Archive | June, 2015

Do it for me?

15 Jun

When our close friends or family ask us for a favor, most of us will likely try to help out. Sometimes they ask for advice, sometimes they need help with a task, and sometimes they may ask us to do something we aren’t comfortable with. We may even be asked to do something dishonest, or not in keeping with our values. Since they know us well, they already know this goes against what we feel is right, but they may ask us anyway. How can we handle that? We value the relationship, and don’t want to cause an issue, but how can we do what we’ve been asked to do if it goes against our personal beliefs?

It’s a difficult situation to be asked to compromise ourselves. We may feel angry that they would do this, and feel upset to be placed in this position. We may be concerned about saying no because we don’t want to negatively impact the relationship. At times like this, we need to stop and think about what is most important to us. Is our relationship more important than our personal beliefs? Is it worth breaking our values to protect it? What will happen if we agree this time? Will they feel comfortable compromising us again in the future? Will this set a precedent? How will we feel about ourselves if we agree to do this?

Relationships are important to us. They connect us to others, and those connections are valuable. But it’s also critical that we make decisions that are most important to us. We have to decide carefully in situations like this, because either way we choose, there will be consequences. If we choose to do as we’ve been asked, we may feel weak, and hypocritical. If we don’t do it, we may hurt the relationship. It can seem like a no win situation. But there are ways to handle it.

If we don’t want to comply with a request, we can explain our reasons carefully, and show that we value the relationship, but state that we want to hold firm to our beliefs and standards. We can express our understanding for the situation, and perhaps offer alternative methods for solving the issue. We can be kind and supportive, and still be firm in our decision to decline the request. If the requester cares for us, and they probably do, they will understand. And they will respect us for holding firm to what we believe in, even though we aren’t doing what they wanted.

Today if someone has asked you to do something that you don’t feel is appropriate for you, make the best decision for going forward. Be open, and honest when responding to them, and show you care but cannot do what they’ve asked. Be confident in your decision. Make the best choice possible so you will be happy with yourself going forward. You are the only one accountable for your choices. Choose wisely.

Tags: , ,

Reverse Engines

14 Jun

There comes a time in all of our lives when we realize we’ve really screwed up. We’ve made a big mistake. A huge blunder. We missed the mark, and we’ve made a mess. When we discover this, our first thought may be to wish for a time machine, and go back before everything happened. But, sadly, that isn’t possible. We’re here, and there is no way to go back. We have to face the music. It happens. And if it happens in such a way that we’ve affected others, it can be really uncomfortable. It’s hard to face a bad situation we’ve created, and even harder to know how to go about fixing one. It’s not really the end of the world – but for a while, it can feel like it is.

When this happens, we have choices. Instead of facing it, we could ignore the situation. Pretend like it didn’t happen. Look the other way, and wait to see if it’ll just fade as time passes. This is the worst decision we could make. Ignoring a situation never makes it go away. If we don’t do that, we could blame someone else, or make excuses, or make up a story that takes the blame away from us. Of course, that won’t work because dodging what we’ve done won’t change anything. Blaming others, or making excuses will just make things worse.

The only way to get through a situation like this is to be completely honest. We made a mistake. We can give our reasons for why we did what we did, but the fact is, we made a mistake. If criticisms and judgments come from others, we need to hear them. If relationships are damaged, we need to do what we can to repair them. If we’ve lost material goods, we need to try to restore them. We must, at every point, choose to be honest, accept our responsibility for what’s happened, and do whatever we can to turn things around. It’s never easy to clean up after a big mistake. It can be embarrassing, humiliating, and painful. But if we’re the one who made the mess, we own it, and we’re responsible for fixing it.

Today if you’re under the gun for a mistake you’ve made, decide to be as honest as possible. Face what has happened, and be open to whatever it takes to fix the situation. You may be uncomfortable, but you can handle that. If you are honest and forthcoming about your involvement, and willing to do what is needed to correct things, others will respond more positively. This won’t last forever. You will learn new things as you go through this difficult passage, and at the end of it, if you’ve chosen well, you’ll be happy with how you handled it. Everyone takes a left turn from time to time. It’s okay. Now you know where that road goes. You won’t make the same mistake again.

Tags: , ,

No Thank You

13 Jun

We have opportunities to do a lot of things every day. There are always tasks that must be done, chores we must manage, and other responsibilities. And there are fun options as well. Our friends, and family play a part in our daily tasks when they need, or want us to do something with them, or for them. Most of us like to be helpful, and we try to comply as much as possible when someone wants our time. But sometimes that isn’t possible. And sometimes we really don’t want to do what is being asked.

Just because someone thinks we should do something, doesn’t mean we are compelled to do it. It’s easy to fall into the trap that we must do everything we are asked to do, but that isn’t true. It’s up to us. We can say no. Even if the person asking us really wants us to go along, we have the power to decline. It’s one thing if they really need our help, and we want to be there. But sometimes the request has less to do with need, and more to do with what the other person wants us to do.

