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In the Mix

13 Sep

There are a lot of differences in the people of the world. They are different everywhere we go. In some places they look like us, in other places they don’t. Customs vary widely and what to us may seem strange may be commonplace for someone else. In our very mobile society, people continually move from place to place, from country to country, even continent to continent. This mobility has created a lot of diversity in many places, and although it’s fun to learn new things about new people, when we first meet, it can be hard to understand them. Some of us are afraid of the differences, and some of us are excited by them. Either way the differences exist, and it’s up to us to accept them.

If we come from a place that is somewhat isolated, and if we’ve lived there for a long time, it may be harder for us to understand those that are very different from us. We may be nervous about the disparity in customs, the challenge of language barriers, and our lack of knowledge of their beliefs. But if we take the chance to get to know them, we will find that most of us are basically the same despite all the differences. We all want to be happy, and safe, and we all want our beliefs to be respected. If we focus on the basic needs we all share, we can broach the differences, and make them a compliment to the relationship, and not a hindrance.

If we live in a big metropolitan area, where there are, and always have been, people from around the world, it may be second nature to accept differences. But even then, we may have to overcome perceptions and prejudices, ideas about certain groups, and uncertainty about how to communicate. But if we try to see each person as an individual, extend the hand of friendship and try to understand their perspective, we can make friends with everyone. Most of us want to be loved. We want others to like us and we want to get along peacefully. Of course there will always be some who prefer tension and trouble, but most of us want to be friends. Embrace that and trust in it. It takes all kinds of ingredients to make a delicious cookie. It’s not all flour or sugar, and we need all the ingredients to combine and cooperate to have success. It’s the same with people. When everyone is just like us, it may be comfortable. But it’s far more exciting to have others in the mix who bring the richness of difference, and the enhancement of diversity.

Today if you have the opportunity to meet and interact with someone who is very different from you, be open and welcoming. They are probably as nervous about the differences as you are. Extend your friendship and get to know them. You will find your life will be richer, and you’ll have a better understanding of the world. Life is all about difference, but we all share the important things. Make friends and learn something new. You’ll be wiser for the experience.

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Just As You Are

8 Sep

We all have things about ourselves we want to change. Maybe we want to lose weight, exercise more, eat better, read more often, learn more about world events, be stronger, become more patient – the list is endless. Maybe we’re working on what we want to change now, or maybe we’ve put it off because of other priorities. Whatever we’re doing, there’s a chance we may be critical of ourselves because we haven’t yet accomplished all we want to. We’re harder on ourselves than anyone else. We push and push, and when we don’t accomplish all we think we should, sometimes we’re critical. We may expect to be perfect even though we know we can’t be. Unfortunately, that kind of thinking undermines us as we go forward.

I recently got a letter from a relative who included an old picture of me they had found from many years ago. When I looked at it, I was surprised at how good I looked. I remembered when that picture was taken feeling homely and undesirable. Looking at the picture now, I see a very attractive and appealing person. But that’s not how I felt at the time. I was highly critical of my appearance, and looking back I can see I was mistaken. We expect so much of ourselves, always seeing the imperfections, and wanting to be more than we think we are. We spend a lot of time looking ahead, trying to fix this or that, hoping that one day we’ll achieve whatever will make us the way we think we should be.

But what if we accepted ourselves today? Just as we are. Nobody is perfect – we all know that, but somehow it seems we make exceptions to the rule with regard to ourselves. We know nobody is perfect, but somehow we think we should be. The truth is we’re fine exactly the way we are. We’re the right size for where we are now, we have everything we need for what we’re doing, and we’re doing the best we can for the moment. We can change things in time, but for now, we’re exactly where we need to be. There’s a lot of press about loving others and that’s important, but it’s also important that we love ourselves. We’re here, we’re living our lives, and we’re exactly as we should be now.

Today if you’re feeling like you aren’t enough, like you should be better somehow, stop and see how wonderful you are right now. You do many things well and some things very well. Recognize those, and remember today is the best day of your life because you’re living it. Be happy with who you are, and what you’ve done. Work on the things you want to change, but as you go forward don’t forget how far you’ve come already. You have a lot going for you. Embrace that and be confident. You really are all that.

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Full Value

7 Aug

Most of us try to do our best most of the time.  When we’re asked a question, we try to give the best answer we can.  When we need to present something, we try to prepare.  But no matter how well we do, sometimes there are those who will question us, some who may doubt us, and even some who won’t believe anything we say.  When we are being truthful and forthright, we deserve every consideration.  But sometimes we aren’t given that.  Sometimes our comments are discounted, and not given full value.  There are a lot of reasons for this, and each situation is different.  When it happens to us it’s disappointing at best, and infuriating at worst.  Either way, it hurts.

When we are doing our best and someone discounts us, it hurts. There are all kinds of people in the world, and everyone has their own ideas about how things work.  Differences come from a lot of influences.  Perhaps we grew up with certain ideas, maybe there are cultural pressures, or impressions may be altered by previous life experiences.  None of us has a completely blank slate.  There is all kinds of information on which we draw when we come to conclusions in every situation.  We can be pulled in one direction or another for myriad reasons.  Sometimes those reasons help us see things more clearly, and sometimes they mask the truth.  It’s up to us to figure out which is which.

