Treasure Chest

13 May

Our society seems obsessed with celebrity. There are dozens of reality shows featuring celebrities supposedly filmed in their regular lives, which as it turns out, generally aren’t regular at all. Every tabloid, every magazine, every periodical is covered with their faces, and stories about their escapades. They are often dysfunctional people, and stories of their troubles are endless. The extravagant excesses of their lifestyles are nearly unbelievable.

As we read about these people, and see them on television, the message seems to be that this is what we should be aiming for. We should seek riches, buy only the finest things, and serve ourselves. The ads we see showing these ideals always feature happy, smiling people. We just have to be rich, buy new cars, bigger homes, and send our children to only the finest private schools. Then we’ll be happy.

But happiness has never had anything to do with money or riches. It’s true, money can buy anything but poverty, but it’s also true that rich or poor, we are who we are. If we are happy and content, if we are thankful when we have little, we will probably be happy, content, and thankful if we get more. And so it follows that if we are miserable complainers who constantly find fault when we have little, we will probably be miserable complainers who constantly find fault when we have more. The monetary things we own do not change who we are inside. They can’t. What happens outside of us may make us more comfortable in the immediate future, but eventually our true selves emerge.

The secret to life isn’t getting more treasure, and seeking after riches. The secret to life is learning to live happily, and gratefully, no matter what circumstance we’re in. Having few possessions, and little money doesn’t mean we must be miserable. If we can be grateful for what we have, no matter how little or how much, we will be happy. A humble meal shared with those we love can be more fun than a meal at a four star restaurant. Time in the park throwing a Frisbee with friends can be as enjoyable as a formal gala.

Racing to get the most, get the best, and get to it first is exhausting, and will not bring joy. If we are thankful for what we have, and enjoy every moment of every day, exactly where we are, we will find happiness. Some years will be lean, some years will be full, it’s the nature of life. But no matter where we are, there is much for which to be grateful.

Today when you walk through the store and see all the splashy pictures of the rich and famous, try to remember that your life is valuable just as it is. It’s good, and it’s worthwhile. It’s the most important thing you have. Be grateful for it. It’s worth more than anything that can be bought. In fact, it’s priceless.

Tags: , ,

Free Space

12 May

Our world is a busy place. We have a lot to do every day, and no matter how much we get done, there is more waiting for us. We are glued to our smart phones, iPads, day planners, and calendars. We constantly check our email, voice mail, Twitter, and Facebook, and a dozen other things. It’s an invasive and constant situation. Of course, life hasn’t always been this way, but the technology age is here, and whether we like it or not, we are part of it. When we add our daily routines of work, chores, errands, gym, walking the dogs, cooking, cleaning up, and everything else we have to do, it gets exhausting, and can be overwhelming. After a time we need a break.

Taking time for ourselves is not just an option, it’s a necessity. We need to plan for time down, without the electronics, without the phone, without the pressure. Just time to recharge, and rest. For some of us that may include time spent with family or friends. Or it might mean an outing to a museum, or gallery. We might decide to stay home, and just veg on the couch with a good book. If we have the time and resources, it could mean a vacation trip to someplace we’ve always wanted to go. Whatever it means to us, whatever it takes to rejuvenate ourselves, that’s what we need.

But in order to make it happen, we need to plan for it. We need to write it in our day planners, enter it into our smart phones, and if we’re working, we need to request the time off. Once we have it planned we must commit that no matter what happens, outside of a natural disaster, atomic explosion or death, we will follow through, and take the time.

I have a family member who works constantly. He is always extremely busy with one project or another. He makes lots of plans, and he completes them. He goes to his regular job during the day, and when he finishes there, he starts working on the project of the month. He is always coming up with new and ingenious ideas, which are great, but he seems unable to see that all he does is work. He is not married because he doesn’t have time to date. He doesn’t go on vacation because he has too much to do and can’t ‘find’ the time. He rarely visits his family because he doesn’t want to stop the progress he’s making on item A, B, or C. He works constantly. As a result, he is always tired, and he has few friends. He isn’t happy with his life like it is, but he says working this hard now will ensure that in the future he’ll have the freedom he wants. Well, that might happen. Or he might find that this will become his lifelong model, and he’ll never stop to get to that freedom.

