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Asking For It

20 Jun

A friend of mine goes to dinner every month with several other friends. They enjoy their time together, and have known each other for many years. Their lives are busy, and their monthly dinner is the time they all look forward to catching up with each other, and renewing their friendships.

At these dinners, it’s been customary to have all the orders placed on one check, and then the total divided up evenly between them at the end of the meal. My friend has been uncomfortable with this arrangement because several people order drinks that are very expensive, and a few always order the most costly entrée on the menu. Since her tastes are minimal, and she always orders a salad, it’s been hard for her to justify the enormous expense when the bill is divided up with lobster entrees, several glasses of wine, and cocktails. But she hadn’t said anything for fear of alienating her friends.

That all changed when she joined them this last week. When they were ordering their meals at last week’s gathering, she asked the waiter to please put her order on a separate check. She was nervous about what reaction she would get but as soon as she said it, a few others in the group also asked for separate checks. She was surprised by that, but happy she had chosen what was best for her. The dinner went smoothly, and at the end the checks were given to everyone who asked for one. Nobody seemed concerned about the change in the pattern, and everything was fine. My friend wished she had said something earlier because she could have taken care of this before it became a burden for her. If she had asked for the change when it first began to bother her, she would have been more comfortable.

It is sometimes the case in our lives when something is bothering us that we don’t speak up. There are a lot of reasons why we might stay quiet, but if it’s bothering us, it’s definitely worth talking about. We can direct our lives any way we want to, and in most circumstances, we don’t have to do things the way others expect us to. We can ask for, and get a different scenario. But we won’t get anything we want unless we ask for it. All we have to do is ask. It’s a simple thing, and we are capable of it at any time. We just have to decide when it’s important to us.

Today if you’re going along with something you don’t appreciate, you may ask for a change. You may ask for what you want. You don’t have to say you’re unhappy, you don’t have to say the situation is wrong, you can just ask for what you want. If you do that, odds are better that you’ll get it. If you don’t ask, nothing will change, so you’ve got nothing to lose. Ask for what you want. You are entitled to do things your way. Today, define what that is, and ask for it. You’ll be much happier being in control of your decisions. After all, the choice is yours. Make it the one you want.

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Turning It Around

5 Jun

Sometimes we have bad days. They just happen. We’ve all experienced them, and when they come around it’s a pain to navigate them. There are days when it seems that from the moment we get out of bed in the morning, everything goes wrong. We trip over something trying to get dressed, we spill something on our clothes before we leave home, we can’t find the car keys, the car won’t start, there’s a school bus in front of us taking FOREVER and we’re running late – you get the picture. We’ve all had days like this. When they come we may want to just forget it, go back home, and get back into bed. Nothing is going right so what’s the point of going forward?

Even on awkward, difficult days like these, there are things that go right. They can be hard to see amid what’s going wrong, but there are some good things happening. Let’s start with the basics – we’re still breathing, and that’s good. We still probably have some friends, and that’s good. There is probably food when we’re hungry – always a good thing. And despite how it feels, we probably will survive the day. The chances of two really bad days in a row are slim. Tomorrow will come, and this day will be just a memory. We just have to get through this one.

When things go awry, especially if we have the added stress of commitments we must make, time schedules we must keep, and appointments we can’t miss, we may feel beset, overwhelmed, and frustrated. All of those emotions may show in our behavior, and be visible on our faces. We may become impatient, irritated and short with others. We may gripe, and complain. But we can turn things around. If we want to, we can change our attitudes, and despite all the annoyances, we can still be positive.

The fastest way to fix a negative feeling is to smile. Just smile. Sounds strange, but the act of smiling will lift our spirits. Even if we don’t feel like smiling, just doing it will make us feel better. Not a fake smile, but a real dazzler. We can think of something we love, and just let it bring joy to our faces. And if we smile at someone else, and they return one back to us, we’ll feel even better. If we keep that going, pretty soon, despite the things that are confounding us, our attitudes will improve, and we will turn that bad day around. Things may falter and continue to annoy, but we’ll take them as they come, and we’ll be fine.

Today if things are going wrong, if you’re sure the universe has turned against you, if it seems that nothing is working, take a breath and smile. Just smile. Smile at yourself in a mirror. Smile at those around you. You don’t have to say anything – just make your face happy. You’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel, and when we feel better, everything changes. You have so much to offer. Don’t let the small calamities lock you down. Look up. Be happy. It’s just a day, and no matter what comes, you can make it great.

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Do you feel the pinch?

2 Jun

Have you ever worn shoes that were just a little too small? Maybe they felt okay at first but as you walked in them they began to pinch? Sometimes we can feel that sort of discomfort in our lives. It’s nothing serious, just a little pinch that something isn’t right. Like a blip on the radar that we can’t identify. We don’t feel exactly settled. Maybe we aren’t sleeping well, and we feel edgy. Something is off. Something is bugging us.

When this happens, it’s a good idea to give it some attention. Think about what we’re feeling. What is going on in our lives? Generally when we feel that little annoyance, there is something just under the surface that we’ve been ignoring. Perhaps it’s something someone said or did we blew off at the time, but has been bothering us ever since. Perhaps it’s a situation we’re involved in that for some reason just doesn’t fit. Perhaps it’s something we need to do that we keep putting off. Or maybe it’s something we did in the past that we need to revisit. Whatever it is, it helps to address it, so we can let it go.

