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Poison Ivy

24 Feb

There are a lot of nice people in the world. People who care, who are kind, and who share their lives with us in positive and helpful ways. But unfortunately, there are also people who choose a different path. There are some who are mean, cruel, even criminal, and if they come into our lives, they can have a very negative impact. We don’t always know their true colors at the beginning which leaves us open for disaster. It’s like taking a walk in the woods and not knowing what poison ivy looks like. We see a vine that’s green and vibrant, and have no idea when we touch it that its powerful affects will cause us pain and discomfort. It’s only after our exposure that we see the terrible result. If someone in our lives presents themselves as caring and kind but in truth is manipulative and cruel, and we share our lives with them, when we discover the truth we will be hurt. If it’s someone we must interact with because of circumstances beyond our control, and we are forced to see them because they are family members, coworkers, or neighbors, the discomfort may be intense. When someone hurts us because they’ve fooled us, lied to us, or manipulated us, it takes time to heal. If we have to continue to see them, it takes even longer.

Life is all about learning. We don’t know what we don’t know, and the only way to find out what we don’t know is to learn as we go. That means we may trust someone who is untrustworthy because we don’t have all the facts. People who set their hearts on deception don’t tell us before they deceive that is their plan. They keep it secret and if they are very practiced, may expertly manipulate us to achieve their goal, whatever that may be. We may figure the truth out quickly, or we may be involved with them for years before we see things as they really are. But sooner or later, when we find the truth it may be devastating. We may feel like fools. We may blame ourselves thinking we should have known and feel horrible. But the blame for deception lies solely with the deceiver. We have no ownership for their behavior. We trusted, which is noble and good, and extended ourselves as friends. It can be hard to forgive ourselves when we’ve fallen for a lie, but believing in others until we have a reason not to, is appropriate.

When we are trying hard to be the best we can, it’s difficult to understand someone who chooses to deceive or hurt us purposely. It’s hard to comprehend such maliciousness but we are not responsible for anyone’s choices but our own. We can decide how to respond. We can choose to be noble even if someone near us has been hateful. We can choose to stand up for what’s right, even if we’ve been stung by what is wrong. If we must interact with them going forward, we can still be our best. We are courageous and brave enough to be near them and choose the right. We can set the example for good even in the face of trouble. We are stronger than we think we are. We know what is right, and nothing, and nobody, can ever diminish that.

Today if you’ve been hurt by someone who purposely deceived you or manipulated you to get something they wanted, it isn’t your fault. You know more now than you did before, and that knowledge will help you going forward. You are worth the very best of everything. You can choose the right and take the higher road at every step. There is an old saying that the best revenge is living well. No matter what has happened, no matter who has hurt you, live well. You know who you are. Choose the very best path. There is nothing that will diminish you.

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Exfoliating

29 Jan

As we go through life, each experience gives us something to take forward. We learn something new, or gain a different perspective, or maybe discover something new about ourselves. We collect and hold onto these souvenirs each day and they color who we are and how we act and react. Some of them are beneficial and we use them to help us be our best and get where we want to go. But some of them are painful reminders of where we’ve been. If the memories hurt they may influence our decisions as we continue on, and may keep us from fulfilling our greatest ambitions. But we can choose to let them go. We can take a good look inside ourselves, see where our insecurities lie, look at how we lost our confidence, and we can change. Like exfoliating dead skin cells from the outside, we can remove bad reactions on the inside. We don’t have to hold onto the pain of bad memories any longer than we want to. The memories will always be there but we can scrub the pain away and keep the memory and the lesson learned.

We all experience good things and bad things. When we’ve had a very painful event, one that is etched deeply in our subconscious or something that changed our lives in a big way, it may be hard to overcome. If we’ve been hurt badly and had to learn a difficult lesson, we may hold onto the pain afraid that letting it go will make us forget what we learned. Although lessons are sometimes painful, the pain is not inexorably tied to the lesson. We can go forward with what we’ve learned and leave the pain behind. Holding onto feelings of sadness, betrayal, loss or distrust will not help us move forward. They may hold us in place, and keep us from advancing afraid of what will come if we let go. But letting go is the best we can do. Once we’ve learned all we can, we can set the experience aside, and look to the future.

