Archive | Control RSS feed for this section

The Simple Life

20 Nov

In this day and age, there are thousands of things that capture our attention. There are limitless websites we can visit to see and learn new things, thousands of items we can purchase, endless places to travel to, and an ongoing barrage of information flowing in. We can spend our time involved in innumerable ventures and activities. Many of them are valuable, but there are a lot of good, but worthless, time takers that can eat up our lives. It’s easy to get caught up in all that’s available, and if we aren’t careful we can spend our days reading about and watching how others live their lives, and neglect to actually live our own. Every moment we live is expendable. Once it’s gone we can never get it back. Therefore, it seems wise to spend them in ways that will enhance our experiences and give us the most in return.

Leonardo da Vinci said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” If that’s true then all the time we spend complicating our lives with information and activity may keep us from becoming exactly what we’re seeking. Learning to live a simple life can bring us more free time, and allow us to enjoy each day without the constant need to be busy. These days it seems we’re expected to be constantly working on something, or engaged in an activity. But if we’re always busy we have no time for thought, or reflection. And if we continually jump from one action to the next and never leave any down time, we may burn ourselves out. Our days will fly by and because of our activity level we may not remember what we spent our time doing. Learning to simplify our days can help us learn more about life and about ourselves, and may improve our physical and mental health.

When we spend our time engaged in anything, we are, in fact, spending our time. We are exchanging it for the benefit of whatever activity we’re engaged in. Like money, once it leaves our hands, it’s gone. But our time can never be re-earned or replaced. Once it’s gone, it’s gone for good. If we think more carefully about how we want to use it, and are judicious in giving it away to things that mean little, we will feel more gratified and satisfied when the day is over. Instead of getting lost in our computer searches, and spinning our wheels doing things that take us nowhere, we can choose to consciously decide how our minutes and hours will be used. And if we do, our lives will be richer and more meaningful, and we’ll remember each day is a gift.

Today if you’ve been caught up in all the information and activities around you, if you’ve lost time doing things that haven’t returned anything positive back to you, take control. Determine how you’ll spend your time more effectively. Make careful choices regarding it and you’ll be happier with what you’re doing, more relaxed going forward, and nothing will steal your focus from your goals. Today be in charge of your life, and your time spent will return good things back to you.

Tags: , ,

Chopsticks

5 Nov

Every day we live is a chance to experience joy and do something to move us closer to where we want to be. We are in control of our days and the choices we make. When we choose well, we are content, but sometimes things don’t go exactly the way we want them to. Imagine you are holding one chopstick that represents your day today. As long as you hold onto it you’re in control and you can do anything you want. But if you give it away to someone else, they will be in charge for the day. We all want to be in control of our days, so it seems foolish to hand them over to anyone else. But if we let the hurt or pain caused by someone else control us, that is exactly what we do. We give our day away. While it’s true that some wounds don’t heal right away, each day we let the disappointment, pain, fear, or anger control our lives, we give that day to the person or situation that caused it. And the irony is that those who have hurt us usually have no idea they have control.

Pain is a part of life. We can’t prevent it, we can’t escape it, we can only process it and move through it. If we lived alone on an isolated, deserted island, everything would be in our control. But we live with others, and their decisions, for better or worse, affect our lives. We bump into each other, we annoy each other, and we sometimes hurt each other. Of course, we also love each other, we share joy, and we embellish each others’ lives. It’s a mixed bag. When we get hurt, and don’t heal right away, we grieve until we’re able to move on. That’s normal. But if we let the hurt define our lives, if we let it keep us from moving forward, and are unable to let it go, we give our lives away to it. Our lives are important. They count. We have a lot to offer. Losing even one day is a great loss.

