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Five Years

5 Sep

As we navigate our lives there are lots of ups and downs. We’re happy, sad, frustrated, weary, angry, and many other emotions. As human beings we feel everything. We sense when things aren’t going well, we celebrate when they do, and most days we do our best to get through whatever comes. Sometimes we get worried about things. We worry about the future, we worry about today, and everything in between. But as we’re worrying, we’re not thinking about the present. Our minds can’t be in two places at once. So, if we’re thinking about what might happen or what has already happened, we can’t be thinking about what is happening now.

Most of what we go through is transitory. We are passing through our experiences day by day. Everything changes as we go, and what’s worrisome today may not even enter our minds tomorrow. In five years, most of what we’re worrying about will be forgotten. Of course there are some very serious and long lasting things that may happen, but for the most part, our worries are for the moment, and when it passes, it’s gone. That being the case, the worry can be set aside. If we can put things into perspective, if they really are transitory, as most things are, worrying is a waste of energy. Whatever is bothering us is going to pass. We’re going to walk right through it to another day.

Sometimes we worry over indefinable situations. We worry about our families and the decisions they might make. We worry about the economy. We worry about the future and what it will bring. We worry about worldwide situations that may evolve. There is plenty to worry about if we sit and think about it. Nobody knows what today will bring. It may be a perfectly fine day, or the bottom might fall out of our plans. All we can do is our part. If we do that, and things go wrong, we will face it. We are able to face whatever comes to us. Worrying won’t change anything. It has never prevented or caused anything to happen – it just takes us out of the present, where we’re living. And being in the present is the best we can do to make things go well.

Today if you’re worrying about something that might happen, or has already happened, let it go. We can’t control all the things that come to us, but whatever they are, we will face them. You have all the courage you need to face whatever happens. Today is all you need to be concerned with. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow will come when it comes. There isn’t anything that will come to you that you can’t face. You are strong and capable. Concentrate on that, and just focus on today.

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Do This Not That

3 Sep

It seems everyone is willing to give us advice. Sometimes we ask for it and when that happens we may be glad to receive it. Other times those around us may offer it because they think we need to hear it. We may not want their advice so when it comes unsolicited we may not appreciate it. Even though we are the only ones who know exactly what’s happening in our lives, others sometimes think they know better and will tell us not only what they think, but what they think we should do. We may take from their comments whatever we find helpful, but we aren’t compelled to listen to anyone’s suggestions about our lives if we don’t want to. We are free to live each day as we choose, even if that doesn’t match what someone else thinks is best for us.

It’s natural to want to be helpful when we care about someone. If we see them doing something we think is the wrong decision, or something we think will hurt them, we may want to step in and tell them how to change things before something goes wrong. We care about them, and we don’t want them to suffer. But there are limits to what we should do, and certainly limits to what we can do. Perhaps we have a friend who makes the same mistake over and over again, and always gets hurt. If we see them headed down that same, tired road again we may want to stop them before things go wrong. We can talk to them about their decisions, and we can offer our advice, but if they don’t accept it, we have to let it go. It’s hard to walk away when we think we can help, but if they don’t want the advice, it won’t help anyway.

We can find ourselves giving advice without thinking about it. If we see someone doing something we don’t agree with, or something we don’t think will work, we might just speak up. It’s fine to give suggestions but we must remember that a suggestion isn’t an order. The receiver doesn’t have to listen to us, and we need to respect their choices. We never really know the entire story of why anyone does anything. There are often extenuating circumstances affecting their decisions, but even if there is nothing more than what we can see, the choice is theirs to make. We all get to make our own choices, good or bad. It’s up to us.

Today if you’re getting advice you haven’t asked for you may choose to follow it or let it go. Be thankful to those who think enough of you to offer their help, and then choose what’s best for you. If you find yourself giving advice, remember that your suggestions may not be followed. In either case, it doesn’t mean the advice is bad. It just means we all get to decide what we’ll do on our own. Getting it or giving it, advice is just a suggestion. Take it or leave it, it’s up to us. You know what’s best for you. Follow that.

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Going Nowhere

1 Sep

There are times in our lives when we get into situations expecting them to proceed to a certain place, but they get stalled. Perhaps it’s a relationship we had high hopes for, or maybe it’s advancement at work. It could even be a personal goal we’re working hard on, but it seems no matter how much we try, we’re stuck. We aren’t going forward. Nothing is moving. It’s disappointing when this happens, especially if the goal is very important to us. So we keep trying, and sometimes things change and we’re able to advance. But sometimes it just doesn’t work. We keep beating the dead horse hoping it will come back to life.

There are times when we just have to change direction. Sometimes what we’re seeking isn’t available to us. In relationships we aren’t the only person involved. Therefore, if the other party isn’t on the same page wanting the same things we do, we may be spinning our wheels. In our careers there are generally lots of other players in the mix. Even if we do everything we can to move forward, there may be unseen or unknown situations that prevent us from advancing. Every goal we set for ourselves, everything we hope to achieve, everything we want depends on what we do and sometimes on decisions others make.

