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The Rest of the Story

3 Aug

Sometimes our interpretations of situations are skewed because we don’t have the whole story.  We may hear one side of things, or we may be basing ideas on what we think we’ve seen.  There is an old saying, “Believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear.”  It’s wise advice, but sometimes because the source telling us a story is someone we trust, we may believe them.  And if they have only half the information, we may be way off the mark.  And seeing isn’t always believing.  What we see may be a small part of a bigger picture.

People are complicated, and sometimes situations are complicated too.  What at first may seem to be obvious can turn out to be something completely different.  If we make decisions based on what we think is happening, without first getting all the facts, we may make mistakes that hurt us, or others.  Everyone knows the rumor mill cannot be trusted.  Some of us love intrigue and suspense, and sometimes when people repeat a story, they embellish it.  Before we know it, the entire scenario barely resembles the truth.  It’s like the telephone game we played as children.  Nothing is ever the same after it’s been filtered through several people.

It’s best then to try to get the facts from the real source instead of those reporting on it.  That’s not always possible, and if it isn’t, we should let it go.  Many people have been hurt by rumors that started out with a segment of truth, only to be blown way out of proportion to the point that they no longer resemble what happened at all.  Getting the rest of the story before we believe or repeat anything is imperative.  This is true in our interpersonal relationships, and in every other facet of our lives.  We need to get the truth before we go forward.  If that isn’t possible, we need to let the story go.

Today if you’ve gotten involved in a rumor or story that’s floating around, stop until you can verify all the facts.  Don’t take a chance on hurting someone by repeating something you’ve heard, or interpreting something you think you’ve seen.  We are all connected to one another, and we have a responsibility to ensure we don’t injure each other needlessly.  Be wise, and be careful with what you repeat, and what you interpret.  Those around you are important and they will value you, and trust you when you care for them.  Caring isn’t always sharing.  Sometimes caring is keeping it to yourself.

 

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Power Outage

21 Jul
We’re all very busy in this day and age.  We might have family responsibilities, jobs, chores or tasks that never seem to end.  With the technology available to us, we are rarely out of touch with others.  We carry our laptops, tablets, and smart phones with us, and people are continually contacting us.  This constant availability and our continued responsibilities can wear on us.  We can become overwhelmed with fatigue, and get burned out.  And when that happens, everything we do may suffer.  Our concentration is off, our energy level is down, and we’re just going through the motions.
 
When it all catches up to us, and we are burned out, we have to stop.  At that point, stopping is the only way to go forward.  We have to take some time for ourselves, take a break, turn off all our gadgets, and get some respite for a while.  We can, and we should plan time for ourselves every single day.  We can keep our batteries charged instead of waiting for them to die completely if we take a little time for ourselves.  It doesn’t usually take much.  Just a short time for personal pleasure every day – say fifteen minutes in the morning, and then again in the afternoon – may prevent a full blown power outage.  During our down time we could just goof off, lie in the sun, read a book, take a walk or whatever else we enjoy.  We can regroup and rest for a moment before starting again.  We work hard every day.  We do a lot.  We deserve a break, and we need to take it.
 
It takes planning to prevent burn out, but sometimes we don’t take the time to make a plan.  We know if we’re working all the time the crash is going to come, but instead of planning for time out, instead of scheduling a break, we sometimes just keep pushing forward.  There is the next thing on our list that needs to be tended to.  There is that project coming up we’ve already put off twice that must be done.  There is so much to do, we can get lost in the busy-ness of it, and forget we need a break.  But we’re important, and we deserve to be at our best.  We can only do that if we remember to schedule time for ourselves along with the time we’re scheduling for everyone else.
 
Today if you’re feeling burned out, and exhausted, just stop for a while.  Take a break.  Go outside, get away from your phone and your computer, and take a breather.  Give yourself recess.  Take the very best care of yourself.  The time you take to refresh is as important as anything else you will do today.  Take it.  You’ll feel stronger, you’ll have more energy, and you’ll be happier.  You deserve every good thing.  Today schedule time just for you.  You are the most important person on your list today.
 

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The Illusion of Control

6 Jul

We have very little control in our lives. We can’t often control what happens to us, we can’t control what other people do, we can’t control what we get exposed to, and basically all we can really control is our behavior. That’s it. But sometimes we may get confused, and think we have more control than we actually have. We may think we can control situations, or other people. Many of us have had experiences with people who’ve tried to control us. Maybe we’ve been the one who’s tried to control other people, or outcomes. It rarely works, but it’s a pattern for some of us.

As we go through this life we gain experience. That experience teaches us, and often helps us understand things better. Because of our experience, we may think we really know what is best for someone else. We may think we have the answers to a problem they are experiencing. And maybe we do. But whether we have the answers or not, we cannot make anyone do anything. We may offer suggestions, but their decisions are theirs to make. If we start telling people what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, and we are not in authority over them, we fail. We are not in charge of the human race. The human race gets to do whatever it wants to. And even if that turns out to be something we would never do, even if it hurts others, even if it’s the dumbest thing we’ve ever seen – it’s not ours to control.

