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Checking Out

7 Sep

Our lives are busy. We have things we have to do every day, things we need to get done, and responsibilities we can’t ignore. We sometimes make lists to get everything organized and check things off as we accomplish them. Get gas – check. Call the exterminator – check. Go to the dry cleaner – check. Buy batteries – check. And so it goes. We have sticky notes to remind us in our car, and on our mirror in the bathroom, and we’ve got reminders programmed into our phones. No matter how many things we get done, there is always more to do. Like bees in a field of flowers, we flit from one task to the next, busy and determined.

As we go about all these responsibilities, we may forget about taking time for ourselves. When we’re making our lists and programming our phones, we may not include a time out. But time out just for us is as important as all the tasks we need to take care of. A lot depends on us, so it’s important that we take care of ourselves. That means taking time to recharge and find our center again. Even bees take time out to rest, and so should we. We can add it to our list of things to get done. It seems like a simple step but when we don’t actually put it on the list, it tends to get neglected. What is the most restful and rewarding thing we can do today? What will rejuvenate us and help us go forward? Whatever it is, we need to get it on our lists of things to do.

Maybe we’d love a short break to go to our favorite coffee shop for a drink and a snack. Maybe we’d like to relax and read a book for fifteen minutes, or take a walk around the local park. Or maybe it would be perfect to just sit and do nothing. Whatever makes us happy, whatever gives us respite, whatever reminds us that we’re important, is something we should schedule for. I have a friend who writes “Simon” on her schedule every day for half an hour to spend time on something just for her. On her work schedule it looks like a meeting, and when her phone reminds her it’s time for Simon and she’s with others, she excuses herself and steps away. No matter what’s on her list that needs to get done, she makes sure Simon gets on it too. She makes time for herself a priority. When we become a priority in our busy lives, we’ll be happier, and that will help us accomplish everything else.

Today if you’re busy with lots to do, be sure to schedule a time out just for you. No matter how much there is to get done, take a short break and do something that will refresh you. You do so much. You deserve to do this for yourself. Check out for a while. Remember that you’re as important as anything else you’ll do today. Time is the best thing you can give to yourself. Schedule it in and take it.

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Your Favorite

6 Sep

Recently I was talking to a friend whom I really admire. She said she had been discussing what her favorite bad feeling was with an associate. She explained that our favorite bad feeling is what we most often turn to when we’re feeling low. For her it was discouragement. She told me that when things go wrong, she always feels discouraged. It’s like a reflex for her, and now that she’s defined it, she’s working on changing it. She asked me what my favorite bad feeling was and I wasn’t sure how to answer. After thinking about it, I realized that I also go to one specific feeling when things go wrong. It was interesting to think about and now that I understand it, I’m working on making it a more positive reflex.

Determining what our favorite bad feeling is will help us discover more about ourselves. If we can identify where we go when we feel bad, if it’s negative we may change how we process disappointment, and turn to something more positive. For instance, if, like my friend, we automatically go to discouragement we can try to recognize when that’s happening, and think about something different. Maybe instead we could think about what we’re learning, or about what the next step to move forward would be. Or if we turn to fear when things go wrong, perhaps we could instead recognize that we are strong enough to face the disappointment, and brave enough to go through it. Understanding what we’re doing that’s sabotaging us is the first step.

Our personal patterns are changeable. None of us is made of stone. We are flexible and able to learn. But our personal patterns are strong, so it takes time and effort if we really want to change them. If we find we’re doing things that hold us back, that hurt us, or that make us feel inadequate, we can change them. But first we have to identify them. If we take the time, and pay attention, we can accomplish it. And then we can begin the journey to let go of what we don’t want, and replace it with something that makes us feel strong and capable.

Today if things aren’t going well, and you’re disappointed, pay attention to how you feel. Think about when you’ve faced difficult times in your life and see if you can identify where your feelings generally go. If it’s a negative reaction, think about how you could change it. You are perfectly capable of changing anything you like. You are both strong and flexible. Determine what’s best for you and do what you need to make sure you get it. Nobody deserves the very best more than you. You’re worth it all.

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Five Years

5 Sep

As we navigate our lives there are lots of ups and downs. We’re happy, sad, frustrated, weary, angry, and many other emotions. As human beings we feel everything. We sense when things aren’t going well, we celebrate when they do, and most days we do our best to get through whatever comes. Sometimes we get worried about things. We worry about the future, we worry about today, and everything in between. But as we’re worrying, we’re not thinking about the present. Our minds can’t be in two places at once. So, if we’re thinking about what might happen or what has already happened, we can’t be thinking about what is happening now.

Most of what we go through is transitory. We are passing through our experiences day by day. Everything changes as we go, and what’s worrisome today may not even enter our minds tomorrow. In five years, most of what we’re worrying about will be forgotten. Of course there are some very serious and long lasting things that may happen, but for the most part, our worries are for the moment, and when it passes, it’s gone. That being the case, the worry can be set aside. If we can put things into perspective, if they really are transitory, as most things are, worrying is a waste of energy. Whatever is bothering us is going to pass. We’re going to walk right through it to another day.

Sometimes we worry over indefinable situations. We worry about our families and the decisions they might make. We worry about the economy. We worry about the future and what it will bring. We worry about worldwide situations that may evolve. There is plenty to worry about if we sit and think about it. Nobody knows what today will bring. It may be a perfectly fine day, or the bottom might fall out of our plans. All we can do is our part. If we do that, and things go wrong, we will face it. We are able to face whatever comes to us. Worrying won’t change anything. It has never prevented or caused anything to happen – it just takes us out of the present, where we’re living. And being in the present is the best we can do to make things go well.

Today if you’re worrying about something that might happen, or has already happened, let it go. We can’t control all the things that come to us, but whatever they are, we will face them. You have all the courage you need to face whatever happens. Today is all you need to be concerned with. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow will come when it comes. There isn’t anything that will come to you that you can’t face. You are strong and capable. Concentrate on that, and just focus on today.

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Do This Not That

3 Sep

It seems everyone is willing to give us advice. Sometimes we ask for it and when that happens we may be glad to receive it. Other times those around us may offer it because they think we need to hear it. We may not want their advice so when it comes unsolicited we may not appreciate it. Even though we are the only ones who know exactly what’s happening in our lives, others sometimes think they know better and will tell us not only what they think, but what they think we should do. We may take from their comments whatever we find helpful, but we aren’t compelled to listen to anyone’s suggestions about our lives if we don’t want to. We are free to live each day as we choose, even if that doesn’t match what someone else thinks is best for us.

It’s natural to want to be helpful when we care about someone. If we see them doing something we think is the wrong decision, or something we think will hurt them, we may want to step in and tell them how to change things before something goes wrong. We care about them, and we don’t want them to suffer. But there are limits to what we should do, and certainly limits to what we can do. Perhaps we have a friend who makes the same mistake over and over again, and always gets hurt. If we see them headed down that same, tired road again we may want to stop them before things go wrong. We can talk to them about their decisions, and we can offer our advice, but if they don’t accept it, we have to let it go. It’s hard to walk away when we think we can help, but if they don’t want the advice, it won’t help anyway.

We can find ourselves giving advice without thinking about it. If we see someone doing something we don’t agree with, or something we don’t think will work, we might just speak up. It’s fine to give suggestions but we must remember that a suggestion isn’t an order. The receiver doesn’t have to listen to us, and we need to respect their choices. We never really know the entire story of why anyone does anything. There are often extenuating circumstances affecting their decisions, but even if there is nothing more than what we can see, the choice is theirs to make. We all get to make our own choices, good or bad. It’s up to us.

Today if you’re getting advice you haven’t asked for you may choose to follow it or let it go. Be thankful to those who think enough of you to offer their help, and then choose what’s best for you. If you find yourself giving advice, remember that your suggestions may not be followed. In either case, it doesn’t mean the advice is bad. It just means we all get to decide what we’ll do on our own. Getting it or giving it, advice is just a suggestion. Take it or leave it, it’s up to us. You know what’s best for you. Follow that.

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Snowflakes

26 Aug

The first snow of the winter season is magical. It’s exciting to see the beautiful white blanket as it begins to cover every surface. If we go outside we may see snowflakes as they land on our coats, and marvel at the unique design, and loveliness of each one. It’s amazing to see each flake perfectly formed and different. There are no two flakes the same, but they are all snow. They share the same molecular structure, but their outward designs are completely different. We’re the same way. We are all different but we are all people. We all share the same basic human structure, but our appearances and everything else about us is unique and different.

If you live on one side of the world you may look a certain way. Your skin, your hair, and your eyes may share a commonality with others in your region. But if you fly to the other side of the world, you may be the only one who looks like you. There is endless variety in the human race.  Even identical twins aren’t completely identical. There are subtle differences in their appearances, and certainly differences in their personalities. Every single one of us is a unique work of art. We are one of a kind. There has never been, nor will there ever be, anyone else exactly like us.

Although there are a lot of outward differences, as part of the human race, there are things we all share. We all need to breathe, we need to eat, and we want to love and be loved. In every culture we love our families, and we want to be safe and happy. We may not look alike, we may not speak the same language or share the same customs, but we do share the human experience. No matter where we go, a smile is welcome, and sadness needs comfort. Like snowflakes, we are all different, but we are made of the same things. We are all part of the human family, and we’re all in this together. If we remember that when our differences get in the way, we may more easily find common ground and work things out.

Today, remember that like a snowflake, you are wonderful and unique just as you are. You’re an individual with your own exceptional talents and gifts, and you are part of a huge family. We are all connected in more ways than we realize. Our connections to each other are important, they are valuable, and they matter. Honor them.  We’re all together here for a purpose.  Remember that when problems come up, and think about the connections you have to those around you instead of the differences.

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