Archive | June, 2015

Blast From the Past

25 Jun

As we go through life, sometimes there are personal things we want to change about ourselves. Often it’s a manifestation of our personality that we want to refine, or change. We may want to eliminate procrastination, complaining, over spending, laziness, or something else that’s bothering us. It takes time to change facets of our personality, but when we’re devoted, it is certainly possible. Once we feel we’ve mastered the change, and are happy with our growth, something may happen that throws us back in time – back to the way we were before all our hard work. It could be a visit from someone we haven’t seen in a while who triggers an old response. Or perhaps a stressful situation that makes us drop our guard. Whatever it is, when it happens, and we revert back to old patterns we don’t want, it’s very disappointing.

Relapsing back into a behavior we thought we had overcome doesn’t mean all the work we’ve done to overcome it is wasted. It just means we’ve stepped back into a roll we no longer desire in our lives. We aren’t moving back in, and we aren’t setting up shop. We’ve just taken a step back. When we realize what we’re doing, we can stop and take inventory, look at where we are, and where we want to be, and we can redirect our course. We can take control, and move forward again.

Nobody is perfect. We can’t be perfect in this life. But we can do things that are important to us so we can be happy. Changes aren’t easy to accomplish, but we can make them happen, and if we relapse, we can recapture them. Life throws us curve balls. We get surprised, and sometimes we get hurt. Those things can make us lose our stand for a moment, but that need not be permanent. We are in charge of our behaviors, and if we slip back into something we don’t want, we can slip right back out again. Change isn’t a destination. It’s a process. It’s ongoing, and continual. If we have a setback, we can still move forward.

Today if you feel you’ve lost your way, and returned to a behavior you don’t want, it’s okay. Just start again. Look up, and change your direction. You are capable of change, and you will prevail. Make the adjustments you need to turn around again. Forgive yourself, and let it go. In the big picture, you’ve already come a long way. Keep walking ahead. Pretty soon you will regain your footing, and you’ll be back on track.

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Split Second

24 Jun

Some years ago during the summer, I was in Alaska, and had gone on a fishing charter in Cook Inlet. Although it was summer, it was cold, and I was dressed in jeans, sweatshirt, coat, and boots. As we were securing the boat to the pier at the end of the trip, it drifted outward, and I reached over the water to grab the line to pull it back. Unfortunately, I lost my balance, and fell into the harbor. The water there in the summer is very cold, and being dressed as I was, I sank like a stone. I immediately began trying to swim, but with everything I was wearing, it was very difficult. As I continued to fall downward I looked up at the surface of the water, and realized that because of how I was dressed, and the temperature of the water, I might lose my life. I remember feeling great regret that I had reached out so far, and risked so much. It was a foolish decision given the weather, and the situation. Thankfully, I was able to get back to the surface, and someone pulled me out. I was severely chilled, and had to get my wet clothes off as soon as possible to prevent hypothermia. It took lots of dry, warm clothes, several cups of hot chocolate, and the rest of the day before the shivering stopped. I was lucky things worked out, but I have never forgotten the lesson. One small decision, and in a split second, everything changed.

Our lives are tentative, and this life is unpredictable. There are no guarantees. We tend to forget this from time to time. We take for granted that we will survive today, and see tomorrow, but nothing is sure. Of course, we can’t worry about all the things that could go wrong or we’d never be able to live normally, so we go through our days counting on them being safe, and successful. But sometimes, things turn, and in an instant, everything changes. We can’t predict anything. What comes, comes. We go through our lives, we have our routines, and activities, and then the unexpected happens. Things get turned upside down, and for a while we lose our footing.

Sometimes unforeseen things happen because of decisions we make, like mine when I fell into the ice cold harbor. Sometimes they happen because of decisions out of our control. Much of what we experience in this life is out of our control, and when things come that topple us, wake us up, and make us realize again that nothing is guaranteed, it can shake us deeply. Our task then is to be as ready as we can, and do our best when things go awry.

Today if you’ve been rattled by something that has unsettled your life, something that has suddenly shaken you, you may be upset but you will get through it. If it’s extraordinarily difficult, reach out for help. Get the support you need to navigate the situation so you can feel as comfortable as possible. Get into your dry clothes, and stay warm. This will last for just a moment, and then things will settle again. You are resilient enough to weather this. Being upside down is uncomfortable, there is no doubt about that. But while you’re struggling to right yourself, you will find the strength you need. You are strong enough for this. You are strong enough for anything.

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The Trust Conundrum

23 Jun

One of the most painful things we can experience is betrayal. A friend turns against us, a co-worker steals our idea, a lover cheats, a family member lies to us, and the list goes on. There are unlimited ways to be betrayed, and each one is extraordinarily painful. It knocks the wind out of us. Our first response is often disbelief. We can’t believe someone we trusted could do this to us. But we can’t control what others do, and sometimes because of their choices, we may face this very difficult experience. It’s horrible whenever it happens, and it certainly changes the dynamic of the relationship involved.

