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Authentic

14 Nov

There are a lot of influences in our lives, and sometimes there may be pressure to be some version of ourselves that isn’t quite genuine. Others may want us to be like them because they feel more comfortable when everyone around them reflects their personal style or preferences. Sometimes there is pressure to conform to some idea that is the norm, and even if we don’t really want to, we may go along so we fit in. Although we all know it’s best to be honest, when we care about someone and they are insistent, it can be hard to speak up. If we concede and do what is expected instead of genuinely being who we are, we put ourselves into false situations that may not work out for us. If we live a life designed by someone else, it isn’t ours. And living our own lives, our way, is the most important thing we can do. We are unique and have a lot to offer just as we are. We can be who we really are, and be confident even if it’s not what others want.

When we are trying to figure out who we really are, we try on different lifestyles and choices until we find what fits. Sometimes that matches those around us, and sometimes it doesn’t. Once we figure out what works for us, it feels perfect and even if it’s not the norm, we can embrace it. We don’t have to reflect what anyone else thinks we should be. We don’t have to be married, single, conservative, liberal, quiet or outspoken just because those around us would be more comfortable. We can be respectful and kind, and do exactly what’s best for us. If we conform to a model that isn’t genuine, we may be able to make it work for a time, but eventually who we really are will emerge. We are entitled to be authentic about ourselves, and be truthful and open. Unless we’re hurting someone, the opinions of others don’t matter.

Sometimes we’re the ones who put pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, and try to fit a mold that isn’t exactly right. There might be family pressures, or the desire to fit in. We can try to assimilate and if we want to change we certainly can. But if the change is too dramatic, or we aren’t completely convinced we want to be that different, even if we accomplish it, it’s doubtful we’ll be happy. We deserve to be happy every day. Trying to be something we aren’t will never take us there. We know who we are and we know what works for us. We can be that person and we don’t have to fit any other model no matter how convincing it is.

Today be the person you really are. You are perfect just being you. Be confident in your true self. Be genuine and open. You have a lot to offer, and offering it with your own authentic twist is the best you can give. Your uniqueness is valuable and worthwhile. Embrace it and confidently share it with everyone around you.

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Story Time

3 Nov

As we go through life and experience different things, we make lots of decisions. Sometimes when we’re in a situation that isn’t ideal it may be hard to face it as it really is. When that happens we may decide instead to spin the reality just a little so it’s easier to accept. The truth of our situation doesn’t change even if we try to make it more palatable, but sometimes we aren’t quite ready to face things as they are. We pad the way a little to make things seem better. For example, if someone is being mean to us, instead of standing up for ourselves, we may determine they are having a hard time, and let it go. If someone lies to us, we might tell ourselves we misunderstood them, and look the other way. Or if someone lets us down again and again, we may allow it because they are unsure. While we make these excuses, nothing really changes the reality of what is happening, and when we make up stories, we end up hurting ourselves. Truth has a way of always surfacing no matter how long we look the other way. It doesn’t go away because truth is what’s real. And we live in the real world.

It can be hard to face facts sometimes. If we really care for someone, and they continually hurt us, we can find limitless excuses for their behavior. We can let them keep hurting us for as long as we decide to. But looking the other way, and pretending the situation is better than it really is, will only prolong our discomfort. We don’t have to confront them, and it isn’t our responsibility to try to make them change. But we can decide to open our eyes and see things as they are. We can accept that everyone has the opportunity to make their own choices, and sometimes those choices won’t be the best they can do. And then we can plan our path going forward – clearly, openly, and understanding the situation as it really is.

