Tag Archives: Loss

What We Feel

20 Dec

People come in and out of our lives constantly. We have families, friends, acquaintances and people we simply notice in passing. There are billions of people in the world and each has a unique perspective about what’s going on and where we’re headed. We may be attracted to someone’s ideas, or how they express themselves, and as we interact with them, our feelings for them may grow and increase. We may begin to fall in love and expect the other person is having the same experience. People fall in love all the time, and when those feelings are reciprocated, our connection becomes deeper. It’s wonderful to find someone who loves us and with whom we can share our lives. But sometimes things may go another way. Our tender feelings might be strong but they will not create the same experience in someone else. We may discover we’re on completely different pages. It’s very painful to realize the one we love does not feel the same way about us. If that happens, everything will change. No matter how much we want to be close, if our feelings aren’t returned, we’ll have to chart a different course going forward. There is no way to make someone love us, no matter what we do, or how hard we try. It’s either there, or it isn’t. We are lovable and amazing but if the feelings aren’t there, we’ll have to find a new way to continue. It’s impossible to change anyone but ourselves, and we can decide what’s best moving forward. We deserve to be completely happy, and can decide what works best for us. Unrequited love can be very painful, but we have a lot going for us, and with patience and wisdom, we’ll find the right way ahead. We can do what is needed to find balance, and ensure our happiness.

A one-way love affair will never bring us complete satisfaction. If we’re in a situation where we’re in love by ourselves, we may feel completely devastated, and alone. We can recognize our feelings and honor them, and then create a plan that takes us to a new situation and helps us move toward a new goal. By focusing on our own choices, we will begin to heal and find true happiness. We are intelligent and highly capable of doing anything we desire. We can accept the way things are, and then step forward with confidence.

When we suffer a great loss, we can take the time we need to grieve. Every painful process will be resolved in time, but every experience is different, and there is no way to know how much time that will take. We are strong and wise, and will find our footing again. We have so much potential and by focusing on where we want to go and what we want to do, will create the lives we want the most.

Today if you feel unloved or unappreciated, remember how incredible and valuable you are. You are a gift to the whole world. Your light shines on all of us, and we are blessed because you are here. Every dream you desire is within reach. Decide how you want to proceed, and then step forward with confidence and clarity. There is great happiness ahead, and nothing can keep you from success.

On the Level

14 Jun

As we go through our lives we experience a lot of ups and downs, successes and disappointments, and give and take. We never know what each day will bring and sometimes things go well, and sometimes they don’t. As we navigate all the changes and challenges we adjust and accommodate whatever is happening to keep ourselves on an even keel as much as possible. We can usually cope with whatever comes and mostly take it all in stride. We know the importance of perspective and as we face each situation try to keep things as level as we can so we can move forward with confidence. But if something extreme happens, something unpredictable and devastating, we might find our balance upset and everything leaning to one side. Our perspective is slanted and we struggle to stand up straight. Although we all go through hard times there isn’t anything we can’t manage. We can figure out how to right ourselves and find our way but it may take time as we process everything that’s happening. When our world has been shaken and we feel unstable, and when the road we’re on feels rocky and unsure it’s sometimes hard to look ahead. But we have all the courage we need and all the inspiration required to make things right again. It’s all inside us. We need only take some time to find our way and we’ll be able to correct the balance again.

Sometimes we all wish we could see the future. It seems if we could know what’s coming before it arrives we could better prepare for it. That might be true, but knowing what lies ahead could work against us as well. If we are overwhelmed at what we’re going to face we may try to hide instead of face it head on. We really don’t know how we’ll respond to anything until we experience it. We are where we are right now, and we’ll respond to whatever comes to us when it arrives. We can draw on all the experiences we’ve navigated already and find our way through whatever happens. There is nothing we can’t face and nothing we can’t conquer.

There are certain things we all think we could never survive. The loss of a loved one, the betrayal of a close friend, or maybe a serious financial setback. We may think there are things that will break us and from which we could not recover. But that is never true. Nobody wants to go through devastating losses or face extreme disappointments but even if we’ve been knocked completely down, we can get back up again. There isn’t any problem without a solution. There is no storm that doesn’t end. Even if we’ve completely lost our balance and our world has been shattered, tomorrow will come. And we will find a way through. We have more courage and strength than we know. We have everything we need to conquer anything we face. We can reset our level, we can rebalance the scales, and we can move forward. There is nothing that will stop us from succeeding.

Today if you feel overwhelmed and devastated by something that’s happened, remember how strong you are. You have overcome so many things already. This is just one more challenge and you have everything you need to conquer it. You are strong and capable and you can overcome any problem. Look ahead. This is just a storm and it will pass. Move forward with confidence. You have everything you need to succeed.

Showing Up

17 Dec

Happy days come to us all. Things go well, we’re healthy, our loved ones are doing great, and we feel good. We like our neighbors, enjoy our jobs, and have plenty of relaxation and fun.  When everything is going well and life seems easy, we don’t have to do much to get through our days. They sail by and we feel content, and don’t have to draw on much within ourselves. We’re enjoying our lives, but we aren’t really learning much, which at the time is just fine with us. However, those times never last and when they change into more difficult periods, life becomes more challenging and it’s harder to process what we’re going through. When hard times come, as they inevitably will, we have to rely on ourselves to find courage and strength. Thankfully, both show up when we need them. We have everything we need to face anything that comes to us. Courage and strength wait in the wings when things are going well, and rise to the top just as we need them.

We can trust ourselves to find answers and get through any trial or difficulty we face. No matter how old we are, chances are we’ve faced hurtles before and surmounted them. We’ve figured out difficult puzzles and complex situations already so when they come again in their endless variations, we know we can face them. Of course, nobody wants to go through difficult times, and we may think we want our lives to be an endless picnic of fun without the ants. But life isn’t like that, and it’s in the trials where we learn to be brave and in the fire where we learn to be strong. Our courage is honed through practice, and our ability to process and untangle problems comes with experience.  Every single bump brings with it a blessing. As we go through them, figure them out, and conquer them, we get closer to the person we most want to be. We burn off a little more superficial shell, and get down to who we really are deep inside.

It takes faith to believe we can overcome obstacles that come to us, especially if they are very painful. We will experience many difficult things in our lives – death, sadness, loss, hurt, and shame to name a few. Although we don’t enjoy the hard times, they teach us the most, and on the other side of them we are deeper and more enriched than we were before they began. And we have everything we need to face them. Our courage, our stamina, our determination and our wisdom will rise the moment we need them. They are always there ready to assist, and with them we can conquer anything. Even in the most difficult moments, we can continue to go forward. Nothing lasts forever and as each problem untangles itself, as we heal from the loss, we begin to rebuild into someone stronger and more capable because of what we’ve overcome – again. This life is a continual round of lessons to be learned. We can learn them all and we can defeat any adversity. There is nothing we can’t do.

Today if you’re facing something very difficult and painful, remember you have everything you need to prevail. You have sufficient courage and wisdom to find resolution and move forward. There isn’t anything that is too hard for you. Everything you need is there for you already. Draw on it, pull from it, and let it rise. You will overcome this. It’s just one more step.

Take that!

9 May

I have a friend who is generally nice, and amiable. But when she gets angry, she has no boundaries to what she will say or do. She says things that are vicious, and destructive to make her point. She goes way too far. I asked her about this, and she said she does it so the argument will end quickly. “If you crush them, they give in, and the fight is over,” she said, and in some ways she’s right. I have another friend with the same model. If he ever has a disagreement he, too, goes way too far. He uses a cannon when a flyswatter would have been enough. He says and does horrible things to hurt the other person, and it’s always destructive. He also says that he does this because it ends the fight quickly. And he likes returning to the relationship after the destruction to patch everything back up, and make it better. He likes that part a lot. It’s like a personal destroy, and recovery mission.

There could be no worse models for handling disagreements than these, and yet despite discussing the situation with them several times, they are either unable or unwilling to change. And so it continues. I’ve had many experiences with both of these people through the course of our friendships, and when they get angry and say horrible things, and make destructive comments way out of the scope of the disagreement, I am so stunned that I naturally end the conversation. The argument is over quickly, which is their goal – but the pain, and damage from the conversation remain. As a result of these behaviors, whether they acknowledge it or not, their relationships with others suffer. After they attack someone, it takes a while for the injured party to recover, and begin to trust them again. And sometimes they won’t ever trust them again, and decide instead to let the relationship go.

If we go for the jugular in our disagreements, if we go too far for whatever reason, we may lose more in the end than we want. People are flexible to a point. They will allow us to hurt them to a point. But once that point is reached, they may walk away, and abandon the relationship. So the question comes, is it worth the cost of a friendship to make a point? Is it worth losing someone we value so we can win? There is nothing to be gained by crushing others because of a disagreement. We may feel powerful in the moment, but that power is an illusion. The only power we are really displaying is the power to destroy a relationship. Anyone can do that. It’s not powerful at all. So, is it worth it to win the argument at any cost? Perhaps we need to rethink that. Perhaps the real power is when we use discretion and respect, and protect the relationships we cherish, even in conflict.

We all disagree from time to time. We all let others down sometimes. We will naturally argue, and we will have uncomfortable discussions. Unless we are fighting for our lives, there is no justifiable reason to destroy anyone we are disagreeing with. It’s just a disagreement. Sure, maybe they let us down, maybe they hurt our feelings, or maybe they did something truly horrible. No matter what they’ve done, trying to destroy them will not restore what has been lost, or repair the situation. It will probably make it worse. If we lose our self-control, and if we lose the relationship altogether, winning the argument won’t be worth it.

Today if you have a disagreement with someone, even if they’ve been horrible to you, remember that what you do is your decision. You may vanquish them, stick the knife in their heart so to speak, but what will you gain afterward? Will it be worth how you feel about yourself later? Will it be worth losing a friend? Think before you throw that spear. Think before you say those words. Think. Will it be worth the cost? What do you really want to gain?