When we are being discounted, when our comments are ignored, when our ideas are unheard, or our suggestions are pushed aside, we may feel unappreciated.  It’s important to remember that even if our input is not being valued, it’s not because it’s not valuable input.  It doesn’t mean we don’t have something to offer.  Our place is to make the offer, to give our best, and do our part.  If nothing we do garners the attention we are seeking, we may need to turn our course, and go another way.  There are a thousand ways to be part of any scenario.  We may have to find another approach to join in.  Our ideas are just as valuable as anyone else’s.  Each one of us is worthwhile, and has something to offer.  If that’s not being recognized, we may need to find another way to express ourselves.  We may need to knock on a different door.

Today if you feel invisible, if you are not being heard and feel discounted, remember you are valuable, and so is your input.  Your contribution is important.  If you aren’t getting through, try another way in.  If you look for it, you will find a way to be recognized.  You have a lot to offer, and people need to hear you.  Keep trying.  You are worth more than you realize.  The world is a better place because you’re here.

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Outside the Lines

15 Jul

When we’re children we’re told all sorts of things about how we should act, and what we should do. “Take turns, no cutting in line, play fair, and color in the lines,” among others. It is polite to take turns, and we shouldn’t cut in line, and it’s nice when everyone plays fair, but that doesn’t always happen. However, do we really have to color in the lines? Do we really have to keep the colors where the picture tells us to, or can we color outside the lines and make our own pictures? Some of us are more comfortable with the lines there to define where we are, but some of us prefer to ignore them, and make an abstract. Inside or outside the lines, wherever we choose to color, our creativity can blossom, and we can fully express who we are.

There are all kinds of rules, and laws in the world. We mostly try to obey them because they bring order, and order is something most of us like. But when it comes to expressing ourselves, we need to be free of restriction. We should be able to show as much of who and what we are as we like. Our personalities, our gifts, our talents, and our offerings are unique to each of us. We need to feel free to express them completely. How we do that is up to us.

Some people are natural at coloring outside the lines. They dress in styles unique to them, they play interesting and different music, they wear their hair in unconventional styles, and every day, and in every way, do exactly what feels right to them. Others prefer a more conservative approach. They like to dress to fit the norm, they are comfortable in predictable patterns, and they like traditional activities, and things. They prefer the picture with the colors in the lines. Neither expression is wrong. We just need to decide which we prefer.

Whether we color in or outside the lines, the important thing is that we color in some way. We can use broad strokes and be bold, or we can define each detail as we go. Either way, we need to express who we are genuinely. It’s important that we give the world the exceptional gifts we have to offer, our way. We’re the only ones who can bestow our specific talents, and the world is blessed because we share them. Everyone around us is embellished when we share who we are with them. They say variety is the spice of life. When it comes to us as people, nothing could be more true. We’re all different. We’re all supposed to be different. Whether we are in the lines or outside of them, we are blessing the world because we’re here.

Today be who you are in everything you do. Let go of restriction in expressing yourself. Be free to be your true self. Be confident, and let your uniqueness shine. You don’t have to fit a mold or an idea to be worthwhile. You are perfect just as you are. Today, share your best, unique self to those around you. Just be you. That’s the very best person you can be.

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Blast From the Past

25 Jun

As we go through life, sometimes there are personal things we want to change about ourselves. Often it’s a manifestation of our personality that we want to refine, or change. We may want to eliminate procrastination, complaining, over spending, laziness, or something else that’s bothering us. It takes time to change facets of our personality, but when we’re devoted, it is certainly possible. Once we feel we’ve mastered the change, and are happy with our growth, something may happen that throws us back in time – back to the way we were before all our hard work. It could be a visit from someone we haven’t seen in a while who triggers an old response. Or perhaps a stressful situation that makes us drop our guard. Whatever it is, when it happens, and we revert back to old patterns we don’t want, it’s very disappointing.

Relapsing back into a behavior we thought we had overcome doesn’t mean all the work we’ve done to overcome it is wasted. It just means we’ve stepped back into a roll we no longer desire in our lives. We aren’t moving back in, and we aren’t setting up shop. We’ve just taken a step back. When we realize what we’re doing, we can stop and take inventory, look at where we are, and where we want to be, and we can redirect our course. We can take control, and move forward again.

Nobody is perfect. We can’t be perfect in this life. But we can do things that are important to us so we can be happy. Changes aren’t easy to accomplish, but we can make them happen, and if we relapse, we can recapture them. Life throws us curve balls. We get surprised, and sometimes we get hurt. Those things can make us lose our stand for a moment, but that need not be permanent. We are in charge of our behaviors, and if we slip back into something we don’t want, we can slip right back out again. Change isn’t a destination. It’s a process. It’s ongoing, and continual. If we have a setback, we can still move forward.

Today if you feel you’ve lost your way, and returned to a behavior you don’t want, it’s okay. Just start again. Look up, and change your direction. You are capable of change, and you will prevail. Make the adjustments you need to turn around again. Forgive yourself, and let it go. In the big picture, you’ve already come a long way. Keep walking ahead. Pretty soon you will regain your footing, and you’ll be back on track.

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