Getting over serious pain or disappointment isn’t easy. It takes work, and it takes time. How much time it takes depends on a lot of factors. Only we can decide when to let it go and begin to move forward. We can hold onto it for as long as we like but each day we do, we have to symbolically give up our chopstick, and the control over our lives. In some situations it takes considerable time to process everything, and not having control isn’t an issue. But in time, if we want to be happy again, if we want to move forward, we will have to heal and take control again. Life can be complicated. It can extremely joyful, or desperately sad. Nobody knows what each day will bring, but we can face whatever comes. We can overcome any disappointment, any disaster, and any loss. And when we’re ready, we can recover and guide our lives to where we most want to be.

Today if you’ve been struggling with something that has been so difficult you’ve been stopped in your tracks, think about the way forward. You have so much to offer. Take the first step in regaining your control. Own your day today. Hang on tight. Lift your head and look forward. There is a road waiting for you. You have everything you need to get to it, and by taking the very first step you’ll find your way back to happiness again.

Tags: , ,

Out of Bounds

4 Nov

Sometimes in our relationships with others, we discuss or share things that are personal. We tell them very private thoughts about certain areas of our lives, or talk about our hopes and dreams with them. When we do, unless we say it’s okay to share our comments, we may expect them to keep them to themselves. But sometimes, those close to us tell others what we’ve said and it makes us uncomfortable. If it’s something very private, it may hurt us that they told someone else. If we share something confidential and ask that it not be repeated, and then discover others have been told, it’s a very personal betrayal. It can be embarrassing and painful to learn that our private thoughts have been tossed around. Those who betray our trust sometimes think telling others is okay, but if we’ve asked them to keep it private, their thoughts mean little.  It’s appropriate to trust a boundary with a friend. If that trust isn’t honored, it can be very hurtful.

There are some people who have no filters. They repeat everything they hear to everyone they know. They don’t believe there should be any walls around information, and they often don’t care what others think. They may give their word to protect what they’ve heard, but then are unable to keep it. When we have someone like that close to us, it can be devastating to discover our inner most thoughts and feelings have been broadcast. We can feel humiliated and exposed. Everyone has the right to make any decision they like, but if those decisions hurt us, we need to evaluate our relationship with them. If they can’t be trusted to keep our confidence, we must protect it.

Some people don’t believe it makes any difference if everyone knows our private thoughts, and if we cherish our privacy and hold it dear, we need to protect ourselves from sharing with them. If they are someone close to us, and we love them, that can be difficult. We may forget their inability to hold our comments to themselves and in times of distress, open up to them. Boundaries are important and we are the only ones who can protect our own. If we share and are betrayed, it hurts. We must define who can and who can’t be trusted with our private thoughts. Once we understand who they are, and accept that even those who love us may not be trustworthy with our boundaries, we can make wiser decisions. Protecting our privacy is our responsibility. We can define our boundaries any way we choose, and we can do whatever is needed to protect them.

Today if you’ve been exposed in ways that have hurt you, and if your boundaries have been betrayed, you can protect yourself going forward. You can have close relationships with others who don’t understand your boundaries and still ensure your privacy by guarding what you share. Understand the limits of the people close to you, and you will be comfortable going forward. Your boundaries are sacred and should be honored. You are entitled to them, and you may protect them.

Tags: , ,

Story Time

3 Nov

As we go through life and experience different things, we make lots of decisions. Sometimes when we’re in a situation that isn’t ideal it may be hard to face it as it really is. When that happens we may decide instead to spin the reality just a little so it’s easier to accept. The truth of our situation doesn’t change even if we try to make it more palatable, but sometimes we aren’t quite ready to face things as they are. We pad the way a little to make things seem better. For example, if someone is being mean to us, instead of standing up for ourselves, we may determine they are having a hard time, and let it go. If someone lies to us, we might tell ourselves we misunderstood them, and look the other way. Or if someone lets us down again and again, we may allow it because they are unsure. While we make these excuses, nothing really changes the reality of what is happening, and when we make up stories, we end up hurting ourselves. Truth has a way of always surfacing no matter how long we look the other way. It doesn’t go away because truth is what’s real. And we live in the real world.

