a refusal will affect the relationship and how we will respond.  But if they have other ideas about their life and feel confident about them they can clearly decline any suggestion.  We may not appreciate their refusal to go along but we can respect them for standing up for their decisions.  We own our own lives and can manage them and design them any way we want to.  We can do things our way with confidence and grace, and face whatever comes.  If we falter, we will correct our course.  We can give advice and when we get it we may take it or decline it.  The choice is ours.

Today if you feel compelled to tell someone else how they should move forward or how they should do something, you may offer your advice.  You may give sound reasons for why you believe this is the right way for them to go.  Give your suggestions and then let them choose.  They will hear you and appreciate your concern but they must choose for themselves.  Honor that and support them as you move forward.

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Make it So

15 Jul

There are times in everyone’s life when we have to face things that are uncomfortable or when unplanned difficult developments occur.  It can be hard to adjust to changes when we’ve previously determined how our plans should go and they don’t comply.  During times like those if we face the truth of the situation we often must modify our path going forward.  Things didn’t work out like we planned so we have to turn a little and try again.  Facing reality is important if we want to live an honest life, but if it seems too difficult to face what’s happening or make modifications, we do have another option – we could lie.  We could lie to ourselves and those around us and pretend things are different than they really are.  It’s never wise to be dishonest and the truth eventually catches up us but we may convince ourselves it’s a possible option until things change.  If we are determined enough to make the situation appear to be different than it is, we may believe if we lie enough we could actually change it.  Of course that’s not possible but times of desperation may cloud our judgment and we may decide to try.  We may convince ourselves we can make it so just because we say it’s so.

We all have situations we feel we could never face.  We may believe we could never survive the death of a close loved one, the betrayal of a dear friend, or the loss of something we cherish.  But there really is nothing that will come to us in our lives we cannot navigate.  There may be very painful moments, we may question our ability to continue on, and we may struggle mightily if the event is seriously terrible but we can get through anything in time.  We can face the truth of any situation and we can find a way to successfully go forward.  We don’t have to lie to ourselves or others.  We are strong enough to handle anything that happens.

Lying is a pernicious and destructive behavior.  If we lie once and find it makes our lives easier or gets us something we desire, it will be easy to lie again.  Over time if we make it a continual habit and choose it whenever things become uncomfortable, it will become easier and easier.  It may become second nature and after a time we may not even give it a second thought.  Once established, lying is a desperate habit that is hard to break.  If we allow ourselves to make it an acceptable part of our lives, when we decide to stop it will take real determination to become honest again.  The damage we do when we lie not only affects us personally but can destroy our relationships.  It’s nearly impossible to have a healthy and strong relationship with a liar.  They can’t be trusted and there is no way to know when or if they are ever truthful.  The price for lying can be steep and bring long lasting complications.  The best we can do if we are uncomfortable with anything is to face it completely and openly.  We are capable of seeing things as they really are, accepting them, and navigating them honestly.  Lying is cowardly.  We are not cowards and have sufficient courage to face whatever comes to us.

Today if you’re struggling with something in your life and think lying about it may bring you some relief, remember there is nothing too difficult or strong for you to manage.  You can be completely honest with yourself and those around you no matter what you’re facing.  Face the situation openly and tell the complete truth.  Your integrity is important and you will never regret honoring it.

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In the Middle

17 Jun

There are times in our lives when decisions must be made that affect others involved.  When everyone agrees on the same choice it’s easy to move forward and get things done.  But we’re all different and our ideas about how things should go sometimes don’t match.  We may feel our solution is best and then be confronted with someone who disagrees.  If the choices are vastly different, there may be conflict as the final decision is determined.  We all understand that compromises must be made from time to time but if we feel strongly about going a certain direction and someone else feels strongly about going the opposite way it may be hard to find common ground.  And sometimes there isn’t anything common within the choices.  When that happens we can find a way to go forward by looking for a solution somewhere in the middle of both directions.  It won’t be exactly the way we want it but it won’t be exactly the other way either.  We can give and take some control.  We don’t have to give it all up but we can’t take it all either.  Finding the middle allows both sides to compromise without giving up anyone’s entire choice.  It isn’t always easy, especially if strong feelings are involved, but it is the best way to ensure we continue to move forward.  If we dig in and refuse to give up anything we’ll end up stuck and that gets us nowhere.

If we find ourselves in a situation where we absolutely believe we are right and the other side is completely wrong it may be hard to hear why we should alter our decision.  Our choice may be an excellent option but rarely is there only one way to get anything done.  There are many ways to do everything and although our ideas may be great, it’s important to remember there are lots of great ideas.  If we openly listen to all the options presented and take the time to really understand another perspective we will more easily be able to compromise.  Allowing all the other points of view to be considered opens the door for new perspectives.  And those new perspectives teach us more about the situation and the options available.

Sometimes we may feel there is only one answer for a problem we’re facing.  There is only one way we can see to get through it.  When that happens if we patiently explain our position and why we believe it must go that way others will be more receptive to our solution than if we simply tell them this is the way it’s going to go.  We all deserve to be heard.  Finding the place in the middle is possible if we respect everyone’s opinion as much as our own.  Even when we’re sure we’re right, sometimes after hearing another viewpoint we may see where we could modify and find an even better solution.  Listening allows us to hear.  And hearing all the possibilities helps us find the best answers.  We are fully capable of making our own decisions but we are also capable of collaborating those decisions when needed.  Collaboration brings a more cooperative partnership and helps us move forward more effectively.

Today if you’ve made a decision and you’re sure it’s the best way but others disagree, listen to their perspective and understand their point of view.  You’ll learn more and your views will broaden.  Stretch your vision to find a compromise that works for everyone and you’ll feel more support and unity going forward.  We’re all in this together.  Join hands with those around you to get the job done.

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