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In For A Penny

22 Jul

Throughout our lives things come up, and we are asked to help out or assist in some way.  When possible we may agree, and offer our service.  Sometimes the tasks are easy and quick, and we are happy to help.  But other times, complications come up that make it harder for us to stick with our commitment.  For instance, say you have a friend who needs help moving furniture.  You agree to assist but when the day set apart for the move arrives, a huge storm rolls in, and it’s pouring rain.  Your friend tells you the move must happen that day, and you dread the chore.  It’s going to be much harder to do in the storm, and you would rather let someone else do it.  These situations come up routinely.  What at first can seem like a simple task sometimes turns into something more.  And when that happens, we have to decide if we’re in, or we’re out.  Even if we gave our word that we’d be there, we may be tempted to back out.

There is an old saying, “In for a penny, in for a pound.”  If we commit to something, we need to be committed all the way.  If we’ve said we would help when the task was easy, we need to stay if the task gets hard.  Commitment is easy for some of us, and harder for others.  But when we say we’ll be there, we need to be there.  We’re either in all the way, or we’re out.  There really is no middle ground.  So before we commit to anything, it would be wise to weigh all the possibilities to ensure we can follow through no matter what.

We’ve all had experiences with people letting us down.  Sometimes they say they’ll be there, but then don’t show up.  It’s disappointing when it happens, and definitely affects the relationship in a negative way.  There is great value in being dependable, and sticking with our decisions.  Of course, there will certainly be times when we say we’ll help thinking it’ll be easy, and then things happen making it more difficult.  What we do then defines our commitment.  Are we in no matter what?  Or do we back out when things go wrong?  It is noble, and right to stay the course.  Remember, who we are, isn’t what we say.  Who we are is what we do.

Today if you’ve made a commitment, and the situation has gotten difficult and complicated, stick with it.  Stay the course.  Be there.  Your friends and family will learn to rely on you, and trust you to follow through.  They’ll know that no matter what you’ll keep your word.  The trust of those we care about is invaluable.  It’s priceless.  Earn it.  Follow through.  Staying true will bring you satisfaction and confidence.  You will never regret making that choice.

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Being Worthy

13 Jul

Trust is one of the most important facets of any relationship. When we have the trust of those who care about us, they know they can count on us, and we’ll be there for them. If we honor that trust, and follow through for them, our relationships will be fulfilling, and gratifying. If we break our word, fail to follow through, and leave them hanging, the relationship will suffer, and possibly fail.

Maybe you know someone who is very nice. They’re kind to animals, polite to strangers, pleasant, and generally fun to be with. People like them, and spend time with them socially. But despite their positive attributes, they can’t keep their word. They break it over, and over again. They say they’ll do things to help out, say they’ll be there, but when the time comes for them to follow through, they drop the ball. They do this routinely, and continually. People who know them have learned they aren’t trustworthy. Everyone agrees they are nice, but they can’t be trusted. They just won’t be there. They won’t follow through with their commitments.

It takes time to build trust in relationships, and it takes just a moment to ruin it. Once we’ve lost the trust of others, it’s hard to get it back. If we’ve let them down, and break the trust they had in us, it can take a long time for them to believe in us again. Even if we’re trying to change, and have successfully followed through a few times, it will take a while to restore the trust because we’ve broken it in the past. It’s important to value the trust we have from those who care about us. It’s priceless when we have it, and heartbreaking when we lose it. It’s a fragile thing, and one small bad decision can damage it. Repeated bad decisions can destroy it, sometimes forever.

Today if you’ve lost the trust of a friend because of something you’ve done, you may be able to restore it if you really want to. Talk to them, apologize for the offense, and determine that from here forward you will be worthy of their trust. Then do everything you can to be there when you say you will, and do what you said you would do. Over time you may be able to rebuild their trust again. We need to be able to trust others, and we want them to trust us. Be worthy of that trust. It’s precious. Value it, care for it, and be careful with it. The relationships you build are worth the effort. Be worthy of them today.

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Backing Up

27 Jun

Within our wide circle of acquaintances, friends, family, significant others, co-workers, and others we meet all kinds of people, and personalities. Some are easier for us to relate to than others, but each brings different types of behaviors to interact with. Sometimes we have interactions with people who struggle with various issues. Perhaps they have an anger problem, maybe they are shy, there may be substance abuse issues, or aggressive tendencies. Whatever we run into, when we are with them, we find ways to navigate whatever they’re going through. Because we care for one another, if someone has a particular problem that complicates things, we might feel we can help. It seems like the right thing to do to try to help.

Helping others is always noble. It’s generally a good decision, but some problems cannot be helped by others. We may find ourselves constantly working with someone over an issue, giving advice, trying hard to show them ways to work things out, but nothing changes. When they complain about the situation, we may offer suggestions, or try directing them to sources that may help. Because of our concern, over time we may find that we feel some ownership for their problem. We may get too involved in it, and try again, and again to make them see what we think will work.