It can be hard to face facts sometimes. If we really care for someone, and they continually hurt us, we can find limitless excuses for their behavior. We can let them keep hurting us for as long as we decide to. But looking the other way, and pretending the situation is better than it really is, will only prolong our discomfort. We don’t have to confront them, and it isn’t our responsibility to try to make them change. But we can decide to open our eyes and see things as they are. We can accept that everyone has the opportunity to make their own choices, and sometimes those choices won’t be the best they can do. And then we can plan our path going forward – clearly, openly, and understanding the situation as it really is.

Facing truth seems like a simple thing. We should all be truthful in everything we do, including what is going on around us. But when we care for someone and they do things we don’t understand, or things that hurt us, we may choose to ignore the truth and make up a story instead. It’s hard to believe that those we love would hurt us on purpose, so we convince ourselves it can’t be true, and we look the other way. If we want to be happy, truly and honestly happy, we need to face things as they are, even when they aren’t what we want. Only when we see things truthfully and allow ourselves to face the situation as it really is can we move forward with confidence. Truth always brings confidence. When we understand the truth, we have all the control we need to make the best decisions. Our best decisions take us where we most want to be. It takes courage to face truth, but we have all the courage we need to make that happen.

Today if you’ve been making up stories to cover what is really happening, allow yourself to accept things as they are. You already know the truth and there is no need to look the other way. You are strong enough to face everything as it is. You have everything you need to go forward with confidence. Clear your head, refine your focus, and do what is best and right for you. You are worth more than you can imagine, and you deserve the very best of everything.

Tags: , ,

In a Panic

30 Oct

Most of us have fears of some sort.  Some are tangible – maybe we’re afraid of spiders, elevators, heights or other things.  And some are unseen such as the fear of speaking up or being the center of attention.  Whatever are fears are, they are very real to us even if they are irrational.  For instance, everyone knows they are far larger than any bug on the earth, and they are easily destroyed, but there are some who are terrified of them.  Although our fears may be illogical, they can still be crippling and difficult to manage.  If they are holding us back and preventing us from moving forward in a way that’s important to us, we need to look at them and take action to overcome them.  If they keep us from advancing in our careers, or building healthy relationships that bring us happiness, we need to find a way around them so we can be happy, successful and confident.

Sometimes in our jobs, we are asked to do things that are uncomfortable for us.  If we have a fear of speaking in front of others, being assigned that task may be almost crippling.  We may try to find someone else to do it for us, or plead with our superiors to be excused from the assignment.  However, when we’re asked to do something that frightens us, the best thing to do is face it.  We will never break through our fears unless we confront them head on.  It isn’t easy to do things that terrify us, but oftentimes when we do, we discover they aren’t as difficult or scary as we thought they would be.  The first time is hard, and we may stumble, but we don’t have to stop.  If we push through the experience once, we can push through it again.  After we’ve faced the issue a few times the fear will lesson, and if we keep at it, disappear altogether.

If we are afraid of commitment but really want a permanent relationship, we can make the changes needed to move forward.  If we need professional counseling we can get it.  If we’re unsure and worried about rejection, we can begin by facing that.  No matter what issue is keeping us from going forward, or whatever worries us, we can face them one at a time.  We can begin to extend ourselves a little at first until things become comfortable, and then we can extend ourselves a little further.  In time, we’ll be successful in breaking through the fear and leaving it behind.  Our lives are valuable and each day we have the opportunity to change anything that is holding us in place.  We can move closer to where we want to be, and if we do, nothing will stop us from getting to our goal.  We deserve to be happy, and have everything we dream of.  There isn’t anything that will stop us if we are determined.

Today if you’ve been afraid of going forward in some area of your life, you can start by making one small change.  Do one thing that will move you closer to where you want to be.  Tomorrow, take one more step and continue each day until you get to your goal.  You are far braver than you think you are, and you can do anything.  Start today and before you know it, you’ll be where you want to be and happiness will be your companion.

Tags: , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →