Archive | February, 2016

Straight Lines

10 Feb

Our lives don’t usually travel in straight lines. As we move forward, perhaps we take one road and hit a detour, and then turn our course toward another direction. Sometimes we change direction several times until we find our way. We learn as we go, and as we’re learning we modify where we’re headed. At first we might think we know the way, but after several complications make an adjustment. Most things we accomplish are done through trial and error. The errors aren’t permanent road blocks, but merely indications that some correction is needed. Generally the only time we move forward in a straight line is when we’re traveling a road we’ve already conquered. When we’ve been there before, we know the way and it’s easy to get from the beginning to the end. But when we want to go somewhere new, it’s all up for grabs. Maybe this way will work, may that. It doesn’t matter how many times it takes us to find the direction that works. What matters is that we don’t quit when the first road doesn’t take us there.

If we want to do something and the first time out doesn’t work, we don’t have to continue. We can quit. If we didn’t find our way the first time we may decide that trying again isn’t worth the effort. Our lives belong to us and we can manage them any way we like. But if we really want to get somewhere, and it’s important to us, we can try again. The great thing about life is we get unlimited chances to figure things out. We are where we are at any given moment. We know what we’ve learned so far and when we’re reaching for something new there will be situations we haven’t yet faced. We won’t know the perfect way to get there, and sometimes don’t know how much effort it will take. But we do know where we want to go, and knowing that will give us the temerity and courage to find our way.

Failure doesn’t happen when we don’t find our way the first time. Failure only happens when we give up and quit trying. We can get lost again and again and again, but if we reset our direction and try one more time, we haven’t failed. We’ve learned more than we knew when we started out, we’ve discovered what doesn’t work, and we can keep refining things until we get to the destination. There are lots of different roads to every destination. If we keep going, turning here when needed, redirecting there when we reach a detour, we will find our way. We are creative and strong enough to keep going. If the goal is important, it really doesn’t matter how many times it takes us to reach it. What’s important is that we keep going until we succeed. And when we’ve achieved a difficult goal, when we’ve finally mastered everything we need to be successful we will feel great accomplishment, and our confidence will soar. There really isn’t anything we can’t do if we want to badly enough. We can climb mountains, build cities, master new skills, and become the person we most want to be. Everything is available to us. All we have to do is keep going. There is no road too long to travel, no journey too hard to conquer, and no goal too lofty to reach. We can do anything.

Today if you’ve been trying to accomplish something and haven’t found the right road yet, keep trying. It’s there and you will see it. Every road you’ve taken so far has brought you closer to where you want to be. There isn’t anything you can’t do. Try again. The goal is just around the next bend. It’s waiting for you and you will reach it. Don’t stop. You have everything you need to succeed.

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Keeping Secrets

9 Feb

Sometimes there are things we don’t want everyone to know. They are personal and private, so we keep them to ourselves. Other times, we share those very personal things with those close to us and open up in order to gain a closer relationship. But there are times we keep secrets for different reasons. Maybe we don’t want others to know the truth of a situation because it will prevent us from getting what we want from them. Sometimes we don’t want them to know the whole story because it may change their opinion of us. Whatever our reasons, when we keep secrets they can become very powerful in our lives. They can prevent us from doing certain things, saying certain things, or acting on suggestions that would benefit us. We may think we’re just keeping a secret, but if the secret controls how we go forward, the truth is the secret is keeping us.

It’s important that we are free to make decisions any way we want to, and act on those decisions freely and openly. If our lives are filled with secrets about how we are or who we are, we cannot experience that freedom. If we want to keep the secret away from others, we have to modify our decisions to accommodate it. When we live openly and honestly, without reserve, we can build strong and effective relationships. If we’re hiding something, we may build relationships but they will never be as strong or effective as they could be. It’s like building a house on sand. The foundation may look strong, and we might even use very strong stone, but sands shift with wind and rain, and when they do, the foundation becomes unstable and eventually the house will fall. The same is true of our relationships. If they are built on a foundation of secrecy when the winds come and the rain falls, and when everything is exposed as it really is, the relationship may fail. It’s impossible to keep a secret forever. Truth always surfaces and eventually everything will be laid open. When that happens the lives we’ve built may tumble and we may lose everything we thought we had.