If we’ve been stuck trying to move forward and nothing is changing, we can talk about the situation with the others involved, and try to adjust the focus. If that doesn’t work, we may have to let it go for now and move on. It may feel like a loss to do that, and admitting defeat is never easy. But we aren’t the only person in our lives and even if the goal we’re seeking is noble and good, if it depends on others to achieve it and they aren’t on board, we may have to let it go. It doesn’t mean we were wrong. It doesn’t mean we made a mistake. It just means it’s not available to us right now. Things may change in the future that will allow us to go forward, but for now, it’s a dead end.

Today if you’ve been working hard on something and you aren’t moving forward, determine if you can change the situation to enable you to succeed. If that isn’t possible, set it aside, and move on. Perhaps in the future it will be available, but focus on something else for now where you may find success. This life is filled with change and nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. All we can do is work on today. Let go of the things that are holding you back, and keep your eyes focused ahead.

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Sticks and Stones

27 Aug

Name calling is something most of us have done at one time or another. We get frustrated and angry, and before we know it an insulting and derogatory name or label directed at someone else flies out of our mouths. It often happens before we even think about it. We say it, we vent, and it’s over. Unfortunately, once it’s said it doesn’t go away, and it’s there forever. We can’t take it back. If we make a habit of calling people names, we may negatively impact our relationships. The old saying that “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” isn’t exactly true. Being called a name is hurtful. It stings and can cause a lot of damage, especially if the other person is someone close to us.

If someone calls us something uncomplimentary, we may throw the insult back at them by calling them a name in return. That’s fair right? They started it, and we’re going to end it. But that’s not the whole story. Our negative response, if it’s strong enough, may well end the conversation, but the damage may be long lasting. There is another way. If someone we’re interacting with gets angry and calls us something derogatory, we can choose to end the encounter. We don’t have to continue the conversation, and we can instead walk away and wait to talk with them until after things have calmed down. It takes self-control not to jump into the fray and exchange barb for barb, but we can do it. If we walk away and end the discussion before the situation becomes more intense, we have a better shot at preserving the relationship.

Sometimes we get angry and are so furious we are the ones to call someone else something awful. We may regret it the moment it passes our lips, or we may regret it later when we think things through. But what’s done is done, and there’s no changing it. If we pay attention we can recognize when we’re reaching a breaking point, and stop the discussion until everyone settles down. If we do, we may prevent situations we’ll regret. It’s always easier to protect a relationship before the damage is done than it is to patch things up after there’s been a destructive complication.

Today if you’ve been called a name by someone close to you, you may be hurt and think of leaving the relationship. Try to step back and give yourself time to think. When the dust has settled and you’re calm again, you’ll make the best decision going forward. If you’re the one who’s lost their temper and said things you regret, as soon as possible talk with the others involved and apologize for anything that was inappropriate. Our relationships are important. They take time to build. It can be hard to fix things when we’ve hurt them, but it’s harder to lose them altogether. Life is a two way street. When we get into the wrong lane, we need to adjust and correct our course. You can do that. Today, choose the high road. Be the one who makes the situation right, and brings things back to center.

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Healing Time

24 Aug

We all get hurt sometimes. We can be hurt physically and it takes time to heal. If we are hurt badly it may take a long time to heal. With our bodies, how long it takes for us to recover is often directly related to the level of impact. If we get a bump on the head, we may be fine in a day or so. If we get a concussion, it could take a long time before everything is better again. The same is true with our emotions. If we get our feelings hurt, we might recover pretty quickly, but if we get our hearts broken or someone betrays us, it takes longer to heal. Great wounds can take a long time, and sometimes we may think we’ll never fully recover.

Human beings are incredibly resilient. We are flexible and can adapt to almost any situation. That doesn’t mean adapting is easy, it just means we can accomplish it. But while we’re figuring out how to cope, it may take a lot of strength, and courage just to face our days. Even though we know intellectually we’ll eventually solve the problem, and put it behind us, there may be times when it can seem impossible. When we are devastated, sometimes we feel like there’s no hope. But that is an illusion. There is always hope. Given enough time, we will heal, no matter what we’re facing.

It’s hard to be positive when we feel bad. It’s hard to look forward and see the possibility of happiness again. It’s hard to trust ourselves to open the door to new possibilities. But everything is life changes. Nothing is permanent except death, so if we’re still alive we can do whatever we need to. Today may seem bleak and dark, but tomorrow the sun will rise, and we will continue to move closer to where we want to be. Eventually our distress will ease, and our confidence will return. One day we’ll realize we feel happy again. No matter what we go through, no matter how hard it is, we will move through it. Nothing is permanent. Everything will change.

Today if you’re trying to get through a difficult time, if you feel hopeless and lost, remember this is just one day. Even if it’s a bad day, it will only last for this one day. Tomorrow will be different. Keep going forward. There isn’t anything you can’t handle. There isn’t anything you can’t overcome. You are as strong as you need to be. Time is on your side. And time will heal everything.

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