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Not So Common

6 Jul

We’re all familiar with common sense and generally it’s a good idea to pay attention to it.  When we have a problem, there are things we know will work based on our experiences and the experiences of others.  When we’re confused and trying to find our way, we can use common sense to help figure things out.  But sometimes because we don’t care, or we’re determined to do something a certain way we may ignore the more sensible approach and choose a path that is unproven or unsure.  If we try to outsmart our common sense we might succeed, or we may go down in flames.  We can use our intellect to justify a choice that’s outside the box and risky, or we can just storm ahead for any reason at all.  If we want to we can find lots of reasons for going one way over another.  But common sense is usually sound judgment and oftentimes proven to work.  We can ignore it if we’re determined to go another way, and we can try to outsmart it but that may not take us where we want to go.  We can choose the unknown path over the paved road anytime we want to but the journey will often be more difficult or even treacherous.  If we really want to succeed it’s wise to listen to sound judgment and consider the proven path.

Using our intellect to figure out problems or questions is wise.  We can weigh all the options, consider each solution and determine what works best.  But if our emotions are highly involved in the situation we may not see things clearly.  If we really want something to go a certain way and we aren’t sure it will we may choose answers that are extreme or risky.  We might push the edge of sound reasoning thinking it will help us get what we want.  That might work but if it doesn’t we may find ourselves further from the goal than where we started.  We don’t always have to do things the way they’ve been done before and we can certainly devise any plan we want to.  Sometimes our ideas will work and sometimes they won’t but ignoring answers we know will succeed isn’t generally in our best interest.

Every situation is different and unique and there are always unforeseen complications.  Even if we do everything possible to solve a problem we may still miss the mark.  Thankfully, few decisions we make are etched in stone and unchangeable.  Most often if the first try doesn’t get us where we want to go, we can try again.  We don’t fail unless we quit trying.  We aren’t defeated simply because the first answer didn’t work out.  We can try again.  We can modify our plans, adjust our trajectory, re-direct our course and go forward.  There isn’t anything too complex for us to unravel.  We have everything we need to succeed.

Today if you’re trying to solve a problem and what you’ve done so far isn’t working, think about the issue openly and see if there isn’t an answer you’ve missed.  Think about what’s worked in the past and consider the situation logically.  You’ll find the solution and successfully work the problem.  You are wise enough and smart enough to figure out anything that comes and you will succeed.

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Making it Right

4 Jul

We make a lot of decisions in our lives. Sometimes we choose well, and other times we may struggle to find our way. We make a lot of choices and it seems obvious that choosing the right way will take us where we want to go and choosing the wrong way won’t. But life is complicated and there may be times when we convince ourselves that taking a wrong turn will take us to our destination. We can believe that going one way will eventually take us another. If we only focus on what we want and all we see is the prize, we may choose a path we believe will get us there quickly without seeing the whole picture. We can choose any road we want and do anything we like but a wrong choice, although it might be the quickest answer or the easiest, will never be the best decision. Nobody is immune from making mistakes but we have a better shot at getting things right if we take our time and choose carefully. If we rush, or if all we can see is the finish line we may take a wrong turn that in the end may cost us more than we imagined.

We understand how to get from point A to point B when we plan a trip. If it’s a road trip we plot the course that will get us there most effectively. If we want to travel north, we don’t choose roads that go east or west or south. We choose the roads that take us north to our appointed destination. But it can sometimes be difficult to use the same simple logic when making our personal decisions. There may be others involved, or complications we have to navigate around, and sometimes we only have a general idea of where we want to be. If we are desperate to reach a goal, we may take chances on paths that are undefined or unproven that cause us to fail. We are all capable of making excellent decisions but it takes determination and a clear understanding of our situation to ensure we get there.

It’s impossible to turn a bad decision into a good one. Making decisions are the most important things we do every day. They determine where we go and have influence over what happens next. If we blunder blindly through and carelessly choose this or that, trying to patch our way from one step to another, our lives will be convoluted and confusing. We create unnecessary drama when we don’t proactively choose our course. Bad decisions can be powerful deterrents. They can prevent us from moving forward, hold us down when we want to get up, and create congestion that prevents us from seeing clearly. If we take the time we need to see everything openly and determine exactly how we want to move forward, we can often prevent complications and enable success. We can do anything and we can do it well. If we are careful, we can make excellent decisions that take us where we want to go and bring us happiness.

Today if you’ve been stopped by a choice that took you to a dead end instead of a clear path, redirect your course. Think about the best way forward and begin again. There isn’t anything you can’t do. You know where you want to go and you know how to get there. Change your direction until you find the best way forward and then start walking. You’ll find the right road and every success.

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Grape Juice

1 Jul

Grape juice is delicious.  It’s sweet and tasty and very refreshing.  But if we spill it on our white cotton shirt, it’s quickly changes from being a treat to being a curse.  Grape juice is nice to drink but spilled on white cotton can create an indelible stain that is nearly impossible to remove.  It leaves evidence, sometimes forever, that it was there.  We may scrub and try all kinds of applications and still the stain may remain.  In our lives when we make a mistake that hurts us or others deeply we may feel like we’ve created a permanent stain.  There is no way to change what has happened, and we might believe there is no way to recover from the decision.  Thankfully, even if the mistake is damaging and difficult, it’s not like grape juice.  It’s not forever.  There isn’t anything we can’t recover from.  We all make mistakes and if we’ve really blundered and seriously caused pain to ourselves or others it may be difficult to repair the damage.  But we can face difficult challenges and find our way through them.  If we seriously want to make things right again and do what is needed to correct the problem, we can navigate it effectively and move forward.  What we learn from the experience will be valuable, and even if there is some residual stain that stays with us, it will never be so intense that we can’t find a way around it.

We make dozens of decisions every day.  Our lives change continually based on those decisions and the decisions of others.  Sometimes things go well, we can clearly see the path forward, and know what to do.  Other times our vision may be clouded with indecision, confusion or complications out of our control.  Even if we try to make the best decisions possible, sometimes we won’t have all the information, or what we have is incorrect.  As we go forward we may stumble and take a wrong turn and get hurt, and we may fall on others and hurt them as well.  Nobody wants to make bad choices on purpose.  We try to do our best but it’s possible to get lost.  Getting lost doesn’t mean we’re lost forever.  It just means we took a wrong turn.  We are perfectly capable of assessing the situation, looking at our options, and choosing the road that will correct our course and get us back on track to where we want to go.  We can keep moving forward even after a serious detour.  We have everything we need to find our way again, and we can get to the destination successfully.

If we make a bad choice that is so egregious we break a connection to someone else, we may have to go forward without them for a while.  If no matter what we’ve tried to repair the relationship they don’t want any association with us, we may accept that for now and still move forward.  We can’t control decisions made by anyone but ourselves.  We can give them time and distance if they need it and do whatever we can to make things right.  Everyone makes mistakes and although some may take time to recover from, we are capable of correcting our course at any time.

Today if you’re recovering from a mistake in judgment, and you feel like you’re stained forever, remember this is not permanent. You can correct your course and make things right again.  Keep moving forward.  You have everything you need to succeed.

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Sand

28 Jun

If you’ve ever been to the beach and played in the sand for any length of time you know how insidious it can be. The shore is covered with sand and as we walk on it, play in it and swim around it we get it in our swimsuits, in our shorts, in our shoes, in our hair and everywhere else. But we’re having fun and although it can be annoying and gritty to deal with, it’s worth the trade-off. In our lives there are lots of people around us all the time. Though not as numerous as sand particles on the beach, there are many continually in and out of our lives. If we surround ourselves with good, strong people our associations may be beneficial and helpful. But if we continually interact with others whose choices aren’t positive, and who do things that bring problems and heartache to those around them, our time with them may hurt us. Like the sand that finds its way all over us and then begins to chafe, if we continually associate with those who hurt us we will be unhappy.

