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Burn Me Once

12 Jun

There is a saying, “Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me.” The meaning is pretty obvious – when someone hurts us the first time, it’s on them. But if we let them hurt us a second time, it’s on us. That’s true sometimes, but not always. It’s generally more complex than this. As people, we aren’t really that predictable, and there are always complications. We can be in situations where we get hurt, but because of the relationship dynamic, we allow the person who hurt us to remain close enough to hurt us again. Sometimes it’s because they are related to us, and cutting them off isn’t really a viable option. Sometimes it’s because we love them, and have faith in them. Sometimes it’s because we have a relationship with them that’s important to our lives. And sometimes, it’s because we’re afraid to let them go.

People make mistakes all the time. I make them, and you make them. We aren’t perfect, and we falter. It’s the normal course of things as we learn. We run into problems when we make the same mistakes over and over, or we allow others to hurt us the same way again and again. Relationships aren’t always easy, and the decisions we make in them are not always black or white. Sometimes it’s unclear how we should proceed. Sometimes we aren’t sure. We don’t want to be hurt again, but we don’t know how to go forward. And sometimes it’s easier to pretend that everything is okay even when we’re not happy. The problem with pretending is that it isn’t reality, and eventually that catches up with us. When that happens, we have to face the true situation head on.

We deserve the very best from ourselves, and from those around us. We won’t always give it, or get it, but we can try to do our part. If we offend someone we care about, we need to recognize what we’ve done, and make it right. And the same is true for those around us. However, sometimes those who have offended us are not aware of our feelings. When that happens, it’s up to us to tell them what’s going on. We can do it calmly, and politely. We will get the point across more effectively if we are not angry when we have the discussion. Then if the offense happens again, if we are hurt again, we can decide if we want to continue the relationship. It’s not easy to change relationships, but it isn’t impossible. We are the ones in control of our lives. If we are getting hurt, and we do nothing, we will be unhappy. We deserve to be happy. We deserve the very best.

Today if you’re being hurt, speak up. Explain how you feel, and do your part to improve the relationship. If nothing changes, and you continue to be hurt, remember that you are valuable. You deserve to be happy. Make the best choice possible to ensure that you will be. Happiness is a gift we give to ourselves. Give it to yourself today. You deserve it.

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Just As You Are

11 Jun

Today there is a lot of pressure on us to be perfect. We’re bombarded with messages that we have to be fit, and look good. We have to eat a certain way. All our relationships need to be happy. We have to wear nice clothes, style our hair in the latest trend, and have money in the bank. We must look young, and vibrant at every age. These messages are constant in the media all around us every day. The goal is perfection, but nobody is perfect. Since we aren’t perfect, we may question ourselves. Are we doing enough? Are we trying hard enough? Why aren’t we enough just as we are? It’s exhausting. Somewhere the world went crazy, and perfection became the new expectation. But perfection is just a goal. In this life, it’s not the achievement.

It’s easy to feel like we are less than we should be up against such high standards. It’s easy to feel bad, and think we don’t measure up, when in fact, we’re probably just fine. Our standards should be set by us. We need to determine what we want our lives to be like, and what they should look like. Nobody is living our lives but us. We get to custom make them, and decide how they work. We can set our own goals as high as we like. We can do anything, but we should do what we want to do, and not what others think we should do. It’s okay if we’re average height, average weight, average intelligence, and have an average sized bank account. We can strive for more if we want, but wherever we are, we can be happy. We’re fine where we are. In fact, we’re perfectly fine.

Our lives can be anything we want them to be, and they never have to match someone else’s ideas. If we let others decide how we should live, we will never figure out what we really want. And discovering what we really want for ourselves is the first step to true happiness. We will be happy if we are living our lives our way, and we all deserve to be happy.

Today, be who you are. Ignore all the messages that you have to be more, do more, and look a certain way. If you want to change something, make a plan and change it. If you’re happy with things the way they are, enjoy yourself. This is your time to make the most of your life. Do it your way. Nobody can live your life better than you. You know exactly how it should go. And when you’re doing it your way, nothing will stop you from getting what you want. The end of the rainbow does not have a pot of gold. You have it every day you choose to be happy. Today, make that choice. Be happy. You are perfect just as you are.

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Turning It Around

5 Jun

Sometimes we have bad days. They just happen. We’ve all experienced them, and when they come around it’s a pain to navigate them. There are days when it seems that from the moment we get out of bed in the morning, everything goes wrong. We trip over something trying to get dressed, we spill something on our clothes before we leave home, we can’t find the car keys, the car won’t start, there’s a school bus in front of us taking FOREVER and we’re running late – you get the picture. We’ve all had days like this. When they come we may want to just forget it, go back home, and get back into bed. Nothing is going right so what’s the point of going forward?

Even on awkward, difficult days like these, there are things that go right. They can be hard to see amid what’s going wrong, but there are some good things happening. Let’s start with the basics – we’re still breathing, and that’s good. We still probably have some friends, and that’s good. There is probably food when we’re hungry – always a good thing. And despite how it feels, we probably will survive the day. The chances of two really bad days in a row are slim. Tomorrow will come, and this day will be just a memory. We just have to get through this one.

When things go awry, especially if we have the added stress of commitments we must make, time schedules we must keep, and appointments we can’t miss, we may feel beset, overwhelmed, and frustrated. All of those emotions may show in our behavior, and be visible on our faces. We may become impatient, irritated and short with others. We may gripe, and complain. But we can turn things around. If we want to, we can change our attitudes, and despite all the annoyances, we can still be positive.

