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Hatred

23 Oct

As we go through our lives, there may be times when we feel strong, negative emotions toward someone else.  We may determine that those emotions are intense enough to be labeled hatred.  We decide we hate them.  We despise their very existence, and we wish they would disappear.  It takes a lot of emotion and a lot of energy to carry hatred, and we can carry it for as long as we like.  Hatred has caused a lot of problems and turmoil in the world, but it has never helped any situation or resolved any issues.  It is a negative emotion that can hold us back, and freeze us in place.  It’s hard to move forward when we’re consumed with hatred, and despite all the energy we give it, returns nothing back to us.  It pulls on our strength, controls our thoughts, and may negatively determine our actions.  If we let it consume us, it can destroy our lives.

When we determine to hate someone else, we may lose our direction.  Hatred is so powerful and caustic, if we embrace it, it can hold us in place.  In order to move forward in our lives, we need to focus on our goals and where we want to be.  If we are consumed with the presence of someone else it’s difficult to see the road we need to be on.  Hatred may become an obsession.  It may continually pre-occupy us and constantly intrude on our thoughts.  While we are embracing it, it’s very hard to think of little else.  If we are consumed in our hatred, the result may be that the very person we hate, because of the intensity of our focus on them, controls our lives.  If we let the hatred become our driving force it will take over.  We cannot move forward, we cannot improve, and we cannot evolve any further as long as we are held in its grip.

When we are hurt or seriously disappointed by someone, it’s natural to feel bad.  If those feelings are intense it’s hard to let them go.  But letting them go restores our power.  We can acknowledge the slight, we can understand what happened, and we can accept our feelings.  And then, if we are dedicated to our personal growth, we need to let it go.  That doesn’t mean we have to trust the other person again, or even interact with them if we don’t have to.  It means we value our progression and personal happiness more than we value the negative experience.  We are in charge of our lives and we can direct them.  When we feel very strongly about a situation it may be hard to let it go, but letting it go lets us move forward.  And moving forward is what brings us satisfaction, accomplishment, and happiness.

Today if you feel like you absolutely hate someone, don’t let it have authority over you or your actions.  Be in control of your life by understanding what happened and why you feel this way, and then let it go.  Don’t get tied up and stuck because of something someone else has done.  Rise above it and be the best you can be.  You can be an excellent example of success.  Let the hatred go, and embrace your life.  You have so much to offer.  Go forward.

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Taking Our Turn

20 Oct

In every group situation, in order to get things accomplished, there must be some sort of order, and leadership. If there was no plan and no leader, chances are nothing would get done. Leading requires responsibility and thought, and when opportunities to lead come up, if we want to, we can keep a low profile and not get involved. We can keep our heads down and study our shoes, but we can learn a lot more if we step up and take a turn in leadership. When geese migrate south for the winter, their “V” formation always has one bird at the very front leading the way. The primary responsibility of that position is to reduce air drag for the flock so they can fly as far as possible before needing to rest. The leader flies in the first position until they are tired, at which time they fall back into formation with the other birds. Immediately, another bird flies up to take the lead. This exchange happens many times throughout the flight, each one taking a turn at the front. Like geese, when we take on a leadership role, our responsibility is to reduce the stress of the project by showing the way for success. If we take our turn at the front, and do our part, we will enable goals to be accomplished, and we’ll learn a lot in the process.

When leading others, the first step is to understand the objective. Where is the group going? What are we trying to accomplish? Once we know that, we can make plans for successfully completing the task. We don’t have to do all the work ourselves, but may involve everyone on the team by delegating tasks to them. If everyone completes one small part of the project, no matter how great the job is, it will be accomplished. Being a leader doesn’t mean being the boss, and we can’t force anyone to do anything. But we can encourage them, and show the way. If we trust others to get things done, they will respond more positively than if we try to manage them. There is a saying that you can’t push a string. And you can’t. If you try, it will just bend and go nowhere. But you can pull a string and it will go wherever you take it. If we pull others along with the goal in mind, they will follow our lead.

Setting the example for leadership, whether the task is great or small, will help others learn to become leaders as well. If we lead with kindness, support, and patience, when we’re on the other side of the team as a participant, chances are we’ll get the same treatment in return from those in charge. If we are respectful and fair, we can be excellent leaders no matter what our current skills are. When we’re taking our turn at the front, and we need to reduce drag and show the way, if we include everyone in the plan and treat them well, we’ll accomplish the task, and be the example we want to be. We have everything we need to be great leaders. We just have to step up and take our turn.

Today if you have the opportunity to be a leader, take it. You can step up and be the one to show the way. Be kind and patient, and trust others with what needs to be done. They will respond positively and before you know it, the job will be accomplished. You have greatness in you, and the potential to be a great leader. Pull from that knowledge, and show the world what you can do. Take your turn, step up to the front, and be the best you can be. The experience will teach you more than you can imagine.

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Popping the Balloon

5 Oct

Confidence is something we all want. For some of us it comes easily. We feel strongly about our abilities and our self-worth, and are naturally confident in what we do and what we say. For others it’s not that easy. We may have scars from people putting us down or criticizing us, or we may feel we are unworthy in some way or another. When confidence comes easily it may seem second nature to us, but if we have to work at it sometimes it’s hard to achieve. If we’re trying hard to feel stronger about ourselves and doing things to build our confidence, it helps to have the support of those around us. But if someone close to us jabs us with a critical comment or says something derogatory, it may stop us in our tracks and send us spiraling downward again. Like popping a balloon, all the air rushes out of our progress and we feel deflated, and lost. But we aren’t balloons, and even though someone is rude or critical, we don’t have to believe what they say. We can let their comments bounce off us, and continue on our journey.

Sometimes a lack of confidence comes from a feeling of not fitting in. There are certain norms in every avenue of our lives. When most people do something a certain way, it becomes the norm. But fitting the norm just means we’re like a lot of other people. If we’re living our lives differently according to our personal desires, and we don’t match up with what’s expected, we’re being individuals. We don’t have to fit anybody’s idea of what we should be. We are entitled to be who we are, even if that’s different from everyone else. Being unique doesn’t diminish our value. Being different doesn’t make us less, but sometimes we can feel that way. It’s important to embrace the person we really are. There are many different colors in the world. Every one of them is unique and every one is beautiful in its own way. We’re the same. We are beautiful and worthwhile just as we are.

Building a more confident feeling of self-worth is a process. We can start by focusing on things we already do well. Maybe we can draw beautiful pictures, maybe we play an instrument, maybe we have an amazing vocabulary, or maybe we’re really good at listening. Everyone has something they do well, and once we identify what ours is, it will build us up as we move along.  If others don’t understand us, that’s okay. We’re all unique and get to design our lives to fit our personal desires. Some people won’t get us, some people won’t agree with what we’re doing, and some people won’t enjoy us as much as we might like. But no matter what others think, we may choose to live our lives any way we see fit.  We can do things our way and we can be confident.  Our way is the best way for us.

Today if you’re feeling like you’re not quite good enough, or like you don’t fit in, remember you are unique and special.  You do a lot of things well. Don’t compare yourself to what someone else thinks you should be. Be exactly who you really are. You have a lot to offer, and you have a lot to share. You are wonderful just as you are. You can do anything, and you don’t need anyone’s approval to succeed.

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The Road We Travel

1 Oct

Opinions about everything vary from one person to the next. Some people like one thing, and others hate it. We own our opinions and we’re entitled to them. We don’t have to change them even if everyone else disagrees. Opinions about us and the way we’re living our lives may vary. We may have friends who support our decisions, and others who think we’re way off the mark. Sometimes opinions color the way others feel about us, and if they’re negative they can also color how we feel about ourselves. We may live our lives any way we choose to, but if that brings us criticism it may impact our confidence. If someone we care about tells us we’re making stupid decisions, and we should do things differently, we may feel less confident. But just because someone has an opinion about us, that doesn’t mean it’s true. Although we may understand that, a negative comment about our choices or how we’re living can have a strong impact on us.

It’s important to be confident in who we are and what we’re doing. We are the only ones with all the facts about our lives. Those around us can only hear what we tell them, and observe what they see. They can’t feel the things we feel or understand our personal inspirations. Since they have only part of the story, their opinions may be inaccurate. However, if we care about them, their comments may carry a lot of weight, even if they’re the opposite of how we feel. When that happens we may become confused and forget which way we’re going. There are a lot of roads out there, and others may have an idea about which one is best for us. But in fact, the only road they get to pick is the one they’re on. We get to choose the one we travel.

Our lives belong to us. If we want to quit our jobs and join the circus, we can. If we want to move to another country, we can. If want to live alone, get married, eat pie for dinner, go base jumping, or open a tattoo shop, we can. We can do whatever we want to, and live our lives according to our personal choices. Others may disagree with us, or they may support us. But in the end what really matters is that we’re living our lives our way. If we aren’t hurting others, we have the right to do whatever we want to. We can be confident in our choices. Every single day we’re here is a gift. We can’t afford to waste a single moment doing what others think is best for us unless it’s also what we want. Doing it our way is the road to true happiness.

Today if you’ve been told you’re going the wrong way, or should change the way you’re doing things, be polite and thank the giver for their concern. And then determine what’s best for you. You can make decisions that are right for you even if they are different than what others think. Be strong and go forward on the road you’ve chosen. You know what you want and you know how to get it. Today belongs to you. Own it.

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Bitter or Better

23 Sep

Hard times come to us all. Sometimes we face heartbreak, sadness, and serious disappointment.   We may let the pain of these events go quickly and move on, but sometimes if the hurt is very deep, we may hold onto them for a while. It’s hard to move through a difficult time if we can’t let go of the pain, but sometimes we get stuck holding onto it. If someone has hurt us deeply, or betrayed us greatly, we may hold onto it for years, or for the rest of our lives. Perhaps someone you know has let something affect their lives so deeply they are no longer happy. Maybe it’s changed the whole dynamic of their lives. They are bitter and cannot move on.

Trials aren’t something we want to face. We don’t look for them, and we hope they won’t come our way, but they come to all of us. If we choose to, we can try to learn as much as possible from the experience, and then let it go so we can move on. If we do that, we may restore our happiness, and turn “bitter” into “better.” But since most of our painful experiences involve others, it generally means we have to forgive someone. If we’ve been hurt deeply, that may be difficult. But bitterness will destroy our lives if we let it fester. If we want to move forward, we must do everything required – including forgive.

There are people in this life who don’t care if they hurt others as long as they get what they want. It’s very difficult to be in relationships with them, and if we are, we will probably get hurt. They can only see themselves. They often talk a good line, tell others how much they care, and even pretend to be supportive, but in the end they only serve themselves. It’s doubtful they will feel shame or remorse. They are only concerned with what they want and what they need. If we have someone like that in our lives and they hurt us, we may try to explain our pain to them, and try to make them change. But we can’t change others no matter how hard we try. We can only change ourselves. We have to move forward from where we are. We have the power to let things go, to move on, and become stronger, and more resilient because of our experiences. We have the power to control our lives and make them happy.

Today if you’re dealing with pain from something that’s happened, do everything you can to make things right, and then let it go. Your life is too valuable to waste on unhappiness. You are in control of yourself and you can be happy. You are strong, and perfectly capable of managing this. You’ve been through trials before and survived. You can do anything you want. Do what you must to move through this, and begin again.

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