We build and create our relationships for lots of reasons. Sometimes they evolve because of association, sometimes they are part of our family, sometimes we build them because we like what they bring us, and sometimes we’re in them because there is history that cannot be undone. And sometimes our relationships change and become difficult to navigate. We don’t have to keep any relationship that makes us uncomfortable or that brings us hardship but it can be hard to stop a pattern if we’ve been involved for a long period of time. We might try to distance ourselves from a toxic situation but if we don’t sever the ties that hold us to it, that will do little to fix the problem. It’s like brushing sand off the outside of our bathing suit but doing nothing to wash out the grit that has made its way inside it. Things may look better on the outside, but the problem is still there. No matter who we’re involved with, and no matter what their relationship is to us if we are not happy, we can change it.

If we stay in relationships that hurt us and do nothing to change them, our unhappiness may increase. No matter what the situation is we always have the power to modify our circumstances so we can move forward comfortably and happily. If we’re dealing with someone who is rude and offensive, we can speak up and clearly state our boundaries. If we have a difficult family member we can set the example for patience and insist on being treated with respect. If we’re in a relationship that isn’t working and we want to move on we can do what is needed to make that happen. There isn’t anything we can’t manage and if we’ve got sand in our shoes, we can shake it out. If it’s in our hair, we can wash it out. And if it’s in our clothes, we can change them. Our lives belong to us and we can do whatever is needed to be happy and successful.

Today if you’re in a situation that is making you uncomfortable, be honest and do what is needed to change it. You deserve to be happy. Take charge and change your course. Shake out the sand and enjoy the beach. You have everything it takes to move forward.

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Seeing and Believing

27 Jun

Most of the time we think we see ourselves as we really are.  We think we know who we are and how others see us.  But it’s possible we aren’t seeing ourselves objectively and sometimes we may be wrong about how we appear to those around us.  For instance, we might think we seem quite sedentary because we don’t like to work out but in fact others might see us busily doing things most of the time and think we’re quite active.  Or we might think we’re intense because we can feel all our emotions while others think we are easy going. It takes effort to see everything objectively but if we step back and really look at what we’re doing we can get a better picture of who we really are.  Part of the reason we miss our personal cues are the expectations we set for ourselves.  If we set very high standards for ourselves and don’t meet them, we may judge critically and reflect the perceived deficiency as failure.  But we don’t need to do that.  It’s possible we’re doing better than we think we are.   And it’s also possible we aren’t seeing that.  If we step back and really look objectively as an outsider sees us we may find we look different than we thought.  And we might even find we look great.

Personal expectations can be very high.  Sometimes when we set them we expect to achieve them right away.  Expecting to change immediately just because we’ve decided we want it never works.  It takes time and effort to do things in new ways and adopt new behaviors.  We need time for the adjustment it takes to get there.  If we can change our thinking to consider our personal expectations instead as personal goals and then make a plan to achieve them we’ll feel more confident as we’re learning the new pattern.  Nobody’s life is perfect and we all want to make changes from time to time.  Anticipating immediate change will defeat us.  We can allow time to learn new behaviors we want to adopt and then clearly see the steps we’re making each day that take us closer to them.  If we acknowledge our progress as we’re moving closer to where we want to be we’ll be more self-assured and confident that we’ll succeed.

Even if we’re capable of seeing others objectively as they are, we may struggle to see truth when evaluating ourselves.  We are often harder and more critical of ourselves than we are of others.  We may expect to do things right every time, to never falter, and to achieve everything we set out to do without problems.  It’s fine to set lofty goals but our lives are never defined by unmarred lines in the sand.  We are fluid and will sometimes make choices that aren’t perfect.  There is no way to prevent wavering from time to time.  It’s the overall picture that counts.  If our feet are pointed in the right direction, and if we strive to do the best we can at every turn, we are doing well.  We aren’t perfect and we will make mistakes.  But if we can look at the big picture of who we really are despite our imperfections we may see that we are more accomplished and capable than we thought.  We do a lot of things well, and we do some things very well.  Seeing those honestly will bring us confidence and clarity as we move forward.

Today if you feel you’re less than you want to be, step back and look at yourself objectively.  You may see you have more going for you than you thought.  You have accomplished many wonderful things already.  Acknowledge them and be confident. You have all you need to be successful in everything you choose going forward.

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