We don’t have to tell everyone everything about us. There are personal things we all want to keep to ourselves, and we’re entitled to do so. But if we have secrets that could affect our relationships, it’s far better to simply state them, and move forward. Those who care about us will understand our fears and concerns and will respect us for sharing. If we have a secret related to our past that we don’t want to share, and it comes up, we can say it’s a private matter we aren’t comfortable discussing. We don’t have to tell things we’re uncomfortable with, but being open about an experience – even if we don’t tell all the details – will enable others to trust us, and will help us build strong connections. We can be private, and still not be controlled by secrecy. We deserve to live our lives openly and without controls. We can do that more effectively without keeping secrets.

Today if you’ve been keeping a secret and find that it’s controlling you and your decisions, let it go. You can keep personal details to yourself, but choose to live openly and without reserve. Nobody’s life is perfect. You are lovable and wonderful just as you are. There is no need to hide anything. Be courageous. Everyone will love and respect you for your honesty and faith going forward.

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Locked Away

8 Feb

When things go wrong in our lives, and we get hurt, it’s sometimes hard to see past the pain. We may become cautious going forward, fearful of what could happen. Things can always go wrong, but they can go right too. If we’ve been hurt and are afraid we may forget that. Sometimes after a big disappointment we might determine in order to be safe from additional pain, to lock ourselves away. It seems reasonable that if we don’t allow people to get close to us, they can’t hurt us, and we can protect ourselves going forward. The problem with that thinking is our greatest pleasures in this life come from the close relationships we build with others. If we lock ourselves away, we might prevent getting hurt, but we’ll also prevent getting close. In the big overall scheme of things, that’s a huge price to pay for emotional safety. Is it worth it? Only we can answer that, but it seems the price is greater than the reward it offers. There is no doubt that getting hurt is painful, but living a life on the periphery, unable to connect to others is a superficial existence. If we want a deep, rich, experience here, we have to be willing to get close to others, and face the possibility of getting hurt.

There are no guarantees in this life. We can try our best to know those close to us, and understand them, but people don’t always show us everything. Sometimes we may be fooled by someone who has an agenda, or wants to keep secrets. Other times we may be hurt by someone close to us because they don’t tell us the whole story. People are complex and sometimes they aren’t as forthcoming as we would like. Anytime we open our lives, or our hearts to someone else, there is some level of risk. If we’ve taken the time to know them well, that risk may be minimized, but if they are adept at hiding facets of their personality, we may still be surprised. We all have personal choices to make. We can’t control anyone but ourselves and if someone close to us chooses to, they may hurt us. We are strong enough to accept that and still choose to build close relationships.

Having courage to move forward and trust others after a difficult and hurtful experience may take time. We don’t always want to jump back into the pool after finding a shark there. We can take all the time we need to heal, and there is no rush. But if we really want to move forward, we can’t close the door and lock it. We need to leave it open, even if only just a tiny bit. If we are brave enough to think about the possibility of new relationships, we will be open when they arrive. Being open takes courage, especially after a bad experience, but it’s the only real way we can move forward and grow. If we shut ourselves off we will be stuck where the damage was done, and being stuck doesn’t allow us to grow. It might seem wise and safe at the beginning, but it will not bring us happiness in the long run. Just because one person deeply hurt us doesn’t mean everyone will. We can be cautious, and careful, and still let others in, and in time can learn to trust again.

Today if you’ve been hurt badly and don’t want to risk opening up going forward, remember there is no guarantee that the next relationship you build will hurt you. Every relationship is different. Some relationships are wonderful and a great benefit to our lives. It’s not worth missing out on those because of one bad experience. You have a lot to offer and are worth every happiness. Trust yourself. There is a lot of good in the world. And a lot of it is waiting for you.

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Next

6 Feb

Everything we do has an affect on something. Every decision we make takes us somewhere and every choice has a result. If we’re paying attention we can see where we’re going and if we stay on a certain road, where we’ll end up. But that attention can be distracted if we’re involved with someone we really like, or the road is very beautiful, or the promised destination is something we truly want. Distraction can make us oblivious to certain clues and cues, and we might find we end up somewhere that isn’t anything like the destination we thought we were traveling to. They say hindsight is 20-20 and that’s true, but it’s only true because we can’t possibly know what we don’t know. In the end it’s easy to see all the missed steps because we have more information. However, if we’re alert and allow ourselves to see things as they really are as we travel forward, we’ll be able to make better choices. People who want us to do things their way, or go where they think we should go may convince us by making things seem different than they really are. It may not be malicious, and they may think they know what’s best for us. But we know better than anyone where we should be, and if we look carefully, we’ll find our way there.

Every choice we make will bring us a result, either good or bad. Sometimes they are the results we’re seeking, and sometimes we have to try again. There are a lot of roads we can take, and some are very attractive. If we aren’t careful we may follow them without looking at where they will ultimately lead. For instance, if we meet someone we feel very attracted to we may plunge ahead without a second thought. They may seem to be everything we’ve been looking for, but as time passes we notice they don’t always follow through on what they say, and although they seem very sincere, they continually break their promises. If we get caught up in their charisma, and the charming promise of who they say they are, we may miss these important cues for a time. But in the end, truth always surfaces and if they are dishonest and insincere, eventually we’ll see it. If we’re very invested in the relationship when the truth comes out, it will be painful to redirect our course. It’s much easier to be willing to see everything openly at the beginning and make a positive decision starting out, than it is to fix a situation after problems are evident.

B always follows A. If we look at situations with a broad view and see where they’re headed, and allow ourselves to be objective instead of getting caught up in the image of what might be, we will better direct our course. We’ve all been swept away, and sometimes it doesn’t work out the way we thought it would. When someone wants something from us – our time, our effort, our affection, our love – they may paint the palette with the exact colors we need to see to follow along. We can be entranced, enchanted, and mesmerized, and if we are, we won’t see the situation objectively. But we can remember that B always follows A. One thing always leads to another, and if we pay attention we can see where we’re headed. We have the power to objectively and wisely make any decision, even one that is framed in illusion and promise. We can step back, clear away any curtains of influence, and see the whole situation objectively. Being proactive at the beginning will help us to go forward confidently and wisely.

Today if the road you’ve been on isn’t going where you thought it would, you can change your course. You are capable of making excellent decisions and if you need to change something, you can. Nobody’s life follows a perfectly straight line. Every detour teaches us something. You know where you want to go. Do what you need to get there. You’re in control. You can change direction and you will be successful.

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Stuck

5 Feb

We have all kinds of options and opportunities in our lives. There are limitless choices we can make. We can do anything we want to do, go anywhere we want to go, and spend our time with anyone we choose. We can exercise our options at any time and change our situation whenever we feel we need to. But sometimes we forget we have the power to do these things, and we get stuck. Maybe we’re in a relationship that has been a part of our lives for a long time and although we aren’t happy, it has become routine, and we aren’t sure how to break free.  Maybe it’s a career we fell into that isn’t fulfilling but changing to something new is unsettling so we soldier on. And maybe it’s just a lifestyle we formed when we were younger that no longer fits who we are, but we aren’t sure how to change it. We get stuck in routines, in expectations, and in responsibilities. We can forget that we’re in control of our lives but if we want to be happy, really happy, we can do whatever it takes to get there. We can change anything even if it’s been a part of our lives for years. We deserve to be completely happy and feel we’re in charge of our future. We can do anything, but first we have to recognize where we are and decide if it’s where we want to be.

There is no pre-recorded path for our lives. Some people believe in fate and that we are destined to travel a certain road, but that flies in the face of reason. If we were all fated, we wouldn’t be able to choose our own way, but we can do that. If we’re lazy or uncertain, and unhappy where we are, we can say it’s fate, but in reality it’s a choice we’re making. We aren’t puppets on a string, and there isn’t anyone pulling those strings to make us go one way or another. Everything we do is a choice we make. There are sometimes pressures on us to go a certain way and make certain decisions, but in the end we are the ones who choose. Nobody can really make us do anything. And so, if we feel unsatisfied or unfulfilled, we can choose to change our lives. We can choose to do it at any time. And if we’re unhappy the sooner we decide to change, the more content we’ll be.

Nobody knows how long we’ll be on earth in this amazing, precarious, unpredictable, and wonderful existence. We may live to be centenarians, or we may leave earlier. We need to make the most of every day we’re here and get the most out of our experiences. If we’re stuck in a situation that stunts us, keeps us from moving forward, or doesn’t make us happy, we can change it. We deserve to be happy and feel we’re taking advantage of every opportunity available to us. Routines are just patterns we can break. We don’t have to stay stuck. We can choose something new. We can try anything and we can make our dreams a reality. All we have to do is decide. Making the decision to change is often the hardest part of the process. Once we’ve decided, going forward where we want to go will be rewarding. There isn’t anything we can’t do if we want it badly enough. We can conquer any obstacle, and we can accomplish whatever we set out to do. Getting stuck happens. Getting unstuck can happen too.

Today if you feel you’ve been stuck in a situation that isn’t rewarding or fulfilling and you want to change, you can. Decide what you want to do and where you want to go, and then open the door and begin. There isn’t anything you can’t do. Make your dreams come true. You have everything you need already. Take the first step. Turn the page. Happiness is there waiting for you.

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