True change never happens because someone tells us we need to change. It only happens when we decide we want to change. Nobody can do it for us, and the best advice in the world will go unheeded if we are not ready to receive it. When we are trying to help someone else, we must remember that. We cannot change anyone but ourselves. Despite our best intentions, we cannot make anyone see the light, and turn their lives. Even if the answer is plainly obvious to us, we cannot make anyone else see it. It has to come from them. The best thing we can do is to let them do it their way. If they come to us for advice, we may offer it, and then we need to let it go. Since it’s not our issue, we can’t solve it. We can be supportive, we can be caring and kind, but we cannot make anyone change anything in their lives. When they are ready, they will do it themselves.

Today if there is someone close to you that you’ve been trying so hard to help with an issue, remember all you can do is offer your support, your best advice, and your care. The problem is theirs to solve. You cannot fix it for them. They must work things out themselves. Be there for them. Be a true friend. When they reach for you, offer your hand, but let them make their own choices. You are valiant, and kind, to want to help. Continue to be there, but remember the problem is theirs to solve. They know you’re there. And being there for them is the best you can do.

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Looking Back

18 May

As we travel through our lives, there are things we want to accomplish, goals we want to achieve, and growth we want to realize. Some of these are completed quickly, and others take a long time to achieve. We work on them day by day, month by month, and for some, year by year. Time stretches on, and we keep trying but still haven’t gotten to the place where we feel we’ve finished the task. We’re still pushing that big rock up the hill. It can seem like it will never end, and we may begin to be disheartened. We wonder if the task is too great. We wonder if we will ever get to the end. We wonder if we can continue.

During those moments of discouragement, it may be hard to see what we’ve done already, and how far we’ve actually traveled in our quest to achieve the goal. All we can see is the never ending road ahead. It seems to go on forever. There is so much yet to do. We feel like our wheels are spinning in sand. If we only look in front of us, all we can see, as far as we can see, is the distance we have yet to go.

But there is another way to look at this. We can turn around. We can stop for a moment, and turn around. Look back. Take a break from pushing forward, and look back at how far we’ve come already. Look at all the twists, and turns we’ve already navigated. See all the disappointments we’ve conquered. See all the times we nearly stopped but didn’t quit. Look at all of that. It’s been a long road. At times it’s been a hard road, and yet we’re still here. We’re still going forward. We haven’t given up. We’re still committed. If we can stop, and take a moment to see that, and realize how much we’ve accomplished already, we will be renewed. We will feel encouraged. The goal is still ahead, but we have come a long, long way.

If we only set our sights on the future, if we only concentrate on the road in front of us, it is impossible to see the growth we’ve already achieved. But that growth, all those battles already won, count for a lot. They have made us strong. They have made us courageous. They have made us confident. It is because of them that we can go on still. We need to take the time to recognize them.

Today if you start to feel you haven’t accomplished what you had hoped by now, if you feel you’ve failed in some way, stop and turn around. Look back, and see how far you’ve come. You’ve done your best, and you are exactly where you need to be at this moment. Rejoice in that. You are where you need to be at this moment. The road ahead is still there. It will always be there waiting for you. Take another step. You’re closer today than you’ve ever been. You’ll get there. Keep going.

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Promises Promises

18 Apr

Frequently as we go through our lives we make commitments. We agree to do things, to follow through, to accomplish projects, to be somewhere, etc. We do this every day in some way or another. And when we agree to do something, we are giving our word, and in essence, a promise that we will do something. Now the word “promise” means different things to different people. Some people don’t think giving their word is as binding as making a promise, but the fact is when we say we will do something, we are making a promise that it will be done. Just because we don’t use the word “promise” when we commit, does not make the commitment less important or less binding.

It is imperative if we want to be trusted, that we keep our word – our promises. Some people give their word easily with no intention of following through. Perhaps they just want the conversation to end so they can move on, and saying they’ll do whatever is being asked will end it. When we have someone in our lives that does this, someone who constantly says they will do something, and then does not follow through, we eventually stop trusting them, and we stop asking them. Since it’s impossible to have a close, trusting relationship with someone who does not keep their word, we move them a step away from us. We back away a bit from the closeness we had before. That will negatively affect the relationship. It can’t be prevented. Relationships by their very nature are based on trust. If the trust is gone, there isn’t much left to hold onto.

But what if we can’t keep our word because of circumstances out of our control? Sometimes things happen, and we can’t follow through on what we’ve said we would do. When that happens we need to let those involved know right away, explain the situation, and decide how to go forward. But if we do this over and over again, something always comes up, there is always a reason why we can’t follow through, there is always an excuse, then the situation is different. If that happens, after a time, those around us will no longer believe us when we say we will do something, they will no longer trust our word, and they will assume we are going to bail. They won’t count on us anymore.

If we are going to give our word, or make a promise, we must do everything in our power to keep it. We can’t just forget about it, we can’t just make up an excuse because we don’t want to do it, we can’t dodge the person who asked us hoping it’ll just fade away. We must keep our word. And if we can’t we must handle that appropriately so other plans can be made. If we do these things, if we are truthful, our relationships will be stronger, people will trust us, they will learn that we are honest, and that we care about them. We’re all in this together. We need to care about each other. We need to follow through. We need to be there for each other. Without that, we stand alone, and nobody wants that.

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