Rose Colored Glasses

8 May

I am an optimist by nature. I tend to look for the best in others, and generally give them the benefit of the doubt. I have always been this way, and when I was growing up my mother used to tell me that one day I would have to remove my “rose colored glasses,” and see the world as it really was. She felt that I gave people too much credit, and that the world didn’t work that way. Well, now that I am grown up, I understand that the world as it really is depends on my perception. Since I’m still the same girl I was years ago, and I’m still an optimist, I’m still wearing those glasses.

Some people see the world differently though. They focus on the negative, the problems, the complications, and the drama. There is certainly a lot of that, and if we want to we can focus on them. But there is also a lot of good in the world. There are people doing good things, there are happy families, there are noble organizations, there are people serving one another, and the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, most of the good news never makes it to the daily broadcasts, or the news feeds on-line because it isn’t sensational enough. But what could be more sensational than doing good in a world so focused on the bad?

They say life is what you make it. We can’t prevent all the trouble that comes into our lives, and we certainly will have our share of challenges. But we will also have our share of blessings. If we have enough to eat, clothes to wear, shelter to rest in, and enough money to survive we are living well. Some people are never happy no matter what gifts they possess, and what they have is never enough. We can look at our lives that way, and we can complain every second of every day if we like. We can find fault, we can pick on those that don’t do things the way we would do them, we can criticize, and belittle all we want to. But in the end, our lives are what we make of them. If we do that all the time, our lives will be filled with criticism, complaints, and discontent. Nobody really wants a life like that.

However, if we look for the good in every situation, we will surely find something there. Even in the most difficult times, even dealing with the most annoying people, we will find something that’s good. If we look for the good in our lives instead of the negative and disappointing, our lives will be filled with peaceful feelings, confidence in others, and a positive outlook for the future. It’s all in how we decide to see it. In the summer we could complain because it’s hot outside, or we could see the gorgeous flowers and trees thriving in the hot sun. In the winter we could complain because it’s snowing again, or we could see the beauty and peace in a winter’s landscape. It’s the same situation both times, but our response to it changes our perception.

Today when you face difficult situations, annoying people, or complex challenges, try to look for what is good about the situation. There will be something there. It’s always there if we look for it. It may be very small at times, but something will shine through. If we learn to do this in every situation we will become happier, and more content in our lives. We can wear rose colored glasses and still see the world as it is. There will always be problems, there will always be trouble, but there will always be joy as well. Look for it – it’s there.

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Fish or Cut Bait

7 May

We make dozens of decisions each day as we go through our routines, and responsibilities. Time flies by and before we know it, another year has passed. If we are on the road we want to be on, that time may be spent positively pursuing goals or moving toward results we want. If we are on another road, one that isn’t where we want to be, it may be hard to look back, and realize that another year has passed, and we haven’t yet changed our course.

Routines are interesting things. If we stay in them long enough, we don’t even think about them – we automatically just do the next thing. If we aren’t careful, time goes by with us hardly noticing where we’ve been or what we’ve done. And time is a commodity that can never be replaced. Once it’s gone, it’s gone for good. If we are in a routine or a rut in our lives that isn’t bringing us satisfaction, that isn’t rewarding, if we aren’t happy, if we are just going through the motions, we’ve traded valuable time even though we didn’t enjoy it. And we’ll never get it back. So, we need to be awake and aware of what we’re doing. If we’re in a situation where we aren’t happy, the only way to get out of it is to make a change.

Imagine you’re on a fishing boat charter. There are several people on the boat, and everyone is excited about the trip. The captain offers a $100 prize for the person who catches the biggest fish of the day. Needless to say, you want to fish the whole time to increase your odds of winning, but since there are so many of you, and the fishing is good, you’ll need a lot of bait. Everyone must take time away from fishing to cut bait so it will be ready when needed. While you’re taking your turn cutting up the smaller fish and throwing them in the bait bucket, someone catches the biggest fish of the day. You’re excited for them, but you think if you hadn’t been cutting bait you could have been the one to win the prize.

If we are in situations where we aren’t happy, and do nothing to change them, if we are just going through the motions, we are, in essence, cutting bait. We aren’t actively involved in going forward or moving ahead. We aren’t doing what we really want to do. We are not focused on our goals. Some people trade out years of their lives enduring situations that hold them back. They don’t want to do what is needed to correct the situation. Change is hard for most of us, but our lives don’t last forever, so it’s important to look at where we are, and where we want to be. If we want to be happy, we have to be courageous enough to face what we’re doing that needs to change, and then do what it takes to correct our course. We all deserve to be happy but happiness comes from within us. Nobody can give it to us. It doesn’t just happen on its own. We have to give it to ourselves.

So, what’ll it be today? Will you fish or cut bait? Will you choose the road you really want to be on? Will you choose happiness? The choice is always there. We can change any time we want to – we just need to make the decision. This life goes by in an instant. If you’ve been stuck, start today. Go forward, put your face in the wind, focus on your future with your eyes firmly placed in the present. Today is the perfect day for it. No matter what is going on, today is the perfect day to start.

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Spare change?

6 May

Today while driving home from work, I saw a man standing in the median with a sign asking for money. He was on the other side of the road facing away from me, but I’ve seen him before. He has one leg, and stands with a crutch, but you can see his wheelchair across the road. I don’t know what his story is. I don’t know what his problems are. I don’t know anything about him except that he is seeking money.

Everyone has their own ideas about giving to beggars on the street. Some people feel they should help if they can, because they have sufficient for their needs, and they want to share. Others, convinced that the money will not be used for good, look the other way, and refuse to give. Wherever we stand on the issue, we will, from time to time, have the opportunity to evaluate our decision. Every city, every town, everywhere we go, there are unfortunate people who beg for money.

Whether or not to give money to these people is a personal choice. If we decide to give, we are offering a blessing. We are extending our hands to help. We are being charitable. The decision of what happens with the gift after it is given belongs to the person who receives it. If it is used for good – the decision is on them. If it is used for other things – the decision is on them as well. They are accountable for what they do with the gift, not us. We are accountable only for offering the gift. Anytime we are charitable and kind, anytime we offer assistance, anytime we help in any way, we are blessed. Our decision is noble. It is worthy, and it is selfless. And our decision is the only one we answer for.

I keep five dollars in the ashtray of my car to use if the opportunity arises where I may give to someone in need. Since I don’t smoke, the ashtray has been used for nothing else. The money is there, and ready if I feel prompted to help when I see someone asking. Sometimes I get a feeling that it’s not the time, and I wait. Other times, the five dollars is theirs. As it passes hands, I always bless the person and wish them well, and without exception, they return the blessing back to me. Most of the time as I drive away I have to choke back tears, not because I’m sad, but because I realize, again, how much I have.

Today if you see someone seeking help, asking for money, think about where you stand. Remember, the gift, if you offer it, is your blessing to them. What they do from there is their decision. But the blessing remains as a testament to your kindness and charity. And the world certainly needs more of those. If you aren’t the one out on the street begging, no matter what the circumstances are, your life is better than theirs. Don’t forget that.

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The Best Revenge

5 May

Revenge – Something we all think we want when we’ve been hurt. We are angry, and we want to show those that hurt us that we can hurt them back. We want them to suffer as much as we have suffered. We want them to feel worthless, and rejected. We want them to feel pain. Sometimes we want them to feel a lot of pain. When we’re plotting revenge, we absolutely do not care about what is right or wrong. We just want to get even. Make them pay. Settle it once and for all. They started it, and we’re going to finish it.

On the outside, revenge seems fair. They hurt us, so now we’re going to hurt them. If we get back at them, the playing field remains level. And after all, fair is fair. Sometimes we buy into that, and go for the throat, and inflict all the damage we can. But if we think about what revenge really is, we realize it’s just a way to bring ourselves down to the level of the one that hurt us. Taking revenge just means that we are willing to mimic their bad behavior, and make it our own. We are willing to become them – the ones that started it. That’s really all revenge is. Getting even means standing on the same ground, and being the same. So to get even, we have to drop to their level. If we think about it like that, revenge doesn’t have the same punch. Nobody really wants to be less than they are, not even to get even.

