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Locked Away

8 Feb

When things go wrong in our lives, and we get hurt, it’s sometimes hard to see past the pain. We may become cautious going forward, fearful of what could happen. Things can always go wrong, but they can go right too. If we’ve been hurt and are afraid we may forget that. Sometimes after a big disappointment we might determine in order to be safe from additional pain, to lock ourselves away. It seems reasonable that if we don’t allow people to get close to us, they can’t hurt us, and we can protect ourselves going forward. The problem with that thinking is our greatest pleasures in this life come from the close relationships we build with others. If we lock ourselves away, we might prevent getting hurt, but we’ll also prevent getting close. In the big overall scheme of things, that’s a huge price to pay for emotional safety. Is it worth it? Only we can answer that, but it seems the price is greater than the reward it offers. There is no doubt that getting hurt is painful, but living a life on the periphery, unable to connect to others is a superficial existence. If we want a deep, rich, experience here, we have to be willing to get close to others, and face the possibility of getting hurt.

There are no guarantees in this life. We can try our best to know those close to us, and understand them, but people don’t always show us everything. Sometimes we may be fooled by someone who has an agenda, or wants to keep secrets. Other times we may be hurt by someone close to us because they don’t tell us the whole story. People are complex and sometimes they aren’t as forthcoming as we would like. Anytime we open our lives, or our hearts to someone else, there is some level of risk. If we’ve taken the time to know them well, that risk may be minimized, but if they are adept at hiding facets of their personality, we may still be surprised. We all have personal choices to make. We can’t control anyone but ourselves and if someone close to us chooses to, they may hurt us. We are strong enough to accept that and still choose to build close relationships.

Having courage to move forward and trust others after a difficult and hurtful experience may take time. We don’t always want to jump back into the pool after finding a shark there. We can take all the time we need to heal, and there is no rush. But if we really want to move forward, we can’t close the door and lock it. We need to leave it open, even if only just a tiny bit. If we are brave enough to think about the possibility of new relationships, we will be open when they arrive. Being open takes courage, especially after a bad experience, but it’s the only real way we can move forward and grow. If we shut ourselves off we will be stuck where the damage was done, and being stuck doesn’t allow us to grow. It might seem wise and safe at the beginning, but it will not bring us happiness in the long run. Just because one person deeply hurt us doesn’t mean everyone will. We can be cautious, and careful, and still let others in, and in time can learn to trust again.

Today if you’ve been hurt badly and don’t want to risk opening up going forward, remember there is no guarantee that the next relationship you build will hurt you. Every relationship is different. Some relationships are wonderful and a great benefit to our lives. It’s not worth missing out on those because of one bad experience. You have a lot to offer and are worth every happiness. Trust yourself. There is a lot of good in the world. And a lot of it is waiting for you.

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Next

6 Feb

Everything we do has an affect on something. Every decision we make takes us somewhere and every choice has a result. If we’re paying attention we can see where we’re going and if we stay on a certain road, where we’ll end up. But that attention can be distracted if we’re involved with someone we really like, or the road is very beautiful, or the promised destination is something we truly want. Distraction can make us oblivious to certain clues and cues, and we might find we end up somewhere that isn’t anything like the destination we thought we were traveling to. They say hindsight is 20-20 and that’s true, but it’s only true because we can’t possibly know what we don’t know. In the end it’s easy to see all the missed steps because we have more information. However, if we’re alert and allow ourselves to see things as they really are as we travel forward, we’ll be able to make better choices. People who want us to do things their way, or go where they think we should go may convince us by making things seem different than they really are. It may not be malicious, and they may think they know what’s best for us. But we know better than anyone where we should be, and if we look carefully, we’ll find our way there.

Every choice we make will bring us a result, either good or bad. Sometimes they are the results we’re seeking, and sometimes we have to try again. There are a lot of roads we can take, and some are very attractive. If we aren’t careful we may follow them without looking at where they will ultimately lead. For instance, if we meet someone we feel very attracted to we may plunge ahead without a second thought. They may seem to be everything we’ve been looking for, but as time passes we notice they don’t always follow through on what they say, and although they seem very sincere, they continually break their promises. If we get caught up in their charisma, and the charming promise of who they say they are, we may miss these important cues for a time. But in the end, truth always surfaces and if they are dishonest and insincere, eventually we’ll see it. If we’re very invested in the relationship when the truth comes out, it will be painful to redirect our course. It’s much easier to be willing to see everything openly at the beginning and make a positive decision starting out, than it is to fix a situation after problems are evident.