Each day a lot of things happen to us. Sometimes we’re caught off guard by something, and even though we feel like we’ve moved on, sometimes it lingers. It’s there in the back of our minds niggling at us. Poking us to pay attention, making us feel unsettled. If it’s unpleasant, we may try to ignore it. But it remains, reminding us that it’s there. If we want to shake it off, first we have to fix it.

We deserve to get the most out of each day. We deserve to feel confident and settled. If there are things that take that from us, it’s best to change them. Once we determine what’s bothering us, and then do what it takes to let it go, our peace will return. It might be an easy fix, or it might be something that is more complicated. Once we’ve addressed the issue, done what we need to in order to let it go, we will be happier and feel like ourselves once more. We’ll feel relaxed again, and all those rough edges will smooth out.

Today if you’re feeling out of sorts, if you feel an annoying reminder of something that’s bothering you, address it. If it involves someone else, talk to them. If it involves a decision you need to make, decide. Whatever it is, fix it now, and find your center again. Small irritants can become bigger problems if we let them fester. Fix them while they’re small. Today is a great day to clean the closets. Once everything has been tidied up you can shut the door, and move on. Nothing will hold you back.

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The Waiting Game

1 Jun

Have you ever had to wait for a long time for something to happen, for something to arrive, or for someone to change? Have you ever waited for a long, long time for something you’ve been hoping for? If you have, you know how hard it can be. It’s hard to be patient for a long time. It’s hard to believe for a long time. It’s hard to wait, and wait, hoping that things will work out, and what you want will come to you. And as you wait, there will be those around you who will offer you advice. Some will support you, and others will tell you to stop. It really doesn’t matter what anyone else says. You’re waiting because it’s important to you. So you continue.

We only have control over what we do. We can’t control what others do, we can’t control what comes to us, and we don’t have the power to change everything. We only have the power to change ourselves. When we are waiting for someone else to do something, or for a situation to change that involves others, it can be very hard.

Waiting is a difficult game. It requires patience, stamina, and faith. We have to believe that what we’re waiting for will actually come to us. Otherwise there is no way to hold on. But if we really believe the change will come, that it will resolve the way we hope it will, we can manage it. If we really believe what we’re waiting for is worth it, we can hold on. We can wait a little longer.

But if the wait is too long, we may lose faith. If there is no way for us to make things happen, to make things work out, and nothing changes, we may give up. We may decide it’s no longer worth the fight. It’s no longer worth the struggle. We may decide to let the dream go. It hurts to let go, but after a time, if we’re sure we’ve done everything we could, and still nothing has changed, it may be time to reconsider. It may be time to change course.

Today if you’ve been waiting for something for a long time, take a moment to think about what you want most. Do you want to continue to hold on? Do you still believe what you’re hoping for is worth the struggle? Or will today be the day you decide to change things? If you decide to continue to wait, be strong. You’ve come this far, and this is just one more day. But if today is the day you let it go, be brave. Take a deep breath, and make a new plan. Whatever you choose, if you believe in what you’re doing, you’ll handle whatever comes. So, in or out, the path is yours to choose. Choose the path you want most. You deserve to be happy. Choose the path that will make you happy.

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Law of the Harvest

21 May

Every spring I pour over seed catalogs, and begin to plan my summer vegetable garden. I plant tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, zucchini, summer squash, watermelons, and the list goes on and on. I have a large garden plot, and find great pleasure in planning, planting, tending, and harvesting it. There is nothing quite like seeing seedlings first pop out of the soil, and watching them grow, knowing that soon all the wonderful things I’ve planted will be on my dinner plate.

When we plant our gardens we buy seeds for the fruits, and vegetables we want to harvest. If we’re planting a flower garden, we find seeds for the colors, and varieties of flowers we want to see growing there. The seed packets are always accurate – it they say the seeds are for summer squash, summer squash is what you’ll get. Never once have I purchased squash seeds and had daisies come up. What the package says, is what you’ll get.

Our lives are like gardens too. Every day we make choices that bring results. And those results are directly tied to the choices we make. For instance, if we are rude, and we sow seeds of disharmony, disharmony is what we’ll reap. If we are kind, and we sow seeds of caring, caring is what comes back. If we are mean, and we sow seeds of pain, in return pain is what we’ll find. The law of the harvest is immutable, and it is inescapable. We simply cannot sow seeds for carrots, and expect to harvest cucumbers. And so it is in our lives. If we want others to be kind to us, we must be kind to them. The harvest will return what we plant.

This principle applies to both our professional, and our personal lives. If we are contentious in our relationships, if we lie, or if we deceive, we will never be trusted, and our relationships will be turbulent. On the other hand, if we value our relationships, treat them with care and respect, they will be fulfilling and pleasurable. If we are lazy at work, if we spend our days wasting time instead of working diligently, we will not earn the respect of others, and we will never be successful. But if we work hard, honor our commitments, and keep our promises, we will be valued, and successful in return.

The law of the harvest applies to every facet of our lives. We understand it when we’re planting our gardens, and it’s important that we understand it in our lives. What we plant, we will surely reap. There is no escape. There is no cheating. There is no excuse. What we plant we will surely reap. Today as you go about your life, remember you are planting seeds. What you get in return depends on the seeds you choose. Be careful. In the end, nobody wants a garden full of weeds.

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