There is a way to get back at those that hurt us without becoming like them, without lowering ourselves down to where they are. And it’s effective every time. All we have to do is look up, live better, rise above the fray, and with grace and composure, settle the score by not buying into the game. Refuse to play. It’s seems counter intuitive at first when you think about it. How can we get back at someone for hurting us without hurting them in return? We do it by standing tall, taking a breath, and letting it go. We do it by becoming better despite the pain. We do it by being more noble than they are.

There is a saying that the “best revenge is living well.” And it’s absolutely true. What could be more annoying to someone who has hurt us, than to see us succeed? What could be more galling to them than to see us happy? There is nothing that will bother them more or longer than that. Hitting them back, going for the throat, is a temporary fix. We might feel better in the short run, but the problem will still be there. Living well is the only way to permanently end the battle.

Today if someone hurts you, be calm, be polite, smile, be gracious, and do what will make YOU happy. Live happily. Live well. Keep smiling. It will drive your enemies crazy with envy. Your grace and success, and your happiness will hurt them more than anything else you could do. And really, what better revenge could there be than that!

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Stand Up

4 May

One day during an important staff meeting with the senior management team, my supervisor was annoyed at something that had happened, and made a remark giving his opinion that included several extremely vulgar words. I was shocked. I do not use that sort of language, and I found it to be very offensive, especially since I was at work, and required to attend the meeting. To my own, and everyone else’s surprise, I stood up at once and said, “I will not remain here in this meeting if this is the kind of language that will be used. I will not tolerate this level of un-professionalism, and I am completely offended.” I remember I was shaking because I was so upset. There was a stunned silence as everyone realized I had broken the first two cardinal rules of work. #1 – Do not criticize your boss, and #2 – Do not EVER criticize your boss in front of his/her boss. Yep, I had completely ignored those, and had stood right up, and spoken out. After a moment, my supervisor apologized to everyone, and said he was sorry he had used that language. I sat back down, and the meeting continued.

Afterward, back at my desk, I thought about what had happened, and I wondered what repercussions I would be facing for standing up, and making such a scene at the meeting. I was concerned that I may have jeopardized my job. I mean, you don’t correct your boss when his boss is in the room without something happening later, right? I remember sitting there and thinking I was going to face some serious setbacks for my outburst, and I was quite worried. But I had done what I felt was important. I had kept my standards, and stood up for what I thought was correct.

What happened next surprised me. One by one, the others in the meeting came by my desk to thank me for speaking up. They each said they, too, were offended by the comment, but were uncomfortable pointing it out, and they were proud of me for being brave enough to address it. And then my supervisor called me into his office. “Well, here it comes,” I thought. I took a deep breath, and walked over to see him. “Shut the door,” he said as I entered. I sat down, and looked him in the eye prepared to take whatever was coming. He looked at me, and then apologized profusely for his behavior at the meeting. He said I was right to say something, and he was embarrassed by his statements. He asked me to forgive him, and said he would never use that sort of language in the office again. I was stunned – I did not expect that.

We all have our own ideas about what is right and appropriate, and often when someone steps all over them, we don’t say anything. We just stay quiet to avoid an uncomfortable situation. But I learned that day that speaking up was the better choice. Most people don’t want to offend those around them. Sure, there are some that don’t care about anyone but themselves, but most people try to be polite, and not hurt others. So it’s appropriate if we are uncomfortable, that we say something. We have the right to say it’s not okay. We can stand up for what we think is right.

Today, if you find yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, remember, you can say something about it. You can be polite, but you can also be forthright. You can say you are uncomfortable, and you want the situation to change. You have that right. Today, exercise that right. Speak up. Be clear. Say what you are feeling. Do not sit quietly, and take it. If you stand up, you will feel stronger, and more empowered. You will gain the respect of those around you. And those are great attributes to gain. Speak up. Say what you mean. Be strong.

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