It’s hard to watch those around us make decisions that hurt them. It’s hard to see them confused, and lost, especially if we think we know how to make things better. What we can do is offer our support, and make suggestions if they are open to them, but then, we must let them make their own choices. We can’t make anyone do things our way, and if we offer advice and they don’t take it, that is their option. A lot of people think they can tell us how to live our lives, even people who don’t really know about our lives. But the control over our lives belongs to us alone. We get to make all the decisions. And the same is true for those around us. They get to make their own decisions. Let them. We can be there if they need us, but they are entitled to make their own choices.

Today if you’re struggling with control issues – either yours or someone in your life – remember that your life is the only one you get to control, but you get to control all of it. If someone is telling you how things should be, listen and take whatever advice from them that helps you, and let the rest go. If you feel the need to tell someone else what they should do, remember their life is theirs to manage. It doesn’t belong to you. Control is an illusion most of the time. Control yourself, your decisions, your behavior, and your attitude. Let the rest go. It’s a lot easier just to carry your own load. Carry that. Let everyone else carry theirs.

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Not That Bad

30 Jun

I have a group of friends that I do things with socially. Sometimes we all get together, sometimes just a few of us can get away, but we generally enjoy each other, and have fun. As a group we’ve determined that our adventures will have a certain level of decorum, and we try to stick to that. There is one among us though who isn’t in full agreement about this, and pushes the limits from time to time. When he brings his outlying suggestions to the group he always says the same thing, “It’s not that bad.” He knows he will be outnumbered if we keep to our original decision, but that never stops him from trying again.

We all have decisions to make about what we will, and what we won’t participate in. My standards will be different from yours. Everyone gets to decide where their lines are, and how far they are willing to go in every endeavor. For some there are no limits, and everything is fair game. For others, the boundaries are very close, and defined. We have to choose what works for us, and where we are comfortable. Maybe your group is fine going to strip clubs on Friday night to hang out. Maybe not. We choose what we want, and we need to make sure it’s where we’re comfortable.

Once we’ve decided where our limits are, if we aren’t interested in changing them, we can communicate them to those we interact with. Sometimes our friends may try to push us into situations that make us uncomfortable, and when that happens we can certainly say no. We don’t have to go along if we don’t want to. On the other hand, if we feel open to new ideas, expanding those boundaries may open up new experiences that will embellish our lives. But we should ensure they are in keeping with our personal standards. For instance, say you have a friend who has no problem with lying, and that makes you uncomfortable. Whenever you go out with them they lie about the check, or about a ticket, or something regarding an event. You may decide to excuse yourself from activities involving them. You don’t have to be uncomfortable, and you don’t have to compromise your standards. People may say, “It’s not that bad,” but your standards are yours, and they are worth keeping.

Today if you feel you are being pressured into doing something you don’t feel comfortable with, you may say no. You may politely decline the invitation. You are entitled to do things that make you feel comfortable, and confident. You don’t have to compromise your standards or decisions. You are in control of your life. You may manage it any way that works best for you. After all, nobody knows what’s best for you better than you do. Just because someone else thinks, “It’s not that bad,” doesn’t mean you have to go along. Today do it your way. Be confident. You know what’s best.

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All in the Doing

21 Jun

There are times in everyone’s life when things don’t go quite the way we’d like. Sometimes our relationships have contention, sometimes our plans don’t work out, and sometimes we feel bad. We don’t feel happy. We may be depressed, and somewhat sad. Although it may not be a serious situation, it is nevertheless impacting our lives. We may feel lethargic, and don’t want to do anything. We can find ourselves sitting in front of the TV for hours, not paying attention, or sleeping far more than usual. We may not want to see our friends. We may just want to stay home, and hide until we feel better.

Sometimes when we’re in these situations we welcome advice. Other times we just don’t want to hear it. We don’t care. We’re miserable, and we just want to be left alone. There is nothing wrong with being alone, and trying to figure things out on our own, but we have to be careful that we don’t isolate ourselves for too long. This is not a pattern we want to become permanent. So how can we help ourselves? How can we get out of this funk? How can we shake things loose, and be happy again?

One of the best things we can do when we’re feeling this way is to move. Just move. Take a short walk outside. Walk to a neighborhood café for a snack. Clean out a closet, pull weeds, wash the car, bake a cake, or turn up some music and dance. Any activity that gets us off the couch, or out of bed will help. There is something about movement that makes us feel better. If we can make ourselves do something, anything that gets us in motion, we will feel better. We will feel lighter, and it will help.

Today if you’re feeling low, if you’re down and don’t want to do anything, let that be your cue to do something. You are perfectly capable of managing this. You can do anything. And today you will do something to move forward, and shake it off. This is just a small bump. It’s going to pass, and while you’re going over it, do something that will lift your spirits and help. You can dance your way right on through this. And you can’t feel bad when you’re dancing!

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