Archive | September, 2015

Don’t Look

25 Sep

There are sometimes things that come into our lives that are hard to look at. They might be difficult to understand, so unexpected we can’t accept them, or so different from what we want we can’t even look at them. We might choose to look the other way and pretend they don’t exist.  If they pop into our line of vision, we can just avert our gaze. If someone brings them up we can pretend we didn’t hear and change the subject. We can deny they even exist.  But denial is just a way of postponing the inevitable. We will eventually have to face whatever is weighing on us, and denying it now will not prevent us from having to deal with it in the future. Hiding our heads in the sand and refusing to look at the issue will just keep it in stasis. The time in between is time we might use to process the problem, but we have to be careful. Sometimes waiting makes things worse.

How do we face things that seem too difficult for us? How do we look at them when the thought of them makes us shudder? There really isn’t anything we can’t face when we decide to, but sometimes we have to take it slowly, and unravel the problem one bit at a time. If we’ve learned we have a serious health issue, and we’re too afraid to accept it, we could begin by reading some information about it. If we learn about it, and better understand what is happening we may not be so afraid. If someone close to us says they’re leaving us and we don’t think we can face life without them, we could objectively look at our lives and see where we’ve done well in the past. In any difficult situation, we could begin by looking at how we could re-order our lives to accept the new reality we’re facing. We could start by just imagining how we might move forward.

Big changes, big challenges, and sudden complications can knock us down, but that’s only temporary. We’re down because we’re surprised, and we aren’t sure how to navigate. Sitting down and taking a moment can help with that. But we will get up again. We can figure out how to process anything that comes to us. We may need some time, and we might need the help of others, but we will figure it out. Sometimes the most unexpected and seemingly disastrous developments that enter our lives lead us to remarkable changes, and incredible growth. Sometimes they even turn our course to paths we hadn’t previously considered, which bring us increased happiness and peace. Change is not easy. Disappointing and difficult changes are harder. But hiding from them rarely helps. If we face them, we can take it minute by minute, give ourselves time to think and adjust, and get through them. We won’t just survive, we’ll thrive going forward.

Today if you’re trying to adjust to an unexpected and difficult change, and you feel like you’ve had the wind knocked out of you, if you’re stunned and can’t figure out what to do, it’s okay. You’re completely capable of handling this. You don’t need to hide. You don’t have to look the other way. Take small steps. You’ll figure it all out and you’ll go forward. You will find happiness and peace again. It doesn’t matter how many steps you need. Each one will bring you closer to where you want to be.

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Head and Heart

24 Sep

When we are attracted to someone, we feel excited and happy when they are near. We feel drawn to them and think about them all the time. We want to be with them and we want them to want us in return. We aren’t thinking about logic, we aren’t thinking about being reasonable, we’re thinking with our hearts. We feel compelled to seek them out, and the pull is physical, and emotional. People say the heart wants what the heart wants, and it feels like that’s true. We’re drawn with our hearts in the beginning, but after a while, our heads must enter the picture. We start thinking about the other person more objectively. We start seeing things we missed at first, and we can then determine if a continuing relationship with them is beneficial.

We have a lot to offer. We have many gifts to present. If we want relationships that will endure, and make us happy, we must recognize not only what we bring but what the other person has to offer as well. We deserve the very best relationships possible. We deserve all the good things we want. If we take the time to let our heads evaluate where our hearts have taken us, and then carefully consider what the long term results will likely be, we can make better decisions about who we want to share our lives with. It’s exciting when our hearts are calling the shots, but it’s important that we engage our heads to ensure we’re headed down a road we want to travel.

Sometimes we fall for people who are not good for us. We all have issues, but if we connect with someone whose issues are hurtful to us, who have more problems than we can handle, or who cannot commit, it’s painful. If we’re wise, we’ll look at these situations openly and without reservation or protection, and let the full measure of their impact weigh on us. We need to see everything clearly so we know what’s best for us. There may be times when we have to leave a relationship because the long range prognosis is unhappiness. It’s difficult to leave any relationship, but our happiness is important. We are the only ones who can ensure it. We need to do all we can to make that happen.

Today if you’re evaluating a relationship, keep your eyes open. See everything clearly – all the good and all the bad. Determine what’s best for you. If you decide to continue it, you’ll have a better understanding of where it will take you. If you decide it’s not going where you want, do what is needed to let it go. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s the best decision for you. You deserve the very best. And you can make sure you get it.

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Bitter or Better

23 Sep

Hard times come to us all. Sometimes we face heartbreak, sadness, and serious disappointment.   We may let the pain of these events go quickly and move on, but sometimes if the hurt is very deep, we may hold onto them for a while. It’s hard to move through a difficult time if we can’t let go of the pain, but sometimes we get stuck holding onto it. If someone has hurt us deeply, or betrayed us greatly, we may hold onto it for years, or for the rest of our lives. Perhaps someone you know has let something affect their lives so deeply they are no longer happy. Maybe it’s changed the whole dynamic of their lives. They are bitter and cannot move on.

Trials aren’t something we want to face. We don’t look for them, and we hope they won’t come our way, but they come to all of us. If we choose to, we can try to learn as much as possible from the experience, and then let it go so we can move on. If we do that, we may restore our happiness, and turn “bitter” into “better.” But since most of our painful experiences involve others, it generally means we have to forgive someone. If we’ve been hurt deeply, that may be difficult. But bitterness will destroy our lives if we let it fester. If we want to move forward, we must do everything required – including forgive.

There are people in this life who don’t care if they hurt others as long as they get what they want. It’s very difficult to be in relationships with them, and if we are, we will probably get hurt. They can only see themselves. They often talk a good line, tell others how much they care, and even pretend to be supportive, but in the end they only serve themselves. It’s doubtful they will feel shame or remorse. They are only concerned with what they want and what they need. If we have someone like that in our lives and they hurt us, we may try to explain our pain to them, and try to make them change. But we can’t change others no matter how hard we try. We can only change ourselves. We have to move forward from where we are. We have the power to let things go, to move on, and become stronger, and more resilient because of our experiences. We have the power to control our lives and make them happy.

Today if you’re dealing with pain from something that’s happened, do everything you can to make things right, and then let it go. Your life is too valuable to waste on unhappiness. You are in control of yourself and you can be happy. You are strong, and perfectly capable of managing this. You’ve been through trials before and survived. You can do anything you want. Do what you must to move through this, and begin again.

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Making Lists

22 Sep

When we have a lot to do, or things we want to remember, many of us make lists. We write down what we need to buy at the grocery store, the things we need to remember to get done, and the places we need to visit in accomplishing our errands. Sometimes we make personal lists too. We might record all the things we want to do better, or personal goals we haven’t yet addressed. If we’re the type of person who makes New Year’s Resolutions, those might cover all the things we want to change about ourselves, or ways we want to improve. It’s fine to make that kind of list, but if we only write the things we’re unhappy about and want to change, we might forget all the good qualities we have, and what we’re already doing right.

We all do a lot of things well. We’re responsible, we take care of business, we help out, and dozens of other things on a daily basis. We may forget how effective we are as we go about our daily chores. No matter how long our personal improvement lists are, if we take the time to make another list of all the things we’re doing well and what we like about ourselves, we often find it’s much longer than the one with all the things we want to change. But it seems we don’t often take the time to make that list at all. We take the things we do well for granted. We don’t think they are as important as what we need to change, but we’re wrong. What we’re doing well is very important, and it’s wise to remember that.

Most people are good, most people are kind, and most people care about others. There are some snakes in the mix to be sure, but most of us try hard to be nice and give when we can. There are all kinds of awards for accomplishments the world values, and trying our best to be our best should certainly be recognized. However, there really isn’t any sort of award for people who are nice, or loving, or kind. We need to value it in ourselves. We can plan for self-improvement if we wish, but we should also remember all that we have already accomplished.

Today if you’re making a list of all the things you want to change about yourself, make a second list of all the things you’re already doing well. No matter how much you want to change, chances are the list of things you’ve conquered will be longer. Remind yourself how great you really are. You’ve done a lot and you’ve come a long way. The road is long and there will always be something new to master, but as you travel, don’t forget all you’ve mastered already.

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Belonging

21 Sep

There is an elderly couple in my neighborhood that walk together every day.  When they go out they both wear gloves and carry plastic grocery sacks with them.  As they walk along, they pick up any litter they see.  The neighborhood is in good repair and most people take care of their property but there is still some litter blown around and they take it upon themselves each day to pick it up.  They are part of our community and this is their way of helping out.  Community is something most of us appreciate but seems to be getting lost in this day of technical overload.  It’s the feeling that we belong to a group where we know one another, and look out for one another.  More and more it seems people are forgetting to converse with their neighbors, get to know those around them, and build a sense of community.  A lot of us are stuck on our smartphones or computers and neglect personal interaction.  But personal interaction is important.  We all want to feel like we belong, and the only way that can happen is if we look up, and speak up.

There is great worth in getting to know those who live and work around us.  If we take the time to build relationships with them, they become our friends and are no longer strangers.  Then if something happens that affects us, we can support one another, help one another, and be there when needed.  Working together toward a common goal can help build those relationships.  If we get involved and extend ourselves to help out with regional and area projects, we’ll have the opportunity to meet others who are joining in.  The more people we meet around us, the more we build relationships, and the more sense of belonging we’ll feel.

There is a saying that no man is an island.  It’s true.  None of us is alone throughout our entire existence.  People come and go around us, and if we take the time to interact with them, say hello, and get to know them, we will feel more connected.  When we feel more connected our sense of belonging increases.  Of course, if want to we can certainly keep to ourselves, look down when we pass others, look away when someone looks at us, and keep our focus just on our own lives.  But if we do that we miss the great opportunity to share who we are with those around us.  We all have personal gifts, and special behavior traits unique to each of us.  Those gifts and traits can embellish the lives of those around us.  Even on our worst day, if someone smiles and says hello, we are lifted.  And we can offer the same to others.  We’re all in this together.  It’s a great blessing to share ourselves and allow others into our lives.

Today if you’ve been focusing on yourself and your life, try to remember those around you.  You have a lot to offer, and your smile and simple “hello” may lift someone else’s day, and open the door to a new relationship.  Take the time to get to know those you see regularly, and extend yourself to build those relationships.  It’s better to be surrounded by friends than strangers.  You have the power to make that happen.  Share yourself with those around you.  You have a lot to offer and they’ll be happy to know you.  Make it point to belong and include others in your life.

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