For instance, if we have a network of friends that we do things with socially, we may enjoy that. But sometimes our lives change, and we may decide we don’t want to spend so much time with them. Sometimes we want to do other things. There may be pressure from the group to keep the status quo, not to change the pattern. But if we want to move on to something else, we may. Pressure from others will always affect our decisions, but in the end we should feel empowered to do what is best for us, and nobody knows what that is but us. We can, and we should, choose that. It’s not selfish to direct our own lives. It’s appropriate. We can be kind and giving, while still ensuring we are doing what is most important to us.

Today, if you’re feeling pressured to do something you really don’t want to do, you may say, “No, thank you.” You may politely decline. If others insist that you go along, you may still politely decline. It’s up to you. Smile and be gracious, but stay true to what is best for you. The road you’re on is yours alone. You get to choose the steps. Make the best choice that will take you where you want to be. And be confident. When we choose what’s best for us, it’s the best choice to make.

Tags: , ,

Burn Me Once

12 Jun

There is a saying, “Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.” The meaning is pretty obvious – when someone hurts us the first time, it’s on them. But if we let them hurt us a second time, it’s on us. That’s true sometimes, but not always. It’s generally more complex than this. As people, we aren’t really that predictable, and there are always complications. We can be in situations where we get hurt, but because of the relationship dynamic, we allow the person who hurt us to remain close enough to hurt us again. Sometimes it’s because they are related to us, and cutting them off isn’t really a viable option. Sometimes it’s because we love them, and have faith in them. Sometimes it’s because we have a relationship with them that’s important to our lives. And sometimes, it’s because we’re afraid to let them go.

People make mistakes all the time. I make them, and you make them. We aren’t perfect, and we falter. It’s the normal course of things as we learn. We run into problems when we make the same mistakes over and over, or we allow others to hurt us the same way again and again. Relationships aren’t always easy, and the decisions we make in them are not always black or white. Sometimes it’s unclear how we should proceed. Sometimes we aren’t sure. We don’t want to be hurt again, but we don’t know how to go forward. And sometimes it’s easier to pretend that everything is okay even when we’re not happy. The problem with pretending is that it isn’t reality, and eventually that catches up with us. When that happens, we have to face the true situation head on.

We deserve the very best from ourselves, and from those around us. We won’t always give it, or get it, but we can try to do our part. If we offend someone we care about, we need to recognize what we’ve done, and make it right. And the same is true for those around us. However, sometimes those who have offended us are not aware of our feelings. When that happens, it’s up to us to tell them what’s going on. We can do it calmly, and politely. We will get the point across more effectively if we are not angry when we have the discussion. Then if the offense happens again, if we are hurt again, we can decide if we want to continue the relationship. It’s not easy to change relationships, but it isn’t impossible. We are the ones in control of our lives. If we are getting hurt, and we do nothing, we will be unhappy. We deserve to be happy. We deserve the very best.

Today if you’re being hurt, speak up. Explain how you feel, and do your part to improve the relationship. If nothing changes, and you continue to be hurt, remember that you are valuable. You deserve to be happy. Make the best choice possible to ensure that you will be. Happiness is a gift we give to ourselves. Give it to yourself today. You deserve it.

Tags: , ,

Just As You Are

11 Jun

Today there is a lot of pressure on us to be perfect. We’re bombarded with messages that we have to be fit, and look good. We have to eat a certain way. All our relationships need to be happy. We have to wear nice clothes, style our hair in the latest trend, and have money in the bank. We must look young, and vibrant at every age. These messages are constant in the media all around us every day. The goal is perfection, but nobody is perfect. Since we aren’t perfect, we may question ourselves. Are we doing enough? Are we trying hard enough? Why aren’t we enough just as we are? It’s exhausting. Somewhere the world went crazy, and perfection became the new expectation. But perfection is just a goal. In this life, it’s not the achievement.

It’s easy to feel like we are less than we should be up against such high standards. It’s easy to feel bad, and think we don’t measure up, when in fact, we’re probably just fine. Our standards should be set by us. We need to determine what we want our lives to be like, and what they should look like. Nobody is living our lives but us. We get to custom make them, and decide how they work. We can set our own goals as high as we like. We can do anything, but we should do what we want to do, and not what others think we should do. It’s okay if we’re average height, average weight, average intelligence, and have an average sized bank account. We can strive for more if we want, but wherever we are, we can be happy. We’re fine where we are. In fact, we’re perfectly fine.

Our lives can be anything we want them to be, and they never have to match someone else’s ideas. If we let others decide how we should live, we will never figure out what we really want. And discovering what we really want for ourselves is the first step to true happiness. We will be happy if we are living our lives our way, and we all deserve to be happy.

Today, be who you are. Ignore all the messages that you have to be more, do more, and look a certain way. If you want to change something, make a plan and change it. If you’re happy with things the way they are, enjoy yourself. This is your time to make the most of your life. Do it your way. Nobody can live your life better than you. You know exactly how it should go. And when you’re doing it your way, nothing will stop you from getting what you want. The end of the rainbow does not have a pot of gold. You have it every day you choose to be happy. Today, make that choice. Be happy. You are perfect just as you are.

Tags: , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →