Big Left Turn

21 Dec

Unfortunately, even though we try not to, sometimes we make a terrible decision. We do something that hurts others and is so egregious our lives are greatly impacted. Sometimes what we’ve done impacts us or others so greatly, nothing is ever really the same afterward. We may not have done it on purpose, or we might have acted willingly if we were angry enough, but whether we meant to or not, once it’s done it can’t be undone. If we’ve made a big left turn and broken the road we’ve been on, our lives will change. If we’ve hurt those we care about we may feel the repercussions for a long time.  Sadly, sometimes a relationship we really cared about is so badly damaged it cannot be repaired. When this happens, once we realize the full impact of what we’ve done, we may feel great remorse. If we’re still angry we might not feel sorrow for a while, but it’s destined to come to us at some point. Since we can’t change the past all we can do is go forward. We have to do what we can to make things right, and forgive ourselves. The road may have changed dramatically and we may feel very unsettled until we figure out what to do next, but going forward is our only option.

There are lots of reasons why we make big mistakes, but in the end, the reasons really won’t matter. The only thing that matters is what we do next. If we’ve lost a valuable relationship we can try to rebuild it. If we are able to regain the trust of the other person, it’s possible we may restore it.  However, if the trust has been broken too severely, we may never have that relationship back. If there’s someone we really care about and we’ve lost them, our only option forward is to love them from afar and let them know we want them in our lives. Over time we all change. Wounds heal, and feelings mend. After enough time has passed it’s possible we’ll be able to start again.

Our lives are fluid and ever changing. What we do today often affects what comes to us tomorrow. The worst decisions are often made out of anger and haste, when we rush to an assumption or try to even a score. We may prevent bad decisions if we stop and give ourselves time to think before we act. We know we should, but in the heat of the moment, sometimes things get out of control. Being out of control never brings happiness and often brings heartache. If we can take some time to breathe and think before we jump, we may figure out a way forward that will not destroy our relationships or the path we want to be on. Only we can decide what we’ll do. We can make good decisions and we can choose wisely.  If we wait just for a moment, and consider where we’re going, oftentimes we’ll make a better and happier decision. Hard times come to us all but we can prevent them from becoming disastrous if we stop and think before we act.

Today if you’re feeling edgy and upset, if you’re angry and determined to get even or make someone pay for some slight you think they’ve caused, stop for a moment before you do anything. There is a lot at stake. Your relationships, your future happiness, and your personal peace are a big price to pay for anger. Don’t pay it. Take a breath. This is just a moment and it will pass. Give yourself some space. The right answer will come and you’ll be in control. Then make the best decision and you’ll go forward with confidence. You know what to do. Today choose the right and peace will follow.

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Inspiring

19 Dec

We have a choice every day to decide how we will act and what we will do. We all do some things well, and some things not as well, but as we make our decisions we can decide that no matter what, we’ll be the best we can be. It’s easy to go through the motions, and just take things as they come, but if we want to get the most from every moment we have to do a little more. At every turn, we can decide not to make just a good decision, but to make the best decision. We can choose not to do just enough, but to do the best we can. If we consciously decide to try our best to be our best, our lives will be more rewarding and more fulfilling, and we’ll inspire those around us.

We’ve all heard of the bell curve. When I was a child and got frustrated over some decision someone had made that impacted me, my father would say, “You’ve got to remember the bell curve.” I never really understood what he meant until I got older. As you might recall from school, the bell curve represents our performance with the majority of us landing smack in the middle in the land of mediocrity. If we want to just get by in our lives and do the least amount needed to move forward, we’ll have lots of company. But if we want to live closer to the edge, where we have to try harder, where we have to think a little longer before we act, and where every decision is measured well, we’ll have the best company. We design our lives the way we want them. If we want mediocrity we can surely have it. But if we want something more, and want to see what we’re really capable of, we need to focus and stretch. The choice is ours alone to make.

When we’re reaching for something better and trying to become more than what we are now, it takes personal effort. We can’t afford the luxury of complacency. We have to be engaged all the time. Each opportunity brings many choices. Paying attention to each option, looking at it objectively and seeing where it will lead doesn’t always take a lot of time. But it does take our attention. If we want to live an extraordinary life, if we want to do more than the minimum, if we want to be our best, we can. Once I heard two pianists perform the same piece within days of each other. Each was performed technically perfectly. Each was done well, but there was no comparison between the two. The first artist played perfectly without a single mistake. Her timing was exact and she was proficient. But the second artist played as though every emotion she possessed came out onto the keys. She felt the music, and she expressed it in a way that made the listener part of it. It was a breathtaking performance and many were brought to tears by the end. Both pianists were excellent, but one chose to put everything she had into the music and it made all the difference. If we lived our lives like that, if we put everything into each decision, we would be a positive influence. We would be inspiring. We can choose to be our best, and when we do our lives will be better. We’ll be stronger, more confident, and an example to those around us.

Today if you’ve been doing well but not giving all you can, rethink your plan. You have so many wonderful things to share. Open yourself up to being more, to thinking a bit more deeply, and to letting your very best self shine forward. You have the power to inspire those around you. Be your best. Reach further. You can change your world.

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Easy Questions Hard Answers

18 Dec

When we’re making decisions about our lives, deciding where we want to go, and what we want to do, we have to answer a lot of questions. Some are quick, and we know the answers before we even think about them but others, although they look easy at first, can be hard to answer. Questions can be deceptive. Something simple like, “What do you want to do now?” seems easy on the surface, but when the answers we choose have far reaching consequences, they can be hard to resolve. We spend so much time doing what others expect from us, what we think we should be doing, and what is required to make things work that when it comes to questions about our personal choices they can be harder to answer than they seem at first. What do we want to do now? Where do we want to go? What do we want to accomplish? How can we make it happen? These all seem like easy questions, but the answers can be elusive.

It seems we sometimes forget who we really are and what we really want. We’re busy, and trying hard to get things done, we have a lot of responsibilities, and at the end of the day we may feel like we’ve been lost in the shuffle. But if we want to be happy, really happy with our lives, and stand on the road we most want to be on, we need to think about what we really want. Do we want to spend time doing the same thing tomorrow we did today? Are we doing what’s most important to us? Are we happy? Do we feel fulfilled with how we’re spending our days? All are important questions. If our lives are too busy, we may not take time to look at them and find the answers. We need to remember what we truly want, and who we really are. Our lives belong to us and we can live them any way we want to.

Sometimes we can tangled up in situations that take us off course. Maybe we commit to a relationship that isn’t working, or we keep a job we hate, or we continue to do something that makes us miserable because others expect it. When that happens, it takes determination and courage to step away and do what is needed to turn things around. But we have sufficient determination and courage to do it. We have everything we need to change our course, and we are the only ones who can make it happen. We don’t have to convince anyone we need to change, we don’t have to come up with a dozen reasons why what we’ve been doing isn’t working, and we don’t have to feel any guilt. If we need to change, we can change. We are in control of our time and our futures. We can have the lives we want most, be the person we want to be, and live happily. The moment we decide is the perfect time to start.

Today if you’ve been doing things that aren’t working and you aren’t happy, think about what you want the most. Remember who you really are and then make the changes necessary to bring happiness into your life. Every day is a precious gift. Your gift is today. Make it work for you. Make it the way you want it to be. You deserve everything you want. Reach for it, and make it yours.

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Showing Up

17 Dec

Happy days come to us all. Things go well, we’re healthy, our loved ones are doing great, and we feel good. We like our neighbors, enjoy our jobs, and have plenty of relaxation and fun.  When everything is going well and life seems easy, we don’t have to do much to get through our days. They sail by and we feel content, and don’t have to draw on much within ourselves. We’re enjoying our lives, but we aren’t really learning much, which at the time is just fine with us. However, those times never last and when they change into more difficult periods, life becomes more challenging and it’s harder to process what we’re going through. When hard times come, as they inevitably will, we have to rely on ourselves to find courage and strength. Thankfully, both show up when we need them. We have everything we need to face anything that comes to us. Courage and strength wait in the wings when things are going well, and rise to the top just as we need them.

We can trust ourselves to find answers and get through any trial or difficulty we face. No matter how old we are, chances are we’ve faced hurtles before and surmounted them. We’ve figured out difficult puzzles and complex situations already so when they come again in their endless variations, we know we can face them. Of course, nobody wants to go through difficult times, and we may think we want our lives to be an endless picnic of fun without the ants. But life isn’t like that, and it’s in the trials where we learn to be brave and in the fire where we learn to be strong. Our courage is honed through practice, and our ability to process and untangle problems comes with experience.  Every single bump brings with it a blessing. As we go through them, figure them out, and conquer them, we get closer to the person we most want to be. We burn off a little more superficial shell, and get down to who we really are deep inside.

It takes faith to believe we can overcome obstacles that come to us, especially if they are very painful. We will experience many difficult things in our lives – death, sadness, loss, hurt, and shame to name a few. Although we don’t enjoy the hard times, they teach us the most, and on the other side of them we are deeper and more enriched than we were before they began. And we have everything we need to face them. Our courage, our stamina, our determination and our wisdom will rise the moment we need them. They are always there ready to assist, and with them we can conquer anything. Even in the most difficult moments, we can continue to go forward. Nothing lasts forever and as each problem untangles itself, as we heal from the loss, we begin to rebuild into someone stronger and more capable because of what we’ve overcome – again. This life is a continual round of lessons to be learned. We can learn them all and we can defeat any adversity. There is nothing we can’t do.

Today if you’re facing something very difficult and painful, remember you have everything you need to prevail. You have sufficient courage and wisdom to find resolution and move forward. There isn’t anything that is too hard for you. Everything you need is there for you already. Draw on it, pull from it, and let it rise. You will overcome this. It’s just one more step.

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Bring It

16 Dec

There are times when we may find ourselves at odds with someone else. They may have ideas about what we should be doing that conflict with our decisions, or want us to agree to something we don’t feel we can. Sometimes they may even try to force our hands by blocking us or in some way try to fence us in. It’s very uncomfortable and difficult to remain in control when these situations arise. We may feel angry or we may want to run the other way to escape the tension. But if we take some time to process what’s happening and see it more objectively, often we find that all we’re facing is a difference of opinion. We are disagreeing. It may be a heated exchange and our boundaries may be sorely invaded. We might feel threatened or in some other way intensely uncomfortable. Whatever the situation, we can manage it if we back away from the emotion and try to see it for what it is. That isn’t easy when we feel personally attacked, but it’s not impossible. If we step outside ourselves for a moment and just look at the facts, the situation will become more manageable and we’ll be able to find a way through.

We are capable of figuring out any problem we face if we take the time to look at it objectively and openly. When our feelings are involved we may be overcome with emotion and unable to think. We’re focused on our extreme disappointment or anger or sadness or whatever we’re struggling with. But we can set that aside for a moment. Setting the emotion aside does not diminish it and we can more fully understand the facts of the situation and more clearly see an answer. After we’ve been through a difficult time and are on the other side, after the dust has cleared and we’ve settled down, because we are no longer so intensely involved we often see how we could have managed better. Emotions are necessary and they are important, but sometimes if we want to find our way, we need to step away from them for a time. We can do that and when we do, we may find what we’re looking for.

We are in control of ourselves. No matter who influences us or how pervasive that influence is, what we decide to do is our decision. We can allow ourselves to get angry when someone offends us or we can find a way to process the problem more effectively. Getting angry is a reaction. Thinking about the situation first is a choice. If we choose to think instead of react oftentimes we will prevent the situation from escalating and gain control. Being in control of any situation allows us to make better decisions. And making better decisions is always desirable.  If we choose to be in control, it doesn’t matter what comes to us – we will prevail.  Life can “bring it,” whatever that may be, and we can find success going forward.

Today if you find yourself in a situation that fires up your emotions, if you are angry or hurt, upset or disappointed, take a moment to step back from your feelings and see the situation objectively. Address the problem as it is, and choose what is right calmly and objectively. You will diffuse the issue and you’ll be in control. You have everything you need to prevail. You are wise and capable. Today show that to everyone involved.

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