The fastest way to fix a negative feeling is to smile. Just smile. Sounds strange, but the act of smiling will lift our spirits. Even if we don’t feel like smiling, just doing it will make us feel better. Not a fake smile, but a real dazzler. We can think of something we love, and just let it bring joy to our faces. And if we smile at someone else, and they return one back to us, we’ll feel even better. If we keep that going, pretty soon, despite the things that are confounding us, our attitudes will improve, and we will turn that bad day around. Things may falter and continue to annoy, but we’ll take them as they come, and we’ll be fine.

Today if things are going wrong, if you’re sure the universe has turned against you, if it seems that nothing is working, take a breath and smile. Just smile. Smile at yourself in a mirror. Smile at those around you. You don’t have to say anything – just make your face happy. You’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel, and when we feel better, everything changes. You have so much to offer. Don’t let the small calamities lock you down. Look up. Be happy. It’s just a day, and no matter what comes, you can make it great.

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The Waiting Game

1 Jun

Have you ever had to wait for a long time for something to happen, for something to arrive, or for someone to change? Have you ever waited for a long, long time for something you’ve been hoping for? If you have, you know how hard it can be. It’s hard to be patient for a long time. It’s hard to believe for a long time. It’s hard to wait, and wait, hoping that things will work out, and what you want will come to you. And as you wait, there will be those around you who will offer you advice. Some will support you, and others will tell you to stop. It really doesn’t matter what anyone else says. You’re waiting because it’s important to you. So you continue.

We only have control over what we do. We can’t control what others do, we can’t control what comes to us, and we don’t have the power to change everything. We only have the power to change ourselves. When we are waiting for someone else to do something, or for a situation to change that involves others, it can be very hard.

Waiting is a difficult game. It requires patience, stamina, and faith. We have to believe that what we’re waiting for will actually come to us. Otherwise there is no way to hold on. But if we really believe the change will come, that it will resolve the way we hope it will, we can manage it. If we really believe what we’re waiting for is worth it, we can hold on. We can wait a little longer.

But if the wait is too long, we may lose faith. If there is no way for us to make things happen, to make things work out, and nothing changes, we may give up. We may decide it’s no longer worth the fight. It’s no longer worth the struggle. We may decide to let the dream go. It hurts to let go, but after a time, if we’re sure we’ve done everything we could, and still nothing has changed, it may be time to reconsider. It may be time to change course.

Today if you’ve been waiting for something for a long time, take a moment to think about what you want most. Do you want to continue to hold on? Do you still believe what you’re hoping for is worth the struggle? Or will today be the day you decide to change things? If you decide to continue to wait, be strong. You’ve come this far, and this is just one more day. But if today is the day you let it go, be brave. Take a deep breath, and make a new plan. Whatever you choose, if you believe in what you’re doing, you’ll handle whatever comes. So, in or out, the path is yours to choose. Choose the path you want most. You deserve to be happy. Choose the path that will make you happy.

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You Never Know

27 May

Some years ago I had a neighbor who loved her flower garden. She found great pleasure in planting lovely flowers around her home, and was always scouring the greenhouses for something new. One year, she had three children in college, and her budget was very tight. She told me she couldn’t afford to buy anything new for a while, including flowers, which was disappointing. But she said she would be fine because her garden was full and beautiful already, and it was.

One day I saw her sitting on her front porch, and walked over to say hello. She told me she had just returned from the store and had seen some gorgeous, double blossom, red hollyhocks she just adored. “I wanted them so badly,” she told me, “but I just can’t spend the extra money right now. When every penny counts you have to count every penny. It was so hard to walk away! They were so beautiful!” She laughed at how much she wanted the new flowers, and we sat and chatted for a while.

Later that summer I saw her in her yard tending her lovely garden, and I walked over to see her. She was on her hands and knees weeding, so I joined her, and together we began cleaning out her flower bed. I saw a thick, green stalk growing out of the soil and wasn’t sure if it was a weed or not, so I asked her about it. She looked at it, pondered for a moment, and said, “I don’t know what it is. It looks like celery.” I thought, “Celery? Does that grow wild?” Since we weren’t sure what it was, we decided to let it grow, and see what happened.

A couple of weeks later, my neighbor appeared at my door all excited. “You have to come and see!” she exclaimed. I had no idea what the excitement was all about but she grabbed my arm and pulled me along until I was in her yard. When we got there she pointed at her flower bed and the “wild celery” we had let grow. There before my eyes was a tall hollyhock stem with bright red buds all over it. “How did that happen?” I asked her. “I don’t know,” she said. “I just came out to do some weeding and there it was. It’s a double blossom, red hollyhock! Just like the one I couldn’t buy at the store!” I stood there staring at the plant, in wonderment. We laughed, and she said she figured it got there from seeds blown by the wind, or maybe bird droppings had planted it for her. Whatever brought it, she was beyond delighted.

As time went by, that one hollyhock became a whole flowerbed full of gorgeous red blooms. Every time I passed her house and saw them I thought about how they just appeared out of nowhere, and to someone who wanted them so badly. She lovingly tended them, and gleefully told the story of how she got them again and again.

We never know what will come to us in this life. Every day brings surprises of one sort or another. Some surprises are difficult, but some are wonderful, like my friend’s hollyhocks. Every day has potential for something new to come to us. Today, look for a surprise that may come your way. It may be quiet, so you’ll have to listen, and it may be small, so you’ll have to watch. But there will probably be something surprising for you if you just take the time to notice. This life is a wonderful gift. Every day is a blessing. And perhaps the best surprise of all is that we get to have another day to enjoy it!

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