Fear is a natural response and nature’s way of keeping us from harm. When we feel it, we step a little more carefully and proceed with caution. There is nothing wrong with feeling afraid but it’s important to understand why we’re feeling it. Is it because there is real danger, or is it because we are unsure? Is it because we may be hurt, or because we aren’t positive we won’t be? We carry every experience of our lives with us every day. If we hold onto those that hurt us, we may be less confident, and more fearful. But we don’t need to carry painful experiences any longer than we want to. We can let them go and leave them behind. We are capable of facing anything that comes to us. And we are capable of recovering from any problem or crisis. We just need to be determined in our pursuits, and convinced of our abilities. We have everything we need to be strong and confident, and we can conquer any obstacle placed before us. Letting go of the heavy burden of pain will help.

Today if you’re struggling because of something that has already passed, you can turn around and let it go. You’ve learned all you can from the experience and it has not diminished you. It has made you stronger and more capable. You know more now than you did before and you’ll use that knowledge going forward. You have everything you need now. You can do anything you want. You are strong. Be confident knowing you will succeed. There isn’t anything you can’t do.

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The Plague

28 Jan

There are times we may find ourselves in an uncomfortable situation with someone else. Perhaps angry words were said or exchanged, maybe somebody did something hurtful, or we simply cannot get along. People are complex and sometimes things don’t go as well as we’d like. Because it’s not pleasant and we don’t like the interaction, we may decide to avoid the other person as much as possible. If we see them coming down a hall we’re walking, we may take a sharp turn to get out of their sight. If they try to talk to us, we may mumble something and walk away, or if they send us messages or leave them on our phone, we may ignore or delete them. It’s painful to be near someone who’s hurt us, or with whom we can’t get along, and avoiding them seems like a good answer. Maybe we figure if we avoid them long enough they will eventually go away. That might work, but sometimes the exact opposite occurs and they try even harder to get our attention. The whole situation is uncomfortable, but we can get through it and we don’t have to avoid them like the plague to navigate the situation. We have other options.

If the other person is at our workplace and we don’t have the option to quit our jobs and must work with them, or if they’re in our social circle and we don’t want to give that up, we have to find a solution. If the situation is so intense that we feel physically ill at the thought of dealing with them, the first step is to understand why we feel so bad. Once we determine what is actually causing our pain we can find a way to address it. If we’ve been hurt by something that was said, we can understand that just because someone says something, even if they believe it, doesn’t make it true. We know who we are and those who know us will recognize falsehood when they hear it. If it’s something that was done, we can understand that nothing is permanent and any damage can be corrected. If we peel back the onion on our pain, and determine the root causes, we can address them and begin to heal.

Some people are disagreeable no matter what we do. Maybe they have bad attitudes, or are intensely moody and negative, or are continually angry. We can’t change anyone but ourselves and if we’re forced to deal with someone like that, we can choose to be true to who we are and do our best no matter what choices they make. If we are insulted, we may calmly state we don’t appreciate the comment, let it go, and move on. If they do something that offends us, we can bring it to their attention, explain why it was offensive and ask them not to do it again. It takes effort to think about a situation before we act, but when we do we’ll have better success at keeping our standards where we want them, and remaining positive. It’s never pleasant to be hurt or offended. It makes us feel bad, and we may doubt our worth for a moment. But we have all we need to hold our heads high, say what is needed when appropriate, and be who we are despite the difficulty. We can be cheerful in the face of calamity, and positive when others are disagreeable. There is nothing that is too hard for us. We can do anything we want even if it’s difficult.

Today if you’re dealing with someone who has hurt you, or insulted you, or made you feel less than you are, stand strong. Make the best choices possible. Say what is needed to feel confident. You are a priceless gift. If someone doesn’t recognize that, it’s their loss, not yours. Set the example for good. You are worth the very best of everything.

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What Lies Within

15 Dec

As we go through our lives we experience many things. Some are good, some are joyful, some are sad, and some may be destructive. We are an accumulation of all the experiences we have, good or bad, and they color our behavior and perspectives going forward. Emerson said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” This is a true statement. Although the experiences we’ve already had certainly affect who we are, and the experiences yet to come will impact us in some way, they are never more powerful than who we are inside. We have everything we need to comprehend and process any experience that comes to us, and we have the courage to overcome any obstacle. We have more strength and nobility inside ourselves than we comprehend and they come forward as we need them. What we carry inside us, the courage and honor we hold, is stronger and more powerful than anything that happens to us. What lies within is us can carry us through anything.

When we have bad experiences, when we are hurt, betrayed, or in any way distressed or offended, although we overcome them in time, we carry the scars with us going forward. Sometimes those scars affect our ability to be happy for a time, or prevent us from trusting others. Sometimes they teach us valuable lessons we can draw on later, and sometimes if they are strong enough, they can be crippling. How we handle them determines how we grow as we continue on. If we forget how strong we are inside, if we believe we cannot handle the disappointment and it will never heal, we could get stuck in misery. It’s important to understand there is nothing we will face that we cannot manage. There is nothing that will overcome us if we trust ourselves and draw on the immense reserves of strength we have inside. We can do anything. We can conquer whatever has happened, no matter how trying or difficult it may be.

Nobody knows what our futures will bring. We all hope for the best and plan for success but sometimes things go awry and we crash and burn. But crashing and burning just means we get to start over on a new road. The old path is gone, the old goal is over, and we can begin again to go forward in a new direction. We never reach the end until death arrives. Until then, we have endless opportunities for success every single day. We have everything we need already there inside us to figure things out. What comes to us is small compared to what we can do. We are powerful and strong, and we are invincible. If we remember that, no matter what we face, we will prevail.

Today remember that what lies within you is great. You are capable, noble, and strong. You have everything you need to go forward with joy and success. There isn’t anything you can’t do. You have more courage and strength inside you than you need. You can do anything. Be brave. You will succeed and you will be happy.

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Wet Snow

28 Nov

The snow in winter can be a beautiful sight. The first snow of the season often brings excitement and wonder, and the new covering of white makes everything seem magical. It’s fun to play in and children rejoice if it’s heavy enough to close school. Every situation is unique and if the snow is powdery and dry it’s completely different than when it’s heavy and wet. If it’s dry and light we may not even leave a footprint in it as we walk along, but if it’s heavy and wet we will leave a deep impression with each step that may last a long time.  Wet snow has a long memory. If we step in it, our prints will be long lasting and defined. The wind won’t erase them, and they will remain until conditions permit them to melt away and disappear, which may not happen until spring arrives.

We can make decisions in our lives that are so dramatic and change the landscape so much they are like footprints in wet snow. They can have an impact so great that the everyday winds of our lives, our comings and goings, will not diminish their influence and we need to find ways to navigate around them. Sometimes we make extreme decisions that leave long lasting results because of situations we’re in. Other times they may be the result of anger, or impulse, or reflex. If we’ve put a lot of thought into the decision ahead of time and are sure the decision is right, even though it will have far reaching consequences, we will manage whatever comes as a result. But if we’ve plowed ahead without thought, and done something that has changed the entire landscape of our lives and we’ve made a mistake, the ramifications may remain with us for a long time.

We all make mistakes and if we make one that changes the course of our lives it will be a dramatic development that will take time to adjust to. If we’ve hurt others, we will need to do whatever is required to repair the relationship and regain their trust. If the action was so egregious that our relationship is destroyed, we may have to let go and move forward on a new road. There is no mistake so intense or far reaching that we cannot recover, but recovery might require a change in our direction, and a new focus in our lives. We may feel all is lost, and too much has changed to ever be right again, but that is never true. There isn’t anything we can’t adjust, correct, or repair if we are motivated enough. We can rebuild our lives, we can change our behavior, and we can be successful again. The snow may have been very deep and wet when we stepped in it, the print we left may be indelible for a while, but eventually the air will warm enough to smooth the edges and soften the imprint. If we work on successfully going forward, in time, the mark we left will become a memory and who we have become will be the focus.

Today if you’re coping with a mistake you’ve made, if it seems immense and you aren’t sure you can go forward, take heart. You can fix this. No matter what has happened, if you determine to make good choices going forward, you will turn this around. You haven’t lost everything. Make the best decisions today. Tomorrow do the same. Each day that passes will take you closer to where you want to be. This is just a moment. Navigate it the best you can and soon you’ll find happiness again.

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