No matter how much we do, we will never be completely done with what comes next. Life is a continuous process. There is no end until we die. Work will expand to fill the time we give it – no matter how much time that encompasses. We can work 24/7 if we like, and we still won’t be done. So, either we control the work or the work controls us. If the work is controlling us, when do we get to live our lives?

Plan for time down. Plan for it. And then take it. Take the time you need to recharge your batteries. Turn off the phone. Turn off the computer. Shut down the iPad. Forget about Twitter feeds, and what’s happening on Facebook. Go outside. Take a walk. Take a nap. Go skateboarding. Go surfing. Play tennis. Do whatever makes you happy. Take time apart from your usual schedule to restore. If we can do this regularly, we will have more energy when we return to our busy lives, more excitement for what we’re doing, and more happiness in the long run. This life will take everything we give it. We need to make sure we give something back to ourselves.

Tags: , ,

Trailing Clouds of Glory

11 May

The famous poet William Wordsworth wrote “Ode on Imitations of Immortality…” musing on who we are as people, and where we came from. He wrote:

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;
The soul that rises with us, our life’s star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting
And cometh from afar;
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home.

I have often read this poem and pondered it, and the part that captures me every time is “But trailing clouds of glory do we come from God, who is our home.” Whatever your religious beliefs are, or even if you don’t have any beliefs about God or an eternal plan, there have probably been times in your life when you have wondered about who we really are, why we are here, and what will happen when we leave here.

Despite what the news and media tell us continually every day, I believe that most people are good. Most of us try hard to do our best, and be our best. Most of us are willing to help others, and most of us are honest. Of course, as has been since the very beginning, there are some who do not care about doing what is right, and there are some who are frankly evil. But I really believe most of us are good.

If Wordsworth is right, and we came to earth from God, whatever you believe that to be, and our lives are but a “sleep and a forgetting,” what does that mean for us? If we were trailing clouds of glory when we came, are they still with us now? Does the glory disappear after we get here? What if the glory is still with us? What if the clouds of glory trailing behind us when we came are still here? And if they are, what does that mean for us? Shouldn’t we be acknowledging them, and living in ways that magnify them?

When I think about the human race – all of us since the very beginning – there seems in us an innate desire to choose well, and to help others. Think about your life, and look back as far as you can remember. Most of your friends and acquaintances probably were not evil. They probably were not wicked, and they probably were basically good. Of course there are unkind people in the world, and those who don’t care about anyone but themselves, but they are, thankfully, not the norm. Perhaps Mr. Wordsworth was right, and we are trailing clouds of glory that attend to us every day, and help us to choose well.

Today perhaps you will consider this. Look around at those you come in contact with, those you work with, those you interact with, and think about them as people. I think you’ll see that most of them are trying to do good things, and are trying to choose well. And if you do see that, let it grow within you, and build your faith in humanity. We are not perfect by a long shot. But I think there is glory in all of us. I think it’s been there since the beginning. I have it and you have it. Embrace it. Let it shine through every day, and remember who you are. “Trailing clouds of glory…” we can be a blessing to everyone around us.

Tags: , ,

Value in Disaster

10 May

In 1914 Thomas Edison’s factory in West Orange, New Jersey, was destroyed by fire. Everything was gone. The building was made mostly of concrete, and nobody thought it could burn so it was insured for a small fraction of the loss. The day after the fire, Mr. Edison went to survey the damage. As he stood there seeing the complete destruction, he said, “There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew.” What an amazing man! What an incredible attitude! Someone else may have only seen the loss, but he saw the potential of starting again. What an great example.

We all suffer disasters of varying degrees in our lives. Some are enormous, and hard to face, and others are less destructive. Some wreck our belongings, as well as, our spirits. We may face devastating situations that take years to overcome, or we may have problems that seem disastrous at first but turn out to be workable. Whatever we face, our attitude decides how we will go forward. If we believe the situation is insurmountable, too horrible to face, and we hide from it, it may consume our lives. However, if we, like Mr. Edison, look at the other side of the coin, that it’s horrible now, but it’s also the beginning of something new, it will be easier for us to navigate it.

When we suffer through tragedies and disasters, our lives are changed permanently. We can never go back to how we were before the event happened. What was before is gone. We have to face a new reality. It may not be easy to face, but whether we face it or not, it’s still where we are. So, the best we can do is accept it, decide what we need to do to go forward, and direct our lives to accommodate the change. It’s easy to say these things, it’s easy to think about them, what isn’t easy, is to do them. But we have sufficient courage inside us, and we can handle the changes in our lives, no matter what they are.

This life has its pack of trials. People die, storms ravage, fires burn, floods invade, wars happen, and we all have our share of sorrow, and grief. In those horrible moments, we may feel that we can’t go on. We can’t face our lives now, they are too difficult. But a day goes by, and despite our intense unhappiness, we actually live through it. Then another day goes by. Then a month passes, and as it does, we being to heal. We can, with patience, and time face whatever comes to us. Some days perhaps the best we can do is just breathe in and out, and that is sufficient.

If we can try to think like Mr. Edison did when he faced utter destruction, and see a new beginning instead of just an ending, we will face our trials with more confidence, and peace. Remember that each end is the start of something new. Turn the page. It’s a new day.

Tags: , ,

Take that!

9 May

I have a friend who is generally nice, and amiable. But when she gets angry, she has no boundaries to what she will say or do. She says things that are vicious, and destructive to make her point. She goes way too far. I asked her about this, and she said she does it so the argument will end quickly. “If you crush them, they give in, and the fight is over,” she said, and in some ways she’s right. I have another friend with the same model. If he ever has a disagreement he, too, goes way too far. He uses a cannon when a flyswatter would have been enough. He says and does horrible things to hurt the other person, and it’s always destructive. He also says that he does this because it ends the fight quickly. And he likes returning to the relationship after the destruction to patch everything back up, and make it better. He likes that part a lot. It’s like a personal destroy, and recovery mission.

There could be no worse models for handling disagreements than these, and yet despite discussing the situation with them several times, they are either unable or unwilling to change. And so it continues. I’ve had many experiences with both of these people through the course of our friendships, and when they get angry and say horrible things, and make destructive comments way out of the scope of the disagreement, I am so stunned that I naturally end the conversation. The argument is over quickly, which is their goal – but the pain, and damage from the conversation remain. As a result of these behaviors, whether they acknowledge it or not, their relationships with others suffer. After they attack someone, it takes a while for the injured party to recover, and begin to trust them again. And sometimes they won’t ever trust them again, and decide instead to let the relationship go.

If we go for the jugular in our disagreements, if we go too far for whatever reason, we may lose more in the end than we want. People are flexible to a point. They will allow us to hurt them to a point. But once that point is reached, they may walk away, and abandon the relationship. So the question comes, is it worth the cost of a friendship to make a point? Is it worth losing someone we value so we can win? There is nothing to be gained by crushing others because of a disagreement. We may feel powerful in the moment, but that power is an illusion. The only power we are really displaying is the power to destroy a relationship. Anyone can do that. It’s not powerful at all. So, is it worth it to win the argument at any cost? Perhaps we need to rethink that. Perhaps the real power is when we use discretion and respect, and protect the relationships we cherish, even in conflict.

We all disagree from time to time. We all let others down sometimes. We will naturally argue, and we will have uncomfortable discussions. Unless we are fighting for our lives, there is no justifiable reason to destroy anyone we are disagreeing with. It’s just a disagreement. Sure, maybe they let us down, maybe they hurt our feelings, or maybe they did something truly horrible. No matter what they’ve done, trying to destroy them will not restore what has been lost, or repair the situation. It will probably make it worse. If we lose our self-control, and if we lose the relationship altogether, winning the argument won’t be worth it.

Today if you have a disagreement with someone, even if they’ve been horrible to you, remember that what you do is your decision. You may vanquish them, stick the knife in their heart so to speak, but what will you gain afterward? Will it be worth how you feel about yourself later? Will it be worth losing a friend? Think before you throw that spear. Think before you say those words. Think. Will it be worth the cost? What do you really want to gain?

Tags: , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →