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In For A Penny

22 Jul

Throughout our lives things come up, and we are asked to help out or assist in some way.  When possible we may agree, and offer our service.  Sometimes the tasks are easy and quick, and we are happy to help.  But other times, complications come up that make it harder for us to stick with our commitment.  For instance, say you have a friend who needs help moving furniture.  You agree to assist but when the day set apart for the move arrives, a huge storm rolls in, and it’s pouring rain.  Your friend tells you the move must happen that day, and you dread the chore.  It’s going to be much harder to do in the storm, and you would rather let someone else do it.  These situations come up routinely.  What at first can seem like a simple task sometimes turns into something more.  And when that happens, we have to decide if we’re in, or we’re out.  Even if we gave our word that we’d be there, we may be tempted to back out.

There is an old saying, “In for a penny, in for a pound.”  If we commit to something, we need to be committed all the way.  If we’ve said we would help when the task was easy, we need to stay if the task gets hard.  Commitment is easy for some of us, and harder for others.  But when we say we’ll be there, we need to be there.  We’re either in all the way, or we’re out.  There really is no middle ground.  So before we commit to anything, it would be wise to weigh all the possibilities to ensure we can follow through no matter what.

We’ve all had experiences with people letting us down.  Sometimes they say they’ll be there, but then don’t show up.  It’s disappointing when it happens, and definitely affects the relationship in a negative way.  There is great value in being dependable, and sticking with our decisions.  Of course, there will certainly be times when we say we’ll help thinking it’ll be easy, and then things happen making it more difficult.  What we do then defines our commitment.  Are we in no matter what?  Or do we back out when things go wrong?  It is noble, and right to stay the course.  Remember, who we are, isn’t what we say.  Who we are is what we do.

Today if you’ve made a commitment, and the situation has gotten difficult and complicated, stick with it.  Stay the course.  Be there.  Your friends and family will learn to rely on you, and trust you to follow through.  They’ll know that no matter what you’ll keep your word.  The trust of those we care about is invaluable.  It’s priceless.  Earn it.  Follow through.  Staying true will bring you satisfaction and confidence.  You will never regret making that choice.

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Resolute

16 Jul

In this day and age it seems that we are pressured to accept every idea that comes along. If we don’t like something and speak up, we may face criticism. But it’s not possible to like everything or agree with everything we come in contact with. And we are certainly still entitled to our opinions, even if they differ from the mainstream. We are all individuals, and unique in our personal standards, and beliefs. It’s appropriate and correct for us to choose our own way, and determine our own preferences. It’s right for us to be resolute in those decisions. We can be unwavering if they are important to us. We are, after all, on our own paths, and not on some pre-determined road designed by someone else.

When we are faced with a situation where we disagree with an issue being presented, we can speak up. There may be some who criticize our opinion, but we are still entitled to it. It is narrow-minded and inconsiderate to expect everyone to follow along when they disagree. Unfortunately, sometimes that narrow mindedness is part of our lives, and we are placed in uncomfortable situations. But we are still in control of our lives, and we may choose what we agree with, and what we don’t want.

This world is full of contradictions, differences, opposites, and contrasts. It’s what makes life interesting, and gives our experiences depth. If we were all the same, all believed the same things, all agreed on the same things, and all did the same things the same way, it would be very predictable, and very boring. Thankfully, we’re all different. It’s those differences that make us special, and unique. The pressure to conform can make us feel that our opinion is unworthy, but nothing could be further from the truth. We all need to hear other ideas. We need to embrace opposing viewpoints, and we need to encourage those around us to share their thoughts. We’re all finding our own paths, and we need to do that our own way. It’s good to be who we are. We need to embrace that, and we can be resolute in staying true to ourselves.

Today if you feel pressured to accept something you disagree with, remember your opinions are valuable. They are as important as the opposing viewpoint. If you disagree, speak up, and share your thoughts on the issue. Express your feelings, and hold strong to your beliefs. You are entitled to make your own choices. You don’t have to go along. Today be true to who you are. Your opinions are important, and they are worth hearing. Be resolute in them. This is your path. Stay true to it.

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Do it for me?

15 Jun

When our close friends or family ask us for a favor, most of us will likely try to help out. Sometimes they ask for advice, sometimes they need help with a task, and sometimes they may ask us to do something we aren’t comfortable with. We may even be asked to do something dishonest, or not in keeping with our values. Since they know us well, they already know this goes against what we feel is right, but they may ask us anyway. How can we handle that? We value the relationship, and don’t want to cause an issue, but how can we do what we’ve been asked to do if it goes against our personal beliefs?

It’s a difficult situation to be asked to compromise ourselves. We may feel angry that they would do this, and feel upset to be placed in this position. We may be concerned about saying no because we don’t want to negatively impact the relationship. At times like this, we need to stop and think about what is most important to us. Is our relationship more important than our personal beliefs? Is it worth breaking our values to protect it? What will happen if we agree this time? Will they feel comfortable compromising us again in the future? Will this set a precedent? How will we feel about ourselves if we agree to do this?