Facing truth seems like a simple thing. We should all be truthful in everything we do, including what is going on around us. But when we care for someone and they do things we don’t understand, or things that hurt us, we may choose to ignore the truth and make up a story instead. It’s hard to believe that those we love would hurt us on purpose, so we convince ourselves it can’t be true, and we look the other way. If we want to be happy, truly and honestly happy, we need to face things as they are, even when they aren’t what we want. Only when we see things truthfully and allow ourselves to face the situation as it really is can we move forward with confidence. Truth always brings confidence. When we understand the truth, we have all the control we need to make the best decisions. Our best decisions take us where we most want to be. It takes courage to face truth, but we have all the courage we need to make that happen.

Today if you’ve been making up stories to cover what is really happening, allow yourself to accept things as they are. You already know the truth and there is no need to look the other way. You are strong enough to face everything as it is. You have everything you need to go forward with confidence. Clear your head, refine your focus, and do what is best and right for you. You are worth more than you can imagine, and you deserve the very best of everything.

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Purple

8 Oct

When we have something we strongly believe in, something that defines us and makes us who we are, it’s important to hold fast to it. There may be some who will criticize us, or even demean our beliefs, but that has no power over our decision to continue.  There are all kinds of beliefs, tenets, and guidelines we may choose to help govern our lives.  Sometimes we have the inclusion of those around us, and sometimes we stand alone.  We all have personal choices and when they don’t follow everyone else’s idea of the norm, we may stand out.  But whatever choices we make are up to us, and unless we’re hurting someone else, we are entitled to them.  Differences sometimes make others uncomfortable.  We can exercise patience and understanding, and a willingness to accept people as they are.  If we do that, we will be comfortable and supportive in any situation.

Our beliefs vary from one another.  Perhaps we love the color purple. We think purple is the best, happiest color there is and we wear it every day. We talk to people about it and try to convince them of its very positive influence, and explain their lives would be better if they included purple in them. We take every opportunity to sing about it, talk about it, and praise it with everyone we meet. Some people might think we have clouded judgment, and some may openly deride us for our allegiance to it.  Others may say we’re foolish and naïve to believe in such a thing, and instead we should go along with what everyone else is doing.  But we can stay true to our choice if it’s what makes us happy. We can be strong going forward with our faith.  Others may not understand our choices, but we don’t need their approval.

Approval is something we all seek to some degree.  Most of us want to be accepted, included, and part of the group.  If we’re different that may take a little more time than if we look and act like everyone else.  But being different makes us more interesting.  We don’t have to conform to be accepted.  We don’t have wear beige just because everyone else is wearing beige.  We can be purple.  We can be happy and inclusive to those around us, and accepting of others, and we can still be true to our beliefs and fit in.  It’s important to be genuinely true to ourselves.  We are in control of our lives and get to decide how we want to live them.

Today if you feel left out because you’re not like everyone else, remember how your differences make you unique.  Extend your hand in friendship and be accepting to those around you.  Show your care and compassion, and be kind in all your dealings.  Others will respond positively and before you know it, everyone will be on your side.  You are great just as you are.  Be true to yourself, and be happy sharing your life just the way you like it.

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Popping the Balloon

5 Oct

Confidence is something we all want. For some of us it comes easily. We feel strongly about our abilities and our self-worth, and are naturally confident in what we do and what we say. For others it’s not that easy. We may have scars from people putting us down or criticizing us, or we may feel we are unworthy in some way or another. When confidence comes easily it may seem second nature to us, but if we have to work at it sometimes it’s hard to achieve. If we’re trying hard to feel stronger about ourselves and doing things to build our confidence, it helps to have the support of those around us. But if someone close to us jabs us with a critical comment or says something derogatory, it may stop us in our tracks and send us spiraling downward again. Like popping a balloon, all the air rushes out of our progress and we feel deflated, and lost. But we aren’t balloons, and even though someone is rude or critical, we don’t have to believe what they say. We can let their comments bounce off us, and continue on our journey.

Sometimes a lack of confidence comes from a feeling of not fitting in. There are certain norms in every avenue of our lives. When most people do something a certain way, it becomes the norm. But fitting the norm just means we’re like a lot of other people. If we’re living our lives differently according to our personal desires, and we don’t match up with what’s expected, we’re being individuals. We don’t have to fit anybody’s idea of what we should be. We are entitled to be who we are, even if that’s different from everyone else. Being unique doesn’t diminish our value. Being different doesn’t make us less, but sometimes we can feel that way. It’s important to embrace the person we really are. There are many different colors in the world. Every one of them is unique and every one is beautiful in its own way. We’re the same. We are beautiful and worthwhile just as we are.

Building a more confident feeling of self-worth is a process. We can start by focusing on things we already do well. Maybe we can draw beautiful pictures, maybe we play an instrument, maybe we have an amazing vocabulary, or maybe we’re really good at listening. Everyone has something they do well, and once we identify what ours is, it will build us up as we move along.  If others don’t understand us, that’s okay. We’re all unique and get to design our lives to fit our personal desires. Some people won’t get us, some people won’t agree with what we’re doing, and some people won’t enjoy us as much as we might like. But no matter what others think, we may choose to live our lives any way we see fit.  We can do things our way and we can be confident.  Our way is the best way for us.

Today if you’re feeling like you’re not quite good enough, or like you don’t fit in, remember you are unique and special.  You do a lot of things well. Don’t compare yourself to what someone else thinks you should be. Be exactly who you really are. You have a lot to offer, and you have a lot to share. You are wonderful just as you are. You can do anything, and you don’t need anyone’s approval to succeed.

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Don’t Look

25 Sep

There are sometimes things that come into our lives that are hard to look at. They might be difficult to understand, so unexpected we can’t accept them, or so different from what we want we can’t even look at them. We might choose to look the other way and pretend they don’t exist.  If they pop into our line of vision, we can just avert our gaze. If someone brings them up we can pretend we didn’t hear and change the subject. We can deny they even exist.  But denial is just a way of postponing the inevitable. We will eventually have to face whatever is weighing on us, and denying it now will not prevent us from having to deal with it in the future. Hiding our heads in the sand and refusing to look at the issue will just keep it in stasis. The time in between is time we might use to process the problem, but we have to be careful. Sometimes waiting makes things worse.

How do we face things that seem too difficult for us? How do we look at them when the thought of them makes us shudder? There really isn’t anything we can’t face when we decide to, but sometimes we have to take it slowly, and unravel the problem one bit at a time. If we’ve learned we have a serious health issue, and we’re too afraid to accept it, we could begin by reading some information about it. If we learn about it, and better understand what is happening we may not be so afraid. If someone close to us says they’re leaving us and we don’t think we can face life without them, we could objectively look at our lives and see where we’ve done well in the past. In any difficult situation, we could begin by looking at how we could re-order our lives to accept the new reality we’re facing. We could start by just imagining how we might move forward.

Big changes, big challenges, and sudden complications can knock us down, but that’s only temporary. We’re down because we’re surprised, and we aren’t sure how to navigate. Sitting down and taking a moment can help with that. But we will get up again. We can figure out how to process anything that comes to us. We may need some time, and we might need the help of others, but we will figure it out. Sometimes the most unexpected and seemingly disastrous developments that enter our lives lead us to remarkable changes, and incredible growth. Sometimes they even turn our course to paths we hadn’t previously considered, which bring us increased happiness and peace. Change is not easy. Disappointing and difficult changes are harder. But hiding from them rarely helps. If we face them, we can take it minute by minute, give ourselves time to think and adjust, and get through them. We won’t just survive, we’ll thrive going forward.

Today if you’re trying to adjust to an unexpected and difficult change, and you feel like you’ve had the wind knocked out of you, if you’re stunned and can’t figure out what to do, it’s okay. You’re completely capable of handling this. You don’t need to hide. You don’t have to look the other way. Take small steps. You’ll figure it all out and you’ll go forward. You will find happiness and peace again. It doesn’t matter how many steps you need. Each one will bring you closer to where you want to be.

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