Being betrayed by someone we’ve trusted can feel devastating. We may second guess ourselves. We may ask, “How could we have trusted them?” or, “How did we not see this coming?” A thousand doubts may fill our minds. But we need to remember that betrayal belongs to those who betray – not to those who trust. It is noble to trust others. It builds relationships, and bridges to those around us when we allow ourselves to trust them. If that trust is broken, it will hurt us, but we are not wrong because we trusted them. The one who betrays us is wrong for breaking that trust.

When this happens to us, we may decide not to trust anybody. Nobody. We may decide not to believe what other people say, and not to rely on anyone. We may become suspicious of everyone, and everything. But trust is the basis for friendship, and every other relationship we have. It’s counter productive to decide to never trust others. If we want interpersonal relationships with anyone, we need to trust them. We need to believe them, and that means we have to be willing to take the risk that they will betray us. Without relationships we miss an important part of being human. So we need to trust, despite the possibility that we will be hurt. Not everyone will betray us, and it’s generally worth the risk. We need to be brave enough to do it.

Today if you feel betrayed by someone you’ve trusted, it will hurt, but try to remember that your trust did not cause this. Sometimes those we’ve entrusted make decisions that hurt us. It’s not a reflection on you. If you’re suffering through a betrayal, remember that. This won’t last forever. You were noble to trust them, and you will move forward. Keep your standards, and do your best. You know more about the person who hurt you now. You’ll be more careful with them going forward. Keep going forward. Walk right on through this. You’ll be wiser because of this, and wisdom is a wonderful attribute.

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What now?

22 Jun

Sudden, and difficult changes can come into our lives unexpectedly. They are never easy to face, but sometimes it’s the way things go. I have a professional friend who had a lucrative position contracting with a large corporation, and did very well. He was successful, and happy, and looked forward to a long, and prosperous career. His boss got a big promotion, and told him it was partially due to the great work he had done. But when his boss left, and the new leader came in from another agency, she brought her own team in with her. As a contractor, my friend was not an employee of the company, and with the change in leadership, his position was no longer available. He was without a job. Though always a possibility, because he was so good at his work, he never dreamed this would happen. He was devastated, and concerned about what would happen next. Everything had suddenly changed.

When these things come, they are hard to process. Initially we may be in shock, and then we may be angry. But eventually, we have to face the situation, and figure out how to go forward. If a job is involved, time may be critical. In other situations we may have more time. Either way, we still have to face the enormous change that has come to us. We may feel lost at first, and ask, “What now?”

A drastic change in our lives can be very hard to face, very difficult to manage, and emotionally devastating. But if we look at the situation objectively, it’s really just a change in direction. The path we were on has turned, and we feel unsure because we’re on unfamiliar territory. It’s hard to find our footing when we don’t know the road. It’s hard to know where we’re going when all the landmarks have changed. But if we keep our sights set on the way forward, we can find our way. This is just an alternate route. We have enough courage to handle that, and we can figure it out. There isn’t only one way to live our lives. There are countless roads we can take. If we’re in a position of sudden change, it just means it’s time to choose another road. We just need to turn a little, and go forward a different way.

Today if you’re facing a big change, an unexpected roadblock, try not to be overwhelmed. It’s just a change in direction. You can change directions. You’ve probably done it before, and although it will feel uncomfortable for a while, you will find your way. You have everything you need to figure this out. You will navigate it step by step. Big changes are unsettling, but you can handle them. You are strong, and you are capable. Take a deep breath. Choose something new. Be fearless. The destination is still ahead. This is just a turn in the road.

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All in the Doing

21 Jun

There are times in everyone’s life when things don’t go quite the way we’d like. Sometimes our relationships have contention, sometimes our plans don’t work out, and sometimes we feel bad. We don’t feel happy. We may be depressed, and somewhat sad. Although it may not be a serious situation, it is nevertheless impacting our lives. We may feel lethargic, and don’t want to do anything. We can find ourselves sitting in front of the TV for hours, not paying attention, or sleeping far more than usual. We may not want to see our friends. We may just want to stay home, and hide until we feel better.

Sometimes when we’re in these situations we welcome advice. Other times we just don’t want to hear it. We don’t care. We’re miserable, and we just want to be left alone. There is nothing wrong with being alone, and trying to figure things out on our own, but we have to be careful that we don’t isolate ourselves for too long. This is not a pattern we want to become permanent. So how can we help ourselves? How can we get out of this funk? How can we shake things loose, and be happy again?

One of the best things we can do when we’re feeling this way is to move. Just move. Take a short walk outside. Walk to a neighborhood café for a snack. Clean out a closet, pull weeds, wash the car, bake a cake, or turn up some music and dance. Any activity that gets us off the couch, or out of bed will help. There is something about movement that makes us feel better. If we can make ourselves do something, anything that gets us in motion, we will feel better. We will feel lighter, and it will help.

Today if you’re feeling low, if you’re down and don’t want to do anything, let that be your cue to do something. You are perfectly capable of managing this. You can do anything. And today you will do something to move forward, and shake it off. This is just a small bump. It’s going to pass, and while you’re going over it, do something that will lift your spirits and help. You can dance your way right on through this. And you can’t feel bad when you’re dancing!

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