Relationships are important to us. They connect us to others, and those connections are valuable. But it’s also critical that we make decisions that are most important to us. We have to decide carefully in situations like this, because either way we choose, there will be consequences. If we choose to do as we’ve been asked, we may feel weak, and hypocritical. If we don’t do it, we may hurt the relationship. It can seem like a no win situation. But there are ways to handle it.

If we don’t want to comply with a request, we can explain our reasons carefully, and show that we value the relationship, but state that we want to hold firm to our beliefs and standards. We can express our understanding for the situation, and perhaps offer alternative methods for solving the issue. We can be kind and supportive, and still be firm in our decision to decline the request. If the requester cares for us, and they probably do, they will understand. And they will respect us for holding firm to what we believe in, even though we aren’t doing what they wanted.

Today if someone has asked you to do something that you don’t feel is appropriate for you, make the best decision for going forward. Be open, and honest when responding to them, and show you care but cannot do what they’ve asked. Be confident in your decision. Make the best choice possible so you will be happy with yourself going forward. You are the only one accountable for your choices. Choose wisely.

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Reverse Engines

14 Jun

There comes a time in all of our lives when we realize we’ve really screwed up. We’ve made a big mistake. A huge blunder. We missed the mark, and we’ve made a mess. When we discover this, our first thought may be to wish for a time machine, and go back before everything happened. But, sadly, that isn’t possible. We’re here, and there is no way to go back. We have to face the music. It happens. And if it happens in such a way that we’ve affected others, it can be really uncomfortable. It’s hard to face a bad situation we’ve created, and even harder to know how to go about fixing one. It’s not really the end of the world – but for a while, it can feel like it is.

When this happens, we have choices. Instead of facing it, we could ignore the situation. Pretend like it didn’t happen. Look the other way, and wait to see if it’ll just fade as time passes. This is the worst decision we could make. Ignoring a situation never makes it go away. If we don’t do that, we could blame someone else, or make excuses, or make up a story that takes the blame away from us. Of course, that won’t work because dodging what we’ve done won’t change anything. Blaming others, or making excuses will just make things worse.

The only way to get through a situation like this is to be completely honest. We made a mistake. We can give our reasons for why we did what we did, but the fact is, we made a mistake. If criticisms and judgments come from others, we need to hear them. If relationships are damaged, we need to do what we can to repair them. If we’ve lost material goods, we need to try to restore them. We must, at every point, choose to be honest, accept our responsibility for what’s happened, and do whatever we can to turn things around. It’s never easy to clean up after a big mistake. It can be embarrassing, humiliating, and painful. But if we’re the one who made the mess, we own it, and we’re responsible for fixing it.

Today if you’re under the gun for a mistake you’ve made, decide to be as honest as possible. Face what has happened, and be open to whatever it takes to fix the situation. You may be uncomfortable, but you can handle that. If you are honest and forthcoming about your involvement, and willing to do what is needed to correct things, others will respond more positively. This won’t last forever. You will learn new things as you go through this difficult passage, and at the end of it, if you’ve chosen well, you’ll be happy with how you handled it. Everyone takes a left turn from time to time. It’s okay. Now you know where that road goes. You won’t make the same mistake again.

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The Simple Life

23 May

There is a lot to be said for a simple life. A life lived without complications, without drama, without intrigue – a simple, straightforward existence. Of course, we can only control some of the complications, drama, and intrigue that come into our lives. We live in a world with other people – friends, family, acquaintances, clients – and they all come in and out of our lives on a regular basis. There are all kinds of people, all over the place. They complicate and compliment our lives. And their choices can affect our lives.

Since we can’t control what anyone else does, and we can’t always control circumstances, it’s in our best interest to control what we can. We have a choice each day as to how we will navigate what comes to us. We can face our challenges with a calm demeanor, or we can over react, get intense, and have a more difficult time. It isn’t always easy to be calm, it isn’t always easy to control our emotions, but if we work at it, we can find a place where we feel more comfortable in times of stress.

I have a friend who loves drama. Everything that happens to her is a big deal. Every disappointment is the end of the world. Every situation she gets involved in is filled with drama. She seems to need the stress, and conflict in her life. If she gets involved in a situation where there isn’t any intensity, she creates it. She feeds on the struggle, the intrigue of guessing, and the anxiety of potential disaster. She is rarely even tempered, rarely truthful about what is really going on, and makes up stories to spice up every situation. It’s exhausting to be near her. It’s challenging to work with her. And it’s nearly impossible to trust her.

It’s much more advisable to see, and accept things as they really are. Not hiding when it’s difficult, not pretending the situation is different, not making up stories about what is real – just facing reality as it exists. This is always the best course. It sounds simple, but sometimes our reality is not what where we want to be. Sometimes it’s easier to pretend that it’s different than it really is. But if we want to live an honest, noble life, we have to live it cleanly. Without illusion, without drama, and without exaggeration. We have to live it as it really is.

Today, if you feel the need to pad a situation to make it more palatable, or to cover up what is really happening, think again. No matter what the issue is, facing it openly, scars and all, is the best option. Making up false pretense complicates our lives, and makes it more difficult in the end. What is real is all we need to face. Face that. Keep your eyes wide open. Facing true reality brings us confidence. And with confidence there is no need to dress anything up. It is what it is. And that’s just fine. You can manage that.

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