B always follows A. If we look at situations with a broad view and see where they’re headed, and allow ourselves to be objective instead of getting caught up in the image of what might be, we will better direct our course. We’ve all been swept away, and sometimes it doesn’t work out the way we thought it would. When someone wants something from us – our time, our effort, our affection, our love – they may paint the palette with the exact colors we need to see to follow along. We can be entranced, enchanted, and mesmerized, and if we are, we won’t see the situation objectively. But we can remember that B always follows A. One thing always leads to another, and if we pay attention we can see where we’re headed. We have the power to objectively and wisely make any decision, even one that is framed in illusion and promise. We can step back, clear away any curtains of influence, and see the whole situation objectively. Being proactive at the beginning will help us to go forward confidently and wisely.

Today if the road you’ve been on isn’t going where you thought it would, you can change your course. You are capable of making excellent decisions and if you need to change something, you can. Nobody’s life follows a perfectly straight line. Every detour teaches us something. You know where you want to go. Do what you need to get there. You’re in control. You can change direction and you will be successful.

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Stuck

5 Feb

We have all kinds of options and opportunities in our lives. There are limitless choices we can make. We can do anything we want to do, go anywhere we want to go, and spend our time with anyone we choose. We can exercise our options at any time and change our situation whenever we feel we need to. But sometimes we forget we have the power to do these things, and we get stuck. Maybe we’re in a relationship that has been a part of our lives for a long time and although we aren’t happy, it has become routine, and we aren’t sure how to break free.  Maybe it’s a career we fell into that isn’t fulfilling but changing to something new is unsettling so we soldier on. And maybe it’s just a lifestyle we formed when we were younger that no longer fits who we are, but we aren’t sure how to change it. We get stuck in routines, in expectations, and in responsibilities. We can forget that we’re in control of our lives but if we want to be happy, really happy, we can do whatever it takes to get there. We can change anything even if it’s been a part of our lives for years. We deserve to be completely happy and feel we’re in charge of our future. We can do anything, but first we have to recognize where we are and decide if it’s where we want to be.

There is no pre-recorded path for our lives. Some people believe in fate and that we are destined to travel a certain road, but that flies in the face of reason. If we were all fated, we wouldn’t be able to choose our own way, but we can do that. If we’re lazy or uncertain, and unhappy where we are, we can say it’s fate, but in reality it’s a choice we’re making. We aren’t puppets on a string, and there isn’t anyone pulling those strings to make us go one way or another. Everything we do is a choice we make. There are sometimes pressures on us to go a certain way and make certain decisions, but in the end we are the ones who choose. Nobody can really make us do anything. And so, if we feel unsatisfied or unfulfilled, we can choose to change our lives. We can choose to do it at any time. And if we’re unhappy the sooner we decide to change, the more content we’ll be.

Nobody knows how long we’ll be on earth in this amazing, precarious, unpredictable, and wonderful existence. We may live to be centenarians, or we may leave earlier. We need to make the most of every day we’re here and get the most out of our experiences. If we’re stuck in a situation that stunts us, keeps us from moving forward, or doesn’t make us happy, we can change it. We deserve to be happy and feel we’re taking advantage of every opportunity available to us. Routines are just patterns we can break. We don’t have to stay stuck. We can choose something new. We can try anything and we can make our dreams a reality. All we have to do is decide. Making the decision to change is often the hardest part of the process. Once we’ve decided, going forward where we want to go will be rewarding. There isn’t anything we can’t do if we want it badly enough. We can conquer any obstacle, and we can accomplish whatever we set out to do. Getting stuck happens. Getting unstuck can happen too.

Today if you feel you’ve been stuck in a situation that isn’t rewarding or fulfilling and you want to change, you can. Decide what you want to do and where you want to go, and then open the door and begin. There isn’t anything you can’t do. Make your dreams come true. You have everything you need already. Take the first step. Turn the page. Happiness is there waiting for you.

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Burns and Scars

4 Feb

Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes we have fun and things go well, sometimes the bottom falls out and our dreams are shattered, and sometimes it’s some version in between. Nobody gets through their lives without being hurt from time to time, and when we’re really hurt and burned badly, it takes time to heal. If our dreams have gone up in smoke, if we’ve been betrayed by a loved one, or what we thought was real turns out to be a mirage, we can be devastated. Getting burned hurts. It hurts a lot and it takes time to recover. When we burn our skin, if the burn is very deep and serious, it has to heal from the bottom up. Dead cells must be removed from the top of the burn to allow it to heal more quickly and prevent scarring. The removal of that layer is often painful but necessary for recovery. When we’ve been emotionally hurt we have to do the same thing. We have to rub off the initial shock, confusion, and denial in order to get to the heart of the matter and recover. We can’t look the other way or the burn will never heal. It can be very painful to look at things completely when we’re devastated. It’s difficult to go through the process of removing obstacles to recovery, but if we do, we will be able to heal and go forward with renewed confidence.

When we’ve been hurt on the outside, after the wound heals we often develop a scar. If the wound was intense and very invasive, the scar may be large and thick. If we were only hurt a little, the scar may be smaller and smoother, but there is always a scar of some type after the wound heals. Over time scars refine and become less noticeable but they never go away. There is no way to be completely restored to our original state, and they will always be reminders of what happened to cause them. When we’re emotionally hurt and recover, we carry scars with us going forward as well. At the beginning if the scar is invasive and thick, it may keep us from making certain choices or feeling confident. Over time as we grow and change, just like the scars on the outside, the scars on the inside will refine. They will never go away completely, and we’ll always remember what caused them. But they will smooth out and we’ll find ways around them. Scars aren’t bad. They help us remember where we’ve been, and they need not hold us back. We can learn all we can from the experience and as we heal we can move forward.

As years pass, our appearances change through the normal course of aging. The laughter or sadness we’ve experienced show in lines on our faces. Our bodies show the wear and tear of life, and all the scars from all the injuries, large and small, we’ve endured. The lines, wrinkles, and scars are proof that we’ve lived our lives. We will never be the perfect beings we were when we arrived here, and everything that leaves a mark is a testament of our courage and endurance. We are going to get burned, in more ways than one, and we’ll carry the scars from those burns until we die. They are proof of how strong we are and what we’ve overcome. This life is challenging. There is a lot to learn. Sometimes we’re going to be hurt but there is nothing we can’t overcome. We will carry the marks, the lines, and the scars forward, but we will also carry the knowledge of what we’ve learned. And learning is what it’s all about.

Today if you’ve been burned by something that has hurt you deeply, you will recover. You will find your way through and you’ll carry the experience with you going forward, and it will not hold you back. You are courageous and strong. Be confident. You can do anything and you will succeed.

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Choice or Chance

3 Feb

Lots of things happen to us in life. Some of them are planned for and expected, others are surprises, both good and bad. We make a lot of choices that work out, and some that don’t, and sometimes we take a chance that something we want will happen without us doing anything. The only thing we can really control is ourselves and the choices we make. If we’re proactive we’ll make important choices before they need to happen, or at least try to. But if we put them off, sometimes we take a chance that things will work out anyway. We can make choices or we can leave things up to chance. If we don’t take control of our lives, life will take control of them for us. Nobody knows what’s best for us better than we do. It seems therefore that the best course of action is to ensure we’re involved in decisions that impact us. If we just let things happen and do nothing to direct our lives, we may find ourselves in places we didn’t want to go, doing things we don’t want to do.

Making good choices takes time and thought. The big choices like where we’ll live, what we’ll do, who we’ll spend our lives with, and where we’ll go, are up to us to decide. We can create our lives any way we want them. If we don’t like cold weather, we can choose to live in a warm climate. If we hate office work but need a job, we can choose something we enjoy. If we’re in relationships that aren’t working we can change them. No matter what we need to be happy, we can make choices that will bring it to us. We know what we want, and we know who we are. We know what we need to feel successful and confident. It’s important that we do what is necessary to make choices that will enable us to gain everything that makes our lives the way we want them.

Some people have trouble directing their lives and instead just go with the flow. There is nothing wrong with being spontaneous and we don’t have to plan everything, but if we aren’t in control of where we’re going, somebody or something else is. If several influences are involved we may end up doing things we don’t want to do. Our lives belong to us. If we leave our direction up to chance it might be easier for the moment, but in the end the lives we end up with may not be the lives we most want. Only we know what we want the most and unless we determine to make it happen, chances are we’ll never succeed. We have enough courage and wisdom to direct our lives and make whatever choices we need to be happy. Once we decide where we want to go and what we want to do, nothing can stop us. But we have to decide. We can do that. And when we do, the control we feel over our lives will give us the confidence we need to go forward and get to any destination we choose.

Today if you’ve been leaving your decisions up to chance, or letting others decide for you, think about what you really want. You can go anywhere you want to go and do anything you want to do. You’re in charge of your life and you deserve to get everything out of it you desire. Take charge today. Set your path and start moving toward your goals. There isn’t anything you can’t do. You are amazing and capable. Decide what you want, and then go get it.

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